Iām writing this because I can replay every instance of us together, every memory, every time you looked at me like I mightāve meant more than I do. Iām writing because this ache I feel when I donāt see you is too much and knowing that I long to see you is even worse. And Iām writing because of every time we talked about books together and every time I made you laugh.Ā Iām writing because of the way you look at me when Iām teaching or reading or talking about anything at all and you look completely interested in what I have to say. Iām writing because of the way I can hear your laughter so clearly in a room whenever I make a joke that no one else laughs at.Ā Iām writing for all of these moments where we were drawn to one another like a moth to the flame. Iām writing for the moments with you that live rent-free in my mind.
Iām writing for the bad too. Iām writing for that night you snapped at me. Iām writing for that night I told you I didnāt like your hot and cold behavior and for the months after that where you ignored me. Iām writing for the stolen glances across rooms where neither of us would look away. Iām writing for the way you hit on other girls in front ofĀ me but would glare at me when I'd hit on other men. Iām writing for the times I was asked to speak at an event and you wouldĀ look away like my presence bothered you. Iām writing for the times you acted like I didnāt exist in front of your friend group and for the way you made me feel small and insignificant. Iām writing for your short-temper and the times I cried over you.
And, oh, how I've cried over you.
