m.

Edit/Update: they still behave like this...I haven’t talked to them in two weeks I think and I’m chillin :):

Although my birthday is still a month away, I am no longer going to be a teenager. It makes me kind of sad to think about all of the things I didn’t do, and all of the people I lost/broke contact with. It is just crazy how much I have changed since freshman year of high school. I literally don’t even have stories from high school because I never did anything. I didn’t go to homecoming dances, I didn’t go to parties...I practically forced myself to go to prom just because pretty much my whole class was there, and why not? The reason is because i’m uncomfortable with myself. I feel invaluable around people, and so I do everything I can to avoid being around large groups of people.

Freshman year in high school I decided to try new things, so I went to events, and partied a little bit. I did very well in school, which motivated me to continue doing so ... eventually getting into nursing school (yay!). I got rid of toxic friends, and although it annoys me that I didn’t see how terrible they were until I got to college and had a good group of friends. There is no way I could have foreseen any of the things that have happened to me since becoming a teenager, but i’m glad I did. Now, I am closer to adulthood than I would ever liked to be, but I am quite excited to see what’s ahead of me. I have many aspirations, and can’t believe that I am partway there to completing them. I am doing well in quarantine, but really do hope we can eventually return to some form of normalcy. The semester ends in the upcoming week, and I know after a while I am going to get very bored of having nothing to do. I have thought multiple times about giving in and buying a switch, but I don’t know... I also wanted to pick up some new skills: roller skating, sewing, crotchet, learning how to do makeup, things like that. After reading and writing several essays (in science classes, which is really weird to me..), I realized how much I actually like to read. I also like listening to podcasts and different genres of music. I have literally listened to Alina Baraz’s album like 20 times in the past week...kind of scary, but it’s good shit. Anyway, i’m REALLY procrastinating, but because I hadn’t frequented my tumblr in a while, I thought I would be productive (oh the lies I tell myself) and write something here because at least i’m not playing BitLife on my phone. I have a serious problem when it comes to that game...I played for the entire day today even though I have an exam in 3 days that I have not started studying for. R.I.P

the mood of this song is exactly how I feel all of the time

I’ve started to just do things on my own so it doesn’t feel like a result of neglect, but instead a choice I’ve made for myself because I wanted to...at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

It just kind of sucks that whenever I’m really upset I have nobody to confide in. I can’t go to the counselor and stay the whole day while she listens to me groan about how empty and unwanted I feel.