SubClub

It wasn’t leather. It wasn’t gold. It was his shoelace— torn, softened by time, dark with the sweat of his steps.

He’d walked miles in it, through rain, through heat, through years before me. And now— he pressed it to my throat.

God. Oh God.

It smelled like him. Felt like him. Rough in places, smooth in others— just like his hands. Just like the way he touches me.

There was no clasp, no ceremony. He just looked at me— low, steady— and tied it.

Tied me.

And I felt it. The tension. The tug. Not choking. Just claiming.

The knot sat at the back of my neck like a secret. Like a pulse. Like the echo of his grip when he pulls my hair back and whispers what I am.

They wouldn’t understand. They’d see a string. Something dirty. Used. Cheap.

But I saw it— a relic. His path, made flesh. His past, offered. A thread of who he was before I ever opened my thighs or my heart.

And now— wrapped around my skin slick with sweat, scented with my need— that shoelace became something else.

A leash. A promise. A brand.

I wore it like lingerie. Like worship. Like wetness. I could feel it rub when I moved, feel it tug when I arched, feel him in every goddamn breath.

I didn’t need diamonds. I needed that. His grit. His story. Pressed into a loop that tightened when I moaned.

That shoelace didn’t bind me— it unleashed me.

And when he pulled it just slightly, when my head tilted back, eyes glazed, mouth parted—

I didn’t feel owned. I felt devoured. And I begged for more.

if i’m in the middle of receiving a punishment and i have to pee, i am allowed to safeword.

if my positioning is uncomfortable and keeping me from enjoying our play, i am allowed to safeword.

if you are about to punish me and i think we need to talk a little more about the supposed severity of my missteps, i am allowed to safeword.

if you just started punishing me and i realized i am not in the mental state to receive it right now, i am allowed to safeword.

if i’m not sure how to articulate my reasoning, or there isn’t really a solid reason that i want our session to stop, i am still allowed to safeword there is literally no instance in which i am not allowed to use the safeword we have agreed upon for my comfort and safety.

It doesn’t matter how severe or stric your Master or Mistress is, the safeword is a sacred trust and whoever doesn’t respect it should get your immediate rejection and his/her/their name passed around for other subs’ protection.

As I have mentioned before, I have been sub for a very strict Mistress for a very long time, so I have used the safeword more than once. Her immediate reaction has always been gently making sure I was not hurt or scared, and offering me a break or a full stop. No matter why you use your safeword, this should always be the appropriate reaction.   

I have safeworded because I physically could not cum again.

I have safeworded because I wasn’t feeling it and I would have let him take it too far to please him.

Each and every single time that I did, I was checked in with. I was given superior aftercare. I was told there was absolutely nothing wrong with using my safe word. And I was told that he was proud of me for understanding my limits.

I don't know if you are still accepting asks but for those being ghosted, it's never too soon to get out of that relationship, if you don't feel comfortable with that you have the right to do so.

It happened to me and it was always when he was going to have more time than normal and I'd think he was going to want to talk more but he'd just leave me on seen for a whole day or two and after saying it 3 times I just decided to end things because at the end of the day it isn't good for your mental health and you have to put yourself first and not them and whatever games they're trying to play.

Hey anon. Around here I like to separately define the two things you're talking about.

Ghosted: This is when one minute you're in a D/s relationship with someone, and the next minute they are gone - as if they never existed. This mostly happens because people lack the emotional maturity to have breakup conversations, or because they are lying assholes who come online to purposefully abuse people.

Shelved: This is when you negotiate a successful start to a D/s relationship with someone, but after a short amount of time they fall into fits of absence for days and sometimes weeks at a time. This mostly happens with men who have problems with misogyny and/or ego who view women as "things" they can take down from shelves when they are interested in engaging with them, and back up on the shelf when they are not.

I think both of these things are very different types of toxic D/s experiences you can have, which cause different types of trauma, and very often necessitate recovery from the trauma.

AKA: NEVER CALL A SUBMISSIVE NEEDY AGAIN!!

There are days that I feel like we are slowly brainwashing all the submissives in the community to believe that they should feel guilty for the amount of attention they want from their Dominant. While nobody is swinging watches back and forth in front of their faces or giving them treats when they express that they feel badly for the attention they crave, it is getting done nonetheless with the word “needy”. 

need·yˈ

nēdē/

adjective

lacking the necessities of life; very poor.

Needy is not a nice word. Needy is a derogatory word. Needy should not be what someone WHO CHOOSES to give their power and choices to someone else, should be labeled. 

Vanilla couples don’t have the problem with this word that we do. In their partnerships, the individuals are expected to bear the weight of the work, responsibility, and decisions within the relationship with some semblance of equality in mind. If one partner gets lazy, and falters, they may be perceived to be not pulling their weight, which may eventually lead to problems, and ultimately, the end of a relationship. 

We don’t do things this way in the kinky world. Before their first dynamics, submissives often spends many months and years yearning to give up their power and decisions to a Dominant, and be made to feel cared for, and safe. When they finally find that first dynamic, they dive deep into their role, exploring it by probing their partner’s reactions, requesting structure and guidance, and demanding copious opportunities to serve, and fulfill their prime directives. They have been told communication is the key to a happy and productive dynamic, and they embrace that communication and attention with their Dominant with eager and open arms. 

That’s when it happens: someone calls them needy for the first time, making them feel bad for the way they have been wired, and for being enthusiastic about their partner and dynamic. It is at this point the idea of “lacking the necessities of life” and being thought of as “very poor” by their Dominant, starts to go to war against the natural order of a D/s dynamic, and begins to eat away at them. It makes them anxious about demanding attention from their Dominant. It makes them feel guilty for making requests of them. Being labeled as “needy”, throws them all out of balance, because needing someone strong, who helps them make all kinds of decisions that they have longed to be rid of, and gives them opportunity to serve, is what they have always wanted, and who they are supposed to be, and now they are being told that it’s too much. 

Why do we do this to our submissives? As Dominants, we want to be the boss, to have love and devotion within our relationships, and to feel needed, but when we get what we want, and it feels like too much, we shift the blame over to the submissive and call them needy. The truth is, when one member of a couple has given all their power and their decisions to the other member of the couple, THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE A LOT OF NEEDS FROM THEM. If you call yourself Dominant, or are aspiring to be one, you should be fully prepared to be intensely needed by your submissive, because they have voluntarily given you all of their power, and it is now YOUR ROLE to make a myriad of even the most basic decisions from them, from what they will eat for breakfast, to what they will wear to work. They will want tasks and rules and punishments, and it is now YOUR ROLE to give those to them. If you feel this is too much, it is not their problem that they are “needy”, it is yours for not understanding what you were getting yourself into. If you are not up for being needed by someone more than you have ever experienced before in your life, it’s time to make peace with your aspirations of being a Caregiver, Master, or Owner, and retreat back to vanilla world from whence you came. A full blown D/s relationship with fun bedroom playtime and having everything your way, comes at a price, and that price is giant piles your focus, and guidance. 

Is it fair to say your submissive has a lot of needs, or demands a lot of your attention? Sure! It’s a little like saying an elephant has a lot of weight, or an anaconda a lot of length. That’s the way those things are, and to dwell on it, or become resentful for things being what they are, is pointless and insane. If you are looking for an animal who is short, or light, look elsewhere. 

How can we stop this? We can start by correcting Dominants and our already brainwashed submissive community by lashing out at the word “needy” when we see it and hear it. We should lash out at the word because it expresses the natural inclinations of submissives in a profoundly negative way, and chips away at their natural evolution on their way to becoming happy and fulfilled in their dynamics. 

Submissives are never “needy”. They may need a lot, but that’s what you ordered from the menu, good Sir. If they don’t feel the need to call you bossy when you tell them what to do, you should surely be able to resist calling them needy for offering you their dependence. 

You want her to have an attitude, but not at you.

You want her to be compliant.

You want her to be a slut, but god forbid she's had more partners than you.

You want her to be pleasant and accommodating to every wish and whim without ever returning the favor.

You don't want her. You want a robot doll to control, a bird in a cage that will sing when you press play.

I used to say this all the time, you want her to be submissive but you’re not a competent leader. You only think about yourself. She’s not safe with you bro. You haven’t taken the time to know her limits, her aspirations, her. Subs are people, wonderful, dynamic people looking for people they can trust to build a mutually beneficial relationship with.

Even outside any kink dynamic I would say to guys, you want a girl woman that behaves like mine but you’re not a man like me. I think about and cater to my girl in some way every waking hour. You not built like this.

Who to block

🤷🏽‍♀️

As a relationship develops with somebody good, you’ll find your self sufficiency less at odds with things: your independent nature will have its place in the way you face the world, not the way you face your dominant. It doesn’t go away, you point it to different places. There is no fight.

Over clothes at first, maybe. Slowly stripping away layers both physically and in a less literal sense. Feeling them collapse against you, and cling to you. You hold their hand, both keeping them in place and balanced where they need to be, and to reassure them. You both do that little thing with the thumb. That little rub that says "I'm here. It's okay." And they need that reassurance. So do you. Because the intensity builds and builds until they are struggling and crying involuntarily. The sort of circumstance that makes you pause and check in, unless you're very familiar. Even then you may still stop and make sure that they're okay. You may stop and make sure that you are okay. That little thumb thing is what holds you both down. The hand held together. Keeping them in place, and pinned down, and binding you both together.

Just a little more. Just a little further. The involuntary struggles stop but the tears flow more freely. Your partner clings to you like you're all that keeps them from being swept to sea. Your hand and arm ache. Their rear has welts and bruises. When you stop there's stillness for a little while, and they ask for you to hold them. They climb into your lap and cling to you and wince at their own weight against the bruises just made. Their face in your neck and shoulder. Their arms around you. And you both just pour out so much that was bottled up inside of you. You both let go.

There have been a lot of things to make people believe that being a sub is exactly what they want. Booktalk, movies, tumblr posts.. People fall into the fantasy. They talk that talk alllll the way up until that spanking. News flash. NO ONE likes a punishment spanking. If you do you don’t get it. Your Dom has figured you out and you get something extra atrocious. Like extra veggies. Or no screen time. No orgasms for a week. Everyone is all in until your Dom says “no” to dessert and everyone else is eating it. (He’s saving you the tears over calories or lactose intolerant, or he has another reason).

I think there are 2 things that I think should be addressed here. I think there ARE fake subs, or misguided subs and I think there are traumatized subs that can’t quite let go of said trauma. That makes them struggle to commit and run.

I believe that those that don’t know they are not subs have no idea the damage they do. I’m giving grace bc that’s who I am, but Doms get truly hurt.

If you aren’t sure please do your homework.

If you are traumatized, do your due diligence and get right before you risk someone else.