Kazan, Russia
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Kazan, Russia
Fuji Premium 400

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Rostov-on-Don, Russia
Kodak Portra 400
A cheesy list of things I will miss from you:
I will miss sitting at the cinema with you. Leaning my head on your shoulder.
I will miss looking at the star that we named after the song “Karolina” by Sore. She was a damn lonely star but she was shining bright through that night as if she knows that we were talking about her. We both know the star doesn’t even exist anymore.
I will miss sitting next to you awkwardly and not knowing how to act when you told me a sad story about your life and tried my very best to comfort you.
I will miss seeing your eyes twinkle when you stare at the ceiling while passionately talked about your future, or your mum.
I will miss you.
I carved every single letter of your name and little did I know it was a blade I was using all this time and not a pen.
krasnaya ploschad, moscow
december 2018

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gapernah post ini krn jelek tp memorynya bagus banget
The Scream by Edvard Munch
we made so much memories only for us to try to forget everything
we used to live together in Russia but now we are separated by three countries
(Kodak Portra 400)
Daniela
Kodak Portra 400

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the fascinating thing about antiques
I grew up with antiques all around me but I never really paid any attention to them nor do I understand why people liked antiques so much. The antiques in my house was owned by my Grandpa. He died in 2011 when I was only 11 due to lung cancer. He was the father that I had. He taught me a lot of things that my Dad didn’t. Since he died, I started paying more attention to his stuff in the house. There’s a lot of oil lamps which you can build them piece by piece and you can switch one thing with the other piece from another lamp. He was also a stamp collector and I just discovered that he collected collections of books of stamps. What I see is dedication and cool stamps. There are antique clocks around the house. Every night when I was a kid it would make a sound every midnight and all 9 of them would make a sound. They stopped making sound after my Grandfather died. And then there are old bicycles, the one that the Dutch used to ride when our country was being colonized. When I was a kid I used to wonder if one day I will grow tall enough to be able to ride those bicycles. Unfortunately, I did not grow tall. There are so many things that I could not fit here but one of the reason why I finally got fascinated by antiques is they resonates the human soul. It’s hard for me to explain but just staring at it. It feels like you are looking at humanity. Looking at someone’s life stories. Like looking at the diary of someone you don’t even know. Someone might used to ride the bike everywhere and you don’t even know who the person is. It could be a Dutch soldier, it could be a girl, it could be the Japanese after they took over. It could be a gift for a boy who has come to age. It could be stolen from the shop by some bandit. Mystery. I think the word I was searching for was mystery. The thing, the antique you are staring at, tells the untold stories. And it’s gonna stay as mystery for as long as you know. One day, if I die and someone has inherited the things that was once owned my grandfather, and then by me, and then passed to someone, and that person passed it to someone else, the person that owns the antique at that time might not even know my grandfather personally. Isn’t it fascinating?
Kazan, Republic of Tatartstan, Russia
Kodak Portra 160
“Very unhappy and haunted. I wish I knew what to do.”
— Vita Sackville-West, from a diary entry featured in “The Selected Writings,”
everyone on quarantine be like

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jakarta, 10-01-2020
“i hate you but i love you, its so weird” you said on the phone, not knowing well why and then i would try to hide my smile, playing and flirting at you in a nonchalantly way, as if what you just said to me wasn’t a very big deal for me. but whenever i glance at you, i can’t seem to hide my admiration for you from my eyes, and then i panicked and my eyes searched for something else to look at, the floor, the ceiling, the cigarette i’m holding,
i hate you but i love you too, silly
i wanted to tell you everything about me. i wanted to tell you everything about me that you didn’t know. i wanted to tell you stories about the oceans and her friends, the sky, the horizon and the land. i wanted to tell you the stories about the stars and her friends, the sun and the moon. i wanted to tell you about my day. i wanted to tell you about my dreams. i wanted to tell you that you were the best thing that happened to be present in one of the chapters in the book of my life, but you left. so i said nothing.