C!Tommy and C!Alliumduo enthusiast

I feel like c!discduo has something really unique to the dsmp in the sense that c!dream and tommy are pretty great representation of abuse at a young age, ESPECIALLY from a parent/guardian, because what was really so horrifying about their relationship was the fact that it literally was DREAM’S world that everyone was living in.

Dream was the server owner, dream could go into creative mode, dream could revive people, dream was one of the two best pvpers on the server, god was literally MADE IN DREAM’S IMAGE. No matter how hard tommy tried, escaping dream was so hard because the server WAS dream. Tommy had dream to thank for reviving him but also had dream to thank for killing him. It was literally that dream brought him into this world and took him out of it… sounds like something an angry parent would say, right?

C!tommy is an amazing reflection of how it can feel to be under the authority and especially in the house of your abuser, in the sense that everything in your life can and does revolve around them, if they can help it.

We see how tommy, despite hating dream, craves his attention and feels guilty being away from him because dream forced himself into Tommy’s life and made himself a PART of tommy, similar to how it’s difficult to escape the way you were raised, especially in an abusive household.

Also, I love the body horror aspect of Tommy’s revival and wish it was talked about more… like, dream has the ability to disassemble and reassemble tommy however many times he likes and tommy is kind of powerless about it? Like HOW are you supposed to move on with your life with the knowledge that your heart is only beating because your abuser wanted to “run an experiment on you”, forever infecting you with weird magic or whatever is in the revival book???

Something something tommy describing revival as “it felt like my body was taken apart and put back together again, and then taken back apart again here. I felt stretched” “I felt like I was shredded to dust, but there was no blood, there was no flesh, it was just essence”

And so i have to ramble a little. At least about this one.

Dog Eat Dog

"Welcome to the world pretty baby girl

Unprotected, disconnected, unaware of her direction

Born to be a child, to play and be beguiled

Delusion, deception, she'll have to learn the lesson"

( ctommy back in L'manburg arc is very dear to me, the sheer childlike nature and free spirit he had before all that happened ? That's my son thank you very much. I Actualy love the way we can mirror his past self to his future one. Because he himself can't recognize that version anymore, that version of him is gone-has been gone just like L'manburg but that doesn't mean he's any less himself. The L'manburg arc performs as ctommy's innocence that gets blown with it. That haunts him.)

"Fox is a fox, no matter love

It's only luck, and you are haunted"

"Don't try to be what you're not

You're born to be a lost cause

Good Lord, guess that's the law

Too bad too far gone

Don't try to be what you're not

Already born with claws

Good Lord, guess that's the law

Too bad too far gone

It's dog eat dog"

( this really just reminded me of cwilbur and C!crimeboys dynamic. Back in the day i loved their dynamic just like anyone else did but over time you have to see theese two didn't have the healthiest relationship too. I especialy think of crimeboys in pogtopia arc here. Cwilbur despite being the person ctommy looks up to and wants to make proud, a person ctommy follows blindly up until cwilburs descend, is the first person close to ctommy to make ctommy doubt himself. "Your never gonna be president Tommy", cwilbur likes to have control, subconciously or not he mends ctommy in his own ways. Ctommy is someone who follows him, admired him, ctommy is his right hand man, his soldier. And cwilbur likes to be seen, likes his creation to be seen and admired. When he starts meddling with ctommy's sence of self, ctommy starts to guestion cwilbur and his morals, worse he doesn't agree with cwilbur and cwilbur fears that because if ctommy stops believing him then who will ?)

"I used to wear my hair in bows, used to skip where I would go

Decease, escapees, turns out they prey on girls like me

Tippy toeing on my claws, need to unhinge my jaw

Please don't make me, born a dog, a dog must be"

( Now post blowing up of L'manburg ctommy tries to lay low....does he succed? No. Cdream waits for ctommy to do something dumb he can use against him. Ctommy isn't a character without flaw. I love him dearly, and he isn't perfect, no character is but ctommy is complicated as any other character too, i hate when people mischaracterize him in ways to making him out like a pure evil spawn, seeing people also say exile wasn't bad and only made out into a big thing by fandom too. When cc!Tommy himself knew very much what he was portraying ( at least later down the line ) and the abuser and victim arc continues on until the end clearly. I like to associate theese lines with especialy the second exiling of ctommy. Ctommy always was called on causing trouble, acting out and when does he reach the point he thinks that's all he is ? That that's what he will always only be resigned to do, believing it ? In exile. )

"Don't try to be what you're not

You're born to be a lost cause

Good Lord, guess that's the law

Too bad too far gone

Don't try to be what you're not

Already born with claws

Good Lord, guess that's the law

Too bad too far gone

It's dog eat dog"

( Cdreams manipulation in exile and the whole exile arc will forever be my favorite thing to analyze. Because even the post exile damage never leaves, it evolves. Cdream only fuels and makes ctommy believe all cdream sees ctommy as, a puppet to play with, a problem child, someone nobody cares about-his friends dont care about, someone who deserved his punishment and the worst part is ctommy starts believing it. Cdream makes ctommy believe he is only good for causing others pain and problems.)

"You're a pacifist, this is what you'll get

They'll bite you, tear you into shreds

Just do what you were born to do instead

Rose colored eyes, gotta strategize

Won't even make it out alive

Just do what you must do to survive

Don't try to be what you're not

You're born to be a lost cause

Good Lord, guess that's the law

Too bad too far gone

Don't try to be what you're not

Already born with claws

Good Lord, guess that's the law

Too bad too far gone."

( Ctommy never wanted to be a hero, a soldier and he starts to believe he can't trust anyone, that everyone will just betray him in the end, he starts to loose his believes And sence of self when he tells ctubbo the disc were more than he ever was, and ctommys reaction is shock, immediate guttural awareness this isn't him. That this isn't who he is, who he wants to be. Ctommys love and loyalty can be associated to loving like a dog. Always comming back even while being kicked around by a person. Because ctommys character heavily depends on people. First it's the L'manburg gang, ctubbo and cwilbur are especialy two people ctommy is dependant on even if he wouldn't ever admit it. Two people he later feels like betrayed him. Leaving him with cdream in exile who plays with ctommys head, makes ctommy depend on cdream. He's isolated, he's angry and desperate, and being cut from people is what drives him to be starved for contact, for someone. And cdream plays into it, convincing ctommy he's his only "friend" and ctommy clings to it desperatedly. That's also why ctommys view on cdream post escaping exile is so confusing. Ctommy often backtracks on wanting to see cdream, to immediatly being scared of cdream showing up and finding him. Cdream made ctommy depend on him, and even if ctommy was kicked around he has the urge to come back. Not because cdream is good, not because he's his friend, not because he wants to but because he's been thrown around so much he thinks this is just what he deserves, connection likewise and All. He clings to any bit of connection even if it's Bad, i always found the way cc!Tommy portrayed ctommy post exile really good character wise, not immediatly sure and on point. Ctommy often himself is confused od his own feelings and of his thoughts on exile and cdream. And another thing is how ctommy views himself more like a object than a person. That one motherfucking line of ctommy going "he's bordeline my owner" will never stop making me unconfortable. And All this really just brought me to listening to this song and immediatly being like oh, oh this has some beats that remind me of ctommy a little too much. )

Over all i have a lot of songs i association with his lore and arcs that i would love to yapp about, but my yapps mostly propably don't make much sence to myself only, either way thank you for listening to my ted talk.