Let's have another toast to the girl almighty

offer their friends sips of their coffee drinks without being asked

scratch each others back

say things like “smell this lotion I bought this weekend”

compliment each other’s eyebrows 

that thing when they agree with you and their eyes get really wide and they nod their head solemnly 

Sunny: No, we’re…we’re okay.

Owl: [same voice] Drugs?

Sunny: This is awkward. No thank you.

Owl: [higher pitch] Drugs?????

1.4 MILLION DOLLARS

someone out there in this world thought i was emotionally mature enough to just fuckin…. carry…… in my own two hands….. 1.4 million dollars…. for 3 city blocks….. in the slight wind…..

let me fuckin tell you i have never been more stressed in my ENTIRE LIFE my palms were sweaty knees weak arms spaghetti i was carrying 1.4 million packets of gum in my hands AND IT WAS WINDY WHAT IF I HAD DROPPED IT?? WHAT IF 1.4 MILLION DOLLARS HAD JUST BEEN FLOATING AROUND THE CITY IN THE WIND???? like do you even god damn understand how many packets of gum that is 

i bet nobody in the world has even SEEN 1.4 million packets of gum at once and there i was LITTLE OLD ME with the power to PURCHASE 1.4 MILLION PACKETS OF GUM AND I WAS JUST WALKIN AROUND IN THE SLIGHT WIND AND nobody… KNEW… NOBDOY WHO WALKED PAST ME… COULD UNDERSTAND… THE POWER… THE GUM… IN MY POSESSSION 

and then i got to the building and it was so fancy the doorman who was probably 40 years older than me called me ma’am and i didn’t know how to respond so i laughed nervously and said thank you which i don’t think is actually the appropriate response to someone calling you ma’am now that i think about