ᴀʟ3x4ɴᴅ3ʀ!!!

It's hard talking to our friends about you now. They've been getting more distant, and acting strange. Sometimes, I open my eyes in places I don't remember going to. Is this what happened to you? Are you lost, wherever you are? The employees behave as if you're..gone. Surely you're not, or they would've found you by now. They're already talking of replacing you with Montgomery. He's.. not taking it well. He hides up at the catwalks, and keeps injuring himself as a result. I worry for him. Chica's begun binge eating more and it's destroying her. She's always had..an obsession with food, but ever since you've disappeared, it's gotten worse. Roxy's been lashing out more, as well. They miss you too. I can tell. I don't know how to help them. Please come back. It's hard feeling this..sad, and being unable to cry. I think, if I could have dreams, they'd all be about you. I hope you're happy, wherever you are. You and me, forever and ever. Love, Freddy.

I think it's okay to "hate the sin, love the sinner," as they say.

Jax did a lot of inexcusable things, but nothing that was deserving of suicide. Which, even he did not agree with, because he felt undeserving of love because of what he did/has done. Despite knowing his wrongdoings, he was unable to get himself out of the vicious cycle. The "abused to abuser" pipeline is very real and not uncommon. Especially when the inital abuse comes from a parent.

That's not to say people abused by parents are destined to become abusers. Ragatha is a great example of this. Although she also deals with her traumatic history in destructive ways. She is just better at internalizing it instead of lashing out. (Side bar: I love the parallels between Jax and Ragatha! I could go on a whole other analysis regarding that!)

Parent abuse is one of the most traumatic things a person can go through, and it will affect you through the entirety of your life. Whether you even realize it or not. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Jax in the real world is a great example that he wasn't beyond redeeming and just needed a stable environment to get on his feet. Unfortunately, the circus was not the place for stability. To make matters worse, it's canon(?) that Jax came to the circus as a minor. Which none of the other cast, that we know of, did. Image never being able to experience the real world after the ripe age of 16. Jax, in the circus, potentially never had a job, a relationship, nor even finished high school. All these things are very important for social development. Taking into account that he doesn't even know what a healthy relationship is does not help.

There's a lot to unpack for him as a character, and I think it's totally okay to dislike him. Especially if you have experienced abuse from someone similar to him. However, please be mindful that, at least his back story, is going to be very familiar to some people. To the point where many may relate to him. At least on a surface level. Someone yelled, "I'm glad he killed himself!" In my theater after he already did so. I didn't expect it to affect me as much as it ended up doing so. Nevertheless, it really did punch me in the gut. Mental illness is not pretty and not to be romanticized. I personally feel like TADC did a great job showing off the uglier sides of mental health in a decently realistic way. Again, it's okay to dislike a character. However, yelling something in support of suicide in a room filled with *strangers,* all of whom we can assume probably sufferes from some form of mental illness... it's not only disgusting to do that, but just downright shameful. (They also yelled other things as well, but I feel this is the most important thing of note)

I hope that if the person who did so is reading this, just know you retriggered some suicidal tendencies that I have not had in a long time. Let's just be thankful my husband was there for me and helped talk me through it.