Poker and Life Grind

It’s been a rollercoaster these past few weeks. I’m staring at a stack of loans totaling around $3,500–$4,000, each with its own amortization schedule stretching all the way to July 2026. By the end of this year, I’ll have chipped away roughly a third of that balance. In nine months, I’ll clear another chunk. And by next July, I’ll be debt-free—if all goes to plan.

The Bankroll Tightrope

Twelve days ago, I cashed in a slice of my microstakes bankroll just to make a payment. That left me with barely $60 in my PokerStars account—enough to grind a bit at $2NL tables, but barely enough for my usual $5NL sessions. Over the next few days, I battled my way back to $220, the sweet spot I need for regular play at that stake.

Then, two days ago, another loan installment was due. Back down to $60 I went. And once more, I’m rebuilding.

This cycle of build-up and knock-down sounds brutal, but it’s also become a masterclass in bankroll discipline. Each time I claw my way back, I reinforce the habits that matter most:

Strict buy-in management

Discipline under pressure

Patience to let variance run its course

Numbers Don’t Lie (But They Don’t Tell the Whole Story)

Over the last stretch I put in 41 hours of active grind time (excluding breaks), racking up 54,000 hands at an average of 1,300 hands per hour. My win rate hovered around 10.22 bb/100, which isn’t my peak performance, but it’s far from a disaster.

Sure, I’d love to hit my usual 22 bb/100—but this period was about more than pure rate. It was emotional endurance, proof that even when life forces me to liquidate chips, I can rebuild with focus and grit.

Here’s a thought: what if I made a prop bet out of this rebuild? Offer odds on how long it takes me to reach $300, $400, even $500 again. Might be a fun way to hedge some variance—and maybe make a little extra on the side.

Grinding for Freedom

Am I stuck on this life-long grind? Not at all. Every dollar I earn, every bankrolled session I rebuild, is one step closer to freedom—the dream of being able to cover living expenses without touching the family budget, to turn poker into a genuine pathway to financial independence.

I know better days are ahead. In fact, they might start within a few hours. Until then, I’ll keep stacking chips, dialing in my game, and sharing the ride with you.

This blog's been sitting quietly for years. Maybe because I didn’t think I had anything worth saying—until now.

I’ve been playing online poker for two decades. According to my PokerTracker, I’ve logged over six million hands since 2016. Realistically, it’s closer to ten million if I’d preserved the data from the decade before. That’s a lot of flops, folds, and busted dreams. And yet, through all those hands, I never made the leap. Never reached the promised land of 50NL or higher. Never “went pro.”

It’s not like I wasn’t trying. I was a solid winning player at 2NL, 5NL, 10NL for years—plugged leaks, studied ranges, ran sims, the whole nine yards. But I just couldn’t break through that invisible ceiling.

Until recently.

Something clicked. I’m not even sure how to describe it—but it was like seeing through the fog for the first time. The game slowed down. My edges sharpened. And I went from being a grinder to a crusher.

To be clear, I’m still playing up to 25NL, but I mostly stick between 2NL and 10NL. What I’ve realized after millions of hands is this: my win rates at these stakes exceed my nominal dollar-per-hand earnings at 25NL. That’s not a punchline—it’s clarity.

Zoom poker? Not my strength. After over 300,000 hands of 10NL Zoom on PokerStars, I’m a net loser. On ACR, I’ve played more than 1.7 million hands of 10NL Blitz/Zoom and I’m only a modest 1.1 BB/100 winner there. And those Blitz games? Haven’t seen them run since 2022. They’re gone—just like the dream of easy volume at higher speeds.

But at regular 6-max tables—mostly on PokerStars—I’ve found my rhythm:

22 BB/100 at 2NL over 150,000 recent hands

8 BB/100 at 5NL across 40,000 hands

8 BB/100 at 10NL through 70,000 hands

Sure, I’ll need 300,000+ hands at each stake to get a clearer read, but I’m already seeing something most players miss: comfort in the lane that actually works.

And then there’s 25NL. Over the past year, the action’s dried up. Games that used to run around the clock now only show up during peak hours. The fish? They've mostly settled in at 2NL through 10NL. That’s where the value is. That’s where the grind makes sense.