Aftercare. đâ¨
I know most people know what subdrop is, but for the few who donât Iâll explain.
Subdrop is what happens to your body after youâve drained your brain of all the hormones and chemicals that it released during a scene or session.
Meaning, after youâve come down from your high, you start to feel mentally and emotionally attacked from what just happened. You start to think all these bad things about yourself and how someone normal would not find what just occurred pleasurable in anyways.
Thatâs why aftercare is important. Showering your sub in compliments,food, cuddle sessions. Just stuff that will make them feel like you care and that you donât judge them for enjoying what they like.
Another thing, Iâm positive that most people donât know is what topdrop is. Itâs the same as subdrop but it affects doms/dommes.
I know some people will be like- âDoms/dommes donât go through that, nothing like that bothers them.â Thatâs where youâre wrong.
Remember weâre all human so no one is exempt from feeling used or feeling disgusted with their actions even though they shouldnât be.
Not many know this but being a dom/domme is exhausting. A good top plans physical punishments or sexual scenes down to the T so their is no room for accidents and after all that planning and executing said plan they sometimes feel bad for doing what they did or even feel used in a sense.
Thatâs why aftercare is important for both parties. Show them that you care and that you appreciate what they did. Reassure them that they didnât hurt you in a bad way and that they only did what they did to help you grow. ASKđ THEMđ IFđ THEYâREđ OKAYđ!! Especially right after a session.
That can be the difference between showing that you care or not.
AFTERCARE IS A NECESSITY FOR BOTH PARTICIPANTS!!đđâ¨
Before my first serious suspension session me and my rigger forgot to talk about â¨aftercareâ¨.
My subdrop consisted of a mild woozy feeling, mind blank, my legs, back and sides were stiff so I wanted to stay there on the floor until I felt stronger again.
Since we hadn't discussed aftercare and I honestly don't know how we forgot about it, they came up next to me on the floor to cuddle, which is a nice gesture and I'm sure that for a lot of people that would hit the nail on the head, but that's not the case for me. I really dislike cuddling, I feel like I can't breathe or I'll make my partner uncomfortable. Even if I didn't feel the need to move before, I'll want to when being cuddled, simply can't stay still. Also I get really hot while cuddling which means I get sweaty and nobody involved wants that.
During aftercare all I need is room to breathe, unwind and a surface where I can curl up on and if I need a blanket, I'm usually able to express it.
After I had gathered myself enough I got up and we were able to finally communicate each other's aftercare needs.
This a perfect example. Not everyoneâs aftercare involves physical touch. Some people like to be left alone for a while, some people like to instantly do something that keeps them busy (like chores), some people just want to eat and cuddle in a spot by themselves and thatâs all fine.
In a case where one partnerâs aftercare isnât physical touch/ being alone but the other partner needs to be touched/ pampered, itâs advisable that you have a third person that you both trust that can administer the proper aftercare for the physical touch partner so they donât have to wait until the other is done with theirs and just on a whole if your aftercare involves doing something with someone.
If your aftercare methods arenât compatible- that doesnât mean that the relationship wonât work. Their are a lot of solutions and you have to be willing to communicate with your partner to find the right one. Ensure that the end result leaves both parties (or more) feeling secure.
I know you're tired of seeing this but- I don't care. đ¤
Aftercare is definitely the MOST IMPORTANT PART!!
Always communicate what you prefer and what works best to ease the fall of the subdrop and topdrop. It doesnât matter how intense the session or scene is, aftercare still needs to be implemented.
ALWAYS. PARTAKE. IN AFTERCARE.
You should also remember too that subdrop and topdrop can happen days after a session. Your body only makes so many happy chemicals at a time, so when you release all of them suddenly, it takes a while for those stores to fill back up.
Not only that, but drop can manifest in many different forms. It can feel like a hangover, or utter exhaustion, or you can wake up just feeling off. You may be in physical pain, which is also tiring. And then thereâs the mental state, you could feel depressed, lonely, confused, abandoned, insecure, unloved, and the list goes on.
Know that itâs normal, itâs healthy, and itâs nothing to be ashamed of. Your body will restore the balance, but communication is key and aftercare is vital. For both sides.
FUCKING AMEN! Iâm a very physically affectionate person and aftercare is a HUGE thing for me. If you consistently ignore someoneâs needs for aftercare, theyâre going to resent you eventually, so DONâT ignore or dismiss it! And donât be afraid to ask, there is no âI should already know, I shouldnât have to ask because that makes me look like I donât know them when I do!â No, shut up. It makes you look like you give a damn about them and that you love them, which you do! So ask! Like, their respect for you will rise several notches at you asking them and considering their feelings.
And also the thing about it taking several days to recharge/heal, etc. whatever word you want to use, is true. And honestly some people may want more than one kind of aftercare, because they need time to process everything that just happened. For example, if it were me, Iâd prefer lots of cuddles and kisses afterwards, and then for the next couple days, having enough to keep me busy without it being super exhausting, and also getting a little extra sleep lol. And the thing about giving aftercare to your dom/top? Preaching to the choir hon! Itâs exhausting to be the one in charge all the time and youâre low key constantly worried if youâre doing a good job, or if youâre being too hard, takes a lot of trust and love, but that doesnât mean they arenât at least a little bit scared.
Itâs really easy to turn the relationship become a one sided selfish thing, and trust me, Iâve been on both sides, and neither side is fun. When you care for your dom/top youâre not just loving on them but youâre also thanking them for the hard work they do and youâre thanking them for loving you, both in a feelings way and in the way of doing a scene with you. I love this post. I donât see nearly enough posts about aftercare.
Very important read!
