Self Adoration and Beautifying the Spirit
A short while ago, I was part of a little online community that was run by a witch out on the East Coast who founded a Heritage Witchcraft school. It was just a forum for discussion, really, that attempted the bring the faery arts back into witchcraft. I became a little disillusioned by it, but at the time I needed it to be around. I learned much of the faery while I was part of the forum, and dove deep into the connections between myth and witchcraft. I made connections that the head did not necessarily want me to connect. He was high neo-platonic, which I think is what made me walk away. That, and I learned that he wasn’t a very good witch, to be honest. Alas.
In this forum, we talked a lot about the familiar spirit. What is the familiar spirit? Where did it come from? How can I obtain it? I’ve answered many of these questions on this blog, and as I have progressed in my studies, I have gleaned more information about the familiar spirits.
One of the first things I learned was that we must beautify the spirit. In the forum, this was explained as spirit shaping: shaping the spirit, the self into our ideal form in order to attract the familiar spirit-lover. This is not incorrect, but it was explained in a way that I think is unhealthy. We were told to model this ideal form after the magician card: beautiful, powerful, alive with magic, touching heaven and earth. This is all well and good, but it raises a lot of questions. What is beauty? Whose beauty are we discussing? Society’s? Our own? Is our own concept of beauty marred by society?
I began to realise, that, yes, this concept of beauty is flawed by our own complexes. I talked a lot with the Urban Shaman about these ideas. They told me that in shamanism, the shaman accepts themselves for who they are, and becomes whole in themselves. This sounded harder to work on. I wanted to be big and strong and sexy, not thin and wiry and pale. I realised that I was imprinting a concept of beauty of myself that was not -me-. And, to be honest, it attracted the wrong spirits.
I began to feel such doubt in myself. I wasn’t alive with my own power anymore. I wasn’t -me-. I was becoming someone else.
I began to look hard at the myths about facing the shadow, and battling with demons in the night battles. Of reconciling our differences within ourselves to create something more beautiful. To reach our Other. The faery lover is attracted to us in our WHOLENESS, not in our augmenting ourselves to fit a standard. I realised that I wasn’t facing my demons, I was covering them up, sweeping them under the rug.
That is what work with the fetch is. When the fetch and the self are wed, then the Other appears. They burst out of the top of us like a bird to flight, chased by the serpent below. It is long, hard work. It is frightening. It is really looking at yourself. Beautifying the spirit is becoming whole in spirit. It is Self Power. Not power over others, but power of the Self. It is assurance of the Self. Confidence. Nothing is sexier than confidence.
I’ve been ignoring my Fetch too much. I think that is why I have been having so many night terrors. I’m not giving in to my primal needs. Fetch wants to be fed. With sex, and food, and dancing, and feeling. With the Red.
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