fever dream

“1. when you think about the time he told you he loved you, remember that he meant it. try to not think about all the girls after you he’s told the same thing to. 2. when you’re half asleep and stretch your arm across the empty side of the bed, it’s okay to be confused at the fact that he’s not there lying beside you. it’s also okay to cry into your pillow when you realize you’ll never feel him there again. 3. when his hands are tracing your skin and his eyes are stargazing in your’s, you’ll be dazed for minutes or hours or days… you might find yourself looking for that same feeling in a bottle of vodka months later. you won’t find it. 4. when you hear the songs you discovered on his favorite playlist, don’t worry about closing your eyes and looking away. your heart will feel heavy and your cheeks will sting but this feeling will pass. when you hear the same songs years later, you’ll smile at the thought of him. 5. when he finally becomes a memory stored in the back of your mind, you will dream about him. he will be the only thing on your mind all day. when you decide you want to message him to check up on him, don’t be hurt when he says he’s working his dream job and happier than ever. 6. when he asks you how you’re doing, tell him the truth. it’s okay to miss the way things used to be, or the person you used to be, or the feelings you’d feel when you would lay with him in the dark talking about nothing and everything all at once. but when he asks you to get coffee next thursday, remember that just because things could be different, doesn’t mean they would be better.”