The first time, it made her sick. Black-stained bile bubbled past her lips and out of her nose, to which it was vomited into a bush near the cemetery. Every attempt after that triggered a violent gag reflex and caused a migraine to tear through her skull. She was half-blind with pain by the time she fell back into bed at Syred's home.
The second time, it was after breakfast. It shouldn't have been. The second time, she had made eye contact with the squirrel near the front porch as she left, and that was her own mistake. Thinking about harming an innocent little creature like that made her lose her breakfast in Syred's rose bushes. Sorry.
There were frustrated rage cry sessions with Godric in the City, and he either pretended to not understand what she had meant by 'putting theory to practice' when it came to shadow studies, or he let it go in one ear and out the other. Her hair had grown out, and he enjoyed admiring the way an errant curl tucked itself away against her earlobe. It was cute.
The Third time, she was given a more sustaining meal and snacks that followed in case she vomited for most of the day again. Syred might have been a massive prick, but she was losing muscle mass and color to her cheeks because she was stuck in her own head. That, and, he was tired of cleaning up his shrubbery whenever she had a mental breakdown.
The third time saw her meander out towards the cemetery again. Yelena had grown familiar with the presence of the Light and the absence of it, what it felt like to be with her and what it felt like to be without. The cemetery was.. clearly still hallowed ground in the Cathedral's shadow. Perhaps that's why she threw up when trying to mentally mindfuck a squirrel. This time, her jaunt carried her across the Dwarven district, and towards the Embassy.
This time, she'd do it. She had to. Part of her wanted more of the tincture that Evelynn had given her to speak with her mother again. Better to hallucinate someone that had a foggy idea of what she was going through than to struggle by herself. Yelena had grown accustomed to leaning on her family for support over the years. But this wasn't something she could lean on her family for this time. Learning practical shadows from a rogue and learning about the void... that was something entirely different. The more she didn't want to lose what shadow she had, the more it felt like it was being warped into something else.
Something violent and dark. Cold and endless. Infinite. Something that predated the entire human existence... and that was terrifying.
Getting lost in thought made her journey go by faster. Stars glimmered in the sky, and moonlight filtered through the trees.. this was one part of the city that felt cultivated and lived in. A little corner of the world cut out for the Kaldorei before they had moved to Bel'ameth. The fruits of their labor still lingered in the woods around her. It felt alive, and it felt... homey. In a way. Pushing through trees and bushes, there was a quiet little copse of trees that had a perfect nook for hiding. She was to be here a while, she surmised.. many critters were scared of her, moreover, the wolf that hid in her chest. But if she stayed still enough, they'd come around.
Bullying the nerves out of her belly, Yelena took a slow breath. Her head dipped back against the trunk of a tree, and her ankles crossed in front of her. Not too far away, a few years ago, her father and Evelynn had told her that she doesn't need to be protected like her sister does. But don't be an idiot. The memory brought a half smile to life as she stared at the sky.
Nothing really changed.
Flexing bare digits at her side, her hands folded in her lap. She was sat like this for quite some time, and the moon had shifted in the sky by the time the bush rustled to her right. Yelena heard it before it happened, and keen eyes snapped to where the sound came from. It took a moment of steeling her nerves before she felt the cold dark creep up her spine. Focusing the shadow into a singular point, letting it gather in her neck and chest. It felt so cold she feared her heart might stop if not remedied soon.
A fuzzy little head tentatively poked out from the bush. Hop. An innocent little rabbit, staring at her with those wide, beady eyes. A nose wiggled, and a tentative hop was given towards her. It was adorable. And it probably smelled her snacks. The gag reflex began, and her stomach churned. Remember her focus. Sharpen her anger and wield it. Syred made a fantastic mental punching bag.
Fuck you for making me do this.
It was rudimentary and crude, but somehow she felt the shadow coil and tense like a loaded spring or a serpent ready to strike.
And then it did.
Yelena's expression darkened into a muted sneer, pushing her anger out towards the rabbit. The serpent struck. She felt the shadow spring free of her skull and dig straight into the little brain of the rabbit. It dug and twisted as if she were sinking her worgen claws into prey. A pained shriek left the creature, giving a series of stressed out hops away from her and in circles.
The cold pulsed in her skull. Rage. Rage. Rage. It wasn't a rabbit anymore. She was imagining it was Syred's face she was inflicting this pain upon. She imagined Malcom. The rabbit continued to scream in pain and hop in frantic circles around the clearing, and a cold grey stare bled into an inky black. Pulses of shadow continued to feed into the little creature; insatiable and starved for sustenance.
Eventually, the rabbit stopped pacing. It simply gave up. With a final wheeze, the critter flopped over. Unmoving, unbreathing, lifeless. The claws of shadow were sated. Reeling back into her skull, the euphoria radiated through her limbs like warmth from a fire. Yelena gasped, her head light, her heart fluttering as if she were in love. Catching her breath, she leaned forward slightly while her head spun. Blood stained her shirt and she wiped at her nose. It was a single trickle of darkened blood that was swiped away, but...
"Holy shit." She gasped, slumping back against the tree trunk. Did she want to do it again? The night was still young.... maybe it'll feel different each time.. more precise, more controlled. Less erratic, more specific. Glancing to her blood-smeared digits, she decided against it. Just in case she went mad and/or bled out in the forest.
Carefully, Yelena stood. She didn't feel any different, truthfully. Just the rush of euphoria afterward that had made her head light. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Glancing to the corpse, her lips compressed. She could bring it home for stew later.. there was a lesson from Astrid or Varsen in there somewhere. Sighing, Yelena tied the rabbit corpse to her belt, and off she had gone to sleep and study. The next chapter was mind blast...
Hopefully, she could practice on a pumpkin first.
@sinsofaconfessor















