My Fangirling blog

“You know you love me.”

*All Septiplier fans die* 

A heavy sensation sat itself in Jack’s belly, his heart aching and his brain a mess of insecure and dark thoughts as he stared at the front door, begging to god that at least one point in the night, Mark would walk through it.

It had been nearly two hours since the time in which Mark had promised to return home and Jack was starting to feel worried, concerned that maybe he’d gotten lost on the way home from the bar or that someone that kidnapped him or he’d fallen asleep in an alleyway somewhere. Endless thoughts swam through Jack’s head as he continued to stare at the door in front of him.

And that’s when it finally opened and Mark stumbled in, a drunken mess.

Jack stood up and stormed right over to the older man, holding his shoulders to keep him balanced as it seemed he couldn’t even stay coherent enough to stay still in one place.

“Where have yeh been?”

Snorting at him, Mark pushed the Irishman off of him and staggered over to the sofa, collapsing on it. “I was having a good time at the bar and a guy started chatting me up, I found it hilarious and decided to flirt with him. I didn’t do anything though..”

Eyes bulging at his statement, the younger man was quick to stand over Mark and glare at him, not caring if something happened or not. “Y-ya did what? Yeh spent nearly two hours flirtin’ with this guy?” Mark nodded, his eyes lidded in his hammered demeanor.

The Irishman couldn’t take this and was quick to snap at him, not liking how laid-back Mark seemed to be about this. “D’ya realised I was fuckin’ worried sick about ya? Worried that my lovin’, faithful boyfriend was lost or somethin’. But as it seems no, he was just at a bar chattin’ up a fuckin’ guy like he was single again”

Mark rolled his eyes at him and managed to pull himself up off the couch, giving Jack a disdained look before he went toward the kitchen, unable to put up with this now when he was so drunk and tired.

“It was just some harmless fun, get over it”

But Jack wasn’t going to get over it, not when he’d been worrying so much about him. “That’s not the fuckin’ point. I’ve been worried sick yeh asshole!”

Turning to look at him, the older man then proceeded to flip him off and search through the fridge for more booze, this caused anger to bubble in the Irishman’s belly and he stomped over to him, slamming the fridge door and standing in front of Mark.

“You’ve got some fuckin’ nerve ya know that? I could easily kick yeh out right now and yet, I’m bein’ fuckin’ patient. Cut me some slack and apologise, you’ve hurt me and yer not acknowledgin’ it”

The American smirked at him and ruffled his hair, leaning over to press a half-assed kiss to the top of his head as he wandered over to the breakfast bar in the kitchen and sat on it. “Yeah, yeah.. Okay Jack.. Whatever you say” The sarcasm in his voice only caused the younger man to be hurt more, his chest feeling tight so he found it difficult to breath.

“Ya know what, fuck you Mark. Get the fuck out of this apartment, I don’t want t’ see ya t’night. Go sleep at a fuckin’ motel or somethin’!”

Now Mark was starting to sober up, his eyebrows furrowed in anger and he stood up from the stool he’d been sat on. “This is my apartment Jack, so if anything, I should be kicking you out!”

Jack looked at him with a disgusted expression on his face. “D’ya even hear yerself right now? D’ya hear how fuckin’ pretentious ya sound? Jus’ apologise and this will be over” But the older man didn’t seem to want to give in.

“Get the fuck out Jack. I’m sick of looking at your face. Maybe I should have fucked that guy, just to serve you right!”

Feeling his heart shatter into what felt like a million pieces, Jack swore that he was close to vomiting. His pulse hammering in his ears and his head becoming dizzy and empty. “Do.. Do ya mean that?” A small tear slipped past his eye as he blinked, feeling more fill up as he couldn’t believe that his lover had said such a harsh thing to him.

Too drunk to realise what he’d said, the American looked on with a smug expression and crossed his arms tight against his chest. “Yeah I did, if it meant shutting you up then of course I would”

The younger man moved away from him and leaned against the kitchen counter, feeling nauseated as his head wouldn’t stop spinning. Tears started falling thick from his eyes and he began to cry heavily, collapsing so that his head was hidden in his arms as he sobbed.

It seemed that the sound of the other man’s crying, was enough to rouse Mark out of his drunken condition.

“Jack.. I..” Mark felt the strong pang of guilt in his stomach and he bit down hard on his lip, knowing what he’d said was utterly inappropriate and therefore he knew for a fact he needed to apologise.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it, I’m honestly so sorry”

Wandering right up to him, the older man wrapped his arms around him tightly and kissed the back of his head, feeling how Jack shook and trembled as he continued to cry. “Why did ya say such a horrible thing, Mark? That hurt so much.. I love you”

“I don’t know. I was just so angry and I needed to say something that would silence you.. Just turns out I wasn’t thinking and I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you baby.. I love you too” Mark kissed the back of his neck again and nuzzled into him, holding him tight in his embrace.

Jack turned so that he was cuddled into his chest, tears still pouring from his eyes. “I should’ve realised how inappropriate I was tonight. I promise I won’t do anything like that again” The Irishman smiled, kissing the side of his neck and holding him closer.

“I guess you’ve realised yer mistakes. But yeh owe me Fischbach..”

This weekend was going to be hard.

Jack looked down at his phone and noticed that he’d woken up five minutes before his alarm. He wasn’t surprised, he could hardly sleep last night.

The entire night was filled with the terrifying thoughts of seeing Mark again, he hadn’t seen him yesterday when he’d arrived here in Seattle for Pax Prime but just thinking of even coming into contact with the man again had Jack’s skin trembling.

It was just unfortunate, that Jack had a massive crush of Mark.

Sighing as he climbed out of the shower. Mark wrapped a towel around his waist and pulled his wet hair back before he looked in the mirror, leaning against the sink as he found himself lost in his thoughts.

Yesterday, Jack had arrived and yet he had made no effort to go see him or any of the guys. This confused Mark since it was usual tradition that Jack met up with everyone straight away, there must have been something wrong.

Mark missed him anyway, ever since Indiana anyway. Having seen him in the flesh again, to touch him, hug him and talk to him face to face. It was really brought out the aspects in Jack that the older man adored.

There was denying he had a massive crush on Jack.

Today was the day that they’d finally see one another again and frankly, the Irishman was shitting himself. He had no idea how he’d managed to speak to him let alone be in the same room as him. Every time he saw Mark, the more attractive he appeared.

Jack pulled on his clothes and grabbed his phone, freezing when he saw he had a text from Mark.

‘Wanna meet up before the panel? Kinda need to talk to you xx’

“Oh fuckin’ hell..” He whispered, his eyes bulging in his skull as he read the text over and over, trying to comprehend what he meant by ‘kinda need to talk to you’. The sheer idea of even being in his presence was enough, how was he going to talk to him?

Placing his cell down on his bed, Mark finished putting on his shoes and listened as he heard it go off, only assuming that Jack had replied to his text.

‘Can’t make any promises. But I’ll try.’

Mark felt his heart crack slightly but tried to keep himself together since he didn’t want this dumb crush to get him down when he was meant to be doing a panel today. This was a happy day and he needed to fucking act like it was. So that meant no getting upset.

He arrived at the convention not long after that, immediately being swarmed with fans and laughing as he began to sign their things until security rushed over, asking him to make his way over to the main stage where he obliged. Promising his fans that he’d be able to sign once the panel was over.

The Irishman awkwardly stood around near the edge of the stage, his heart pounding in his chest and a cold sweat making his whole body tremor. Felix and Ken were there to keep him company but he honestly couldn’t help his anxiety. He hoped it wasn’t too obvious.

“You alright Jack?” Felix asked, walking over to him when he could see that he was pacing around like a madman. “Jus’.. Jus’ waitin’ fer Mark” He answered, feeling scared though when it seemed like the Swede was seeing through his facade.

“Hmm okay then, well when you’re done having a panic attack. Me and Ken will on the stage”

He patted his shoulder, wandering away with a smug expression on his face which had Jack glaring at him.

“Jack?” Turning around when he heard his name, the younger man’s face flushed red when he saw Mark stood there. His heart picked up in pace and he felt his whole body weaken at the sight of the man stood before him. “H-hey Mark..”

Internally, the Irishman cursed at his nervousness.

“Can we still have that talk? Since ya know, you’re here” Jack sighed softly and nodded his head, allowing himself to be lead to right at the back of the stage, away from where Ken and Felix were.

Mark swallowed thickly, his hands becoming clammy when he noticed just how gorgeous Jack looked right now. The stage lights shining down on him at a flattering angle, he was starting to understand why he liked him so much.

“So..? What d’ya wanna talk t’ me about?” The younger man asked, his stomach twisting into knots thanks to his nervous demeanor.

Mark cleared his throat and tried to give him a confident look even though on the inside, he was like jelly. “I just wanted to tell you. That you’re really sweet and funny and I see you as such a great friend, but.. But I see you as so much more than that”

A light blush appeared on the Irishman’s face as Mark had just admitted his feelings to him, something that he’d definitely not expected to hear just before he went on for a panel. “I.. Mark..”

“I see ya as more than that too..”

Eyes widening, the older man looked at him questioningly and acted as if Jack had been hit over the head. “Do.. Do you?”

Nodding his head, Jack smiled sweetly at him and walked in closer, his stomach unknotting and instead filling with butterflies. His arms reluctantly wrapped themselves around Mark’s neck and he pulled the man close to him.

The American returned the affection by placing his hands on Jack’s hips, pressing him in closer before he leaned down, kissing the younger man softly on the lips and closing his eyes when he felt Jack return it.

They kissed for what felt like years until Jack was the one to part, looking up dreamily into Mark’s eyes as he couldn’t believe what had just happened. “Did we jus’?..” He smiled at the older man, unable to control himself as he kissed him again.

“I think we just did” Mark replied gently, hands resting on Jack’s lower back as they started kissing again, that was though, until they heard giggling from behind them.

“Hey guys! Get a room!”

Turning around, they froze as they realised that Felix and Ken were standing there having seen the whole thing. Felix was laughing hard while Ken chuckled in the background, the couple just glared at them, parting from their embrace.

“You can kiss later, right now. We have a panel to do!” Felix yelled, going back to the main stage and as if on cue, the technicians and staff began to arrive. Jack and Mark thanked the gods that they’d parted in time.

Jack looked over at him and smirked before he winked at him, going over to technicians to get his microphone fitted.

The older man rolled his eyes and let out a soft chuckle before he joined him. He felt relief having been able to finally tell Jack how he felt.

I don’t really feel like me, either.

But I guess it is what it is. Have a drabble.

It makes no sense. 

——–

The fan from his computer makes a dull whirring sound as he lays in his bed, staring at his ceiling absently. He holds his hand in front of his face, curling his fingers one at a time, up and down, up and down.

Mark slammed his fist down the desk for the last time, he threw his controller across the room and let out a loud yell of frustration, it took all his willpower not to let his computer hit the wall as he took in deep breaths and turned it off.

That had to be, the most rage-inducing playthrough of ‘I Am Bread’ that Mark had ever played. His blood was boiling in his veins and his head pounded from the anger he’d experienced. This  was one game, that really knew how to get on Mark’s bad side.

Standing up from his chair and grabbing his stuff, the American stormed out of the room and didn’t even bother to say goodbye to the Grumps, his anger was too immense to make social interaction with people right now.

The drive home was definitely risk-induced, with his bad mood serving him to drive faster to get home as quick as possible, it meant he ran several stop lights and even nearly made a wrong turn. It wasn’t like he cared though, right now, everything was dead to him.

He pulled up at the apartment complex and slammed his car door harshly as he exited the vehicle, making his way into the building and continuously running his hands through his hair as a way to distract him from punching a wall on his way to the elevator.

Jack was home of course, that was the last thing that Mark wanted right now, to have his lover who had probably made them dinner and had been waiting all day for him to get back be there while he was in this state. The anger hadn’t even subsided and if anything, it was made worse by thinking that he’d have to pretend to be calm for Jack.

Opening the door of their apartment, the older man let out a heavy sigh when he felt footsteps thunder down the stairs, obvious that Jack was coming down to see him.

He slammed the door behind him and dumped his stuff on the sofa, slumping over to the kitchen where he noticed that he was indeed right about Jack making them dinner.

“Hey Mark, how was work?” Jack asked, his Irish voice as perky and happy as ever as he wandered over to him and hugged him from behind. Mark just stilled and tensed up his body, he wasn’t really in the mood for this kind of affection.

Noticing his boyfriend become uncomfortable under his touch, Jack backed away and looked at him in confusion. “Everything alright? You seem upset..”

Mark turned around to face him, his face contorted into the foulest of expressions. “I’m perfectly fine, why do you even care?!” He spat, making the Irishman step even further back, hurt by Mark’s harsh tone.

“Mark..?” The younger man said weakly, trying to hold back the tears that were building up in his eyes. He’d never seen him this angry before. It was obvious something had upset him.

The American let out an annoyed groan and tried to storm out of the kitchen but Jack attempted to block him, that was though, until Mark shoved him hard in the chest and pushed him out of the way. Jack fell hard into the kitchen counter, gasping as he hurt his hip.

Hearing him gasp, Mark stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around, a sharp pain building up in his chest as he’d just realised what he’d just done. He’d hurt Jack.

“Babe.. I… I’m so sorry” His vision blurred as tears filled his eyes, spilling down his cheeks as he grabbed his boyfriend and pulled him into a tight hug, Jack also began to cry, hiding his face in Mark’s chest as it had been a real shock seeing him act that way.

“I.. I don’t know what came over me. I’m so sorry Jack, I promise I won’t ever do that to you.. Ever again”

The younger man lifted his head to look up at his lover and sniffed loudly, cuddling in close to his body. “I believe ya… Jus’ please, tell me what made ya act like that..”

Embarrassment and guilt filled the other man as he came to think what had even made him lash out, he let out a soft sigh and ever so carefully said. “I was playing ‘I Am Bread’ at work and it got me so mad.. I just couldn’t help it.. I’m really sorry Jack” The Irishman stepped away from him, but luckily he seemed to be smiling.

“Yer tellin’ me. That the reason ya slammed me int’ the counter, was because yeh couldn’t beat a feckin’ video game?”

Mark stared down bashfully at the floor and nodded his head, his attention soon caught though by the sound of Jack laughing. “Yer a fuckin’ idiot ya know that?” Beginning to laugh too, Mark walked up to his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around him, kissing the top of his head.

“I might be an idiot.. But I’m your idiot” Jack laughed again and shook his head, deciding to snuggle in close to him again.

Despite their ups and downs, they both knew that there was nothing, not even a stupid game, that was going to come between them.