studyspo

Kafka’s acute sensitivity forced him to go far beyond where most people go. When he argues as a lawyer for better treatment of animals [in “Jackals and Arabs”], he is also arguing on his own behalf. He is defending himself, or another aspect of himself. Who he really is - that, of course, is ambiguous. In a diary entry he writes, “Always the image of a pork butcher’s broad knife that quickly and with mechanical regularity chops into me from the side and cuts off very thin slices which fly off almost like shavings because of the speed of the action.” As usual, we can take this statement on several levels; he might be haunted by the image of an animal being destroyed, or he might be metaphorically speaking of his dismantling as a Jew in an increasingly hostile society. He could also be dramatically referring to his sense of himself as an object, someone unable to live with the intensity of his inner conflicts relating to family and occupation. In a diary entry on May 3, 1913, he writes the line, “The terrible uncertainty of my inner existence.”

i’m not going to or trying to tell you that it’s easy or that it’s possible to ever fully have the life you dream of. there are things you might want out of life though that you can get to. small things, even. do you feel like you want to be more of a reader? pick up a book somewhere you think you might like. do you feel like you would do better in a different city? start planning what that could look like. do you want a hot chocolate today? try to find some time to go treat yourself to one.