The biting began at the age of four, I starting nail biting to distract me from my chronic abdominal pain. A lot of people have the habit of biting their nails, but I can’t recall anyone who has done it as severely as I. I bit my nails so aggressively that I would end up without nail beds. Yes, at times I would literally have no nail. My nails were literally always bloody and it was very unusual to see me without my hands in my mouth. In elementary school I was pretty much known as the girl with her hands glued to her mouth. I couldn’t help it. It was the only thing that helped distract me from my condition, but over the years my problematic habit only got worse. I starting biting so much that it turned into a very sever habit. It got to the point where I wouldn’t even realize I was biting. I would just do it automatically without noticing. I started doing it not only just for stress, but also for enjoyment. I literally tried every tactic and every nasty tasting nail care product on the market in hopes that it would stop me, but of course I happened to get around it all. There was a time in my life where I couldn’t function without biting. I would start to get anxiety. After much self, mutilation my mom finally decided to send me to a therapist for the biting. After still no success my mom pretty much gave up and just hoped that I would eventually grow out of it. I went through middle school and I went through high school continuing to bit my nails. Finally after years of struggle it hit me. I remember, it was little after my 18th birthday. That was the time when I started to really enjoy fashion. I would see other girl’s with their pretty nails and I would wish and wish that my nails could some day be like theirs. My view of nail biting began to turn from wanting it 24 hours a day, to not wanting it at all so that I could get pretty nails. Throughout my freshman year of college I decided to make a change. I went through many trial and errors of trying to stop. I would successfully stop for a week and then all the sudden I would get sick or something would stress me out and I would start up again. Finally in my sophomore year of college on January 1st I decided to make it my New Years resolution to quit. Each week of successfully quitting I would reward my self in some way. I was finally happy! I finally had nails that I could paint. I finally had hands that I was proud of. I reached the point where I didn’t even think about biting anymore, but unfortunately, that summer my success story turned into a swirling down fall. During the summer of 2012 an issue occurred that turned on my past depression. I started crying almost every night and it got to the point where I turned to my nails. One night, I just bit off all my hard work. I woke up so pissed at myself. I was so upset that I let an issue get in the way of my progress. I knew my mom and J were going to be so disappointed in me, but I had to face my mistake. I continued biting throughout that summer and up into my first semester of my Junior year. It is now Feb 14th 2013 and I have nails again. I am so proud of myself. I decided stop once again. Since January 1st was so successful for me last time I started to quit on the same day. I haven’t had my nails in my mouth since. I hope that over time I can continue to defeat my habit. I have already gotten so far, but I hope that if I ever encounter a stressful problem again, I can only hope that I can stand above it. I know I can do this and this is why I wrote this chapter. I wrote this chapter in order to remind me that I can do this. So…
Yes, you have been through a lot, but somehow even after so many trial and errors you were able to get back up. If you ever feel the need to bite, just come here. Read this chapter and remind yourself that you are strong. YOU CAN DO THIS! DO NOT BITE YOUR NAILS. Look down at your hands and admire that hard work.
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