Gone, So Far Gone.

i am sorry that someone out there made you distrust love. that they walked into your life and broke apart the most beautiful feeling there is. that now you don’t trust family, don’t trust friendship. that you live waiting for people to abandon you, that you leave early so they don’t leave you.

You will not heal by going back to what broke you.

Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.

Sometimes you break the things you love and sometimes the things you love break you.

So you delete all the conversations. In a moment of weakness or in a moment of empowerment you don’t really know but it feels good and it fills you with dread but your friends call you strong and you wake up the next day and you tell yourself that it’s gonna be okay. Things are gonna be okay. But then it’s two weeks later and your fingers are trembling so much you can’t even type you can’t even look through your pictures but you’re desperate for any proof that he loved you. And the only thing you find is a conversation from a few months ago. One of those times where it was 3 in the morning and you had rolled over and blinked at your phone with sleepy eyes just to text him I love you and by some magic, some love connection, he had woken up too. And you ended up sending I love you’s back and forth till your eyes were blinking away tears cause you were so fucking tired but it was worth it because your smile was so big it was biting at the edges of your cheeks. And you’re reading it but all you can do is cry so hard the bed’s shaking and you don’t know how to stop your teeth from chattering and everything just fucking burns through you, every I love you and forever you promised each other because that forever seems so far away now. So it burns, it’s acid in your stomach because you only ever wanted a forever with him and you’re not sure why that ended up being too much to ask for. And you realize that you’re so fucking scared, because every part of you really believed that the love wouldn’t leave. You thought the love was never gonna change.

“ At 16 or even 21, nobody is worth stressing over. Like move on, leave people behind. Go find yourself, the world is yours. Life goes on. ”