Strange Interior

How could you not cry?

That the highest power of masculinity

Was a man graciously preforming duty

To the women who’s lives intersected his

Who used that power

To choose who fell first

From that 9th floor window

Dropping their bodies

To save them from a fiery death

Knowing there’s no other choice

Hearing their bones crack

As they hit the pavement

One after the other

Like over ripe fruit

On a windy day

How could you not cry?

How could you be so callous?

The textbooks would call it a tragedy

But never named the greed

That built the factory,

It was greed

that locked the doors

It was greed

that called the fire an accident

And it’s greed

that lines their pockets

But it was man

who let them burn

The purest devotion,

Was when the lovers jumped together

Arms locked

Choosing to fall right before the floor

Broke away

Never spending a second without one another

How could you not cry?

How the world teaches worth

On how little you flinch.

Do you remember the kid in class who cried at everything?

You’re looking at them.

Only now I feel it all inside

The textbook called sensitivity a flaw

Demanded objectivity

As if my heart could be sectioned off

The butchers cut of the lamb

I carry that weight

It rubs like the back of a shoe

I read how the world’s going to end

It’s still greed that lets the world burn

It’s still greed that trades lives for profit

And it’s still greed

That leaves us trapped

Without a fire escape

I think I caught up

But in truth,

I miss that ache in my chest

Just behind my ribs

Because it let me know

We were standing

In a forest clearing

I turned around to look

At some blue jay

And there you were.

But you were only

A little kid.

Long hair still

Curious eyes

Androgynous and free

I smiled.

You were looking at some ants

So we stood there for a while

Eventually

I looked away.

You looked older now.

Less free, avoidant.

Maybe you were twelve

Standing there

Looking at your shoes

Yet I remained the same.

And I couldn’t help but look away.

you grew again.

To the version of you I knew

When we first met

You looked at

My hands

And up

To me

Then just past

My shoulder

You seemed frozen.

Just stood there, staring.

I could hear the blue jay jeering

In the distance

I looked just past

Your shoulder

you grew to the version of you

I know now.

You looked me in the eye.

It felt like staring at the sun.

I asked

“I don’t understand?”

And all you said was

“What do you mean?

I’ve always been like this.”

And I looked at my shoes.

And you seemed to

They don’t tell you,

Music still plays,

After a car accident,

When the air smells of sulfur,

And your ears are still ringing.

Singing “Message in a Bottle”

One second,

And the next

You feel the force

Of an air bag.

At 200 miles an hour.

Get out

Get up

You’re alive.

Standing at the side of the road

It’s not your fault.

It wasn’t your fault.

They’re not getting out of the car.

Why haven’t they gotten out of the car?

You’re alive.

‘Message in a bottle, yeah’

Everything hurts

Why aren’t they getting out?

Call someone.

Do something .

Stop crying.

‘I’ll send an SOS to the world’

911

It wasn’t my fault.

What’s your emergency?

I need to be hugged.

I need a band aid.

‘Rescue me before I fall in to despair, oh’

The door opens

“Did you just not see me?”

Anger.

Stop crying.

I didn’t do anything wrong

‘I hope that someone gets my

Message-‘

I can’t look back

I was so close

Wait a little longer.

“Were you on your phone?”

Accusations.

Hold her hand

‘Message in a Bottle’

I need my mom

You’re alive.

Standing at the side of the road

I’m bleeding

She wasn’t bleeding.

Sirens blare

It hurts more than my wrist

‘Hundred billion bottles washed upon the shore’

Say “I like your tattoos”

Chemical burns.

‘Seems I’m not alone at being alone’

They turned off the car

“As long as you’re okay”

She’ll be okay.

Sodium hydroxide .

‘Sending out an SOS’

Take me home

Please

It hurts

Please

‘Sending out an SOS

Sending out an SOS

Sending out an SOS

SOS

SOS

Sos

I couldn’t like the color green

You could like pink or blue or maybe red

Green was gross.

It was for boys who ate leaves and picked their nose

Not for girls

Girls had to like pink because that’s the color of our book bags

and dresses

and Barbie dolls

I couldn’t like the color green

Because no one told me I could

I never really fit with The Girls™️

I don’t mean that in a “I’m not like other girls way”

Maybe at one time I did

I always blamed it on that I wasn’t pretty enough for them.

I didn’t have a playground boyfriend

That’s why I didn’t like pink

I couldn’t like the color green

Though I didn’t yet know why

I feel like I’ve been slowly sipping slightly sour milk

All this time

I wish I could set the glass down

But everyone has a glass

It would look weird to people if I didn’t have a glass

I didn’t know it was spoiled until I googled what milk was supposed to taste like

It’s not supposed to taste like much apparently

I couldn’t like the color green

Because my color was assumed for me

before I knew

I can only hope

That at the end of the day

I make people feel seen

That I am safe for other people

Because I am tired