in-between

i have a tendency to process breakups a few months after the fact. im just now experiencing waves of sadness that should’ve been months ago. 

breakups are an odd and unnatural thing. the one person who knew you most intimately, believed in your best and witnessed your ugliest, and chose to love you at every season  - that person is no longer in your life. you go through life as one unit, planning the future together, what you think is your forever. and then one day, you will never speak to each other again. there is something incredibly tragic about that.

i tear up when i read old exchanges, our conversations pre and post breakup. i think it pains me that i caused someone i care about, someone who loved me so well and fought for our relationship for so long, so much heartbreak. relief comes from knowing that he will be happier with someone else and his efforts will not be taken for granted. time heals, and our relationship will soon be forgotten.

for now, as i mourn, im also grateful for the way he treated me during our relationship, showering me with affection, never creating reason to doubt him, quick to resolve things for the longevity of the relationship. i learned a lot from him, and i take these lessons with me for future relationships.