Lily (squinting): Is it working?

Sirius (shrugging): I don’t know, ask me something

Marlene: Do you have any secrets you’re keeping?

Sirius (red faced and breathing hard): N-no

Lily (laughing): He’s fighting it! It is working! Just say it Sirius, no one’s gonna hurt you

Sirius (nervously): During our third year, Marlene asked me what product I use to get my eye lashes to look so good and I told her that I rub butter on them to make them look like that

Marlene (speechless)

Sirius (crying): It was a lie! I lied because I wanted to mess with you and every time I saw you take a little cup of butter to your room, I laughed! My eyelashes aren’t naturally this nice, I use mascara and I let you rub butter on your eyelashes for months!

Lily (confused): What the fuck, how deranged do you have to be to trick someone into rubbing butter on their eyelashes?

Marlene (angrily shoving Sirius): You fucking bitch! I smelled like butter for months and it gave me acne!

Sirius (sobbing): Last year Lily called me stupid so I slipped eye of newt in her potion so it exploded in her face! I have a severe distrust of authority and I’m extremely claustrophobic to the point where Regulus locked me in a closet one time and I accidentally set it on fire to escape and then a year later I snuck into the Slytherin dorms and rubbed hot sauce inside his underwear so he’d get a burn and everyone would think he had an STD-

Lily (horrified): Sirius you can stop now, it works-

Sirius (sobbing): I used James’ razor that he uses to shave his face on my body one time because he tripped me and I didn’t tell him! Sometimes when I’m bored, I’ll go the muggle section of the library and look up muggle laws and see which ones I can break. I’m currently wanted for tax evasion in France.

Lily (horrified): Okay we’re done here-

Remus (walking in): What‘s happening?

Sirius (crying): What the fuck is a tax? Then there was the time James flirted with Regulus so I convinced him to stick his finger in a power outlet and when he got shocked I pretended that I didn’t know that would happen. And do you guys remember that one time that Snape was chased around Hogsmeade by a large, black dog? That was m-

chadwickboseman It is with immeasurable grief that we confirm the passing of Chadwick Boseman. 

Chadwick was diagnosed with stage III colon cancer in 2016, and battled with it these last 4 years as it progressed to stage IV. 

⁣A true fighter, Chadwick persevered through it all, and brought you many of the films you have come to love so much. From Marshall to Da 5 Bloods, August Wilson’s Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom and several more, all were filmed during and between countless surgeries and chemotherapy. ⁣⁣

It was the honor of his career to bring King T’Challa to life in Black Panther. ⁣He died in his home, with his wife and family by his side. ⁣

The family thanks you for your love and prayers, and asks that you continue to respect their privacy during this difficult time. ⁣⁣

Me, whose only writing experience was a shitty fanfic I made years ago and would absolutely NOT call myself a writer: