There are US Senators dying who have never died before
wallacepolsom
🪼
trying on a metaphor
will byers stan first human second

#extradirty
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Sweet Seals For You, Always

Origami Around
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
tumblr dot com
occasionally subtle
$LAYYYTER
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
h
Jules of Nature

oozey mess
EXPECTATIONS

roma★
cherry valley forever
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@subtle-as-a-sledgehammer
There are US Senators dying who have never died before

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15 years of aeiou
july 17 2010
your car: *bounces back and forth, defeated, its hood swinging by a mere thread*
my car: *triumphantly leaps six feet in the air, spraying hubcaps in victorious fervor*
What?
teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek
fantastic. i love it. i posted this after my wife said it yesterday and as i was doing it i was like "this can't be an original thought. as soon as i hit post someone's going to say 'you stole this from a tweet from 2014' and i'll say 'no, i stole it from my beautiful wife.'"
Because I'm a biologist and a complete freak, I sometimes amuse myself thinking about like a super ultra advanced alien race that 'conquers' our planet, but instead of being all 'War of the Worlds' about it, they aren't even conquering, as far as they're concerned. There are no inteligent life forms on this planet, after all, just little animals, and they're clearly on the endangered species list. A perfect place to study rare wildlife on an untouched planet.
So there's an alien research station in space. Humanity's worst attempts to destroy it amount to a bear turning over the trash can. Aliens occasionally abduct people and return them with a clean bill of health and an ankle bracelet. It takes them forever to figure out those bracelets are screwing with their data because humans who carry them are curve-wreckingly popular.
Disaster strikes somewhere, I dunno, Japan, and there's an uptick in abductions, but of people stuck in collapsed buildings, and yeah the giant octopus tree that looks straight out of Call of Cthulhu is scary but it's also using tech you can't even comprehend to find survivors and teleport them out of the rubble. You see humans with absolutely 100% deadly injuries wisked away and a good number of them even return. There is now a new consent form specifying if rescuers can take you to the aliens, because they will probably try to save you but if they can't your family will never get your body back. You decide if your life or your body is more important.
Little by little, pragmatism wins out. The aliens aren't attacking, but they ARE abducting and doing weird tests. But the survivors mostly return unharmed with a Big Mac in hand and a weird piece of tech. There have been less valid excuses to miss school. The aliens are clearly researching humanity just as much as we are researching them, and until communications are established this status quo isn't the worst.
Ofc, then one of them actually attacks. Knocks the statue of liberty clean off. The military starts to deploy fast, and even wounds the attacker a lot, but before they can shoot the second missle it bounces. And it turns on the shooter. Every military person in the attack dies, suddenly and through means you cannot comprehend. The other aliens whisk the attacking one away. Construction materials appear as if in apology, but that's it.
The attacker was a hooligan who thought destroying wildlife was fun, and ran into something they can't handle. But even if the bear is perfectly within its rights to defend its territory, the ranger will atill have to shoot it to save the stupid brat, and hope the idiot learned their lesson.
But the bear is still dead. And the forest critters who had just started getting used to the ranger are now having second thoughts.
But the abductions continue. There are no hooligans for a while. And what else can you do? This is your home, but if the invaders really want to take it, what can you do?
So you try to stay out of their way, if you are in some serious trouble and your chances are already less than 50/50, maybe you seek them out. Sometimes they help. Sometimes they don't.
And sometimes the abductees catch glimpses of something that looks like it might have been human once, but eyes and skin all wrong, speaking incomprehensibly, and rubbing its head on the alien's 'knees'.
You go home to your dog and try not to think about it.
THE REVIEWS ARE IN!
And now let me bliw your mind: Alien equivalent of Steve Irwin, the one madman brave enough to go bother human wildlife in Australia.
ten-foot octopus tree holding me by the scruff of my neck after plucking me from my car:
ç̷͙̞͓̳͙̭͖̞͇̝̓̎̎͛͗̿̃̏̒̑͝r̸͇̠̲̩̩̟̞̥̫̗̞̟͇̭̼͉̈͗̔̑̓̿̓̕͜ȉ̶̧̛̛̩͔̠͖̝͎̘̝͔̖̜̅̆͆̌͊̑͂͒͠ͅk̵̰̟͋̋̈̈͗ę̴̹̟͓͎̖̑̈́̎̕͠ȳ̴̛͇̯̝̲̠̼̮̯͗͛̏́̔͜͜ ̷̼̳̰͖̃̅̈́͐̿́̂͝w̶̨̬͚̝̦͖̟̱̉̌͐̿͆̀̀̿̅̿͌̃̚͜h̶͈̪̰͈͎̍͂̕a̶̢̝̳̠̓͐̈́͐̆̀̽̀̎̾̑͝ͅţ̶̹̣͙͚̬̩̥͌̉͋̽̄̊̚ ̷̗̠̩̻̮̞̒̈́̏̿̏̌̈́͑̒͑́͘͜͝ͅå̵̡̧͔͚̖̜̦̬̥̻̭̂́̀̓̍͛̄͐̃͆̕̚͝͝ ̴̡̨̤̰̺̻̪̞̬̼͛̈͠b̶̛̛̻̳̫͙̩̪̲̲̫̱͉̺̂͊̉̅̓̎́̽̾̈̊̉̈́̕͠ͅe̷̢̲̣̻̝̯͙͔̜̭̻͕͛̓a̷̖͓̥̯̝̥̙̺̥̺̫̹͛̀͆̎̋̊̒̅̚̕͝u̷̻̟̣͕̪͍͇̼̭̜̝̲̞͓̗̽̈́̅̈́̂̇̒͠ͅt̴̘̩͎͓̰͍́̐̂̂́̂͗̒̏̑̀̈̓͊̚͝y̵̛̠͉̠̲̥͋͌́̀͆ ̵̨͍͈̳͕̱͋͗͌́̔̾̽̄͆́̇

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you put those tags on this post where they belong
It is so ridiculously easy to gain a reputation for being competent by just reading signs.
This is not metaphorical. I mean actual, literal pieces of paper/plastic/metal/whatever explicitly erected to inform the public.
“How did you know this was the right trail?” I read the sign.
“Wow, how did you know what that flower is?” There’s a SIGN.
“How did you know we needed to use the side door?” THERE IS A SIGN POSTED ON THE FRONT DOOR.
Just…why are we having such different experiences of the world? People can read. I KNOW they can read. There’s nothing wrong with their vision.
Just. READ. THE. GOD. DAMN. SIGN.
This also applies to:
Syllabi
Instructions
I’ve been cackling about this for like five minutes now
[Video caption:
O-okay, let’s get into this, shall we?
*grumbling* Would you rather work for Lex Luthor or the Joker- *shouting* Lex Luthor, by like, a fucking mile!
Yes, yes, working for Lex Luthor is basically like being an Amazon employee that makes weapons of mass destruction, which is bad. Lex is like Donald Trump mixed with Mark Zuckerberg mixed with Jeffrey fucking Bezos, it’s not a great mix. He does not treat his henchmen well. Their lives still suck, and they are probably monitored on how long they take piss breaks for.
But let’s analyze what working for Lex Luthor is like versus the fucking Joker. With Lex you probably get a dental plan, a health plan, a paycheck, and the guy that you’re fighting really cares about human life. Superman will hit you just long enough to knock you out, so you’re not a treat, so he can stop the problem.
If you work for the Joker, your payment is you’re not fucking dead. You say one wrong thing? Bang. You don’t laugh at his jokes? Bang! You do laugh at his jokes? Bang! You think Joker gives a fuck about a henchman?
Who’s Lex Luthor’s right-hand-man? It’s a woman, you sexist, her name is Mercy, she’s awesome. Who’s Joker’s right-hand-man? Bob? Nah, he’s dead. Harley? Tried to kill her multiple times. Slappy? Who the fuck is Slappy?
The best case scenario of working for the Joker is that you fight the fucking Batman! And that presents its own fucking list of problems. If you stop Superman as a Lex Luthor henchman, Lex’ll be pissed, but he’ll be at least happy that Superman was caught. If you stop Batman as a Joker henchman, you better have a fucking coffin picked out yesterday.
This isn’t a fun hypothetical question, this is a screening technique that the doctors at Arkham use to determine your mental health! There is a right and a wrong answer to this question, and the correct one is Lex fucking Luthor. Thank you for coming to my fucking Ted Talk, have a nice day.
End caption.]
Bitch neither I work for Wayne Industries, they got better offers than work these clowns:
batmans secret special attack is offering all of his enemys henchmen a living wage and guaranteed healthcare
i had a dream last night that the entire world used a currency (?) called angrypennies which as the name implies are obtained by experiencing anger. the stronger and more intense your anger was, the more angrypennies you'd gain. an all-consuming rage would earn you more than a slight irritation, etc. so people were always searching for ways to fuel their anger and purposefully keeping themselves angry all the time because they wanted to earn angrypennies. unclear if angrypennies could be exchanged for goods and services, or if they were just a collectible.
anyway, as if this wasn't heavy-handed enough, at one point british comedian greg davies appeared and explained that angrypennies couldn't be worth feeling angry all the time. this was a real revelation to dream-me and i was finally able to break free of the angrypenny grind and allow myself to experience emotions other than anger.
it goes without saying that i will be using the word angrypenny as if it was part of the common vernacular instead of a term that my dreaming brain conjured up i.e. "he's all about the angrypennies" (derogatory way to refer to a guy who searches for reasons to be angry and possibly lacks introspection)

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Life gets better never give up hope
No its not i found it firstand you cant have it Finders keepers and besides Idont have anything at all in this world anymore so maybe you could just let me have this
if you call women “females” i automatically do not trust or like you
you really wont like the military then buddy
jokes on you, i already hate the military
everyone's afraid of looking busted everyone's afraid of making mistakes everyone's afraid of looking stupid everyone's afraid of embarrassment everyone's afraid of imperfections because of the damn PANOPTICON that is current society and it's fucking STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“we live in an uncaring universe” yeah dude and I live in an uncaring house. and I shit in an uncaring toilet. but do you touch an uncaring lover? do you comfort an uncaring child? do you guide to sleep each night a cold and uncaring self?
please hurry up in reblogging this I wanna jorts it before someone puts it in one of those heartwarming tiktok slideshows
i was like 'what could jorts it possibly mean' but as with many things clicking the original post immediately clarified the situation

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
free use is kind of a funny kink bc it relies on the idea that everybody wants to touch you and have sex with you but what if they don't. what if you tell everybody at the party you're free use but they all ignore you and mind their own business
taking notes
hot take possibly? but i actually think it’s okay for things to be marketed for adults. it’s literally okay if things aren’t suitable for children. i feel like we are losing the plot
Correct. Furthermore: children bending or breaking the rules to get a peek at something that's not intended for them is a part of growing up.