I just want him to realize that he hurt me. Even if, in his mind, it doesn’t make sense or seem like a big deal — my emotions were hurt. I want him to show me how much he cares about me, about us. I want to feel that I still hold a special place in his heart. I want him to treat me the way he did when we first started dating — soft, kind, present. I crave that energy.
Those innocent smiles in class. The messages that made my heart jump, my head spin, and my stomach erupt with butterflies. I miss that version of us. I miss the way he used to make time just for me — how intentional he was. I want him to invite me again on those late-night drives, racing through quiet streets with our favorite songs blasting through the speakers.
That same car we’d take when running late to uni. The car where he asked me to be his girlfriend.
I think about our first date on Valentine’s Day — sushi at that fancy place, how he laughed while I struggled with chopsticks and tried to fit a giant California roll into my mouth. And how he laughed again when I smiled with a grin as big as a banana. I remember being so nervous, calling my sister to help me choose an outfit. Recording video diaries to capture how our relationship was growing.
I miss those moments. I miss that connection. I miss feeling like you really cared.
We're meeting tomorrow to decide whether we're letting each other go or we're trying to save it... I can't believe that our almost 3 year relationship is probably nearing its end in less than 24 hours. What I would do to go back to December 2022 when we started going out... how every decision, conversation and meeting led to this very moment... i don't know... but i do know how natural falling for him felt like... how I was anxious bc I didn't know what to wear to our dates, and where he would take me... it hurts... but we can't move on without change.. it hurts bc it almost feels like i'm letting go of someone i envisioned my life with... I feel like I'm mouring what we could've been, what our relationship could've looked like and what we could've created together.. maybe in other lifetime we get to be together forever... like two otters holding hands bc they're scared of letting eachother sweep away... i will always cherish everything we've had even if it ends tomorrow... i'll never forget how he made me smile, and laugh and felt seen at the beginning... it feels scary that i'll never do certain things again because they are our moments, our inside jokes, etc.... maybe in another lifetime it would be just the two of us against the world.. maybe in another lifetime you'll be mine and I'll be yours... forever...
We broke up… i’m a mess
