oh gosh fake!married harkstiel ok let's see. Maybe they're on a case and they get mistaken for a married couple and Jack just plays along because it's easier and the whole time, Cas is just wide eyed staring at him, sweaty palm hand holding and he's five seconds from blowing the whole thing with his adorable awkwardness so as they're leaving, still within earshot, Jack grabs his ass under his coat and Cas almost squeaks and they have to pretend for a whole week awwww
“Captain Owen Harper and Husband?” The robotic desk clerk chirped, with an artificial sweetness reserved for Diet Coke commercials and Sixties airline ads.
Distracted by his diagnostic - and the pull of an artifact putting out power readings like a small sun - Castiel shook his head. “I’m not his husband,” he corrected.
The clerk’s cheeks illuminated with bright red crossouts. “Polyamista is a resort planet reserved for mated couples and groups only. Are you formally mated according to your cultural customs?”
“Oh! Sure, sorry about that,” Jack hedged, avoiding Castiel’s dirty look, “We prefer ‘bondmate.’”
Jack shot him a loaded glare. Several seconds ticked off before with a sigh and a roll of his eyes, the angel complied.
“It’s part of our cultural customs,” Castiel added.
If a robot could look suspicious, this one managed the job spectacularly well. “Do you have the appropriate paperwork?”
“Of course!” Jack offered the clerk a thin sheaf of much-folded paper. The marriage documentation was detailed and complete, and Castiel’s glare on the back of Jack’s neck went from sunburn to laser beam. It was enough for the clerk, at least, and she processed their check in with ease after that.
“Congratulations, Owen and Castiel Harper! We hope you enjoy your nuptial stay.” She spat out a room key from a roughly mouth-shaped slot, and powered down. That was an odd touch, Jack thought.
“Why didn’t you warn me?” Castiel grumped. Jack plucked the key from the clerk’s mouth and shook his head.
“I was hoping it wouldn’t even come up,” he replied, but… contingencies.“
“Is this contract legally binding?” With a slightly shellshocked expression, Castiel inspected the document Jack handed over.
“Is your name Castiel Harper?” Jack retorted.
“Then of course not,” he snapped, snagged Castiel’s hand, and towed him through the bay doors into the resort. The place was breathtaking, even Jack could admit, like a cross between Provence and a solarpunk daydream. Green things grew everywhere, and people of all kinds filled the streets.
“I’ve never been married,” Castiel said, inspecting their joined hands with a growing look of panic.
“Castiel, it’s not real,” Jack squeezed his fingers with a soft sigh as they walked, “This is why I didn’t say anything. I thought we could breeze past check-in, do the job, and you’d never know.”
Castiel glared. “That wasn’t fair.”
“You panicked over pretending to be a *cargo pilot* last time.”
“At least then I knew what was expected of me!”
Jack blinked at the genuine worry wobbling the angel’s voice. He stopped, lifted their joined hands, and held them where Castiel could see them. “Just this, I promise,” he reassured, “just keep hold of my hand. We’ll be okay.”
To his relief, Castiel took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and nodded. “I trust you, Jack.”
Jack tried not to wince. “Now,” he said brightly, “you know where that thing’s hiding?”
He gave Castiel’s fingers another squeeze. “Bring me that horizon.”