After finding one of his residents on the verge of tears, Jack Abbot realizes something about you. This series follows the small, intimate moments of what will be a very interesting relationship.
Dr. Jack Abbot x fem!reader, slowburn
Ongoing
Petroleum Pt. 1 - after a horrible shift, you have a heart felt conversation with none other than your chief attending
Petroleum Pt. 2 - Abbot wants to get to know you better, so he asks to borrow your favorite book
Petroleum Pt. 3 - a rainstorm hits and leaves the Pitt Crew in shambles
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authorâs note đ requested by @myst3ryin0rperated đ this ended up being way longer than planned, but honestly? tuck deserves the attention. i love parts of this, but iâm also not fully sure how i feel about it yet, so iâd love to know what you think <3
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The first time Tucker saw you, you almost took out an entire row of glasses at Maloneâs. Not one, not two, but an entire row.
It happened on a Friday night, which meant the bar was already packed with students pretending they didnât have assignments due, hockey players pretending they werenât exhausted from practice, and Della behind the counter pretending she wasnât five seconds away from throwing someone out for ordering another round only to forget what theyâd asked for immediately.
You were new, and that much was obvious. Not because you were bad at the job, exactly, but because you still had the bright, nervous energy of someone who hadnât yet learned that Maloneâs on a Friday night was less a bar and more a sticky-floored battlefield.
You came out from behind the counter with a tray balanced carefully in both hands, brows pinched in concentration as your bottom lip caught between your teeth. You were wearing black jeans and a Maloneâs blue shirt, your hair pulled back messily, as if youâd done it in a rush, and Tucker found himself noticing you before he could think better of it.
He noticed the way you smiled at a customer who was definitely being too loud. He noticed the way you thanked Della twice when she moved around you. He noticed how hard you were trying to do everything right.
And then you set the tray down on the bar too quickly, caught the edge of a napkin holder, and sent three clean glasses tipping into each other with a loud, terrible clatter.
Everyone at the table flinched. Dean was the first to turn around, Garrettâs attention snapped away from whatever Hannah was saying, and Logan started laughing before heâd even fully figured out what had happened.
You froze immediately.
âOh my god,â you said, hands flying up like you were surrendering to the glasses. âIâm so sorry. I swear Iâm usually less of a disaster when no oneâs watching.â
Della sighed, though there was already affection in it. âSweetheart, nobody expects grace here. Just survival.â
Dean grinned from the booth where he sat with the boys. âTen out of ten entrance.â
Garrett kicked him under the table without even looking at him.
You winced, cheeks burning, and immediately started gathering the glasses before any of them could fall off the bar.
Tucker was on his feet before heâd even thought about moving.
âHere,â he said, already grabbing a stack of napkins from the end of the counter and stepping closer. âI got it.â
You looked up at him, startled, like you hadnât expected someone to help instead of laugh. Something weird shifted in Tuckerâs chest.
âOh,â you said, your voice softening. âThank you.â
âDonât worry about it,â he said, steadying one of the glasses before it could roll off the edge. He gave you a small smile. âFirst Friday?â
âIs it that obvious?â
âOnly a little,â he said, smile tugging at his mouth.
Your mouth curved into an embarrassed but sweet smile, and Tucker noticed the way your whole face seemed to warm with it.
Dean, because of course he did, leaned over the booth and said, âCareful, Tuck. She might make you work for free.â
You glanced between them, your smile still lingering. âTuck?â
âTucker,â he said, handing over the glass heâd rescued. âJohn Tucker.â
You took it from him, your fingers brushing against his for half a second.
âIâm [Y/N],â you said. Then you looked down at the glasses, sighed, and added, âApparently also a public safety hazard.â
Tucker laughed, not because it was that funny, though it was, but because you were smiling at him like you were happy he had.
That was the first thing Tucker noticed. Not that you were the prettiest girl in the room, though you were. Not that you were the clumsy new waitress, though the boys would absolutely bring that up later. Not even that you were the transfer student Hannah had mentioned once, the one whoâd started working at Maloneâs because she needed extra money, and Della liked hiring people she could boss around.
The first thing was that you looked at Tucker like he was the one you were talking to â not the guy beside Dean, not Garrettâs friend, not one of the hockey boys. Him.
It was a stupid thing to notice, so of course Tucker noticed.
Over the next few weeks, you became part of Maloneâs the way some people became part of a song â slowly at first, then all at once.
You were there on Fridays and sometimes Saturdays, always with your hair tied back in a way that never lasted more than an hour before pieces started falling loose around your face. You learned the regularsâ orders faster than anyone expected. You learned Dellaâs moods, learned that Dean always said he wanted something different before ordering the same beer anyway, that Logan would steal fries from whoever sat too close, that Garrett was polite because Hannah elbowed him when he forgot, and that Allie always tipped too much because she knew what the job felt like.
And Tucker â you learned his drink by the third Friday. That shouldnât have affected him. It did anyway.
âYou want the usual?â you asked, already reaching for it as he and the boys slid into their booth after the game.
Dean stopped mid-sentence and turned slowly toward Tucker, wearing the most irritating smile imaginable. Logan looked absolutely delighted. Garrett looked like he was trying very hard not to seem delighted. Tucker ignored every single one of them.
âYou remembered?â he asked, which was the wrong thing to say because it made him sound surprised.
You blinked at him, then smiled. âYou order the same thing every time.â
âSo does Dean,â Tucker said.
âYeah, but Dean changes his mind three times before going back to the same thing. You have to prepare for that emotionally.â
Garrett laughed quietly into his drink.
Dean put a hand over his chest. âI feel attacked.â
âYou should,â Allie said, appearing beside him like sheâd been summoned by the opportunity to tease him. âIt was accurate.â
You grinned and slid Tucker his drink first, and he hated how quickly he liked itâhated how his eyes followed you when you walked away to help another table. Hated even more that Dean noticed immediately.
âOh, youâre so in trouble.â
Tucker glanced at him. âShut up.â
âI didnât even say anything specific,â Dean said.
âYou didnât need to.â
Logan leaned forward, as if this were crucial evidence. âShe gave you your drink first.â
âBecause I was sitting closest.â
âYou werenât,â Garrett said.
Tucker shot him a look. âArenât you supposed to be mature now?â
Garrett shrugged, his arm around Hannah. âIâm in a relationship, not dead.â
Across the room, you laughed at something Della said, nearly dropped a pen, caught it against your chest, and looked far too proud of yourself for saving it.
Tucker tried not to smile, and failed.
Dean pointed at Tuckerâs face as heâd just found evidence. âThat. Right there. Thatâs pathetic.â
Tucker picked up his drink, unimpressed. âYouâre literally dating Allie.â
âYes, and I became pathetic in public. Itâs part of the process.â
âIâm not becoming anything,â Tucker said.
âSure,â Dean said.
Tucker knew exactly what they thought.
He knew how it looked: new girl, pretty smile, sweet enough to make everyone in the room feel like she was happy to see them. Of course, he liked her. Everyone probably liked her. You were the kind of person people noticed because you made it easy for them. You asked questions, laughed without trying to seem cool, apologized to chairs when you bumped into them, and once gave a drunk sophomore a full pep talk because he looked sad over mozzarella sticks.
You were sunshine in a place that mostly smelled like beer and fried food.
Tucker told himself that was all it was: you were friendly, and he was interested because of it. It didnât mean you were interested back.
Girls usually went for guys like Dean: loud, confident, easy to flirt with because he did half the work for them. Or Garrett, with the captain thing and that accidental golden-boy charm, even though Hannah would probably murder anyone who tried. Or Logan, who looked like trouble and knew exactly how to make it work.
Tucker was the nice one, the safe one, the one girls asked to hold their coats while they danced with someone else.
Heâd made peace with that a long time ago â mostly. Then, on the fourth Friday, you proved you were going to be a problem.
It was later than usual, with the crowd thinning out around midnight and the booths left sticky and half-empty. Tucker had ended up at the bar while the others argued over whether to go back to the house or order food. You were wiping down the counter with your sleeves pushed up, cheeks flushed from the long shift.
âYouâre staring again,â you said, not even looking up.
Tucker blinked at you. âWhat?â
You glanced at him, eyes bright with amusement. âI said youâre staring.â
âI wasnât,â he said.
âYou were,â you said.
âI was just thinking,â he said.
âAbout the counter?â you asked.
âItâs a very interesting counter.â
You smiled, and Tucker felt stupidly pleased with himself for being the reason.
âYou always do that,â you said, still smiling.
âStare at counters?â he asked.
âNo,â you said, leaning your hip against the bar. âMake jokes when I catch you looking at me.â
Tuckerâs throat went dry.
That wasnât fair. You couldnât look that sweet and then say things like that.
âI have no idea what youâre talking about.â
You hummed like you didnât believe him, which was fair, considering he sounded ridiculous.
Dean appeared at Tuckerâs shoulder at the worst possible time, because of course he did. âHe never does.â
Tucker closed his eyes like he was praying for patience. âGo away.â
Dean grinned at you because, apparently, subtlety had never been an option. âHas he asked you out yet?â
Tuckerâs head snapped toward Dean. âJesus Christ.â
You froze for half a second before your face went pink.
Dean looked like Christmas had just come early.
âOh,â Dean said slowly, looking far too pleased. âInteresting.â
âDean,â Tucker said, warning clear in his voice.
You cleared your throat and turned back to the counter, trying to hide your smile. âDoes he need help with that?â
Tucker stared at you, Dean made a sound like heâd been shot, and Garrett yelled from the booth, âWhat happened?â
âNothing,â Tucker said, far too quickly.
Dean turned back toward the table. âTuckerâs dying.â
âIâm fine,â Tucker said.
You were still smiling down at the counter like you hadnât just caused chaos.
Tucker didnât recover for the rest of the night.
After that, things changed. Not dramatically, and not enough that anyone else wouldâve called it obvious â except maybe Dean, who called everything obvious if it helped him be annoying. But Tucker felt it.
You started lingering near him when the bar slowed down. You leaned across the counter when you talked to him, chin propped in your hand and eyes warm with focus. You asked about his classes. His practices. His stupid sandwich preference after Logan tried to convince you Tucker had âboring taste,â which somehow turned into a ten-minute argument about whether turkey counted as a personality flaw.
You also started touching him. Not much, just enough to ruin him.
Your fingers brushed his wrist when you set down his drink. Your knee bumped his when you sat beside him for five minutes during your break. Your hand landed briefly on his shoulder when you squeezed past him behind the bar, soft and apologetic and completely unnecessary.
Tucker told himself you were probably like that with everyone, right up until he watched you tell Dean to stop leaning over the bar because he was âruining the ecosystem,â and decided maybe you werenât.
By the sixth Friday, Della had started looking at both of you like she knew something neither of you had admitted yet.
That was also the night everything finally clicked into place.
The boys came in late after an away game, tired and loud, their faces flushed from the cold. Hannah and Allie were with them, bundled in coats and already claiming a booth while Dean declared he was starving with the drama of a man who hadnât eaten in years.
You were working closing again, and Tucker tried very hard not to look too happy about that. Failed, probably.
From behind the bar, you caught his eye and smiled so brightly that his chest went warm.
âThe usual?â you asked.
Dean groaned, as if he were personally offended. âThis is disgusting.â
You laughed, confused. âWhat?â
âHeâs smiling like an idiot,â Dean said.
Tucker elbowed him in the side.
You looked at Tucker, smile softening as you asked, âAre you?â
âNo,â Tucker said.
âHe is,â Logan called from the booth.
âHe absolutely is,â Garrett added from the booth.
Tucker stared at Garrett. âYou too?â
Garrett lifted his hands in surrender. âIâm just observing.â
You set his drink down in front of him, fingers brushing his for a second too long. âFor the record, I donât mind.â
Tucker forgot how to speak, and you walked away before he could find a response.
Dean leaned closer, his voice low enough that only Tucker could hear. âIf you donât ask her out tonight, Iâm doing it for you.â
âYou are not doing anything,â Tucker said.
âThen do something,â Dean said.
Tucker looked toward the bar, where you were reaching for a stack of napkins and laughing at something Hannah had said. You nearly knocked over a bottle with your elbow, caught it just in time, and then looked around to see if anyone had noticed.
Tucker had. You saw him seeing you, and your nose scrunched with embarrassment. He smiled before he could stop himself.
Dean sighed, as if this were personally exhausting. âGod, you two are unbearable.â
Tucker looked away, like that settled it. âSheâs just friendly.â
Dean stared at him.
âWhat?â
âAre you actually stupid?â
âWow. Very helpful.â
âIâm serious,â Dean said, glancing toward you before looking back at Tucker. âThat girl has been making heart eyes at you for a month.â
âSheâs nice to everyone,â Tucker said.
âShe threatened to pour soda on Logan last week,â Dean said.
Logan looked up from stealing Allieâs fries. âI deserved that.â
Dean continued, with the patience of someone explaining something painfully obvious, âShe likes you.â
Tucker shifted, uncomfortable under the weight of the words. âYou donât know that.â
Deanâs expression softened slightly, which was somehow worse. âTuck.â
âDonât,â Tucker said.
âIâm just saying,â Dean started.
âI know what youâre saying,â Tucker said, his voice coming out lower than he meant. âBut sheâs new. Sheâs nice. And she has all of you literally sitting here every week. Iâm not going to assume sheâs looking at me like that just because I want her to.â
For once, Dean went quiet.
Tucker regretted saying it immediately. Not because it wasnât true, because it was, but because heâd never said it out loud before. And, of course, because timing apparently wasnât on his side, he looked up and saw you standing a few feet away with a tray in your hands, your expression caught somewhere between surprise and something softer.
Tuckerâs stomach dropped. You had heard. Maybe not all of it, but enough.
You blinked once, then gave him a small smile, the kind that didnât quite reach your eyes. âDella said last call.â
Then you turned and walked back to the bar.
Dean leaned back slowly, the teasing finally slipping from his face.
Tucker dragged a hand over his face, guilt hitting all at once. âFuck.â
âYeah,â Dean said, quieter now. âThat one might be on you.â
The next twenty minutes were horrible. You werenât rude, and somehow, that made it worse. You were still sweet when you cleared the table, still smiling when Hannah hugged you goodbye, still telling Logan he couldnât take the basket of fries with him because it was ânot a souvenir.â But you didnât linger near Tucker, didnât brush his hand, didnât smile at him first.
By the time the others left, Dean gave him one very pointed look from the door. Tucker ignored it, mostly because he deserved it.
He stayed behind while you wiped down the bar, sitting at the end with his coat folded beside him like he wasnât sure where else to put himself. Della had disappeared into the back, clearly on purpose, and without the usual noise, the bar felt strange. Softer. Too quiet.
You didnât look at him for a while, and Tucker let you have that.
Eventually, you set the rag down with a sigh. âAre you waiting for Della or me?â
âYou,â he said. You glanced up, and he swallowed. âIf thatâs okay.â
You looked at him for a moment before nodding. âOkay.â
âIâm sorry.â You seemed surprised by that, so Tucker kept going before he could lose his nerve. âFor what I said earlier. You werenât supposed to hear it.â
âWould it be better if I hadnât heard it?â
âNo,â he said, looking down at his hands before meeting your eyes again. âProbably not.â
You crossed your arms and leaned against the bar. âDo you really think Iâm just being nice?â
Tucker hated how gentle your voice was.
âI think you are nice,â he said.
âThatâs not what I asked.â
A small smile tugged at his mouth before he could stop it. âNo, it wasnât.â
You waited, giving him time to answer.
Tucker exhaled slowly. âI donât know what I think. I guess Iâm trying not to assume.â
âAssume what?â you asked.
âThat youâd choose me.â
The words settled between you, quiet and honest and too exposed.
Your expression softened when you said his name. âTucker.â
He let out a short laugh, but there was no humor in it. âI know. It sounds stupid.â
âIt doesnât,â you said.
âIt kind of does,â he said.
âNo,â you said, walking slowly around the bar until you were standing in front of him. âIt sounds like you donât see yourself clearly.â
He looked at you then. Really looked. Your face was still flushed from work, hair coming loose around your cheeks, your eyes tired but warm. There was nothing teasing in them now.
âYou keep acting like Iâm looking past you,â you said, voice soft. âIâm not.â
Tucker went completely still.
You swallowed, a little nervous now, and somehow that made the words hit even harder. âI saw all of them first. I still looked at you.â
For a second, Tucker couldnât speak. Heâd imagined you saying a lot of things. Not that. Never that.
â[Y/N],â Tucker said quietly.
Your smile wobbled slightly. âToo much?â
âNo,â he said, voice rough. âNo, not too much.â
Della chose that moment to appear from the back, took one look at the two of you, and turned right back around. âI forgot absolutely nothing. Continue.â
You laughed, breaking the tension just enough for Tucker to breathe again.
He stood and grabbed his coat. âLet me walk you home.â
Your eyes lifted to his, softer now. âOkay.â
Outside, the cold air hit your face, and you pulled your jacket tighter around yourself. Tucker walked beside you, close enough for your shoulders to brush every few steps, but not close enough to crowd you. The streets around Briar were quieter now, wrapped in the kind of late-night stillness that made every little sound feel louder â your shoes on the sidewalk, Tuckerâs breath in the cold, the distant noise from another bar down the street.
For a minute, neither of you said anything, and then you laughed softly.
Tucker looked over at you. âWhat?â
âI just realized I basically confessed to you in front of a bar counter that still smelled like spilled beer.â
His mouth twitched like he was trying not to smile. âVery romantic.â
âIâve always been known for my elegance.â
âYou did knock over four glasses the first night I met you.â
âThree,â you said, pointing at him. âIt was three.â
âOne almost fell off the counter,â he said. âIâm counting it.â
âYouâre cruel,â you said, trying not to smile.
âI did help.â
âYou did,â you said, your voice softening. âThatâs why I remembered you.â
Tuckerâs chest tightened at that.
You kept walking for a few more steps before adding, âEveryone else laughed. Not in a mean way, but still. You just helped.â
âIt wasnât exactly heroic.â
âIt was to me,â you said quietly.
He didnât know what to do with that, so he shoved his hands deeper into his pockets and looked down at the sidewalk like it might tell him what to say.
You smiled at him, and somehow Tucker felt it even without looking.
By the time you reached your apartment building, the tension had changed shape again. It was still soft, still warm, but there was something electric underneath it now, something that had been building for weeks across bar counters, half-finished conversations, and every smile youâd given him like it wasnât ruining his day in the best way.
You stopped when you reached the door.
âThis is me,â you said.
Tucker nodded, like he knew that and still wasnât ready to leave. âYeah.â
Neither of you moved. Then you looked up at him. âDo you want to come in?â
His eyes lifted to yours. The question was quiet, but there was nothing unclear about it.
Tuckerâs voice dropped when he asked, âDo you want me to?â
You stepped closer, your eyes still on his. âYes.â
That was all Tucker needed.
The elevator ride was silent, broken only by your uneven breathing and the small ding of each floor passing. Tucker stood beside you with his hands at his sides, not touching you yet, though the restraint in him was obvious. You could feel it â in the tight line of his jaw, in the way his eyes kept flicking to your mouth before he forced them away, in the way he seemed to be waiting until you were somewhere private before letting himself want you properly.
Somehow, it only made you want him more.
Your apartment was small and warm, a little messy in a way that made you immediately wince as you unlocked the door.
âDonât judge,â you said as you stepped inside. âI wasnât expecting company.â
Tucker looked around at the books stacked on the coffee table, the blanket slipping off the couch, the mug in the sink, and the tiny lamp glowing in the corner before looking back at you.
âI like it,â he said softly.
You smiled at him. âYouâre very easy to impress.â
âOnly when itâs you,â he said.
The words were quiet and simple, and they stole the air from your chest.
You closed the door behind him, then turned the lock.
Tuckerâs eyes dropped to the movement, and his expression shifted. When he looked back at you, something had changed. He was still Tucker â still warm, still steady â but the softness in him had sharpened into something more focused.
You swallowed, voice suddenly smaller. âHi.â
His mouth curved, just barely. âHi.â
âYouâre standing very far away,â you said.
âIâm trying to be respectful,â he said.
You stepped closer, eyes on his. âYou can stop.â
His eyes darkened at that. âYeah?â
You nodded, not trusting your voice.
Tucker moved then, closing the small space between you in two steps. His hand came up to your jaw, gentle at first, like he was giving you one last second to lean away.
You leaned into his touch.
After that, the kiss wasnât gentle. It was warm, deep, and immediate, like weeks of almosts had finally found somewhere to land. Tuckerâs hand slid into your hair, the other settling at your waist as he pulled you close enough for your chest to press against his. A soft sound slipped out against his mouth, and Tuckerâs grip tightened.
âThere you are,â Tucker murmured against your mouth.
Your stomach flipped at the sound of his voice.
You kissed him harder, your hands sliding up his chest and feeling the solid warmth of him beneath his jacket. Tucker walked you back until your spine met the wall near the door, his body caging yours in without ever making you feel trapped.
âYou have no idea how long Iâve wanted to do this,â he said, his mouth brushing your jaw.
Your head tipped back as his lips moved to your neck. âI wanted you to.â
His hand tightened briefly at your waist.
âYeah?â His voice dropped lower. âWanted me to walk you home?â
âYes,â you breathed.
âWanted me to come upstairs too?â
âYes,â you breathed.
His mouth hovered near your ear, voice low. âWanted me to touch you?â
Your breath caught before you could answer. âTuckââ
He kissed the spot just beneath your jaw, pulling a sound from you that was almost a whimper.
His voice went rough. âSay it.â
You swallowed, your fingers curling into his shirt. âYes. I wanted you to touch me.â
He groaned, low and restrained, before his mouth found yours again, hungrier this time. Your hands pushed at his jacket, clumsy with urgency, and Tucker helped you pull it off before shrugging out of it and tossing it somewhere near the couch.
You laughed breathlessly as it knocked into a chair.
âSorry,â you breathed.
âDonât care,â Tucker murmured, already kissing you again.
Your back hit the wall hard enough to make your whole body light up, but not enough to hurt. Tuckerâs thigh slid between yours, and the second you rocked down against it without thinking, his hand tightened on your hip.
âFuck,â he breathed against your mouth. âYouâre going to make me forget how to be nice.â
Your lips curved against his. âMaybe I donât want nice.â
His eyes lifted to yours, and there it was again â that quiet intensity.
âI can do both,â Tucker said, voice low.
The words went straight through you, sharp and warm all at once.
His hands slipped beneath your shirt, his palms warm against your skin. He touched you slowly at first, almost reverent, like he was trying to memorize the shape of you. Then your hips moved against his thigh again, and his control slipped just enough that his fingers pressed into your waist.
âYouâre so pretty,â he murmured, voice rough. âIâve been thinking that since the first night.â
âWhen I dropped the glasses?â you asked.
âEspecially then,â he said, like it was obvious.
You laughed, only for it to break into a gasp when his mouth found your neck again, his teeth grazing lightly before his tongue soothed the spot.
âTucker,â you breathed.
âI know,â he murmured, his hand moving higher until his fingers brushed the underside of your breast through your bra. âTell me if you want me to stop.â
You shook your head quickly, voice barely steady. âNo.â
âNo?â he asked, voice low.
âDonât stop,â you whispered.
His eyes darkened at that, and then he kissed you like those words had undone something in him. The warm, steady Tucker from Maloneâs was still there, but this version of him felt different â more confident, more direct. His hands knew exactly where they wanted to go, his mouth knew how to make you melt, and every quiet groan he gave you made your knees a little less reliable.
He pushed your shirt up slowly, and you lifted your arms for him. The second your shirt hit the floor, his gaze dropped to your chest, and his jaw flexed.
âJesus,â he breathed.
You almost made a joke. Almost. But the way he looked at you made it hard to hide behind one.
His hands came up to cover your breasts through your bra, thumbs brushing slowly over the thin fabric. Your back arched off the wall as a soft moan slipped out before you could stop it.
Tuckerâs mouth parted slightly, his voice rough. âDonât hide that.â
âWhat?â you breathed.
âThose sounds,â he said, his thumb moving again just to make your breath catch. âI want to hear them.â
Your cheeks warmed, but your body answered before your mouth could, another quiet whimper slipping out when he leaned down and kissed the top of your breast.
âLike that?â Tucker asked, voice low.
âYes,â you breathed, your fingers tightening in his shirt. âLike that.â
He undid your bra carefully, sliding the straps down your arms before letting it fall between you. His eyes moved over you more slowly this time, and something about the softness in his face made your chest ache.
Then his mouth closed around your nipple, pulling a moan from you as your head knocked back against the wall.
Tucker groaned against your skin, one hand firm at your waist while the other covered your breast, fingers rolling your nipple until you started shifting against him, needy and restless.
âYouâre so responsive,â Tucker murmured, kissing across your chest. âDo you have any idea what that does to me?â
You swallowed, surprising yourself with how steady it sounded. âTell me.â
His eyes flicked up, and for a second, he looked surprised. Then his expression shifted, a small, almost dangerous smile tugging at his mouth.
âIt makes me want to take my time,â he said, voice low. âMakes me want to find out every way to make you sound like that again.â
Your thighs pressed together, and Tucker noticed immediately. Of course he did. His hand slid down your stomach, fingers pausing at the button of your jeans.
âCan I?â he asked, voice low.
âYes,â you whispered.
He unbuttoned your jeans slowly, eyes fixed on your face as he pushed the denim down your hips. You kicked them off awkwardly, nearly tripping in the process, and Tucker caught you with a quiet laugh, his hands steady on your waist.
âStill clumsy,â he murmured.
âYouâre very distracting,â you said.
âGood,â he murmured.
You were about to answer, but then his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of your underwear, and every thought disappeared.
He touched you over your panties first, two fingers pressing against the wet fabric, and his breath caught.
âFuck,â he breathed. âYouâre wet.â
Your face burned at the way he said it. âYou sound surprised.â
âIâm not,â he said, fingers moving slowly over your clit through the soaked material. âJust trying to process the fact that you wanted me this badly.â
âI did,â you whispered.
The admission came out soft and honest.
Tuckerâs eyes lifted to yours. You held his gaze, even though it made you feel exposed.
âI wanted you,â you said again, softer this time.
Something shifted in his face. Then he kissed you hard, fingers pushing your underwear aside and sliding through your wetness. The first touch of his skin against your cunt pulled a gasp from you, your hips bucking toward his hand before you could stop them.
âThere you go,â he murmured, voice rough with satisfaction. âThatâs what I wanted.â
His fingers circled your clit slowly, steady and precise, and you clung to his shoulders as pleasure sparked low in your stomach.
âTuck,â you whimpered, fingers tightening on his shoulders.
âRight here,â he murmured, his forehead touching yours. âIâve got you.â
He slid one finger into you, eyes fixed on the way your lips parted, then added another when your hips rolled against his hand. The stretch pulled a louder moan from you, and Tuckerâs jaw tightened like the sound was testing every bit of his restraint.
âFuck,â he breathed, voice rough. âYou sound so pretty.â
His touch grew deeper and more deliberate, his thumb finding you again as you stayed pressed against the wall, nearly bare while Tucker was still fully dressed. The imbalance should have made you embarrassed.
It didnât. Not with him looking at you like that, not with his hand between your thighs, his mouth at your jaw, and his voice low in your ear.
âTell me what feels good,â he murmured.
Your breath shook around the answer. âYour fingers.â
âYeah?â he murmured.
âYes,â you breathed, gripping his shirt tighter. âRight there. Donât stop.â
His fingers curled again, and a moan broke from you into the quiet room.
âThatâs it,â he murmured, voice rough. âLet me hear you.â
The pleasure built faster than you expected, heat tightening through your stomach and thighs, but just before it could break, Tucker pulled his fingers away.
A frustrated sound slipped out of you. âWhyââ
He dropped to his knees, and your mouth went dry as Tucker looked up at you from the floor, hands sliding up the backs of your thighs.
âIâm not done with you yet.â It should not have sounded as hot as it did.
Then he pulled your underwear down, slow and deliberate, before lifting one of your legs over his shoulder.
âTucker,â you breathed, fingers tightening in his hair.
His mouth pressed against the inside of your thigh. âHold onto me.â
Your fingers slid into his hair, and then his mouth found your cunt.
The first stroke of his tongue made your whole body jerk, a sharp moan slipping out as his hands tightened on your thighs. He ate you like heâd been waiting weeks for it, slow and deep at first, tongue dragging through your wetness before flattening over your clit.
âOh my god,â you gasped.
He hummed against you, the vibration making your knees buckle slightly, and Tucker held you up.
His mouth worked over you with a patience that felt almost unfair, tongue circling your clit, lips sucking softly while his fingers dug into your thigh every time you tugged his hair. You could feel how wet you were, could hear it too, and the sound made your face burn even as your hips started moving against his mouth.
âTuckâfuck, right there,â you gasped.
He groaned like the words had gone straight through him, focusing there until the pleasure turned sharp and bright. Your head fell back against the wall, one hand still buried in his hair while the other braced beside you.
You were close, close enough that your thighs started trembling.
âTucker,â you gasped. âIâmââ
He didnât stop. He didnât slow down. He only held you tighter, mouth sealed over your clit until you came with a broken moan, hips jerking against him as pleasure rolled through you. He stayed with you through it, easing the pressure when you started to shake and pressing kisses to your inner thigh when you finally whimpered from the sensitivity.
When he stood again, his mouth was wet and his eyes were dark.
You could only stare at him.
He wiped his thumb across his lower lip before leaning in to kiss you. You tasted yourself on his tongue, moaning into his mouth as Tucker made a rough sound against you.
âBedroom,â he said, voice rough.
You nodded quickly.
The walk there was not graceful. You bumped into the side table, Tucker knocked into the doorframe, and you both laughed against each otherâs mouths until the laughter turned into another kiss the second you reached your room.
Tucker pulled his shirt off, and you finally got to touch him properly.
He was warm beneath your palms, solid and broad, and his stomach tightened when your fingers dragged lower toward his belt.
âYou okay?â you asked, a small smile tugging at your mouth.
His eyes met yours, dark and unsteady. âIâve been better.â
You laughed, but then your hand brushed over the hard outline of him through his jeans, and his smile vanished.
âOh,â you whispered, your smile fading too.
Tucker caught your wrist gently, his voice rough. âCareful.â
You looked up at him, pulse jumping. âOr what?â
His expression shifted again, that quiet confidence settling over him like he knew exactly what you were doing.
âOr Iâm gonna fuck you against that wall before we even make it to the bed.â
Your stomach dropped, but you held his gaze. âMaybe Iâd like that.â
For a second, neither of you moved. Then Tucker kissed you hard enough that you stumbled backward.
Your back hit the bedroom wall, his body pressing close while his hands lifted you by the backs of your thighs. You wrapped your legs around his waist on instinct, and Tucker groaned when you rolled your hips against him.
âCondom?â he asked, his voice strained.
âNightstand,â you said, breathless.
He carried you to the nightstand just long enough to grab one before returning you to the wall, laughing low when you kissed his neck impatiently.
âEager,â he murmured.
âYouâre the one who mentioned the wall,â you said.
âI did,â he said, voice low.
âThen stop talking,â you breathed.
Tuckerâs mouth curved, slow and dangerous. âYes, maâam.â
He shoved his jeans down just enough to roll the condom on, then stepped between your thighs again, one hand sliding over your hip while his other arm kept you steady against the wall.
The head of his cock brushed through your wetness, and for a second, both of you went quiet.
Your fingers dug into his shoulders, voice barely steady. âTuck.â
His forehead pressed to yours. âI know.â
He pushed in slowly, inch by inch, stretching you open while holding you like you were something precious and something he wanted badly enough to ruin all at once. The angle was intense, your back against the wall, legs wrapped around his waist, his body doing all the work as he filled you completely.
Your mouth fell open, breath catching in your throat.
Tucker groaned, the sound rough against your mouth. âFuck, you feel good.â
âYou too,â you breathed, fingers digging into his shoulders. âYou feel so good.â
His eyes squeezed shut for a second before he started moving. Slow at first. Controlled. Deep enough that every thrust stole your breath, his hips pinning you to the wall while his hands kept you steady. You were still sensitive from his mouth, still wet and aching, and every drag of his cock pulled another moan from you.
âTucker,â you gasped.
âI know,â he murmured, his mouth brushing your jaw. âIâve got you.â
âYou keep saying that,â you breathed.
âBecause I do,â he said, voice steady.
Your chest tightened, but then his hips snapped a little harder, and the feeling turned back into heat.
âOh, fuck,â you gasped.
âThere?â he asked, his voice rough.
âYes,â you gasped.
He adjusted his grip, holding you higher before hitting the same spot again, and your head fell back against the wall with a moan.
Tuckerâs eyes locked on your face. âThatâs it.â
His pace built slowly, not rushed but intense, every thrust dragging sounds from you that you couldnât hold back. The wall was cold against your back, his skin hot against yours, and your whole world narrowed to Tuckerâs hands, Tuckerâs mouth, Tuckerâs cock moving inside you like heâd been waiting weeks to prove exactly how well he could ruin you.
âYou have no idea how hard it was,â he murmured against your throat, âwatching you smile at me from across that bar.â
A whimper slipped out of you before you could stop it.
âThinking you were just being nice,â he said, hips driving into yours harder until you gasped. âThinking I was making it up.â
âI wasnât,â you breathed, clinging tighter to his shoulders. âI wasnât looking at them.â
Tuckerâs grip tightened, and you pulled his face to yours, kissing him messily. âI wanted you.â
He groaned against your mouth.
The next thrust nearly tore a cry out of you.
âSay that again,â he rasped.
âI wanted you.â The next thrust hit harder, stealing the rest of the sentence from you. âTuckerââ
âAgain.â
âI wanted you,â you moaned, nails dragging down his shoulders. âI wanted you so badly.â
That broke something in him. His pace turned rougher, still controlled but less careful now, hips snapping into yours as he held you against the wall. You clung to him, moaning his name, letting him hear every gasp and broken sound because he seemed to need them as badly as you needed the way he moved.
âTouch yourself,â he said suddenly, and your breath hitched.
His eyes met yours, dark and intent.
âI want to feel you come around me.â
Your hand slipped between your bodies, fingers finding your clit, and the first circle made your whole body jolt. Tucker cursed, forehead dropping to yours as you clenched around him.
âFuck, thatâs it.â
Your fingers moved faster, clumsy from how badly you were shaking, but the pressure built quickly with him still fucking into you, his voice low and constant in your ear.
âLook at you,â he murmured against your ear. âYouâre so pretty. Doing so good for me.â
Your breath broke.
âCome on, baby.â His grip tightened. âLet me feel it.â
The orgasm hit hard, your body tightening around him as your moan broke into something helpless. Tucker held you through it, thrusting deep and uneven as you pulsed around him, until he followed with a rough groan, hips jerking as he came.
He stayed there for a moment, breathing hard against your neck, holding you up like letting go was not an option. Then he laughed softly.
You opened your eyes, still trying to catch your breath. âWhat?â
âNothing,â he said, his mouth brushing your shoulder. âJust thinking Deanâs never going to shut up if he finds out.â
You laughed, still breathless and warm. âThen donât tell him.â
âHeâll know,â Tucker said.
âWhy?â you asked, smiling against his skin.
Tucker pulled back just enough to look at you, his smile softer now. âBecause Iâm not going to be able to stop smiling.â
Your heart did something stupid in your chest.
After that, he carried you to the bed and set you down carefully before disappearing to clean up. When he came back, he had a damp cloth in his hand, cleaning you gently and murmuring an apology when your thighs twitched from sensitivity.
âYou okay?â he asked softly.
You nodded, still a little breathless. âVery okay.â
His mouth curved. âGood.â
He lay beside you, and for a second, a strange shyness settled between you again. Not awkward. Just new.
You turned onto your side to face him. âYou can stay.â
His eyes softened at that. âYeah?â
âIf you want.â
âI want,â he said, without hesitation, and the answer came fast enough to make you smile.
Tucker pulled the blanket over both of you, and you curled into his side like it already felt familiar. His arm came around you, warm and steady, fingers tracing slow lines down your back.
For a while, neither of you said anything. Then you whispered, âI meant it, you know.â
His hand paused against your back. âWhat?â
âI saw all of them,â you said, tilting your head up to look at him. âI still looked at you.â
Tucker stared at you for a second, something tender and disbelieving crossing his face. Then he kissed you, soft this time, slow, like he finally believed you.
The next morning, Tucker woke with your leg thrown over his and your face tucked against his chest.
For a second, he didnât move. He just looked at you â at the sunlight slipping through your curtains, your hair messy against his skin, the tiny crease between your brows like you were arguing with someone in your sleep.
He smiled before he could stop himself, which, as it turned out, was exactly the problem. Because when he finally left your apartment in yesterdayâs clothes and walked into the hockey house just before noon, Dean was sitting on the couch with a bowl of cereal.
Dean looked up. Tucker froze. The spoon stopped halfway to Deanâs mouth as a slow, terrible smile spread across his face.
âNo way.â
Tucker sighed. âDonât.â
Logan appeared from the kitchen immediately, because he had a sixth sense for chaos. âWhat? What happened?â
Dean pointed his spoon at Tucker. âOur boy didnât come home last night.â
Garrett looked over from the table, his brows lifting.
Loganâs face lit up. â[Y/N]?â
Tucker tried to walk past them. âIâm leaving.â
âYou just got here,â Dean said, delighted.
âThen Iâm leaving again.â
Garrett laughed under his breath. âGood for you, man.â
That was somehow worse than the teasing. Tucker shook his head, but he was smiling, and Dean noticed, because Dean noticed everything that made life unbearable.
âOh, he likes her likes her.â
âShut up.â
Logan grinned, leaning in like this was the best news heâd heard all week. âDid she finally get tired of waiting for you to make a move?â
Tucker paused at the stairs. Thought about your smile, your apartment, your voice saying, I still looked at you. Then he turned just enough to say, âActually, she made the move.â
The room exploded. Dean yelled, Logan swore, and Garrett laughed properly this time.
Tucker headed upstairs before any of them could ask anything else, but he still heard Dean call after him.
Dr. Jack Abbot x fem!reader, no use of y/n, reader is a resident, slowburn, age gap intended but not explicitly said, not proofread, I don't work in the medical field lol
A little rain never hurt nobody.
Petroleum Pt. 1, Petroleum Pt. 2
The flickering of the lights was barely detectable. Didn't even last long enough to raise any concern. It was just a small glitch that fixed itself on the monitor; everyone went back to work like normal.
However, Jack Abbot had a sixth sense. He knew that little glitch was gonna bite the night shift's ass. A few hours passed, and the rustling of the wind was getting stronger; the whole building was starting to sway with every gust.
Jack Abbot had to prepare.
"Okay! Everybody listen up! We are gonna be in the middle of the storm," his presence was straightforward and commanding.
"What? Did the news say anything?" Ellis asked, pulling out her phone to check the weather app.
"No, but the winds are picking up, and in a few hours the rain will kick in. We must remain vigilant for incoming trauma."
You felt a flash of heat creep over your body as you watched him be stern and composed.
Lena, the charge nurse, puts the weather news on the screen for everyone to follow throughout the night.
Like a fortuneteller or a weatherman, Jack Abbot predicted the rainfall, and it was getting harder and harder. You always liked the rain, the way it reminded you of home.
This was different. It sounded dangerous, like the roof was one blow from being torn apart.
"Incoming! Car accident, driver is stable, but the passenger is in critical condition, eta 15 mins." Lena yelled out.
You and Dr. Abbot were the first to head out into the medical bay, awaiting the traumas. He was wearing an actual raincoat, the clear ones that swish when you move. He had the hood on and everything.
"Where is your jacket?" You thought he was teasing, but the look on his face indicated that he was serious.
"... at Central," you said, shivering in the cold.
Jack Abbot shook his head and said,
"We can't have you getting sick now."
Sometimes you couldn't tell when he was flirting and when he wasn't.
"Oh, I'm almost done with your book." He said.
You're shocked, that was only 3 days ago when he asked to borrow it.
"Already? It took me at least a week."
"I just couldn't put it down," he shrugged.
Now your mind is going through all the notes you wrote in the margins, every word you circled or highlighted.
He notices the glint in your eyes as you talk about the book, and he wishes he could keep the conversation going, but your traumas had arrived.
You quickly wheeled the driver as he took the passenger. A married couple caught in the storm on their way home from the movies.
The two of you and the rest of the EMTs were moving as quick as you could when one of the night nurses yelled out for a doctor to triage, and the lights were flickering crazily.
The storm was doing things to the ER. There was a static tension as everyone tried to treat their patients in the chaos.
The board and monitors were glitching more and more. It was harder to focus on the task at hand while the ER looked like a horror movie.
Then a big boom of thunder cascaded throughout the Pitt.
"SHIT!" Jack Abbot yelled out from the other Trauma room.
The power went out.
"Forget the tech, we gotta do this the old-fashioned way." He said, frustrated at the unclear airway and the lack of light.
"The Pitt is going analog," Shen adds.
The Pitt crew waited for the backup generators, but couldn't risk wasting time.
After you treated your driver, you had to check in on Dr. Abbot, who somehow performed a perfect crike in the dark.
"Dr. Abbot, do you need me?" You ask.
Your voice alone calmed him down. Jack Abbot felt his nervous system regulate.
He didn't really need you at this moment. Shen and Ellis were both in here, but he couldn't help but need you in the same room as him.
"Yeah, Shen, go check on the patients in C-2 and 4. I need you here to assist me with the leg.
Shen didn't put up a fight, but you knew for a fact that Ellis was making that face when she thought something was up.
"I hope you're not afraid of the dark," he jokes.
-------
At Central, the nurses were questioning how long the blackout was going to be. There were battery-operated lanterns and lamps scattered all around the ER, illuminating the space just enough.
By the time Jack Abbot managed to get the passenger into surgery, all eyes were on him.
Part of him wished that Robby were the one dealing with a blackout, but he also knew that he was better at handling stuff like this anyway.
"That was gnarly, but we got him stabilized. I know this isn't ideal, and we should've prepared better, but there's nothing we can do about it now. Charlie, can you get the flashlights from storage and hand them to everyone? Lena, try maintenance again. Ask em how long we'll be out of power for. Attendings! Residents! I need all of you to write everything down, and I mean everything. The best we can do is treat those we can and discharge as soon as we can. Once we get hold of the phone, we can coordinate with Presby. Okay, dismissed." Jack Abbot could feel the fatigue creeping in.
While you were discharging some patients at triage, you realized how much work you all had to do once the power was back on. It was double the paperwork that you were already dreading.
"What's going on with you and Abbot?" You gasped as Ellis crept up behind you.
"Nothing is going on with me and Dr. Abbot." You tried to sound calm.
"I highly doubt that. He's different around you."
"Maybe I'm just his favorite resident."
"No doubt about it." She laughs.
"Seriously, Parker, nothing is going on. He's our chief attending." You state.
Before she could say anything, the power came back on.
"Oh, you're blushing!" She laughed even harder.
-------
It was a terrifying 2 hours without power and an agonizing 3 hours of logging each patient's data back into the computer. By the time you realized your shift was over, the day shift was beginning to trickle in.
The nurses were bright and early as always, slipping away from your station. You quietly packed your things and wondered where Dr. Abbot was.
"Hey, Dana? Do you know where Dr. Abbot is?"
She pushed her glasses down the bridge of her nose, and said
"Rooftop, honey. Didn't look so happy when I came in."
You thanked her and made your trek to his favorite spot.
"I don't need a speech, brother. Just need the day to be over." He said, staring out at the sunrise.
"Isn't it crazy how the day is just starting for normal people?" You say.
Jack Abbot whips around at the sound of your voice,
"Then there's us."
"Then there's us. You were amazing tonight." You praised him. Come to think of it, this was the first time you praised him to his face.
"So were you," he said, leaning on the railing.
You looked at him like actually looked at him. The wrinkles and salt and pepper hair. The exhaustion on his face, the shimmer in his eye.
"Watching you tonight was something else."
"Oh, you were watching me?"
You blushed and softly punched his shoulder.
"I'm always watching you, Dr. Abbot."
A beat. A moment. An opportunity.
"Jack. Just call me Jack, our shift ended 10 minutes ago." His voice was low and intentional.
"Well, I hope you get some much-needed rest, Jack. I'll text you some possible book recs when you finish." It was your turn to make the cool exit.
When you do, you see Dr. Robby making his way to Jack. He gives you a smile, and you wave back.
When Robby and Jack make eye contact, Jack shakes his head.
Dr. Jack Abbot x fem!reader, no use of y/n, reader is a resident, slowburn, age gap intended but not explicitly said, not proofread, I don't work in the medical field lol
As the EMT, rushed into the Pitt you and Ellis were the first to tend to the Frat boy.Â
âDown time unknown. BP 98 over 60. His SATs are dropping.â One of the EMTs stated.Â
âOkay, I need Glucose now. CT on standby.â You say, wheeling him into one of the rooms.Â
Shen strolled into Trauma with his second cup of coffee,Â
âA frat bro found on the steps of the frat house? Thatâs messy.âÂ
The room was making you claustrophobic. The crinkling of the sterile packaging, and the clanging of metal was enough to overstimulate any person, but as a doctor you have a life to save. Overstimulation is never an option.Â
âPupilâs unresponsive,â you state.Â
Dr. Abbot came in to observe, his gown haphazardly thrown on. His gaze naturally found you. Gliding through the room like a ballerina, bagging the patient with precision and an exactness he expects from a senior resident. The steadiness of your hands and your anchored breathing, if you were overwhelmed, it wasn't noticeable.
The tox results came in for your frat patient, and there were high levels of alcohol confirming that his fall couldâve been accidental.Â
âCT is back, could be a possible head bleed.â You call out, taking Dr. Abbot out his trance.Â
âThere wasnât a noticeable head wound.â Ellis rebuttals.Â
âDoesnât matter. He was unconscious, pupils unequal. He couldâve fallen or kicked in the head.â You said.Â
You and Ellis paused for a millisecond,Â
âYou gotta page neuro. See if they can take him,â Dr. Abbot finally chimes in.Â
He thinks about your conversation from this morning. He couldnât believe your sentiments on not wanting to be a doctor when youâre clearly good at what you do.Â
After the patient was brought up to neuro, the chaos subsided. Dr. Abbot found you at Central, working on your paperwork.Â
âYou did good, kidâ He says, trying not to linger too long.Â
âOh, uh. Ellis did most of the work.â you say.Â
From where heâs standing, he can see a necklace tucked into your scrubs. Gold. He wants to know the charm that dangles over your chest.
He's pulled from his thoughts when he hears Lena clear her throat,
"We have an incoming trauma, eta 10 mins."
"What are we dealing with?" You and Dr. Abbot say at the same time, causing you both to give each other a small smile.
The rest of the night was calm, or at least as calm as the ER can get during the night shift. You could feel the weight of the work on your lower back and the balls of your feet.
"What's your favorite book?" His voice was clear and close.
You flinched at the sudden disruption in the locker room,
"My favorite book?"
Why would Dr. Abbot want to know your favorite book?
He nodded, pulling things out of his locker. Unbeknownst to him, you kept a few books in your locker just in case things were ever slow. They never were.
Pulling your favorite book out, creased and adorned with a million Post-it notes, you flip through it with a rush of adrenaline.
"This is probably in my top 5-" Dr. Abbot takes it from your hands, fingers brushing over yours longer than when he gave you the coffee.
"Can I borrow it?" He asked plainly, flipping through your annotations.
"Why?"
"Because, reading your notes is the closest I'll get to reading your mind."
You're blushing. You can feel the heat on your cheeks and pool around your neck.
You let him take the book, and before leaving, he promised he wouldn't damage it.
I will most likely post a new chapter for Petroleum (series title tbd) soon!
Thank you again for enjoying it! I need to do some research on medical jargon and stuff to capture the essence of the show as much as I can so bear with me!
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"Do you know who Ethel Cain is?" you asked, staring at the boards.
Whitaker looked over his wrong shoulder before he found you on his right,
"Umm, no. Is she a patient? I can look after her if you need me to," he offered innocently.
Honestly, what did you expect?
You let out a chuckle, "No, she's a singer."
He makes that face you make when you're embarrassed.
"Right..." he said softly.
"You remind me of one of her songs-"
"Y/N! Mrs. Goodman is looking for you in C-2!" Dana calls out for you.
Before Whitaker could ask you which one, you were gone.
20 minutes later, he was treating a patient with a deep head wound when Santos came by, pouching for a good case.
"Hey, do you know who Ethel Cain is?" He asks.
Santos looked at him with an unamused expression on her face.
"Yes? Why?" She said apprehensively.
"Dr. Y/N said I reminded her of a song, and she was gone before I could ask which one."
Santos knocks her head back and lets out a deep laugh,
"Oh my god, that's good! That's really good, you are Ethel Cain coded." She left without explanation, leaving Whitaker with more questions than before.
Then the mass casualty at Pittfest had everyone running on adrenaline; there was no time to dillydally. While he was treating patients in the Yellow zones, you were in the reds.
When the day shift was officially over and your handoffs were complete, you said your goodbyes to Abbot and Ellis (your favorite people). Soft smiles of encouragement to the rest of your coworkers, and bolted out of there before he could catch you.
Whitaker listened to Ethel Cain's entire discography when he got to his makeshift apartment. He started off with "Perverts." He listened to the whole hour and 29 minutes of strange and eerie dissonance, convincing himself that the abandoned floor was haunted and that he would have nightmares for a week. He moved on to "Willoughby Tucker, I Will Always Love You." Then, "Inbred", "Golden Age", and finally "Preacher's Daughter."
After seeing the song "A House in Nebraska," he should've known that this was the one you meant.
He fell into a Reddit rabbit hole on Ethel Cain's lore, taking notes like he was in undergrad again. He watched YouTube explanation videos and listened to Preacher's Daughter until he fell asleep.
The next day, the first thing he said when he saw you was, "Blessed be the daughters of Cain."
Dr. Jack Abbot x fem!reader, no use of y/n, reader is a resident, one shot but open to making it into a mini series, slowburn, age gap intended but not explicitly said, not proofread, I don't work in the medical field lol
After a particularly grueling shift, you found yourself sitting on a bench at the park across from the hospital. A branch barely shading you from the incoming sun, telling you to go home. Desperately trying to suppress the hot tears trying to escape from your bloodshot eyes.
"What's up, kid?" A voice you knew all too well pulls you from your thoughts.
Dr. Abbot casts a shadow onto you, covering the blazing rays of your alarm clock. His backpack was slung over one shoulder as he awaited an answer.
When you lifted your head to look at him, you couldn't help it anymore. You let out a sob, and the tears trickle down your cheeks.
"oh," he said softly.
Dr. Abbot looks around before sitting down beside you,
"I never wanted to be a doctor," you said.
You were sure that he's had other residents, interns, nurses, or attendings cry in front of him. Still, you were embarrassed.
He didn't say anything, just fidgeting with his leg. Massaging it.
"It's crazy, I know. We help people, save lives. Save families, but I never wanted to be this close to death." You lean back into the bench.
You lost 3 patients today.
Dr. Abbot, not saying anything, looked at you. He didn't judge, just listened.
"I don't get grossed out easily or get squirmish when I see blood, but I never wanted to do this, not really."
"What do you want to be?" He finally spoke.
He said 'What do I want to be?', not what did I want to be.
Present tense.
"What?" you asked.
"What do you want to be?" he repeated.
You chuckle; you can see your breath in the Pittsburgh air.
A beat.
"A writer. I took an English class during undergrad. It was required, but I loved it. Sometimes, I reread my short stories. They're good, or at least that's what my professor said." You confess.
"So why don't you?" His arms are crossed, and his head is fully turned to look at you.
"When I told my parents what I wanted to major in, they yelled at me. Said to me that I wasn't gonna do anything good with a degree in creative writing. Plus, it's too late."
"It's never too late, kid."
"There are only 3 months until I become an attending. I think it is too late." You scoff.
There was a silence. Just sitting in each other's presence, then he stood up. Grabbed his backpack and swung it over his shoulder,
"Well, if you ever need to talk or anything. Just call me," he said. After a few steps, you said,
"I don't have your number."
Dr. Abbot's face scrunches up, the mysterious exit ruined.
Turning around slowly, he pulls a pen from his shirt pocket and pulls the cap off with his teeth. He grabs your arm and starts writing his number into the palm of your hand.
"There," he said, tapping his hand on yours. You could feel the warmth radiating off him and the rigidness of his fingertips.
When you were supposed to be asleep, all you could think of was him. You hesitated texting him when you got home.
Your fingers hesitate over what to put for his contact name.
Dr. Abbot (Chief Attending)
Jack
You settle for Dr. Jack Abbot.
-------
When you returned the next day, you were greeted by Lena.
"The ER princess has returned, hey sweetheart," she said.
You gave her a small smile.
Dr. Abbot was at Central. He could smell the scent of your shampoo and the lingering trail of your lotion. He waits for you to log into your computer before stretching out his arm with a coffee in his hand; he doesn't look up from his station. You reach to grab it, fingers touching ever so briefly.
You look at the coffee, and it was from the good shop down the street. Lena and nurses share knowing looks. Let the whispering and smirks commence. You mutter a soft thank you.
"What? Can't get my resident a coffee that doesn't taste like petroleum?" He raises his arms in question.
"You have other residents," Lena teases.
"Yeah, well. Only had hands for two coffees." He says coolly before walking away.
You took a sip, the warmth trickling in your system like the warmth of his hand from this morning.
Lena nudges your shoulder before walking off.
In a moment of complete bliss, it all came crashing down when the paramedics burst through the doors,
"Doctor! I have a 22-year-old male, found unconscious on the steps of a frat house..."
Everyone at the Bear finds something out about you, and Carmy doesn't judge. He listens.
Carmy x F reader, after hours at the bear, mentions of smoking, fluff
Carmen Berzatto was not a romantic. He didn't know how to talk to girls unless it was about food. He can't flirt for the life of him. He has deep-rooted commitment issues that he has no plans of resolving anytime soon.
Carmen didn't understand much about romance or dating in general. He didn't quite understand how people in relationships never run out of things to talk about or how they can spend every minute together every day for years.
Working in a social place of gathering, he saw couples of all kinds, doing all sorts of romantic shit. Heâd watch different couples on their first date, last date, engagement, anniversary, or breakup dinners. Each one was the same one way or another. Someone buys the flowers, and the person receiving them has a huge smile on their face. Half the time, the person doesnât remove the grocery tag from the plastic, and on the off chance that they bought it at a flower shop, it almost always has a typed note courtesy of the sweet little lady who made it.Â
The one time he bought flowers for someone was for his mom on Motherâs Day in middle school. Itâs not as sweet a memory as everyone might think it would be. He just didnât get it. Carmy thought he was the only one until he met a girl who didnât like them just as much as he did.Â
âIâm thinking of getting Jessica some flowers, maybe some tickets to the game on Saturday,â Richie revealed while wiping the silverware.Â
âAww, thatâs sweet! Richie, thatâs a good idea.â Tina smiled.Â
It was after dinner service, and Carmen had everyone cleaning the kitchen like their lives depended on it.Â
âYeah, Richie. I think itâs a wonderful idea.â Fak teased.Â
The familiar rhythm of cleaning was one of your favorite things about working at the Bear. It helped you destress from a long day. No one was yelling (usually) and everyone just knew what they had to do.
"I got a girl flowers once, and she literally kept them and hung them up on her wall." Luca reminisced.
"Do you still talk to her?" Syd asked rather quickly.
"Nope." He replied with the same speed as she asked.
"See, I don't get that. Getting someone flowers you know you're not gonna see again," Carmy finally breaks his silence.
The whole room stopped what they were doing and looked at Carmy with complete disgust. Except you.
"Of course you don't get it, you've never had a healthy relationship, Cousin." Richie laughed.
"And you have?" Syd clocks him.
Everyone else laughs, except you.
"Yeah, I don't get it either." You said without looking up from the spot you were scrubbing. Which made everyone look from Carmy to you as if you had killed a cat.
Flowers. Flowers was going to be the conversation topic that exposed you as a heartless, cynical freak that you were.
"You too?!" Tina said in shock.
"The only flowers I've ever gotten were when someone died. So, I always just connected the two. Flowers die, you throw them away. Why would I want a long-lasting relationship to start off with something that isn't gonna last more than a week? Plus they've become a default. You screw up? Get them flowers. You forgot a birthday or anniversary? Get them flowers from the nearest grocery store." You say.
You can basically hear every calling you cold hearted and too serious for your own good.
"Damn, who broke your heart?" Richie says.
"I'm not saying don't get the people you like flowers, just don't me any. I'd rather some get me something I can use." You admit.
Carmy was relieved that he wasn't the only one who felt this way.
Richie gesturing to the two of you,
"ya'll can be miserable together. Goodnight."
After a couple of minutes, everyone had left the Bear.
You were standing outside contemplating whether you should take the long commute home or just take an Uber when you heard the click and jingle of Carmy's keys signaling to you that the night was officially over.
Lighting a cigarette under the fluorescent blue lights of the restaurant, Carmy said,
"I didn't think anyone else hated flowers as much as I do."
"I don't hate them, Carmy. I just don't like them, that's all," taking a drag and blowing it away before offering him the cigarette, which he happily takes.
"So, what would you want?" He says blowing the smoke into a straight stream into the sky.
You thought for a second,
"Hmmm, no one's ever asked me that before. I don't know. Tampons. A pack of cigarettes, a bag of chips, something they found at the thrift store that reminded them of me. I don't know, a hand written letter? We don't do that anymore." You list off.
Carmy takes mental notes and adds them to a never-ending memory bank he's compiled in his head about you.
"Noted," he said before handing you your cigarette back.
When your shared cigarette was down to the butt, it started to get that nasty aftertaste. He asked if he could drive you home. So, he did. He drove you home every night after that.
A week later, after the flower debacle. Carmen Berzatto has put a pack of cigarettes, a pack of new red pens, a tiny notebook, a pack of hair ties, and a little figurine of your favorite animal into your locker for you to find with a hand written note explaining why he got it.
The Pitt x The Bear (I've been thinking about this crossover for so long). I might make this a sort of interconnected standalone series :)
There is someone new living in the apartment across the hall from him. 14B. And 14B makes the best desserts ever, Jack Abbot being the lucky bastard that he is, gets to test them out first. However, he has never met 14B. Not until an accident brings her into his ED.
Pairing: Dr. Jack Abbot x fem!chef!Reader (age-gap - reader is stated to be 27 for the purposes of the story, Jack is mid to late 40ies);
Platonic! Carmy x fem!chef!Reader
Genre: pretty much pure fluff
Warnings: injuries (a cut ligament to be specific), talks of depression and suicide by our two favorite older men, mentions of a lost spouse, Pittfest, medical inaccuracies, though I did my best with the palm anatomy research (based on something that actually happend to my colleague) but I don't think anything else really
Word count: 11,206
The day had been absolute shit.
           Not that Jack really had any other kind, it was just shit and shittier, but that one had been one of the shittiest ones yet.
           For one, his shift ended with the death of a vet, and those always hit too close to home, poking holes into the walls heâd built around himself. But he didnât even get a full dayâs rest, a proper amount of time to process it, as the Pittfest shooting happened, and he had to rush back to the ED hours before his next one started, which was not how heâd planned on spending the time off he had.
           It was a routine â get home, maybe catch a couple of hours of shut-eye (at best, though he did attempt to give his body a proper rest), then heat up some of the leftover pasta he had in the fridge, and then, as a cherry on top before going back to the Pitt, delight himself into some dessert left on his doorstep by his neighbor from 14B.
           Instead, heâd had to leave the pasta bowl in the microwave, and he didnât even have time to put on the prosthesis sock. He just had to raw-dog it out of the house, when the police scanner informed him of the mass shooting. He didnât even get a chance to look towards the greeting mat in front of his door for a Tupperware; that was how quickly he rushed back to PTMC.
           112 people lived. 6 died. It could have been worse, he tried to compartmentalize. They were in the trade of balancing the scales of life and death, so anytime the life one tipped lower, Jack could breathe a sigh of relief.
           However, injuries and death, he knew how to deal with, despite the impact it always had. Having to talk your best friend off the ledge though, was a different beast. Because this time it was different. This time, as Jack watched Robby stand on the wrong side of the railing, he thought he might actually take that final step.
           So he talked, he was the voice of reason, like Robby had been to him on the mornings when the weight of the world just pressed down a bit too hard on his shoulders. The first proper breath Jack got to take was when Robby stepped back onto the safe side of the roof, walking with him back down to the chaos that was their workplace, where finally, a few hours later, they could emerge into the night, surrounded by their residents and students and interns, all sharing a drink of victory.
           And where most of their days would end, theyâd go back home, get a full nightâs rest, hopefully, one not filled with nightmares, Jackâs had only begun. He still had a night shift to manage.
           So, with a clap on Robbyâs back, and a promise from Shen they'd hold down the fort, he drove back home for a couple of hours, if only to regroup and clean his scrubs before returning to the maw of the beast.
           This time though, he did glance down beside his door, only to be met with disappointment, when nothing awaited him. On the one day he so desperately wished for a sweet thing, there was nothing.
           Jackâs brows furrowed as he glanced across the hall towards the door of 14B.
           Heâd never met the inhabitant of the flat. Heâd never once seen anyone enter or exit, and would only sometimes hear quiet shuffling or soft humming.
           For a while, after Mr Redford whoâd lived there for the past twenty years, only to move away to Sicily as some sort of a midlife crisis thing, the apartment had stood empty. And then one morning, about four months ago, as Jack had dragged his tired and sore body home, he noticed a new greeting mat by the door.
           His head slowly moved in a nod of approval. His only hope was that whoever now lived there, was a quiet and respectful person, but his brows rose in surprise when he went to unlock his own door, only for his foot to meet a Tupperware container, a neatly folded piece of paper on top.
           With a grunt he leaned down and took the glass square, opening the note.
Hi!
This is from 14B across the hall.
I knocked on the door, but no one answered. Miss June from 2nd floor said youâre a doctor, so I dunno when or if weâll have a chance to see one another, but I just wanted to do the neighborly thing and say hello. :)
Inside are some Millionaire-shortbread-brownies. I swear they are not poisoned, but I am trying to perfect the recipe, so any and all feedback is appreciated, as long as itâs constructive.
(If you actually throw them out, itâs fine, but please donât tell me that).
Besides, I need a new taste-tester, living in a new place and all that.
P.S. ingredient list is attached to the bottom, just in case you have any allergies or food restrictions.
Hope you enjoy! :)
           Jack stared at the container, finger slipping over the other paper attached to the back with tape, and turned to look at 14B as if he had some sort of laser vision, and could see through into the apartment.
           He waited for a minute, two, three, but still the door remained closed. He could just go there and knock, do the neighborly thing like 14B had tried and introduce himself to the new occupant, but then he heard the entrance door on the first floor click open, and took it as his cue to enter his own flat, Tupperware in hand though. He didnât wanna get caught looking at the apartment like some sort of a creep.
           Slipping his bag down his shoulder, he left it by the couch, before plopping onto it. For a second, the dessert and 14B were forgotten, as Jack rolled up his scrub pants and removed his prosthetic.
           The leg had been killing him the entire shift, as the heel of his prosthetic had been worn down really bad on one side, and the new one was still in transit, so his weight distribution was completely off. The thought of having to walk up those five flights of stairs had made him want to go back to PTMC and finally fling himself off the edge.
           Jack allowed himself a couple of moments of pleasure, of simply existing in silence, before he stood up, grabbed the crutch heâd left resting against the couch, and ventured to the bathroom.
           He stripped off, throwing the scrubs in the washing machine, and allowed the hot water of the shower to wash away the thoughts of the day. After heâd run the water cold, with just a towel around his hips, he went back to the living room, but not before putting his scrubs into the drier, and finally took a real look at the Tupperware and its contents.
           Even without fully lifting the lid off, Jack was immediately enveloped by the sweet scent of chocolate, caramel and butter.
           Heâd never been a desserts kind of a man, but he swore after taking the smallest bite of the brownie, quite literally popping a piece of crumb into his mouth, he would marry whoever had made it.
           It was decadent in all the ways that mattered, but not so dense you would be filled up by just one bite. The shortbread bottom had a nice, salty flavor to it, and how 14B had managed to keep the caramel the stretchy kind, was beyond Jackâs understanding. But he didnât really bake either, so there was also that.
           There was no police scanner on, there was no TV or radio, just the sounds of Pittsburg in the morning, as Jack, for the first time in ages, enjoyed something sweet.
           The beeping of the drier was his cue to get up and get to bed, needing to grab at least a couple of hours of sleep before going back to PTMC, but before he did that, he took out the rest of the brownie and put it in his own container, washing 14Bâs. As he exited and ventured over to the apartment, clad in some plaid pyjamas, he placed a note inside with a small comment,
âhope youâre settling in well, 14B. maybe some flaky salt on top, and itâd be a 10/10. current rating â 9.85/10. have a good day.
13Aâ
Once more, Jack debated whether or not he should try and knock, but it was already close to ten in the morning, and most normal people would be at their jobs, so he just placed the container down by the door, but not directly in front of it. Their doors swung out.
He lingered for a second, as if maybe whoever was on the other side would feel his presence. Why in the world was he so intrigued by 14Bâs new inhabitant? Better yet â why did he suddenly feel so drawn towards someone heâd never met?
With one final glance, it was time for Jack to go, and dive into his bed. This time, he actually slept quite well and felt fairly rested for the night ahead. When he got to the Pitt, Robby passed the baton onto him without the need to venture up to the roof.
By the time he got home, leaving Robby in charge again, and was walking up to the fifth floor of his home, he was greeted by another Tupperware.
           Jack lifted it and took off the Post-It on top.
âThank you!â it read in neat handwriting. âWill add it to the next batch! In the meantime, try this instead!Â
From 14Bâ
           And that is how this weird exchange began as an anonymous stranger managed to make Jack find a silver lining even on his bad days.
           Jack would return home to find some sort of a dessert in a glass container waiting for him, a piece of paper explaining the ingredients and allergens attached to it. He had given back a note once saying he didnât have any restrictions, but still, it showed up, though it seemed like his words had unlocked some closed creativity and flavor vault, as 14B started to experiment with taste profiles.
           Sometimes it was as basic as a butter croissant, the flakiest one he'd ever eaten, pastry dough no doubt hand-laminated, and then sometimes it was as extravagant as a panna cotta with passion fruit jam and candied orange zest on top.
           More often than not, as Jack would dig into the sweet treat of the day, his eyes would roll to the back of his head in pleasure. After thoroughly enjoying it, heâd take a piece of paper and write down his thoughts, though he didnât actually think he had much insight to give. Then heâd clean out the container and leave it by 14Bâs doorstep.
           It was shift after shift, and they continued on with this dance. Sometimes he got a repeat dessert, but with whatever improvements Jack had told it needed, however, the one thing he looked forward to most was the notes, as he tried to figure out who 14B might actually be.
           Jack had a few theories and he wrote down the small deductions in a little notebook heâd started to keep.
           He was fairly certain it was a woman. Call him stereotypical, as much as he wouldnât like to hear it, but he just couldnât imagine a man doing such a thing, especially for so long.
           The handwriting was also too neat. Too clean and precise. But then again, maybe normal men who didnât work in the medical field and didnât have illegible cursive also had normal-looking handwriting.
           Jack had debated whether or not this person could be in the same profession as him, or maybe the same field due to the way 14B always gave him a full-on ingredient and allergen list, but heâd struck that out. The timing and consistency of the desserts appearing by his doorstep, were way too precise because even techs and sanitary workers couldnât predict their hours so well. A hospital was one big hamster wheel that was spinning non-stop, and people just had to try and find when to jump if they wanted to get home.
           Finally, after dessert number 44 (thought heâd come to that conclusion by dessert 5 really), Jack had settled on the fact that 14B had to be a chef or a chef in training because when heâd gotten home, a still-hot dark chocolate lava cake had waited for him, a yuzu and raspberry sauce in a smaller container to the side. It was still something he dreamt about on the darker days.
           So now, returning home on one of the worst days heâd had at the Pitt, after one of the worst mass-casualty events theyâd had to deal with, without a container and note waiting for him, was anxiety-inducing.
           A horrendous thought entered his mind â could 14B have been there at Pittfest? Could she have been one of the people he treated? Or had she been one of the unlucky ones who got a ride directly to the morgue?
           His feet carried him to the door in an instant, heart pounding in his chest. He was just about ready to knock when something crashed behind there.
           âFucking hell,â Jack heard muffled swearing. âThatâs batch number fucking three for the trash.â
           She was there.
           14B was right there, and seemingly warring with her food.
           Jackâs heart rate returned to normal and as it did so, he took a step back. Then another. And another until he was back at his own door.
           14B was alive, which meant Jack could get some rest.
           By the time he was back on his feet ready to finish off the shift, this time a proper prosthetic sock on, if only to help out a bit with the pain, it was dark outside, but Pittsburg seemed quieter. Like it was still reeling from what happened during the day.
           He could make his way to the Pitt blindfolded, as heâd taken the route so many times in his life by then, however, what was unusual was finding Robby there by the lockers. Jack was sure he had left to go home.
           âBrother, and I mean this with love, what the fuck are you still doing here?â he pulled him in for a hug. They both needed it.
           Robby ran a hand over his face, leaning to rest against the metal doors. âI know we took an oath to help and save people, but God, do I think we all should be afforded one murder per year. And I know how that sounds after today.â
           Jack snorted, putting in his combination and unlocking it. âTell me about it.â
           âI get dibs on Gloria.â
           âWhatâd she harass you about now? I mean seriously, tonight after everything?â
           âGot on my ass about Santos.â
           The vet raised a brow. The intern was reckless, that was for sure, but her instincts were in the right place, as Jack had found out about her having done a REBOA unsupervised. She just had to hone them and start to listen to authority, otherwise, it could end badly for someone, and most likely, she wouldnât be the victim.
           âSome reporter wants to sue. Says she chucked his phone into a mop bucket. Damage of personal property or some sort of bullshit.â Robby slammed his head back against the doors. âHe literally took an actual victimâs hoodie just to get inside the hospital, and now he wants to sue?â
           âJesus, and Gloriaâs on his side? It hasnât even been 24 hours!â
           âGloriaâs on the side that costs the least amount of money for PTMC.â Robby let out a scoff. âAnd a lawsuit is definitely on the expensive list.â
           âYeah, well sucks to be her. She should start properly staffing us with nurses and security, and this kind of shit wouldnât happen then.â
           Robby gave his friend a tired smile. It was a soul-tired kind of smile, something Jack understood intimately. âAnd yet despite all that, we always come back.â
           âSomeone has to.â
           For a moment they basked in the silence between them, but it was never fully quiet. Not at the Pitt. Sirens could still be heard somewhere in the distance, probably coming towards them. For others, they had white noise in the background, or maybe a thunderstorm app on. They? They had ambulance wails and heart rate monitors.
           Robby clapped him on the shoulder. âReady to take on the night, brother?â
           âAs Iâll ever be,â Jack responded with the same gesture. âSomeone has to keep Shen from saying certain stupid words.â
           âHeard this full moonâs gonna be one of those super moons or something too.â Robby slung his backpack on his shoulders, chuckling at Jackâs groan.
           âThen god help us all, and someone better find some tape for Johnâs mouth.â
           âYou know what does help?â Robby took a glance from the side. âThose cookies from 14B. I donât think Iâve ever had anything that tasted that good. Maybe you could ask for the recipe?â
           It had been day 84 when 14B had given him a larger container filled with browned butter, and dark chocolate chip cookies, dusted with freeze-dried raspberry powder. Robby had come over for a drink, as he had a day off, and when heâd found them on a plate, after taking just one bite, had pretty much melted into the cushions.
           âThere is no fucking way you made these,â he practically moaned at the taste. Not that Jack could say he was any better when heâd tasted them. âAnd these are way too good to be store-bought.â
           âWhat? You donât think I can bake?â
           âNot like this. Your speciality is Kraft. This is fucking artisanal.â
           That was when Jack had come clean about the situation with the apartment across the hall.
            Ever since that day, his brother-in-arms had been on his ass about getting the actual recipes with step-by-step instructions on how to make these wonderful desserts, because when Jack had given Robby the ingredient list for one of them, it hadnât come out nearly as well, as when 14B had done it.
           One time, during day 99, Jack had brought in a piece of rum-soaked chocolate sponge cake, filled with blackberry jam in between the layers and coated in a chicory Mascarpone and Philadelphia cream cheese frosting, only to have Robby basically attack him like a vulture about how he still hadnât made any contact with 14B apart from the notes they exchanged.
           âDonât you wanna know who it is?â
           âSure,â Jack shrugged. âBut this way works too. Besides, I donât think our schedules really align.â
           Robby just raised a brow at the dry rebuttal, stealing a bite from the cake, which Jack could only accept with a sigh. âWell, if you donât I just might, and I just might and go on marry them. This is fucking nuts!â
           Jack couldnât fault him for the sentiment, because it wasnât the food he had slowly started to fall for either, it was the person on the other end making it.
           He still didnât know how old she was (if 14B even was a she, but he was 99% sure he was right about that), or how she looked, but he knew her favorite book. Her favorite song and color. He knew she loved thunderstorms and lightning, that it was how she slept the best. He knew she loved indie rock, but pop-punk was her favorite music genre. He knew that and so many other little things thatâd allowed him to form a version of the person behind 14B. Someone with a heart as sweet, as the desserts she made.
           But in the present, Jack just shook his head, giving Robby one last goodbye for the night. He hoped he would take the next day off, maybe a week or so. However, who was he to talk about a work-life balance when his whole life practically was his work. And, well, being a dessert taste-tester, but that was more a side gig.
           The night was surprisingly calm, a word he didnât dare say out loud, and anytime anyone thought Shen just might, someone physically clapped a hand over the manâs mouth. A patient even shushed him as she was being prepped for an appendectomy, eyes wide as she looked at Jack and Mateo.
           âIsnât that like totally illegal to say here?â
           âIt is if he wants to remain an attending.â Jack gave Shen a look, a good-natured one, but that still said â do not say the âqâ word or the âcâ word or the âpâ word. Not after the day theyâd had.
           John just rolled his eyes but did lift his hands in surrender, as he left the room to deal with other patients.
           And so, the night rolled on without too many intense traumas, as if even the supermoon hanging over the world, had decided to give them a break because they needed it. Jack needed it. Methodical, almost tear-jerkingly borking kind of work, where he didnât need to call a time of death or watch someone code or try and get a life-saving surgery scheduled with all ORs already full.
           By the time it was 3:26 in the morning, Jack was on his third cup of coffee, when a soft voice invaded the ED.
           âCarmy, seriously, Iâm fine,â a young woman, mid-to-late twenties by the looks of it, was trying to calm down the clearly anxious man next to her, as they walked to Lupe sitting behind the clerkâs desk. âTheyâre just gonna stitch me up, and Iâll be back on track.â
           âI mean that seemed way deeper than the usual cuts.â The blond man was chewing on the bottom of his lip.
           âYeah, well, itâs why weâre here,â she rolled her Y/E/C eyes, thanking Lupe for the forms and venturing to sit down in one of the open chairs. âPer your insistence, might I add?â
           He ran a hand through his curly hair. âOh, sorry for caring about how you were bleeding all over the counter.â
           âItâs just a cut! Honestly, I wouldâve been fine with the first aid kit at home.â
           The man, Carmy as sheâd called him, gave her a look. âWeâll see what the doctor has to say.â
           With that, Jack glanced up at the monitor as a new name appeared, one of the only three there at the moment. He nodded to Princess who was sitting behind the HUB. âIâll take care of this.â
           This he could do. This was not a critical, high-stakes thing. This was hooking someone up to fluids, cleaning and assessing a wound, and giving some nice stitches, telling them to take it easy, and schedule a follow-up with their PM to get the threads out.
           As Perlah instructed the woman to follow her, Carmy going with like a puppy, Jack trailed on behind, eyes scanning the print-out Princess had given him.
           Name: Y/N Y/L/N
           Gender: Female
           Age: 27
           Type of injury: cut on the hand; the bleeding hasnât stopped after thirty minutes of continuously applied pressure.
           âMy name is Jack Abbot,â he introduced himself, entering the room Perlah had settled Y/N in. âAnd I will be your doctor today. What seems to be the issue?â
           She lifted her towel-covered hand, the material soaked through with blood. âHi! Iâm uh, Y/N and, I just gave myself a bit of a cut.â
           âA bit?â Jack snorted, eyeing the cloth that was still getting visibly soaked through.
           âLook, I was just a bit distracted while cutting some lemons, and the knife slipped. Sliced through the skin by my thumb. Honestly, the juice in the wound hurt more than the cut itself,â she let out a weak chuckle while Jack put on some gloves and sat down on the rolling chair, sliding in between her legs.
           âItâs not just a âflesh woundâ,â Carmy pinched the bridge of his nose, and Jack threw him an appraising look, mouth pursed while he untied the injured hand.
           âAre you her partner?â
           But before he could reply, Y/N butted in with a warm smile. âIf this is some way to try and figure out if he was the one that cut me, then no. He didnât. But Iâm grateful youâre looking out for me like that.â
           âJust doing my job.â Jack shook his head. âSeen such things one too many times, and itâs hospital policy only family or legal guardians are allowed into the room, unless otherwise stated.â
           Y/N snorted. âCarmenâs more than okay to stay, but I mean on the other handâŚâ she wiggled her brows at her friend, who just stared back as deadpan as Jack was. âGeez, tough crowd.â
           âWeâre co-workers,â Carmen offered as he sat down on another chair that was in the corner, crossing his arms over his chest. âAnd weâre both chefs, so I know itâs more than just a surface cut. I think she mightâve severed a tendon.â
           âNow why would you say that!?â Y/N snapped her head to him. âI say this is just a couple of stitches, and Iâm on my way. Right, doc?â
           Carmen sighed. âAll Iâm saying is, we kept steady pressure on the wound, wrapped it for fifteen minutes straight, and fifteen more minutes later, she is still bleeding. Went through two towels already. Look, Y/N has a really high pain tolerance, but Iâm worried about this.â
           âOh, please!â she scoffed, rolling her eyes. âYou men just like to exaggerate everything.â
           âYou literally told Syd one of those what was it, ovarian cysts? Yeah, it burst, and you thought it was cramps when you shouldâve been at the hospital.â
           âPCOS is a bitch, what can I say,â she shrugged like it was a self-explanatory thing, and Perlah who was helping Jack place a sanitary pad underneath her hand, disposing of the dishtowel in the trash, muttered a small âwordâ underneath her breath, eliciting a smile from Y/N.
           Jack, the good doctor he was, had been listening the whole time, making mental notes and asking Perlah to jot down some physical ones as well, but where heâd had to take in a breath and clear his throat had been when Carmen had told him their profession.
           Chefs.
           No, he reasoned. It couldnât be, could it? Probably not. Pittsburg was a huge city and populated by many people with many different professions, and there had to be thousands if not tens of thousands of chefs even in the area they were in.
           Just in case he leaned over her chart and checked the address, but a Chicago zip code stared back at him, sending a pang of disappointment through his chest, because ever since Y/Nâs eyes had met his, Jack swore she was his mysterious pastry fairy.
           There was this unexplainable warmth thatâd seeped through his veins as if they already knew one another. As if he could ask what was the latest book she was reading, and Y/N would give him the answer from the post it from two days ago. But she wasnât 14B. However, she was still a woman in need of medical attention.
           âAlright,â Jack finally positioned her hand in a way where he could see the issue better. âI will have Nurse Perlah hook you up to some fluids to counter the blood loss, in a bit too. Are you allergic to any medicine?â
           âNope,â Y/N shook her head. âAt least none Iâve been given before.â
            As gently as possible, Jack took hold of her wrist and helped her expand her fingers as far as they would go without causing much pain.
           It wasnât a horrible bleed, but still a steady one, no doubt the worst of it having happened right after the cut. Even through the gloves he had on, Jack could feel the calluses marring her palm, signs of a skilled laborer. He trailed over where blisters and nicks had left small scars, and fuck⌠did her hand feel perfect in his.
           Well, apart from the massive cut sitting right at the base of her thumb. Clearly, the knife had gone through the commissural ligament. As he pressed against the wounded area, testing the nerves and reflexes, Perlah was already prepping gauze and oral painkillers, as both without a word understood there would be no simple stitching for them that night.
           âOkay, Y/N,â he murmured, taking hold of her wrist and twisting it as carefully as he could, and still, something in his heart tugged at the sharp intake of air, and the swearing she did under her breath. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thoughts of 14B swearing just the same way a few hours prior. âDo you want the good news or the bad news first?â
           âUh, good?â She raised a brow, as Perlah handed her a small cup of pills and water, explaining it was for the pain. Y/N took them down in one gulp.
           âWeâll need some x-rays to confirm, but once theyâre back, we can get you scheduled for surgery in a few hours.â
           âYou said you had good news!â she scoffed.
           âWell, the bad news, at least for you, is that your friendâs right. This is more than a surface cut. It looks like youâve managed to potentially sever one of the ligaments that's attached to your thumb.â
           She threw both men a scathing look, before settling on Carmen. âNot. A. Word.â
           âI didnât even say anything!â
           âThen keep doing that.â She looked back at Jack. âBut like how serious are you about that surgery? Because honestly, it doesnât hurt that bad. Canât you just pop in a couple of threads and send me on my way?â
           A smile he had no control over, bloomed on Jackâs lips at Y/Nâs words, while Perlah helped her lay down onto the bed, going to the other side of the woman and asking for her hand to prep an IV line. âI promise you, you want this surgery, and you want this done by a professional. You have a cut, potentially severed, ligament, and it needs proper stitching. The hand is incredibly complex, and this unfortunately isnât the kinda thing you want me to have a go at.â
           Y/N eyed him up and down. âArenât you supposed to be a professional?â
           âWell, unless you never want to use your thumb again, I can always give it a go.â He pulled off his gloves, trashing them.
           âWell, not with that attitude,â she grumbled.
           âItâs quick,â Jack could feel the way he wanted to give a full smile, but if he started grinning like a madman, Perlah would make sure he got put in a padded cell at the sight. âYou wonât even be fully under, and I will make sure you have the best on it.â
           She huffed, head lulling to the side and giving Carmen a dirty look. âYou know this is all your fault, right?â
           âWh â what? How?â He looked affronted, face completely red.
           âWell, you made me come here, didnât you?â
           If Carmen pinched the bridge of his nose any harder, Jack might need to get him in for a rhinoplasty. âAnd if I hadnât, you maybe wouldâve lost all hope at ever moving your thumb! Did you not listen to a thing the doctor said?â
           She tried to cross her arms, but when she realized she couldnât â one bandaged by her side the other being examined by Perlah as she tried to find a good vein on the top of her hand, Y/N glared at Carmen and then Jack. âI hope neither of you expect me to say youâre right.â
           âPlease,â Carmen sighed running a hand through his hair. âI think Syd would have an aneurysm if she found out. Bet she could feel it all the way from Chicago; such a drastic shift in the cosmos.â
           Good, Jack thought as they talked, let him distract her from it all, as Y/N clearly had understood the severity of the situation while he went to call up ortho and ask for the hand surgeon, as he had a possible severed ligament on the way.
           âThank you for putting up with me,â Y/N no doubt muttered to Carmen, as Jack tried to focus on the person at the other end of the line, confirming her slot for the OR.
           âHey, I need my best pastry chef to be right as rain.â
           âNow I think Marcus might have a stroke,â she laughed, and Jackâs head almost snapped around at her words.
Chef was one thing, but a pastry chef? A chef specialising in desserts?
           Too many coincidences had happened that night.
           Way too many to be just coincidences.
           And heâd always been a man who followed his gut, despite it being no-manâs-land.
           Jack was positive heâd never seen her face before; he was sure of it. There would be no way in hell, heâd ever be able to forget it, but her whole being⌠her smile, the kindness in her eyes, the intensity of her words⌠it was like coming home and having the nightlight left on for you.
           Maybe the previous dayâs mass-casualty event had impacted him a lot more than he thought. Maybe he was trying and hoping to find 14B safe and sound, all because a single dessert hadnât been left out for him.
           But it was the way all the small details 14B had revealed about herself, that fit Y/N to a T, that made him truly wonder.
           14B who always managed to make him smile.
           14B who always took into account his suggestions, and gave him an improved recipe to try.
           14B who made sure to give him just enough of the sweet treat, that he had leftovers for the next day.
           âOh,â it was Y/N speaking up that brought Jack out of his thoughts about the pastry ghost down the hall. âAnd also, can you tell Luca to give me a call when he can? Iâd like his opinion on the blueberry and lemon pie. I think I might change up the ratio of the lemon, but I dunno if itâd be good overall unless I also increase the amount of basil in the peppermint drizzle.â
           The penny finally dropped.
           Blueberry-lemon pie with a basil and peppermint drizzle.
           No doubt with a saltine and Grahm cracker-mix crust.
           No. There was no such thing as coincidences, at least Jack didnât believe in them anymore, not when it was way too specific of a recipe. One that heâd been a test subject to four days prior. One where heâd commented on how, maybe it was just what his taste buds liked, but he thought itâd be a bit more balanced if it was tarter.
           It took everything in him to wait until sheâd given Carmen the rundown of the things she wanted from her apartment, Jack almost blurting out how he could get it, because they lived across from one another until he remembered he was her doctor, and he had to stay to make sure she was alright.
           He took one breath, another, and cleared his throat, drawing her attention away from where Carmen had left to go grab her some clean clothes, her wallet and a phone charger.
           Fuck it.
           âAlright, 14B, letâs get you prepped for the stay.â
           Y/Nâs eyes were wide as saucers, head snapping up at him so fast, Jack almost thought heâd have to schedule a CT for whiplash. âWhat did you just call me?â
           â14B?â He raised his brows as if in nonchalance, even though his heart was beating out of his chest. He could actually be so far off with this hunch and just turned himself into a massive weirdo in his patientâs eyes, but he was curious to see if he was right, because hope was a bitch if nothing else.
           âAreâŚâ She squinted at him, eyeing him up and down again as if seeing Jack in a new light. âAre you my taste-tester? Are you my salt-bae?â
           âSalt-bae?â Jack choked out through a laugh. God, he was glad Perlah had gone off to find a saline bag.
           âYeah.â A warm smile blossomed across her lips. âThatâs what you always write in your feedback if you think something is missing. âNeeds a bit more saltâ. Itâs your most often-used suggestion.â
           And as Jack thought back to it, to all the little comments he left, he mainly did say he would prefer the dessert, if there was some flaky salt on top, or maybe in the crust or base, or mixed with the caramel. âHey, you were asking for honest feedback. But in truth, Iâll uh, Iâll eat just about anything, so rest assured, nothing of yours has ever gone to waste. When youâve lived off of army rations, you learn what cardboard tastes like. And then you try to make it edible, more often than not with salt, so you learn what... saltier cardboard tastes like. And that is at least digestible.â
           She chuckled. âContrary to normal indigestible cardboard?â
           âContrary to normal indigestible cardboard, yes,â he confirmed, soaking up the sound of Y/Nâs laugh like a sunflower soaked up the rays of the sun.
           âGuess now I understand why you didnât answer the door that first day.â She tilted her head to the side. âOr why our paths havenât crossed. You work just as shit hours as I do. Worse, actually.â
           âWhat time do you get home?â
           âMidnight usually,â she said, as Perlah returned and finally put on a tourniquet around her bicep. Jack frowned at the words, not liking the idea of Y/N walking across town during the dark hours of the night. Too many times, heâd seen people in the ED because they were just trying to get home, and someone decided to interfere with that. Violently. âThen I knock out for a few hours before I have to get back up and be ready to go to the restaurant for morning prep at around six-ish. You?â
           âNightshift. Twelve hours on a good day, usually 7 to 7,â he explained, very much so avoiding Perlahâs raised brows at how âintimateâ the conversation was.
           âAlright,â the nurse said. âItâll be just a little poke, but try and relax.â
           Y/N hummed a nod but turned her head away. Jackâs eyes trailed to how her wounded hand twitched at her side as if she wanted to grab onto something, to hold herself through it. On almost instinct, he placed a palm on her knee, squeezing it. He could feel the tension melt away, and fuck, if that didnât make his heart stutter in his chest.
           âGood job,â Perlah gave Y/N a smile, as she taped down the IV line. âIâll get you a gown before we hook you up, so you can change out of those bloody clothes.â
           âOh, right.â Y/N took a glance down as if only now remembering she looked like a walking-talking murder scene.
           Perlah gave a warm laugh, patting her bicep. âAnd a bag too.â
           âYeah, thatâd be nice, thank you.â
           Jack helped pull the curtain closed and put up the standing partition, so Y/N could have as much privacy as possible while changing. Just as he informed her, he was gonna step out for a moment, she asked if he could stay.
           Jack froze on the spot. âWouldnât you be more comfortable with Perlah here?â
           â âS fine, I donât mind,â she looked at him from around the partition. âI trust you not to peek. Also, I just think youâve probably seen one too many butts in your day-to-day life for mine to be anything special. But uh,â she stammered as if suddenly realizing something and hiding behind the curtain again. âBut if you are uncomfortable, you can go. I mean, fuck you probably have other patients to see, and Iâm wasting your time with this.â
           âNope, Iâm uh, right where I need to be.â
           He wasnât uncomfortable, he was, however, worried he might say something beyond stupid. How heâd pretty much fallen in love with a person he didnât know a thing about, but being able to put a face to the ghost across the hall, had only intensified the crush growing in his chest.
           Jack hadnât had any romantic feelings in ages. Not since his wife had died. He still wore the ring sheâd slipped on his finger, a steady comfort during the darker moments, like he could feel her hand holding his, guiding him towards the light when he couldn't find it himself.
           He wondered what sheâd think about this whole situation, about the mystery desserts and him catching feelings for a neighbor heâd never met. Of course, he wouldnât make any sort of move on Y/N, not while at work. She was his patient, almost half his age, and despite his âcowboyishâ nature, heâd never try and hit on her while she was in such a vulnerable position. But he would like to think, his late love would nudge his shoulder in the right direction⌠tell him it was okay for him to want to be happy again.
           âSo,â Jack cleared his throat and busied himself with Y/Nâs chart. âWhat brought you to Pittsburg? You put down a Chicago address by the way.â
           âShit, yeah. I sometimes still do that⌠But uh, Carmen, the guy who brought me in, heâs opening up a restaurant not too far from here actually, and he wants me to be the pastry chef for it. Itâs why I didnât have a dessert for you today. We were at the restaurant testing things out, trying to get a feel for how we worked as staff.â Y/N bit down on her lip as she emerged from behind the screen, giving him an apologetic smile. âWanted to leave a note too, but time just slipped by, and when I did try to make one at home, the food started fighting me.â
           Jack laughed, shaking his head. âI mean, you donât have to feed me you know. But I⌠I canât say I wasnât worried about you. With everything that happened today⌠I just⌠I was scared you mightâve already been here and I hadnât known. Had missed my opportunity to find you⌠but uh, then I heard you break something at the apartment, so weâre all good.â
           He tried to act as if the thought of her, of 14B, his one constant of the past four months, having possibly died, hadnât gauged a hole in his chest.
She raised a brow, clearing her throat. âWhy didnât you knock? If you uh, if you were worriedâŚâ
           âHonestly?â Jack put his hands on his hips, as he looked at the floor, unable to keep his eyes on hers, but it was like Y/N understood him, so she turned her back. He stepped closer, tying the strings into knots, not once peeking below her waistline. âI was scared you might not answer. That there might be nobody there left to answer.â
           âIâm sorry,â Y/N whispered, turning around as Jack helped her settle in the bed and under the covers. âFor what you had to go through today.â
           And when she didnât try to pry, didnât try to get anything else from him, simply offered her support, all Jack could do was say, âThank you,â as emotions started to gather in his throat, forming a ball. âWhere you uh, where you at the festival?â
           He just had to know Y/N had been hopefully as far away from it all as possible.
           âUh, no,â she shook her head to his relief. âI was at The Bear with Carmy at that time, when we heard about it. We did have plans on going for the evening concert, but obviously... yeah...â
           âThe Bear?â The name sounded vaguely familiar, like something he mightâve skimmed over in some article, but wouldnât deem interesting enough to read the full thing. And Jack had to focus on that information, rather on how closely she and her friend had avoided a mass shooting.
           âItâs named after the OG one in Chicago. I told him, he should call it The Cub,â Y/N snorted. âYou know, like the first one, the mother, if you will, is in Chicago, and the second, the child of The Bear, is here. Carmy and Syd thought Pittsburg people wouldnât get it, though, and not come."
           âI think the Pittsburg people would come even if it was called The Trashcan, as long as you served your desserts there.â
           Jack couldnât help the glee he felt, couldnât stop the pride from rising as Y/N had to avert her gaze from him when her heart rate spiked, the monitor Perlah had hooked her up to, beeping in a quicker rhythm.
           He also made a mental note to find out where in Pittsburg exactly the new restaurant would be opened, so he could go and check it out sometime. And if he gathered enough courage, maybe give compliments to the chef there as well.
           They filled the time in between awaiting the x-ray results and getting sent up to the OR, by small talk. Jack asked about her background, how she got into cooking and how sheâd met Carmy and their team back in Chicago. And miraculously, Jack shared too. Even some of the truly deep stuff - how he'd had a wife, how heâd been an army medic, how he liked to listen to the police scanner as he tried to catch some sleep, because the way Y/N looked at him, so disarmingly, did something to Jack. It made him want to share, it made him want to show his heart to her.
           Soon enough, he got a call the x-rays confirmed his suspicions and they were ready for her to be operated on.
           âSo, how long until I can hold a knife?â Y/N asked as she was wheeled out of the room to the elevators. It was only at that moment, that Jack realized nobody had come in to ask him for a consult or even a second opinion. He was just about to thank the lucky stars of the night when a glance over at the HUB - Shen, Ellis and Princess all huddled together with sly grins on their faces - made him sigh.
           âWell, given how it isnât your dominant hand, you can hold a knife with no problems.â He pressed the elevator button. âItâs the other one holding the ingredients, youâll need to be careful with. And if you want the best outcome, you'll have to go to physical therapy at least two-three times a week, with at-home exercises.â
           âPhysical therapy?â Her brows rose to almost her hairline. âAnd I get assigned homework? This sucks.â
           âI told you,â Jack shrugged but smiled down at her from where he stood at the side of her bed. âThe hand is very complex. Itâs why surgeons specialize in specific fields. Trust me, you wouldnât want internal medicine operating on your money-makers.â He did a little jazz hands for emphasis. âAnd given how you almost perfectly severed the ligament in half, youâll have to put in some work to get the full range of motion back, but I uh, I can refer you to some pretty good physios if you need some recommendations.â
           Y/N threw her head back against the pillow with a huff, earning a chuckle from Mateo who was wheeling her bed. âYeah, I guess Iâll need some. Thank you.â
           âYouâll be fine, donât worry.â Jack looked at her pouting face, and his stomach did a somersault. âBesides, I am very personally invested in the health of your hands. Youâve turned me into a dessert addict when I used to hate sweets.â
           âWell, we canât have you munching on salted cardboard, can we?â she threw him one last laugh.
           And then the elevator arrived, taking her up and away from Jack. But he didnât remain on his own for long. There was nowhere he could hide in the ED, not from the gossip vultures that were Shen and the rest of his posse.
           âSo,â he dragged the word out. âIs this the mystery dessert ghost?â
           Jack schooled his face into one of his straight masks. âI have no idea what youâre talking about.â
           âRobby does. And Robby has been talking Danaâs ears off about these specific cookies made by your neighbor for months, at this point. And Dana talks to Princess and Perlah, who talk to me.â Shen shrugged, rolling back and forth from the balls of his feet to his heels, hands in his scrub pant pockets. âIâm just saying,â he shrugged, âFrom what Iâve heard down the grapevine, theyâre divine. And also â The Bear?â
           Jack raised a brow as John said the name with such reverence like it was something monumental.
           âYou get food made by one of the best chefs in the world. The least you could do is share.â
           Jack clapped a hand on Johnâs shoulder, trying to hide a smile that wanted to tug at his lips and this time he succeeded. âFor one, she baked them for me. And two, donât you have patients to check on?â
           With a gentle shove, he sent Shen on his way, needing to return to his own attending duties, but not before hearing, âI see who your favorite is. Just tell Robby I can fight, especially when cookies are on the line.â
           As much as heâd thought about finding some cosmic way of speeding up time, it still ticked by in its usual tempo. At one point, though, Carmen returned, with everything Y/N had asked neatly placed in a bag.
           âI need to get back to the restaurant, so I can't really stay,â he sighed, running a hand through his hair while Jack put the bag on the chair in her assigned room. âHow is she doing?â
           âStill up in surgery, but sheâs in great hands.â
           âGood,â Carmen nodded. â âCause I need her great hands too.â
           âWeâll do our best,â Jack affirmed and agreed to give a call if anything was needed. He was Y/Nâs emergency contact after all, but Jack guaranteed him, sheâd be fine. He himself would make sure of it.
           Soon enough, the sky started to lighten, and people from the day shift trickled in, the first one being Dana, much to Jack's surprise. The shiner was badly concealed by some make-up, but honestly, Jack thought she should leave it as is. Maybe if Gloria had to look into the consequences of her own incompetence in the face, sheâd hire the staff they so desperately needed.
           âHow did everything go?â Dana asked, settling in behind the HUB.
           âBetter than we couldâve hoped for. Everyoneâs stable, no codes. It was like⌠like someone was watching over us, if only for a few hours, and you know I don't much believe in such a thing.â But just as Jack was about to start explaining about the patients they had, who was priority and whatnot, the elevator dinged, and he watched Mateo wheel Y/N back out into the ED, and into her room. âGive me a sec.â
           If Dana said anything, he didnât hear it, not as he made for Y/N, and a boulder rolled off his lungs allowing him to breathe once more, when she turned to look at him in the doorway, eyelids half-closed and body, no doubt exhausted. Just because she wasnât fully under, didnât mean it wasnât a strain on her.
           âHey, howâre you feeling?â he lowered his voice to just barely above a whisper.
           âTired,â Y/N mumbled, drowsy from the medication if he could gather anything from the slight slurring of her words. âBut honestly, I donât give a shit if I need even a microscopic surgery in the future. I am now and forever more, requesting to be put to sleep. Period.â
           The right side of his lips quirked up. âThat bad?â
           âIt was more so the sounds, and god when they first strapped me down, I thought I was gonna have a panic attack.â Y/N winced as she adjusted on the bed, Jack by her side like a lightning strike, a steady hand on her hip to help out. âI just⌠yeah⌠itâs one thing to watch a horror movie and itâs something else to hear it and feel it happen to yourself.â She let out a heavy exhausted sigh, as she sank against the thin pillow.
           âCarmen stopped by earlier. Brought you the stuff you asked,â Jack informed her and got a soft hum in response. âHe had to go back to the restaurant though. Anyone you can call to take you home?â
           She shook her head, eyes closed. âIâll just Uber.â
           Jack frowned at that. He didnât like the thought of Y/N needing to figure out how to get back to their apartment complex on her own, especially when in such a state, so the offer slipped past his mouth before he had time to think. âI can take you home.â
           âIsnât your shift just about over?â her brows furrowed, and his fingers itched to smooth the grooves out with just his touch. He also wondered if a kiss would help him achieve the goal, but that was better left to his imagination.
           âI can wait.â
           Y/N hummed again, snuggling deeper into the duvet, that he gently tucked under her neck. âNo need to waste your time on me like that. Go home. Get some rest.â
           But Jackâs words fell on deaf ears, as he watched her breathing even out, and soft snores permeate the air, and yet, he still murmured, âwouldnât be a waste at all.â
           Again, his hand twitched at his side, wanting to brush his thumb along her cheekbone.
           Nope.
           Jack was not gonna do that. She was still his patient, and he was still at work. Besides, just because heâd gotten to know her cooking talents for the past four months, didnât mean he truly knew Y/N. Not yet at least, he hoped.
           He didnât manage to even go to the other side of her bed to check the drip of the IV, when Robby poked his head inside, an almost insidious smile on his face. Well, Jack thought it was insidious, especially with the way his brown eyes darted over to Y/Nâs sleeping form.
           âWhat in the world are you doing here, brother?â Jack let out a grunt. âThought Iâd told you to take some time off.â
           Robby crossed his arms, leaning against the doorway. âI will when you do the same.â
           âFat chance of that happening,â Jack snorted, shaking his head.
           âExactly, so the pot better stop calling the kettle black, and rather start explaining who this lovely person in here is.â
           âMy patient.â Jack turned his head to scan Y/Nâs vitals if only to make it seem like that was the true reason. He shouldâve known it wouldnât work, not on Robby, seeing as he was probably one of the few people who could glimpse past the mask he wore.
           A knowing smile pulled on the day-shift attendingâs face. âI mean, I have heard some rumors that this might be the famous 14B. Did the mystery-bakerâs identity finally get revealed?â
           Fucking Shen and fucking Dana and fucking Princess and fucking Perlah and fucking gossip, travelling all over their ED at the speed of light. God, it couldnât have been more than five minutes since Y/N had been wheeled down from the OR, and they were already on his ass.
           Jack just lifted his shoulders, acting like this revelation didnât mean anything. âSheâs a chef, just like I thought.â
           âA pretty chef, no less.â
           âYeah, and sheâs like half my age,â Jack scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.
           Robby stepped inside the room, hands in his pockets as he took a glance at Y/N. âFirst of all, that's an exaggeration, and second of all, sheâs an adult woman capable of making her own decisions.â
           âSheâs my patient,â Jack emphasized the last word, turning on his heel and exiting the room, but not without a final glance over his shoulder. Just to make sure everything was good. That she was good.
           âOh, give me a fucking break. Itâs day-shift hours now, so technically, sheâs, my patient. So come on, spillâŚâ Robby wiggled his brows a bit, but Jack wouldnât break as easily, not even with his best friend.
           âThere is nothing to say. Yeah, she's 14B. Yeah, she's a chef. And she got a really bad cut, almost severing the commissural ligament completely. Sue me for caring about a neighbor.â
           âRight,â Robby nodded as they walked to the lockers together. âAnd it has nothing to do with the fact youâve been keeping 14B like some sort of a secret lover, and now that you finally know itâs a gorgeous young woman, you might be crushing just a bit harder.â
           Jack ran a hand down his face. âLook, I â I had my hopes, okay? But sheâs a kid! Besides, Iâve only known her for a couple of hours, all of them as my patient.â
           Robby gave him a deadpan look. âSheâs been giving you dessert to eat almost every day without a fault for the past four months.â
           âSheâs a chef trying out recipes. She needed a taste-tester.â Jack shrugged. âThatâs like a huge part of her job, man. Getting peopleâs opinions on food and stuff.â
           âJust explain this to me â why on Earth would she go out of her way to feed a neighbor sheâs never met, to get an opinion of someone sheâs never met, when she literally has chefs around her? You know, her fellow professionals that have taste buds made by the fucking food gods or something?â Robby raised his brows. âBut no. She asks you â salted cardboard man.â
           God, Perlah could run her mouth faster than Usain Bolt could run 100 meters.
           âResearch?â
           Robby looked at him and sighed, shaking his head. âLook, just because you didnât know who she was, doesnât mean she didnât know who you were.â
           âWeâve never seen one another before,â but even as Jack said those words aloud, he thought back to how intuitive 14B had always been about when to give him the newest dessert.
           He took a glance towards Y/Nâs room. How had the lava cake still been hot? It wouldâve been amazing cold too, and yet⌠Maybe, just maybe, he hadnât been the only one paying attention to the apartment across the hall from theirsâŚ
           But all Jack said was, âYouâre a hopeless fucking romantic, brother,â while moving back out towards the HUB to hand Dana off his final charts.
           And yet, the thought of leaving Y/N on her own, or her having to Uber home, just didnât sit right with him.
           âIâm uh,â he cleared his throat, watching Robbyâs brows raise. âIâm just gonna wait until she wakes. Take her home.â
           âAnd youâre not gonna help out, man?â the words were teasing, but given Jackâs workaholic tendencies, probably shocking as he shook his head this time.
           âThe daytime is your kingdom, brother. But, do call if you need me.â
           With that, Jack slung his backpack over his shoulder, venturing back over to Y/Nâs room and he just sat there. Sometimes he just looked at her, tracing her profile with his eyes, memorizing the features, putting them onto the vague shape of 14B he'd developed in his mind's eye. Sometimes he scrolled through his phone, pulling up some articles about The Bear and their team.
           Jack almost choked reading about Carmen, how the timid man was a Michelin-starred chef, a James Beard award recipient and so much more. Not to say the whole team behind the original restaurant wasnât just as talented.
           And then there was a section on Y/N herself. A culinary prodigy, having staged in Paris, Amsterdam, Vienna, New York, Zurich and so many other cities Jack didnât even know existed. There was even a huge New York Times article about her and the food scene in the bustling city, and how at just 23 years of age she was dealing with helping run one of the most famous patisseries in the state.
           âHoly fucking shit,â Jack murmured in awe, and when he looked up, he was met with Y/Nâs open eyes, a pout on her face.
           âI thought I told you to go home and catch some Zs.â
           Jack locked his phone, standing up and leaning over her. âHow are you feeling?â
           âSore. Hand hurts like a bitch. But I just wanna get back to my own place, and rest there. Not to sound ungrateful, but I really donât wanna stay at your workplace longer than I have to.â
           His lips quirked up at that, and when she responded with a smile of her own, Jackâs heart stuttered in his chest. âThen letâs get you checked out, and out of here.â
           Dipping out of the room, he asked for Robby, as he was the one person he truly trusted to handle this, no interns or students allowed, to start the discharge process.
           âHey,â Y/Nâs face lit up at the sight of Jackâs friend, which made him frown. âI know you.â
           âGood to see you again. Iâm Dr Michael Robinavitch, but you can just call me Robby.â
           Jack cleared his throat. âHow exactly do you two know one another?â
           âWe met down at the lobby one time. My mailbox was being a little shit and wouldnât open, and he helped out,â Y/N said while Robby took her hand and unwrapped the bindings, checking over the incision place and how the stitches were looking. Spraying on some antibacterial solvent, he had Princess help him rebind the wound and prescribed some oral antibiotics for the next week as a precautionary measure.
           Robby chuckled, signing the end of Y/Nâs chart and giving it to Princess so she could finalize the discharge with Dana. âHad I known the woman by the mailbox was also the author of the best cookies Iâve ever eaten, I mightâve just had you struggle with it a bit more. Could've picked your brain a bit for the recipe.â
           She tilted her head to the side. âWhich ones?â
           Robby raised a brow. âWhat do you mean which ones?â
           âI mean, Iâve made a lot of cookies for Jack to test out, I-,â she scoffed in the middle of her sentence, throwing the man in question a look. âJack, you donât share?â
           âNo,â he said with a straight face. âAnd the only reason Robby got a piece was because heâs a damned thief. Now, can you please discharge her, so I can take her home?â
           Y/N tilted her head down a bit, a small shy smile blooming on her face. âYou didnât have to wait for me, you know.â
           Jack wanted to say he knew that, that he was just being a friendly neighbor and it was the least of how he could repay her for all the desserts, but he just shrugged, a sudden bashfulness taking over his own body. âHonestly, it was more for my peace of mind.â
           âWell, thank you anyway⌠You didnât have to stay, especially after a twelve-hour shift, and everything before that... but I appreciate it.â
           And he just nodded, nudging his chin in the direction of her bag, as Perlah came in to assist, Robby moving away with a small 'Hope you feel better soon,' while Jack nodded in thanks, turning his attention back on Y/N. âThere are some clean clothes for you there, and when youâre done, we can get going. Let me know if you need any help.â
           With that, he left Y/N behind the partition, and closed the curtain and then the door. He was met with Danaâs smirking and Robbyâs obnoxiously smug faces as they converged by the nurse's station. âNot a word.â
           âOh, Jack,â the charge nurse shook her head, laughing at him. âYou have no idea about the storm thatâs coming your way.â
           Maybe he could move, Jack thought. Heâd gather up his stuff and go somewhere deep into the Appalachian Mountains, where nobody would ever find him. The problem with that plan though, was when he started to wonder if Y/N would be willing to at least make a trip out there, if not move with him completely.
           âReady to go?â She opened the door heâd been guarding like a knight, her bag over her shoulder, while handing him his own.
           Immediately, Jack took the strap of hers too, sliding it down her shoulder, despite her protests, and ignored her insistence on carrying her own stuff. âGot everything?â
           âUh, yeah, I think so. But I mean, if I have forgotten anything, I know who to ask.â
           Jackâs lips pulled up in a smirk as they walked side by side, one of his hands hovering over the small of Y/Nâs back as he guided her out of the ED and to the parking lot. âAnd you think heâd just jump at your every whim and request?â
           âI dunno. Iâd like to think I mightâve sweetened him up a bit with all the desserts. After all, he did stay and wait for me.â
            âMaybe just a bit,â he let out a low laugh, heat crawling up his neck. âCanât tell that to anyone though. Might ruin my street cred.â
           And with just a single smile, Y/N sent him spiralling.
           He helped her up into the passenger seat, putting their bags in the back and, reversed out of the parking lot in record time. They rode in silence, as she unrolled the window a bit, allowing the morning breeze to wash over her face.
           The ride home was too short for his liking, as any minute spent in her company, was a minute Jack cherished, but soon enough he was helping her out of the car, and holding their complex doors open. Step by step they moved up to the fifth floor.
           Jack waited as Y/N rummaged through the bag until she found her keys and unlocked her door.
           âThank you, again.â She turned to face him. âFor taking care of me.â
            âJust⌠doing my job.â
           âI mean yeah, butâŚ. Giving me a ride home? Staying after hours?â
           âWe live in the same house. On the same floor. It was no big deal.â
           Y/N cocked a hip. âYouâd already worked your night shift.â
           And Jack had nothing to rebut. He just awkwardly cleared his throat and hoped she didnât see the blushing staining his cheeks.
           âDo you uh,â she started, âDo you maybe wanna come inside for a bite and some coffee? Iâm not much of a barista, so youâd have to take my shitty pour-over as is, but I still have some leftover millionaire-shortbread brownies I made two days ago.â
           Jack gave a small smile. Heâd smiled more throughout that one night than in the past few years combined. âFlaky salt on top?â
           âHavenât made it any other way since.â
           And when he followed her, closing the door behind them with a soft click, his eyes ventured over to a coffee table beside the couch.
           Sheâd left a night light on.
Tags: are open :)
A/N: I need that old man so hard, I'm gnawing at the bars of my enclosure
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Genre: Southern Gothic, Angst, Supernatural Thriller, Romance
Word Count: 15.7k+
Summary: In a sweltering Mississippi town, a woman's nights are divided between a juke joint's soulful music and the intoxicating presence of a mysterious man named Remmick. As her heart wrestles with fear and desire, shadows lengthen, revealing truths darker than the forgotten woods. In the heart of the Deep South, whispers of love dance with danger, leaving a trail of secrets that curl like smoke in the night.
Content Warnings: Emotional and physical abuse, manipulation, supernatural themes, implied violence, betrayal, character death, transformation lore, body horror elements, graphic depictions of blood, intense psychological and emotional distress, brief sexual content, references to alcoholism and domestic conflict. Let me know if I missed any!
A/N: My first story on here! Also Iâm not from the 1930âs so donât beat me up for not knowing too much about life in that time.I couldnât stop thinking about this gorgeous man since I watched the movie. Wanted to jump through the screen to get to him anywayssss likes, reblogs and asks always appreciated.Â
The heat clings to my skin like a second husband, just as unwanted as the first. Even with the sun long gone, the air hangs thick enough to drown in, pressing against my lungs as I ease the screen door open. The hinges whineâtraitors announcing my escape attemptâand before I can slip out, his voice lashes at my back, mean as a belt strap.
"I ain't done talkin' to you, girl."
His fingers dig into my arm, yanking me back inside. The dim yellow light from our single lamp casts his face in a shadow, but I donât need to see his expression. I've memorized every twist his mouth makes when he's like thisâcruel at the corners, loose in the middle.
"You been done," I whisper, the words scraping my throat like gravel. My tears stay locked behind my eyes, prisoners I refuse to release. "Said all you needed to say half a bottle ago."
Frank's breath hits my face, sour with corn liquor and hate. His pupils are wide, unfocusedâblack holes pulling at the edges of his irises. The hand not gripping my arm rises slow and wavering, a promise of pain that has become as routine as sunrise.
But tonight, the whiskeyâs got him too good. His arm drops mid-swing, its weight too much. For the first time in three years of marriage, I don't flinch.
He notices. Even drunk, he notices.
"The hell's gotten into you?" His words slur together, a muddy river of accusation. "Think you better'n me now? That it?"
"Just tired, Frank." My voice stays steady as still water. "That's all."
The truth is, I stopped being afraid a month ago. Fear requires hopeâthe desperate belief that things might change if you're just careful enough, quiet enough, good enough. I buried my hope the last time he put my head through the wall, right next to where the plaster still shows the shape of my skull.
I look around our little houseâa wedding gift from his daddy that's become my prison. Two rooms of misery, decorated in things Frank broke and I tried to fix. The table with three good legs and one made from an old fence post. The chair with stuffing coming out like dirty snow. The wallpaper peels in long strips, curling away from the walls like they're trying to escape too.
My reflection catches in the cracked mirror above the wash basinâa woman I barely recognize anymore. My eyes have gone flat, my cheekbones sharp beneath skin that used to glow. Twenty-five years old and fading like a dress left too long in the sun.
Frank stumbles backward, catching himself on the edge of our bed. The springs screech under his weight. "Where you think you're goin' anyhow?"
"Just for some air." I keep my voice gentle, like you'd talk to a spooked horse. "Be back before you know it."
His eyes narrow, suspicion fighting through the drunken haze. "You meetin' somebody?"
I shake my head, moving slowly around the room, gathering my shawl, and checking my hair. Every movement measured, nothing to trigger him. "Just need to breathe, Frank. That's all."
"You breathe right here," he mutters, but his words are losing their fight, drowning in whiskey and fatigue. "Right here where I can see you."
I don't answer. Instead, I watch him struggle against sleep, his body betraying him in small surrendersâhead nodding, shoulders slumping, breath deepening. Five minutes pass, then ten. His chin drops to his chest.
I slip my dancing shoes from their hiding place beneath a loose floorboard under our bed. Frank hates themâsays they make me look loose, wanton. What he means is they make me look like someone who might leave him.
He's not wrong.
The shoes feel like rebellion in my hands. I've polished them in secret, mended the scuffs, kept them alive like hope. Can't put them on yetâthe sound would wake himâbut soon. Soon they'll carry me where I need to go.
Frank snores suddenly, a thunderclap of noise that makes me freeze. But he doesn't stir, just slumps further onto the bed, one arm dangling toward the floor.
I move toward the door again; shoes clutched to my chest like something precious. The night outside calls to me with cricket songs and possibilities.
Through the dirty window, I can see the path that leads toward the woods, toward Smoke and Stack's place where the music will already be starting. Where for a few hours, I can remember what it feels like to be something other than Frank's wife, Frank's disappointment, Frank's punching bag.
The screen door sighs as I ease it open. The night air touches my face like a blessing. Behind me, Frank sleeps the sleep of the wicked and the drunk. Ahead of me, there's music waiting. And tonight, just tonight, that music is stronger than my fear.
The juke joint grows from the Mississippi dirt like something half-remembered, half-dreamed. Even from the edge of the trees, I can feel its heartbeatâthe thump of feet on wooden boards, the wail of Sammie's guitar cutting through the night air, voices rising and falling in waves of joy so thick you could swim in them. My shoes dangle from my fingers, still clean. No point in dirtying them on the path. What matters is what happens inside, where the real world stops at the door and something else begins.
Light spills from the cracks between weathered boards, turning the surrounding pine trees into sentinels guarding this secret. I slip my shoes on, leaning on the passenger side of one of the few vehicles in-front of the juke-joint, already swaying to the rhythm bleeding through the walls.
Smoke and Stack bought this place with money from God knows where coming back from Chicago. Made it sturdy enough to hold our dreams, hidden enough to keep them safe. White folks pretend not to know it exists, and we pretend to believe them. That mutual fiction buys us thisâone place where we don't have to fold ourselves small.
I push open the door and step into liquid heat.
Bodies press and sway, dark skin gleaming with sweat under the glow of kerosene lamps hung from rough-hewn rafters. The floor bears witness to many nights of stomping feet, marked with scuffs that tell stories words never could. The air tastes like freedomâsharp with moonshine, sweet with perfume, salty with honest work washed away in honest pleasure.
At the far end, Sammie hunches over his guitar, eyes closed, fingers dancing across strings worn smooth from years of playing. He doesn't need to see what he's doing; the music lives in his hands. Each note tears something loose inside anyone who hears itâsomething we keep chained up during daylight hours.
Annie throws her head back in laughter, her full hips wrapped in a dress the color of plums. She grabs Pearline's slender wrist, pulling her into the heart of the dancing crowd. Pearline resists for only a second before surrendering, her graceful movements a perfect counterpoint to Annie's rare wild abandon.
"Come on now," Annie shouts over the music. "Your husband ain't here to see you, and the Lord ain't lookin' tonight!"
Pearline's lips curve into that secret smile she saves for these moments when she can set aside the proper church woman and become something truer.
In the corner, Delta Slim nurses a bottle like it contains memories instead of liquor. His eyes, bloodshot but sharp, track everything without seeming to. His fingers tap against the bottleneck, keeping time with Sammie's playing. An old soul who's seen too much to be fooled by anything.
"Slim!" Cornbread's deep voice booms as he passes, carrying drinks that overflow slightly with each step. "You gonna play tonight or just drink the profits?"
"Might do both if you keep askin'," Slim drawls, but there's no heat in it. Just the familiar rhythm of old friends.
I step fully into the room and something shifts. Not everyone noticesâmost keep dancing, talking, drinkingâbut enough heads turn my way that I feel it. A ripple through the crowd, making space. Recognition.
Smoke spots me from behind the rough-plank bar. His nod is almost imperceptible, but I catch itâpermission, welcome, understanding. His forearms glisten with sweat as he pours another drink, muscles tensed like he's always ready for trouble. Because he is.
Stack appears beside him, leaning in to say something in his twin's ear. Unlike Smoke, whose energy coils tight, Stack moves with a gambler's grace, all smooth edges, and calculated risks. His eyes find me in the crowd, lingering a beat too long, concern flashing before he masks it with a lazy smile.
My feet carry me to the center of the floor without conscious thought. The wooden boards warm beneath my soles, greeting me like an old friend. I close my eyes, letting Sammie's guitar and voice pull me under, drowning in sound.
My body remembers what my mind tries to forgetâhow to move without fear, how to speak without words. My hips sway, shoulders rolling in time with the stomps. Each stomp of my feet sends the day's hurt into the ground. Each twist of my wrist unravels another knot of rage. My dressâfaded cotton sewn and resewn until it's more memory than fabricâclings to me as I spin, catching sweat and starlight.
"She needs this," Smoke mutters to Stack, thinking I can't hear over the music. He takes a long pull from his bottle, eyes never leaving me. "Let her be."
But Stack keeps watching, the way he watched when we were kids, and I climbed too high in the cypress trees. Like he's waiting to catch me if I fall.
I don't plan to fall. Not tonight. Tonight, I'm rising, lifting, breaking free from gravity itself.
Mary appears beside me, her red dress a flame against the darkness. She moves with the confidence of youth and beauty, all long limbs and laughter.
"Girl, you gonna burn a hole in the floor!" she shouts, spinning close enough that her breath warms my ear.
I don't answer. Can't answer. Words belong to the day world, the world of men like Frank who use them as weapons. Here, my body speaks a better truth.
The music climbs higher, faster. Sammie's fingers blur across the strings, coaxing sounds that shouldn't be possible from wood and wire. The crowd claps in rhythm, feet stomping, voices joining in wordless chorus. The walls of the juke joint seem to expand with our joy, swelling to contain what can't be contained.
My head tilts back, eyes finding the rough ceiling without seeing it. My spirit has already soared through those boards, up past the pines, into a night sky scattered with stars that know my real name. Sweat tracks down my spine, between my breasts, and along my temples. My heartbeat syncs with the drums until I can't tell which is which.
At this moment, Frank doesn't exist. The bruises hidden beneath my clothes don't exist. All that exists is movement, music, and the miraculous feeling of being fully, completely alive in a body that, for these few precious hours, belongs only.
The music fades behind me, each step into the woods stealing another note until all that's left is memory. My body still hums with the ghost of rhythm, but the air around me has changedâgone still in a way that doesn't feel right. Mississippi nights are never quiet, not really. There are always cicadas arguing with crickets, frogs calling from hidden places, leaves whispering to each other. But tonight, the woods swallow sound like they're holding their breath. Waiting for something. My fingers tighten around my shawl, pulling it closer though the heat hasn't broken. It's not cold I'm feeling. It's something else.
Moonlight cuts through the canopy in silver blades, slicing the path into sections of light and dark. I step carefully, avoiding roots that curl up from the earth like arthritic fingers. The juke-joint has disappeared behind me; its warmth and noise sealed away by the wall of pines. Ahead lies homeâFrank snoring in a drunken stupor, walls pressing in, air thick with resentment. Between here and there is only this stretch of woods, this moment of in-between.
My dancing shoes pinch now, reminding me they weren't made for walking. But I don't take them off. They're the last piece of the night I'm clinging to, proof that for a few hours, I was
someone else. Someone free.
A twig snaps.
I freeze every muscle tense as piano wire. That sound came from behind me, off to the left where the trees grow thicker. Not an animalâtoo deliberate, too singular. My heart drums against my ribs, no longer keeping Sammie's rhythm but a faster, frightened beat of its own.
"Who's there?" My voice sounds thin in the unnatural quiet.
For a moment, nothing. Then movementânot a crashing through underbrush, but a careful parting, like the darkness itself is opening up.
He steps onto the path, and everything in me goes still.
White man. Tall. Nothing unusual about that. But everything else about him rings false. His clothes seem to match the dust of the woodsâdusty white shirt, suspenders that catch the moonlight like they're made of something finer than ordinary cloth. Dust clings to his shoes but sweat darkens his collar despite the heat. His skin is pale in a way that seems to glow faintly, untouched by the sun.
But it's his eyes that stop my breath. They don't blink enough. And they're fixed on me with a hunger that has nothing to do with what men usually want.
"You move like you don't belong to this world," he says, voice smooth as molasses but cold like stones at the bottom of a well. There's a drawl to his words. He sounds like nowhere and everywhere. "I've watched you dance. On nights like this. It's⌠spellwork, what you do."
My spine straightens of its own accord. I should run. Every instinct screams it. But something elseâpride, maybe, or foolishnessâkeeps me rooted.
"I ain't got nothin' for you," I say, keeping my voice steady. My hand tightens on my shawl, though it's poor protection against whatever this man is. "And white men seekinâ me out here alone usually bring trouble."
His lips curve upward, but the smile doesn't touch those unblinking eyes. They remain fixed, assessing, and patient in a way that makes my skin prickle.
"You think I came to bring you trouble?"
The question hangs between us, delicate as spiderweb. I don't trust it. Don't trust him.
"I think you should go," I say, taking half a step backward.
He matches with a step forward but maintains the distance between usâprecise, controlled.
"I'm called Remmick."
"I didn't ask." My voice sharpens with fear disguised as attitude.
"No," he says, nodding thoughtfully. "But something in you will remember."
The certainty in his voice raises the hair on my arms. I study him more carefullyâthe unnatural stillness with which he holds himself. Something is wrong with this man, something beyond the obvious danger of a man approaching a woman alone in the woods at night.
The trees around him seem to bend away slightly, as if reluctant to touch him. Even the persistent mosquitoes that plague these woods avoid the air around him. The night itself recoils from his presence, creating a bubble of emptiness with him at the center.
I take another step back, putting more distance between us. My heel catches on a root, but I recover without falling. His eyes track the movement with unsettling precision.
"You can go on now," I say, my voice harder now. "Ain't nobody invited you."
Something changes in his expression at thatâa flicker of satisfaction, like I've confirmed something he suspected. His head tilts slightly, almost pleased.
"That's true," he murmurs, the words barely disturbing the air. "Not yet."
The way he says itâlike a promise, like a threatâmakes my breath catch. The moonlight catches his profile as he turns slightly.
For a moment, just a moment, I think I see something move beneath that worn shirtânot muscle or bone, but something else, something that shifts like shadow-given substance. Then it's gone, and he's just a man again. A strange, terrifying man standing too still in the woods who wants nothing to do with him.
I don't say goodbye. Don't acknowledge him further. Just back away, keeping my eyes on him until I can turn safely until the path curves and trees separate us. Even then, I feel his gaze on my back like a physical weight, pressing against my spine, leaving an imprint that won't wash off.
I don't runârunning attracts predatorsâbut I walk faster, my dancing shoes striking the dirt in a rhythm that sounds like warning, warning, warning with each step. The trees seem to whisper now, breaking their unnatural silence to murmur secrets to each other.
Behind me, the woods remain still. I don't hear him following. Somehow, that's worse. As if he doesn't need to follow to find me again.
As I near the edge of the tree line, the familiar sounds of night gradually returnâcicadas start up their sawing, and an owl calls from somewhere deep in the darkness. The world exhales, releasing the breath it had been holding.
But something has changed. The night that once offered escape now feels like another kind of trap. And somewhere in the darkness behind me waits a man named Remmick, with eyes that don't blink enough and a voice that speaks of "not yet" like it's already written.
Two day passed but The rooster still donât holler like he used to. He creaks out a noise âround mid-morning now, long after the sunâs already sitting heavy on the tin roof. Maybe the heat got to him. Maybe heâs just tired of callinâ out a world that donât change.
I know the feel. But night comes again, faster than morninâ these days. Probably causeâ Iâm expectinâ more from the night.
Frankâs out cold on the mattress, one leg hanging off like it gave up trying. His breath comes in grunts, open-mouthed and ugly. A fly dances lazy across his upper lip, lands, takes off again. I step over his boots; past the broken chair he swore heâd fix last fall.
Ainât nothinâ changed but the dust.
Kitchen smells like rusted iron and whatever crawled up into the walls to die. I fill the kettle slow, careful with the water pump handle so it donât squeal. Ainât trying to wake a bear before itâs time. My fingers press against the wallpaper, where it peeled back like bark. The spot stays warm. Heat trapped from yesterday.
I donât talk to myself. Donât say a word.
But my thoughts speak his name without asking.
Remmick.
It donât belong in this house. It donât belong in my mouth, either. But there it is, curling behind my teeth. I never told a soul about him. Not âcause I was scared. Not yet.
Just didnât know how to explain a man who donât blink enough. Who moves like the ground ainât quite got a grip on him. Who steps out of the woods like he heard you call, even when you didnât. A man who hangs âround a place with no intention of going in.
I tug the hem of my dress higher to look at the bruise. Purple, with a ring of green creeping in around the edges. I press two fingers to it, just to feel it. A reminder.
Frank donât always hit where people can see. But he donât always miss, either.
I wrap it in cloth, tug the fabric of my dress just right, and move on. I donât plan to dance tonight. But Iâll sit. Maybe smile. Maybe drink something that donât taste like survival. Maybe Stackâll run his mouth and pull a laugh out of me without trying.
And maybe, when itâs time to go, Iâll take the long way home.
Not because Iâm expectinâ anything.
But because I want to.
The juke joint buzzes before I even see it. The trees carry the sound firstâthe thump of feet, the thrum of piano spilling through the wood like sap. By the time I reach the clearing, itâs already breathing, already alive.
Cornbreadâs at the door, arms folded. When I pass, he gives me that look like he sees more than I want him to.
âYou look lighter tonight,â he says.
I give a half-smile. âProbably just ainât carryinâ any expectations.â
He lets out a low laugh, the kind that rolls up from his gut and sits heavy in the room.
âOr maybe âcause you left somethinâ behind last night.â
That makes me pause, just for a beat. But I donât show it. Just raise my brow like heâs talkinâ nonsense and keep walkinâ.
He donât mean nothinâ by it.
But it sticks to me anyway.
Delta Slimâs at the keys, tapping them like they owe him money. The notes bounce off the walls, dusty and full of teeth. No Sammie tonightâStack said heâs somewhere wrasslinâ a busted guitar into obedience.
Pearlineâs off in the corner, close to Sammieâs usual seat. Sheâs leaned in real low to a man I seen from time to time here, voice like honey drippinâ too slow to trust. Her laugh breaks in soft bursts, careful not to wake whatever sheâs tryinâ to keep asleep.
Stackâs behind the bar, sleeves rolled up, but he ainât workin.â Not really. Heâs leaninâ on the wood, jaw flexing as he smirks at some girl with freckles down her arms like spilled salt.
I find a seat near the back, close enough to the fan to catch a breath of cool, far enough to keep my bruise out of the light.
Inside, the joint donât just singâit exhales. Walls groan with sweat and joy, floorboards shimmy under stompinâ feet. The airâs thick with heat, perfume, and fried something thatâs long since stopped smellinâ like food. Thereâs a rhythm to the placeâone that donât care what your name is, just how you move.
Smokeâs behind the bar too, back bent over a bottle, jaw set tight like always. But when he sees me, his mouth softens. Not a smileâhe donât give those away easy. Just a nod. Like he sees me, really sees me.
âFrank dead yet?â he mutters without looking up.
âNot that lucky,â I say, voice dry as dust.
He pours without askin.â Corn punch. Still too sweet. But it sits right on the tongue after a long day of silence.
âYou limpinâ?â he asks, low, like maybe itâs just for me.
I shake my head. âJust donât feel like shakinâ.â
He grunts understanding. âYou donât gotta explain, Y/N. Just glad you showed.â
A warmth rolls behind my ribs. I donât show it. But I feel it.
I donât dance, but I play. Cards smack against the wood table like drumbeatsâsharp, mean, familiar. The men at the table glance up, but none complain when I sit. I win too often for them to pretend they ainât interested.
Stack leans over my shoulder after the second hand. I smell rum and tobacco before he speaks.
âYou cheat,â he says, eyes twinkling.
âYou slow,â I fire back, slapping a queen on the pile.
He whistles. âYou always talk this much when you feelinâ good?â
âDonât flatter yourself.â
âOh, I ainât. Just sayin,â looks Like you been kissed by somethinâ holyâor dangerous.â
âIâll let you decide which.â
He laughs, pulls up a chair without askinâ. His knee brushes mine. He donât apologize. I donât move.
I leave before Slim plays his last note. The night wraps itself around me the moment I step out, damp and sweet, the kind of air that clings to your skin like memory. One more laugh from inside rings out sharp before the door shuts and the trees hush it.
My feet take the path without me thinking. I donât look for shadows. Donât linger. Just want the stillness. The cool hush after heat. The part of night that feels like confession.
But halfway down the clearing, I see him again.
Not leaning. Not hiding. Just there. Standing like the woods parted just to place him in my way.
White shirt. Sleeves rolled. Suspenders loose against dusty pants. Hat in hand like he means to be respectful, like he was taught his mamaâs manners.
I stop.
âYou followinâ me?â I ask, but it donât come out sharp.
His mouth twitches. Not quite a smile.
âDidnât know a man needed a permit to take a walk under the stars.â
âYou keep walkinâ where I already am.â
He looks down the path, then back at me. âMaybe that means you and I got the same sense of direction.â
âOr maybe you been steppinâ where you know Iâll be.â
He doesnât deny it. Just shrugs, eyes steady.
I donât move closer. Donât move back either.
âYou always turn up like this?â I ask. âLike a page I forgot to read?â
He chuckles. âNo. Just figured you were the kind of story worth rereadinâ.â
The silence after that ainât heavy. Just⌠close. The kind that makes your ears ring with what you ainât said.
âYou always this smooth?â I say, voice low.
âI been known to stumble,â he replies. âJust not when it counts.â
I shift. Let my eyes roam past him, toward the tree line. âSmall talk doesnât suit you.â
âI donât do small.â His eyes meet mine again. âEspecially not with you.â
Itâs too much. It should be too much. But my hands donât tremble. My breath donât catch.
Not yet.
âYou always walk the same road as a woman leavinâ the juke joint alone?â
âI didnât follow you,â he repeats. âI just happen to be where you are.â
He steps forward, slow.
I donât retreat.
âYou expect me to believe that?â I ask.
âNo,â he says softly. âBut I think you want to.â
That lands between us like something too honest.
He runs a hand through his hair before putting his hat on. A simple gesture. A human one. Like heâs just another man with nowhere to be and too much time to spend not being there.
He watches me, real stillâlike a man waitinâ to see if Iâll spook or bite.
âFigured I mightâve come off wrong last time,â he says finally, voice soft, but it donât bend easy. âDidnât mean to.â
âYou did,â I say, but my arms stay loose at my sides.
A flick of something passes over his face. Not shame, not prideâjust a small, ghosted look, like heâs used to beinâ misunderstood.
âWell,â he says, thumb brushing the brim of his hat, âthought maybe Iâd try again. Slower this time.â
That pulls at somethinâ behind my ribs, makes the air stretch thinner between us.
âYou act like this some kinda game.â
He shakes his head once. âNot a game. JustâŚtiming. Some things got to take the long way âround.â
I narrow my eyes at him, trying to make out where heâs hidinâ the trick in all this.
âThe way you talk is like running in circles.â
He laughsâlow and rough at the edges, like it ainât used to beinâ let out. âI wonât waste time running in circles around a darlinâ like you.â
I cross my arms, squinting at the space between his words.
âThat supposed to charm me?â
He shrugs, one shoulder easy like he donât expect much.
âWouldnât dream of it,â he says. âJust thought Iâd give you something truer than a lie.â
His voice ainât sweetâitâs too honest for that. But it moves like water that knows where itâs goinâ.
I shift my weight, let the breeze slide between us.
âYou ainât said why youâre here. Not really.â
He watches me a long moment, like heâs weighing how much Iâll let in.
âMaybe Iâm drawn to your energy,â he says finally.
I scoff. âMy energy? I donât move too much to emit energy.â
That gets him smilinâ. Slow. Not too sure of itself, but not shy either.
âYou donât have to move,â he says, âto be seen.â
The words hit like a drop of cold water between the shoulder bladesâsharp, sudden, and too real. I take a step forward just to ground myself, heel pressing into the dirt like I mean it.
âYou a preacher?â I ask, voice sharper than before.
He chuckles, deep and close-lipped. âAinât nothinâ holy about me.â
âThen donât talk to me like you got a sermon stitched in your throat.â
He bows his head just a hair, hands still at his sides. âFair enough.â
A pause stretches long enough for the night sounds to creep back inâcicadas winding up, wind sifting through the trees.
âIâm Remmick,â he says, like it matters more now.
âI know.â
âAnd you?â
âYou donât need my name.â
His mouth quirks like he wants to press, but he donât.
âYou sure about that?â
âYes.â
The silence that follows feels cleaner. Like everythingâs been set on the table and neither one of us reaching for it.
He nods, slow. âAlright. Just thought Iâd say hello this time without makinâ the trees nervous.â
I donât smile. Donât give him more than I want to.
But I donât turn away either.
And when he steps backâslow, like he respects the space between usâI let him.
This time, I watch him go. Down the path, âtil the woods decide theyâve had enough of him.
I donât look back once my handâs on the porch rail.
The key trembles once in the lock before it catches. Inside, itâs the same. Frank dead to the world, laid out like sin forgiven.
I pass him without a glance, like Iâm the ghost and not him.
At the washbasin, I scrub my face until the cold water stings. Peel off the dress slow, like unwrapping something tender. The bruises bloom up my side, but I donât touch âem.
I slide into a cotton nightgown soft enough not to fight me.
Climb into bed without expecting sleep.
Just lie there, staring at the ceiling like maybe tonight it might speak.
But it donât.
It just creaks. Settles.
And leaves me with that name again.
Remmick.
I whisper it once, barely enough sound to stir the dark.
Three days pass.
The sunâs just fallen, but the air still clings like breath held too long. Iâm on the back stoop with my foot sunk in a basin of cool water, ankle puffed up mean from Frankâs latest mood. Shawl drawn close, dress hem hiked above the bruising. The house behind me creaks like itâs thinking about falling apart. Crickets chirp with something to prove. A whip-poor-will calls once, then hushes like it said too much.
And thenâ
âEveninâ.â
My hand jerks, sloshing water up my calf. I donât scream, but I donât hide the startle either.
Heâs by the fence post. Just leaninâ. Arms folded over the top like he been there long enough to take root. Hat low, sleeves rolled, collar open at the throat. Shirt clings faint in the heat, pants dusted up from honest walkingâor the kind that donât leave footprints.
I say nothing.
He tips his head like heâs waiting for permission that wonât come. âDidnât mean to scare you.â
âYou always arrive like breath behind a neck.â
âI try not to,â he says, quiet. âDonât always manage it.â
That smile he wearsâit donât shine. It settles. Soft. A little sorry.
âI wasnât sure youâd want to see me again,â he says.
âI donât.â
He nods like he expected that too. I donât blink. Donât drop my gaze.
âWhy you keep cominâ here, Remmick?â
His name tastes different now. Sharper.
He blinks once, slow and deliberate. âDidnât think you remembered it.â
âI remember what sticks wrong.â
He watches me a beat longer than comfort allows. Thenâcalm, measuredâhe says, âJust figured you might not mind the company.â
âThat ainât company,â I snap. âThatâs trespassinâ.â
My voice cuts colder than I meant it to, but it donât feel like a lie.
âYou know where I live. You know when Iâm out here. That ainât coincidence. Thatâs intent.â
He donât flinch. âI asked.â
That stops me. âAsked who?â
He lifts his hand, palm out like he ainât holdinâ anything worth hiding. âLady outside the feed store. Said you were the one with the porch full of peeled paint and a garden that used to be tended. Said you got a husband who drinks too early and hits too late.â
My mouth goes dry.
âYou spyinâ on me?â
âNo,â he says. âI donât need to spy to see whatâs plain.â
âAnd whatâs plain to you, exactly?â My tone is flint now. Sparked. âYou donât know a damn thing about me.â
He leans in, just enough. âYou think that bruise on your ankle donât show âcause your dress covers it? You think folks ainât noticed how you donât laugh no more unless you hidinâ it behind a stiff smile?â
Silence folds in between us. Thick. Unwelcoming.
He doesnât press. Just keeps looking, like heâs listening for something I ainât said yet.
âI donât need savinâ,â I murmur.
âI didnât come to save you,â he says, and his voice is different now low, but not slick. Heavy, like a weight heâs carried too far. âI just came to see if youâd talk back. Thatâs all.â
I pull my foot from the water, slow. Wrap it in a rag. Keep my gaze steady.
âYou show up again unasked,â I say, âIâll have Frank walk you home.â
He chuckles. Real soft. Like he donât think Iâd do it, but he donât plan to test me either.
âIâd deserve it,â he says.
Then he tips his hat after putting it back on and steps back into the night. Doesnât rush. Doesnât look back.
But even after heâs gone, I can feel the place he left behindâlike a fingerprint on glass.
âââ
Inside, Frankâs already mutterinâ in his sleep. The sound of a man who ainât never done enough to earn rest, but claims it like birthright.
I move around him like I ainât there.
Later, in bed, the ceiling donât offer peace. Just shadows that shift like breath. I lay quiet, hands folded over my stomach, heart beatinâ steady where it shouldnât.
I donât say his name.
But I think it.
And it stays.
Mornings donât change much. Not in this house.
Frankâs boots hit the floor before I even open my eyes. He donât speakâjust shuffles around, clearing his throat like itâs my fault it ainât clear yet. He spits into the sink, loud and wet, then starts lookinâ for somethinâ to curse.
Today itâs the biscuits. Yesterday, it was the fact I bought the wrong tobacco. Tomorrow? Could be the way I breathe.
I donât talk back. Just pack his lunch quiet, hands moving like theyâve learned how to vanish.
When the door finally slams shut behind him, the silence feels less like peace and more like a pause in the storm. The floor donât sigh. I do.
Heâll be back by sundown.
Drunk by nine.
Dead asleep by ten.
And Iâll be somewhere elseâat least for a little while.
The juke jointâs sweating by the time I get there.
Delta Slimâs on keys again, playing like his fingers been dipped in honey and sorrow. Voices ride the walls, thick and rising, the kind that ainât tryinâ to be prettyâjust loud enough to out-sing the pain.
Pearlineâs got Sammie backed in a corner again, her laugh syrupy and slow. She always did know how to linger in a manâs space like perfume. Cornbreadâs hollering near the door, trading jokes for coin. And Annieâs on a stool, head tilted like sheâs heard too much and not enough.
I donât dance tonight. Still too tender. So, I post up at the end of the bar with something sharp in my glass.
Smoke sees me, gives that chin lift he reserves for bad days and bruised ribs. Stack sidles up before the ice even melts.
âQuiet day today,â he asks, cracking a peanut with his teeth.
I donât look at him. Just stir my drink slow. âTalkinâ ainât always safe.â
His brows go up. He glances around like heâs checking for shadows, then leans in a bit.
âFrank still being Frank?â
I lift one shoulder.
Stack donât push. Just keeps on with his drink, knuckles tapping the bar like a slow metronome.
Then, quiet:
âYou got somethinâ heavy to let go of.â
That stops me. Just a second. But he catches it.
âHuh?â
He shrugs, doesnât look at me this time. âYou ever seen a rabbit freeze in tall grass? Thatâs the look. Ears up. Heart runninâ. But it ainât moved yet.â
I run a fingertip down the side of my glass, watching the sweat bead up.
âThereâs been a man.â
Now Stack looks.
âHe donât say much. Just⌠shows up. Walks the same road Iâm on, like we both happened there. Then he started talkinâ. Knew things he shouldnât. Last time, he was near my house. Didnât come in. Just⌠lingered.â
âWhite?â
I nod.
Stackâs whole posture changesâdraws tight at the shoulders, jaw working.
âYou want me to handle it?â
I shake my head. âNo.â
âY/Nââ
âNo,â I say again, firmer. âI donât want more fire when the house is already half burnt. He ainât done nothin.â Not really.â Yet.
He lets it settle. Donât agree. But he donât argue either.
Behind us, Annieâs refilling her glass. She donât speak, but her eyes cut over to Mary.
Mary catches it. Lips press together. She looks at me the way you look at something youâve seen before but canât stop from happening again.
And then, like itâs all normal, Mary chirps out, âYou hear Pearline bet Sammie he couldnât outdrink Cornbread?â
Annie scoffs. âShe just tryinâ to sit on his lap before midnight.â
Stack grins but donât fully let go of his watchful look.
The mood shifts easy, like it rehearsed for this. Like they all know how to laugh loud enough to cover a crack in the wall.
But I ainât laughing.
I nurse my drink, fingers cold and wet around the glass. My eyes flick toward the door, then away.
Remmick.
That nameâs been clinginâ to my mind like smoke in closed curtains. Thick. Quiet. Still there long after the fireâs gone out.
I think about how he looked at meânot like a man looks at a woman, but like heâs listening to something inside her. I think about the way his voice wrapped around the air, soft but steady, like it belonged even when it didnât.
I think about how I told Stack I didnât want to see him again.
And I wonder why I lied.
Frankâs truck wheezes up the road like itâs dragginâ its bones. Brakes cry once. Gravel shifts like it donât want to hold him.
Inside, the potâs still warm on the stove. Not hot. He hates hot. Says it means I was tryinâ too hard, or not tryinâ enough. With Frank, it donât matter whichâheâll find the fault either way.
The screen door creaks and slams. That sound still startles me, even now.
Boots hit wood, heavy and careless. His scent rolls in before he speaksâsweat, sun, grease, and the liquor I know he popped open three miles back.
I donât turn. Just keep spooninâ grits into the bowl, hand steady.
âYou hear they cut my hours?â he says. His voiceâs wound tight, all string and no tune.
âNo,â I say.
He drops his lunch pail hard on the table. The tin rattles. A sound I hate.
âThey kept Carter,â he mutters. âYou know why?â
I stay quiet.
He answers himself anyway. ââCause Carter got a wife who stays in her place. Donât get folks talkinâ. Donât strut around like sheâs single.â
The grit spoon taps the bowl once. Then again. I let it.
âYou callinâ me loud?â
âIâm sayinâ you donât make it easy. Every damn week, somebody got somethinâ to say. âSaw her smilinâ. Heard her laughinâ. Like you forgot what house you live in.â
I press my palm flat to the counter, slow. âMaybe if you kept your hands to yourself, folksâd have less to talk about.â
It slips out too fast. But I donât take it back.
The room goes still.
Chair legs scrape. He rises like a storm cloud built slow.
âYou forget who youâre speakinâ to?â
I feel him move before he does. Feel the air shift.
âI remember,â I say. My voice donât rise. Just settles.
He comes closeâcloser than he needs to be. His breath touches the back of my neck before his hand does.
The shove ainât hard. But itâs meant to echo.
âYou think I wonât?â
I breathe once, deep.
âI think you already have.â
He stands there, hand still half-raised like heâs weighing what itâd cost him. Like maybe the thrillâs dulled over time.
His breathâs ragged. But he backs off.
Steps away.
Chair squeals across the floor as he drops into it, muttering something I donât catch.
I move quiet to the sink, rinse the spoon. My back still to him. Eyes locked on the faucet.
Somewhere behind me, the bowl clinks against the table.
He eats in silence.
And all I can think about the man who ainât never set foot in my house but got me leavinâ the porch light on for him.
ââ
Two weeks slip past like smoke through floorboards.
Maybe more. I stopped countinâ. Time donât move the same without him in it. The nights stretch longer, duller. No shape to âem. Just quiet.
At first, that quiet feels like mercy. Like I snuffed out something that couldâve swallowed me whole. I sleep harder. Wake lighter. For a little while.
But mercy donât last. Not when itâs pretending to be peace.
Because soon, the quiet stops feeling like rest.
And starts feeling like a missing tooth You keep tonguing the space, even when it hurts.
At the juke joint, I start to dance again.
Not wild, not freeâjust enough to remember how my body used to move when it wasnât afraid of being seen.
Slim plays slower that night, coaxing soft fire from the keys. The kind of song that settles deep, donât need to shout to be felt.
Pearline leans in, breath warm on my cheek. âYou got your hips back,â she says, low and slick.
âDonât call it a comeback,â I grin, though it donât sit right in my mouth.
Mary laughs when I sit back down, breath hitchinâ from the floor. âSomebodyâs been puttinâ sugar in your coffee.â
âMaybe I just stirred it myself,â I say.
But even as I say it, my eyes go to the door.
To the dark.
Stack catches the look. He always does. Doesnât press. Just watches me longer than usual, mouth tight like he wants to say somethinâ and knows he wonât.
Frankâs been⌠duller.
Still drinks. Still stinks. Still mean in that slow, creepinâ way that feels more like rot than fire. But the heatâs gone out of it. Like heâs noticed I ainât afraid no more and donât know how to fight a ghost.
He donât yell as loud now.
Doesnât hit as hard.
But it ainât softness.
Itâs confusion.
He donât like not beinâ feared.
And maybe worseâI donât like that he donât try.
Some nights, I sit on the back step long after the worldâs gone to bed.
Shawl loose around my shoulders, feet bare against the grain. The well water in the basinâs gone warm by then. Even the wind feels tired.
Crickets rasp. A cicada drones.
I listen like I used toâfor the shift in the dark. The weight of a gaze. The way the air used to still when he was near.
But thereâs nothinâ.
Just me.
Just the quiet.
I catch myself one nightâtalkinâ out loud to the trees.
âYou was real brave when I didnât want you here,â I say, voice rough from disuse. âNow Iâm sittinâ like a fool hopinâ the dark says somethinâ back.â
It donât.
The leaves stay still.
No footfall. No voice. Not even a breeze.
Just me. And that ache I canât name.
But heâs there.
Further back than before.
At the edge of the trees, where the moonlight donât reach. Where the shadows thicken like syrup.
He doesnât blink.
Doesnât speak.
Doesnât move.
Just waits.
Because Remmick ainât the kind to come knockinâ.
He waits âtil the door opens itself.
And I donât know it yet, but mine already has.
The road to town donât carry much breath after sundown.
Shutters drawn, porch lights dimmed, the kind of quiet that feels agreed upon. Most folks long gone to sleep or drunk enough to mistake the stars for halos. The storefronts sit heavy with silence, save for McFaddenâsâone crooked bulb humming above the porch, casting shadows that donât move unless they got to.
A dog barks once, far off. Then nothing.
I keep my pace even, bag pressed close to my side, shawl wrapped too tight for the heat. Sweat pools along my spine, but I donât loosen it.
A woman wrapped in fabric is less of a story than one without.
Frank went to bed with a dry tongue and a bitter mouth. Said heâd wake mean if the bottle stayed empty. Called it my dutyâsaid the word slow, like it should weigh more than me.
So I go.
Buying quiet the only way I know how.
The bell above McFaddenâs door rings tired when I slip inside. The air smells like dust and vinegar and old rubber soles. The clerk doesnât look up. Just mutters a greeting and scribbles into a pad like the world donât exist past his pencil tip.
I move quick to the back, fingers brushing the necks of bottles lined up like soldiers who already lost. I grab the one that looks the least like mercy and pay without fuss. His change is greasy. I donât count it.
The bottleâs cold against my hip through the bag, sweat bleeding through cheap paper. I step out onto the porch and down the wooden steps, gravel crunching soft beneath my heels.
The lamps flicker every few feet, moths stumbling in circles like theyâve forgotten what drew them here in the first place. The dark folds in tight once I leave the storefront behind.
I donât rush.
Not âcause I feel safe. Just learned it looks worse when you do.
Thenâ
âYou keep odd hours.â
His voice donât cutâit folds. Like it belonged to the dark and just decided to speak.
I stop.
Not startled. Not calm either.
Heâs leaned just inside the alley by the post office, one boot pressed to brick, arms loose at his sides. Shirt sleeves rolled to the elbow, suspenders hanging slack. His collarâs open, skin pale in the low light, like he donât sweat the same as the rest of us.
He looks like he fits here. Thatâs what makes it strange. Ainât no reason a man like that should belong.
But he does. Like he was built from the dirt and just stood up one day.
I keep one foot planted on the sidewalk.
âYou donât give up, do you,â I say.
He shifts just enough for the light to catch his mouth. Not a smile. Not quite. âYou make it hard.â
âYou looked like you didnât wanna be spoken to in that store,â he says, voice low and even. âSo I waited out here.â
The streetlamp hums above us. My grip on the bottle shifts, tighter now.
âYou couldâve kept walkinâ.â
âI was hopinâ you might,â he says.
Not hopinâ Iâd stop. Not hopinâ Iâd talk.
Hopinâ I might.
Thereâs a difference. And I feel it.
I glance down at the bottle. The glass slick with sweat. âFrank drinks this when heâs feelinâ good. Thatâs the only reason Iâm out this late.â
He doesnât move. Doesnât press.
âIs that what you want?â he asks after a beat. âFrank in a good mood?â
I donât answer. I just start walking.
But his voice follows, smooth as shadow.
âI was married once.â
I pause.
Not outta interest. More like the way a dog pauses before crossing a fence lineâaware.
âShe was kind,â he says. âToo kind. Tried to fix things that werenât broke. Just wrong.â
He says it like itâs already been said a thousand times. Like the taste of itâs worn out.
I look back.
He hasnât taken a single step closer. Just stands there, hands tucked in his pockets, jaw set loose like heâs tired of carryinâ that story.
âHow do you always end up in my path?â I ask. Not curious. Just tired of not sayinâ it.
He lifts a shoulder, lazy. âSome people chase fate. Some just stand where itâs bound to pass.â
I snort, soft. âSounds like somethinâ you read in a cheap novel.â
âMaybe,â he says, eyes flicking toward mine, âbut some lies got a little truth buried in âem.â
The quiet after settles deep. Not awkward. Not empty.
Just close.
âYou shouldnât be waitinâ on me,â I say, voice rougher now. âAinât nothinâ here worth the trouble.â
He studies me. Not like a man tryinâ to see a woman. More like heâs lookinâ through fog, tryinâ to remember a place he used to live in.
âIâve had worse things,â he murmurs. âWorse things that never made me feel half as alive.â
For a breath, the light catches his eyes. Not wrong. Not glowing. Just sharp. Like flint about to spark.
Then he tips his head.
âGoodnight, Y/N.â
Soft. Like a promise.
And just like always, he disappears without hurry. Without sound.
Back into the dark like it opened for him.
And maybe, just maybe, I hate how much I already expect it to do the same tomorrow.
The next day dawns heavy, the sun a reluctant guest peeking through gray clouds. I find myself trapped in that same tired rhythm, the kind of day that stretches before me like an old roadâthe kind you know too well to feel any excitement for. Frankâs got work today, though I canât say Iâm sure what heâll be cursing by sundown.
As I move around the kitchen, pouring coffee and buttering bread, the silence feels thicker than usual. It clings to me, wraps around my thoughts like a vine, and I canât shake the feeling that something's shifted. Maybe itâs just the weight of waiting for Remmick to show again, or maybe itâs that quiet ache gnawing at my insidesâthe kind that reminds you what hope felt like even if youâre scared to name it.
Frank shuffles in with those heavy boots of his, barely brushing past me as he grabs a mug without looking my way. He doesnât say a word about the food or even acknowledge me standing there. Just pours himself another cup with a grimace. âHow longâve you been up?â he mutters, not really asking.
âEarly enough,â I reply, holding back the urge to ask if he slept well.
He slams his mug down on the table hard enough for a ripple of coffee to splash over the edge. âWhatâs wrong with the damn biscuits?â He doesnât wait for an answer, just shoves one aside before storming out, leaving behind his bitterness hanging in the air like smoke.
I breathe deeply through my nose and keep packing his lunchâtuna salad this time; at least thatâs something he wonât moan about too much. Still, every sound feels exaggerated, each scrape against porcelain echoing louder than it ought to.
Outside, I stand at the porch railing for a moment longer than necessary, feeling the sunlight warm my skin but unable to let its brightness seep into my heart. Birds are flitting from one tree branch to anotherâfree from this heavy houseâor so it seems.
I want to run after them. Escape to where everything isnât tainted by liquor and regrets. But instead, I stay rooted in place until Frankâs truck roars down the road like some angry beast.
Once he's gone, I let out a breath I didnât realize I was holding and pull on my shoes. A decent day to grab some much-needed groceries.
The heat wraps around me as I stroll through townâa gentle reminder that summer still holds sway despite all else changing.
I walk through town, grabbing groceries on the way as I enjoy the weather. I run by graceâs store to grab some buttered pickles frank likes. The bell jingled above me as I entered the store, and grace comes from the back carrying an empty glass jar. She paused when she looked at me before smiling.
âHey gurl, havenât seen ya in here for a while. Frank noticed he ate up all them buttered pickles? That damn animal.â I chuckled at her words as she set the glass jar down on the front counter.
Grace moves behind the counter with that same easy rhythm she always hasâlike her bones already know where everything sits. The store smells like dust and sun-warmed glass, sweet tobacco, and something faintly metallic. Familiar.
âHe Still workinâ over at the field?â she asks, pulling a new jar from beneath the counter. âHeard the boss cut hours again. Seems like everyoneâs gettinâ squeezed âcept the ones doinâ the squeezinâ.â
âYeah,â I mutter, glancing toward the shelf lined with dusty cans and glass jars. âHeâs been stewinâ about it all week. Like itâs my fault timeâs movinâ forward.â
Grace snorts, capping the pickle jar and sliding it across the counter. âGirl, if Frank had his way, weâd all be wearinâ aprons and smilinâ through broken teeth.â
I pick up the jar, running my fingers absently along the cold glass. âSome days itâs easier to pretend Iâm deaf than fight him.â
Grace leans forward, voice dropping low like she donât want the pickles to hear. âYou need somewhere to run, you come knock on my back door. Donât matter what time.â
That almost cracks me. Not enough to cry, but enough to blink slow and hold the jar tighter.
âI appreciate it,â I say.
She doesnât press, just gives me a knowing nod and starts wrapping the jar in brown paper. âAlso grabbed you a couple of those lemon drops you like,â she says with a wink. âTell Frank the sugarâs for his sour ass.â
That gets a real laugh outta me. Just a little one, but it lives in my chest longer than it should.
Outside, the airâs heavy again. Thunder maybe, or just the kind of heat that makes everything feel like itâs about to break open. I tuck the paper bag under my arm and make my way down the street slow, dragging my fingers along the iron railings where ivy used to grow. Everythingâs changing.
And I donât know if Iâm running from it, or toward it.
But I walk a little slower past the edge of town.
Past the grove of trees that hum low when the wind slips through them.
And I wonderânot for the first timeâif heâll be waiting there.
And if he ainât, why I keep hoping he will.
ââ
I don't light a lamp when I slip out the back door.
The house creaks behind me, drunk with silence and sour breath. Frank's dead asleep like always, belly full of cheap whiskey and whatever anger he couldn't throw at me before sleep took him.
The air outside ain't much cooler, but it's cleaner. Clear. Smells like pine and soil and something just beginning to bloom.
I walk slow. Like I'm just stretching my legs.
Like I'm not wearing the dress with the small blue flowers I ain't touched in over a year.
Like I'm not heading down the narrow path through the tall grass, the one that don't lead nowhere useful unless you're hoping to see someone who don't belong anywhere at all.
The night hums soft. Cicadas. Distant frogs. The kind of stillness that makes you feel like you've stepped into a dreamâor out of one.
I settle on the old stump by the split rail, hands folded, back straight, pretending I ain't waiting.
He doesn't keep me waiting long.
"Always sittinâ this straight when relaxin'?"
His voice folds in gentle behind me. Amused. Unbothered.
I don't turn right away. Just glance sideways like I hadn't noticed him there.
"Wasn't expectin' company," I say.
He steps into view, lazy as twilight, hands in his pockets, shirt sleeves rolled and collar loose. Looks like the evening shaped itself just to dress him in it.
"No," he says. "But you brought that perfume out again. Figured that was the invitation."
I shift on the stump, eyes narrowed. "You pay a lotta attention for someone who don't plan on talkin'."
"Only to the things that matter."
He stays a little ways off, respectful of the space I haven't offered but he knows he owns just the same.
"You just out here wanderin' again?" I ask, trying not to sound like I care.
"Nah," he says, grinning a little. "I came out to see if that tree finally bloomed. The one you like to lean on when you think no one's watchin'."
I feel heat crawl up my neck. I smooth my skirt like that'll hide it.
"You always this nosy?"
He shrugs. "Just got good aim."
I shake my head, but I don't tell him to leave. Don't even ask why he's here.
'Cause I know.
And he knows I know.
He moves slow toward me and sitsânot close enough to touch, but close enough I can feel it if I lean a little.
We sit in it a while. That hush. That weightless kind of silence that feels full instead of empty.
Then, out of nowhere, he says, "You laugh different at the juke joint than you do anywhere else."
I blink. "What?"
He doesn't look at me. Just watches the dark ahead, like he's reading the night for meaning.
"It's looser," he says. "Like your ribs don't hurt when you do it."
I don't answer. Can't. I ignored the question rising in my head about how he knows whatâs goes on in the juke joint when Iâve never seen him in there or heard his name on peoples' lips there.
But somehow, he's right, and I hate that he knows that. Hate more that I like that he noticed.
"You got a way of sayin' too much without sayin' a damn thing," I mutter.
He huffs a laugh. "I'll take that as a compliment."
We go quiet again. But it ain't tense. It's like we're settlin' into something neither one of us has had in too long.
Eventually, I say, "Frank don' like it when I'm gonâ too long."
"You wanâ me to walk you back?" he asks, like it's the easiest offer in the world.
"No," I say, but it comes out too soft. "Not yet."
He nods once. Doesn't press. Just leans back on one elbow, eyes half-lidded like the night's pullin' him under same as me or so I thought.
"You got stories?" I ask.
He raises a brow. "You askin' me to talk?"
"Don't make a big thing outta it."
He grins slow. "Alright then."
And he does. Tells me some nonsense about stealing peaches off a preacher's tree when he was too young to know better, how he and his cousin swore the preacher had the Devil chained under his porch to guard it. His voice wraps around the words easy, like molasses and wind. Whether it was true or not, I donât seem to care at the moment.
I don't laugh out loud, but my smile finds its way out anyway.
When he glances at me, I see it in his eyesâthat same look from the last time. Not hunger. Not charm.
I've been lookin' forward to the night often these days, not because of him, of courseâŚ
The night breathes warm against my skin.
I'm on the porch, knees drawn up, pickin' absently at blades of grass growin' between the cracked boards like they're trespassin' and don't know it. I pluck them one by one, not really thinkin', not really waitin'âbut not exactly doin' anything else either.
I'm wearing the baby blue dress, The one with the lace at the collar, mended too many times to count but still hangin' right. I don't light the porch lamp. The dark feels easier to sit in.
And then I hear him.
Not footsteps. Not a branch snapping. Just⌠the way quiet shifts when something enters it.
He steps from the tree line, slow like he don't want to spook the night.
This time, he's carryin' something.
A small bundle of wildflowersâpurple ironweed, white clover, queen anne's laceâloosely knotted with a bit of twine. He stops at the porch steps and looks at me.
Then, without a word, he sets the flowers down between us and lowers himself to sit at the edge of the stoop. Close. Not too close.
"I didn't bring 'em for a reason," he says after a while. "Just passed 'em and thought of you."
My fingers drift toward the flowers, not quite touchin' them, but close enough to feel the velvet edge of a petal against my skin. The warmth of his nearness makes my breath catch somewhere between my throat and chest.
"They're weeds," I murmur, though the word comes out gentle, almost like a caress.
"They're what grows without bein' asked," he replies, and the corner of his mouth lifts in that way that makes my stomach drop like I'm fallin'.
That quiet comes back. But it's a different kind now. Softer. Like the world's hushin' itself to hear what we might say next.
I look at him then. Really look.
Not at his mouth or his clothes ,that easy lean of his shoulders or those pouty eyebrows âbut his hands. They're calloused, dirt beneath the nails. Not soft like the rest of him sometimes pretends to be. My fingers twitch with the sudden, foolish urge to trace those rough lines, to learn their map.
"You work?" I ask, the question slippin' out before I can catch it, betrayin' a curiosity I wasn't ready to admit.
"I do what needs doin'." The words rumble low in his chest.
"That's not an answer." I tilt my head, and the night air kisses the exposed curve of my neck.
He turns his head, slow. "That's 'cause you ain't ready for the truth."
The words wash over me like Mississippi heatâdangerous, thrillin'. My lips part, but no sound comes out.
I go back to pickin' the grass, my fingertips brushin' wildflower stems now instead of weeds. Each touch feels deliberate in a way that makes my pulse flutter at my wrist, at my throat.
He doesn't push.
Doesn't move.
Just sits with me 'til the moon's hangin' heavy over the trees, his presence beside me more intoxicatin' than any whiskey from Smoke's bar. The space between us hums with possibilitiesâwith all the things we ain't sayin'.
When he leaves, I don't stop him but my body leans forward like it's got its own will, wantin' to follow the trail of his shadow into the dark.
But I take the flowers inside.
Put 'em in the jelly jar Frank left on the windowsill.
ââ
The wildflowers sit in that jelly jar like they belong thereâlike theyâve always belonged. Their colors are faded but stubborn, standing tall in the quiet corner of the kitchen, drinking in the slant of light that filters through the window. I find myself glancing at them too often, like they might tell me something I donât already know. I tell myself not to read into it, not to hope. But hopeâs a quiet thing, and itâs been whispering to me since I first set foot in this place.
By dusk, Iâm already outside, wrapped in the blanket I keep tucked in the closet, knees drawn up tight. The dusty brown dress I wear is softer with wear, almost like a second skin. I clutch the two tin cupsâcorn liquor, waiting in the dark, like a held breath. Itâs a ritual I donât question anymore.
He comes out the trees just after the steam from the dayâs heat begins to fade, silent as always. No rustle of leaves, no announcement. Just that subtle shift in the hush, like the woods are holding their breath. I see him leaning on the porch post, eyes flickering to the cup beside me, like itâs calling him home.
âAlways know when to show up,â I say, voice low but steady, trying to sound like I donât care if heâs late or not. Like Iâm used to waiting.
He tosses back, smooth as dusk, âAlways pour for two?â
I canât help the smile that sneaks upâsoft and slow. âOnly for good company.â
He steps closer, slower tonight, like heâs weighing each movement. Sits beside me, leaving just enough space between us for the night air to stretch its arms. I hold out the second cup, the one I poured just for him.
He wraps his fingers around it but doesnât lift it. Doesnât bring it to his lips.
âDonât drink?â I ask, voice gentle but curious, like I might catch a lie if I ask too loud.
His thumb taps the rim, slow and deliberate. âUsed to,â he says, voice quiet but firm. âToo much, maybe. Doesnât sit right with me these days.â
I nod, like that makes sense. Maybe it does. Maybe I donât want to look too close at the parts that donât fit. The parts that hurt, that choke down the hope Iâm trying to keep buried.
Instead, I take a sip, letting the liquor burn a warm trail down my throat. Itâs a small comfort, a fleeting warmth. I watch the dark swallow the road that disappears into nothingness, and I say, âUsed to think Iâd leave this place. Run off somewhereâMemphis, maybe. Open a little store. Serve pies and good coffee. Wear shoes that click when I walk.â
He hums, low and distant, like a train far away. âWhat stopped you?â
My gaze drops to my hand, to the dull gold band thatâs thin and worn. I trace the edge with my thumb, feeling the cold metal. âThis,â I say. âAnd maybe I didnât think I deserved more.â
He doesnât say sorry. Doesnât say I do. Just looks at me like heâs already seen the ending, like heâs read the last page and ainât gonna spoil it.
âI worked an orchard once,â he says softly, voice almost lost in the night. âPeaches big as your fist. Skin like velvet. The kind of place that smells like August even in February.â
âSounds made up,â I murmur, feeling the weight of the quiet between us.
He leans in closer, eyes steady. âSo do dreams. Donât mean they ainât real.â
A laugh escapes meâsharp and surprised, like Iâve been caught off guard. I slap at his arm before I can think better of it. âYou talk like a man whoâs read too many books.â
âI talk like a man who listens,â he says, quiet but sure.
That hush falls again, but itâs different this timeâfull, like the moment just before a kiss that never quite happens. I feel itâthe space between us thickening, heavy with unspoken words and things I canât say out loud.
â
Days passed, he shows up again, bringing blackberries wrapped in a white cloth, stained deep purple-blue. The scent hits me before I see themâsweet, wild, tempting.
âBribery?â I ask, raising an eyebrow, trying to hide the way my heart quickens.
âA peace offering,â he replies, with that quiet smile. âIn case the last story bored you.â
I reach in without asking, pop a berry into my mouth. Juicy and sharp, bursting with sweetness that makes me forget everything elseâforgot the weight of my ring, forgot the man inside my house, forgot the world outside this moment.
He watches me, a softness behind his eyes I donât trust but canât look away from. I hand him the other cup again. He takes it, polite as always, but doesnât sip.
We settle into storiesânothing big, just small things. The townâs latest gossip, a cow wandering into the churchyard last Sunday, the way summer makes the woods smell like wild mint if you walk far enough in. I tell him things I didnât know I rememberedâabout my mamaâs hands, about the time I got stung trying to kiss a bumblebee, about the blue ribbon pie I made for the fair when I was fifteen, thinking winning meant freedom.
He listens like it matters, like these stories are something heâs been waiting to hear.
And for the first time in a long while, I laugh with my whole mouth, not caring who hears or what they think. The sound spills out, unfiltered and free, filling the night with something real.
I forget the ring on my finger. Forget the man inside the house. Forget everything but thisâthe night, the berries, and him.
The man who doesnât drink but still knows how to make me feel full.
ââ
The jelly jarâs gone cloudy from dust and sunlight, but the wildflowers still stand like theyâre stubborn enough to outlast the world. A few petals have fallen on the sill, curled and dry, and I havenât moved them. Let âem stay. They feel like proofâproof that lifeâs still fighting, even when everything else is fading.
A weekâs passed.
Seven nights of quietâhushed conversations I kept to myself, shoulders pressed close under a sky that donât judge, donât say a word. Seven nights where my bruises softened in bloom and bloom again, where Frank came home drunk and left early, angryâalways angry. Not once did I go to the juke jointânot because I wasnât welcome, but because I didnât want to miss a single echo from the woods, a single step that might carry me out.
Remmick never knocks. Never calls out. He just appearsâlike something old and patient, shaped out of shadow and moonlight, settling beside me without question. Sometimes he brings nothing, and I wonder if heâs even real. Other nights, itâs blackberries, or a story, or just silence, and I let it fill the space between us.
And I do.
God, I do.
I tell him things I never even told Frank. About how I used to pretend the porch was a stage, singinâ blues into a wooden spoon. How my mama braided my hair so tight it made my scalp sting, said pain was the price of lookinâ kept. How I almost ranâbags packed, bus ticket clenched tightâthen sat on the curb âtil dawn, too scared to move, then crawled back inside like a coward.
He never judges. Never interrupts. Just watches me, like Iâm music heâs heard a thousand times, trying to memorize the lyrics.
Tonight, I donât wait on the porch.
Iâm already walkinâ.
The nightâs thick and heavy, like the landâs holdinâ its breath. I slip through the back gate, shawl loose around my shoulders, dress flutterinâ just above my knees. The clearingâs aheadâthe path Iâve grown used to walking.
Heâs already there.
Leaning against a tree, like he belongs to it.
His white shirt glows faint under the moon, suspenders hanging loose, like he forgot to do up the buttons. Thereâs a crease between his brows that smooths when he sees meâlike heâs been waitinâ for me to come, even if he donât say it.
âYouâre early,â he says, low.
âI couldnât sit still,â I whisper back, voice soft but steady.
His eyes trace meâlike heâs drawing a map heâs known a thousand times but still finds new roads. I step toward him slow, the grass cool beneath my feet, and when Iâm close enough to feel the pull of him, I stop.
âI been thinkinâ,â I say, real quiet.
âDangerous thing,â he murmurs, lips twitching just enough to make my heart kick.
âI ainât been to the joint all week,â I continue, voice thick as summer air. âAinât danced. Ainât played. Ainât needed to.â
He waitsâpatient, silent.
Like always.
âIâd rather be here,â I whisper, and something inside me cracks open. âWith you.â
The silence that follows ainât cold. Itâs heavyâwarm, even. Like a breath held tight in the chest before a storm breaks loose, like the whole earth hums with whatâs coming.
âI know,â he says. Just that.
Two words that make me feel seen and bare and weightless all at once.
I donât think. I just move.
Step into him, hands pressed to the buttons of his shirt. My eyes stay fixed on his mouth, not lookinâ anywhere else. And when he doesnât pull backâwhen he leans just enough to meet meâI kiss him.
It starts soft. Lips barely grazinâ, testing, waiting for something to happen.
But then he exhalesâlike heâs been holdinâ somethinâ in for a centuryâand the second kiss isnât soft anymore. Itâs heat. Itâs need. My fingers clutch his shirt like Iâm drowninâ, and heâs oxygen.
His hands find my waist, firm but gentle, like heâs afraid of breakinâ me even as he pulls me closer. I swear the whole forest leans in to watch, silent and still.
He donât push. Donât take more than I give.
But what I give?
Itâs everything.
He donât say nothinâ when I pull back. Just watches me, tongue slow across his bottom lip, like heâs already tasted me in a dream.
âCâmere,â he says low, voice rough as gravel soaked in honey. âYou smell sweet as sin.â
I step into him again without thinkinâ, heart rattlinâ around like itâs tryinâ to climb outta my chest. His palm presses to the back of my neck, warm and heavy, pulling me into a kiss that donât feel like a kiss. Itâs a deal, made in shadows, older than us allâsomething thatâs been waitinâ to happen.
The second our mouths meet, he moans deep in his chestâlike heâs relieved, like heâs been holdinâ back for years.
Then he spins meâfastâhands already under my dress.
âAinât no point beinâ shy now, baby. Not after all them nights sittinâ close, like you wasnât drippinâ for me.â
My knees almost buckle.
He bends me over a log, and I donât resist. I canât. My hands grip the bark tight, dress shoved up, panties dragged down with a yank thatâs impatient and sure.
I hear him spit into his palm. Hear the slick sound of him strokinâ himself once, twice.
Then he sinks into meâslow, too slowâlike heâs memorizing every inch, every breath I take. My mouth opens, no words, just a gasp thatâs all I can manage.
âGoddamn,â he mutters behind me. âLook at you takinâ me. Tight like you was built for it.â
He starts movinâ, deep and filthy, grindinâ into me with purpose. I arch back into it, already lost in the feel of him.
And then I see it.
His faceâjust behind my shoulder. His jaw clenched tight. His pupils blown wideâno, glowing. A flicker of red embers in each eye, like fire trapped inside.
I blink, and itâs gone.
I tell myself itâs the moonlight, the heat, how mushy my brain is from what heâs doinâ, like he owns me.
He donât give me a second to think.
âFeel that?â he growls. âFeel how your pussyâs hugginâ my cock like she knows me?â
I whimperâpathetic, high-pitchedâbut I canât stop it.
âRemmickâfuckââ
He yanks my hair, just enough, til I tilt my head back. âYou was waitinâ for this,â he says, voice low and rough. âI seen it. Seen the way you look at me like Iâm the last bad thing youâll ever let hurt you.â
Leaning into my neck, lips brushing skin, breath cold nowâtoo cold.
âBut I ainât gone hurt you, darlin.â Iâm gone ruin you.â
He bitesâjust a little, not sharpâenough to make me gasp, my whole body tensing on him. He laughsâsoft, wicked.
âOh yeah,â he says, rutting harder. âYou gone come for me like this. Face in the moss, legs shakinâ. All these pretty little sounds spillinâ out your mouth like you need it.â
I can barely keep up. Dizziness hits hard, slick runninâ down my thighs, his cock hittinâ that spot over and over.
âSay youâre mine,â he growls, hips slamminâ in so deep I cry out.
âIâm yoursâfuckâIâm yours, Remmickââ
His voice dropsâdark, velvet, dirtiedâlike heâs talkinâ from a place even he donât fully understand.
âGood girl,â he mutters. âAinât nobody gone fuck you like me. Ainât nobody got the hunger I do.â
And I feel his handâbig and roughâwrap around my throat from behind, just enough to remind me heâs still in control. Then he starts pumpinâ into meâfast, mean, nasty.
My back arches. My moans break into sobs.
âYou gone give it to me?â he pants, barely human anymore. âCome all over this cock?â
I want to answer. I try. But I canâtâmy bodyâs already gone, trembling on the edge of something wild and white and all-consuming.
And the second I comeâeverything breaks loose.
He buries himself deep and roarsâlow and wrong, not a manâs sound at all. I feel him twitch, feel the flood of heat spill inside me, and his face presses into my neck, mouth open like heâs fightinâ the urge to bite down.
But he doesnât.
He just stays there.
Still.
Breathinâ like he ainât breathed in years.
ââ
The morning creeps in slow, afraid to wake me, like it knows Iâve crossed a line I canât come back from.
I roll over, the sheet sticky against my skin, last nightâs heat still clinginâ. For a secondâjust a secondâI forget where I am. Forget the weight of the house, the stale scent of bourbon and sweat baked into the walls. All I feel is the ghost of himâRemmickâstill there in the ache between my thighs, in the buzz that lingers low in my belly.
Remembered the way remmick carried me back to my porch and kissed me goodnight before walking away becoming one with the night.
My fingers drift without thought, pressing just above my hip where a dull throb pulses. I wince, then pull the blanket back.
And there it is.
A dark, new bruiseâshaped like a handprintâonly it ainât right.
Too long. The fingers are too slim, curved strange, like something trying too hard to be human.
My breath catches.
I press againâharder this timeâhoping pain might wash the shape away, or that pressure might flatten whateverâs twisted inside me.
But it doesnât.
So I pull the blanket up, wrap it tight around me, and lie still, staring at the ceilingâwaiting for some sign, some answer, some permission to feel what I shouldnât.
Because the truth isâI should be scared. I should be askinâ questions. Should be second-guessinâ everything last night meant.
But Iâm not.
Instead, I replay how he looked at meâhow his hands, too warm, too sure, moved like theyâd known my body in another life. How he said my name like it was already his.
I press my legs together under the sheet, close my eyes, and breathe deep.
A girl gets used to silence. Gets used to fear. But nobody warns you how dangerous it is to be wanted that way. Touched like youâre somethinâ rare. Somethinâ sacred. Somethinâ wanted.
And IâI liked it.
More than thatâI craved it now.
Even with the bruises. Even with the shadows twisting in my gut. Even with the memory of those eyesâburninâ too bright in the dark.
Donât know if itâs love.
But it sure as hell felt like it.
ââ
I move slow through the kitchen that morning, feet bare against cool linoleum. The coffeeâs already gone bitter in the pot. Frankâs still in bed, his snores rasping through the cracked door like dull saw blades.
I lean against the sink, sip from a chipped mug, and glance out the window.
The jelly jarâs still there. Wildflowers wiltinâ now, but proud in their dying.
I touch the bruise again through my dress.
And I smile.
Just a little.
Because maybe something ainât quite right.
But for the first time in a long whileâIâm happy, or well I thoughtâŚ
ââ
The nights kept rollinâ like they belonged to us.
Me and Remmick, sittinâ under stars that blinked like they was tryinâ to stay quiet. Sometimes we talked a lot. Sometimes we didnât too much. But even the silence with him had weight, like it was filled with words we werenât ready to say yet.
Iâd tell him stories from before Frank, when my laughter hadnât yet learned to flinch. Heâd listen with that look he hadâchin dipped low, eyes tilted up, mouth soft like he was drinkinâ me in, slow.
He never interrupted. Never tried to solve anything. Just sat with it all.
That kind of listeninâ can make a woman feel holy.
And I guess I got used to that rhythm.
I got too used to it.
Because on the twelfth night, maybe the thirteenthâdonât really matterâhe said something that pulled the thread straight from the hem.
We were sittinâ close again. My shawl slippinâ off one shoulder, the moonlight makinâ silver out of the bruises on my thigh. He had that look on him again, like he wanted to ask somethinâ heâd already decided to regret.
âYou know Sammie?â he asked, real casual. Like it was just another name.
I blinked. The name hit strange.
âSammie who?â
He shrugged like he didnât know the last name. âThat boy. Plays that guitar like it talks back. You said he played with Pearline sometimes.â
I sat up straighter.
I never said that.
Iâd never mentioned Sammie at all.
I swallowed. My smile faded before I could think to save it.
âI donât remember bringinâ up Sammie.â
The pause that followed was heavy. And not in the good way.
Remmick shifted beside me, slow. His jaw ticked once.
âYou sure?â
I nodded, eyes never leaving him. âIâd remember talkinâ âbout Sammie.â
He looked out at the trees, the edge of his mouth tight. âHuh.â
And just like that, the air changed.
It got thinner. Like breath didnât want to come easy no more.
I pulled the shawl closer. Suddenly real aware of the fact that I didnât know where he slept. Didnât know if he ever blinked when I wasnât lookinâ.
âYou alright?â he asked, too quick.
âYou askinâ me that, or yourself?â
He turned to me thenâreal sharp. Real focused. âWhy you gettinâ quiet?â
I didnât answer.
Not right away.
âJust surprised, is all,â I finally said, trying to smooth it over like I hadnât just tripped on somethinâ sharp in his words. âDidnât think you knew anybody round here.â
âI donât,â he said, fast. âYouâre the only one I talk to.â
âThen how you know Sammie plays guitar? Iâve never seen you at the juke joint nor heard word about you from anyone there.â
His stare was too still now. Too fixed. Like a dog watchinâ a rabbit it ainât sure itâs allowed to chase.
âMaybe I heard it through the wind,â he said, not responding to the other part. But there was no smile behind it.
Just the shadow of a man used to beinâ questioned. A man who didnât like the feel of it.
I stood, brushing grass off my legs. âI should head in.â
He stood too, slower. Taller than I remembered. Or maybe the night just made him bigger.
âYou mad at me?â he asked, quiet now.
âNo,â I said. âJust thinkinâ. That alright with you?â
He nodded. But it didnât look like agreement.
It looked like calculation.
I didnât turn my back on him till I hit the porch.
And even then, I felt his eyes stick to my spine like syrup.
Inside, I sat by the window, hands still wrapped around the cup I didnât finish. The wildflowers were dry now. Curlinâ in on themselves.
And I thought to myselfâreal quiet, so it wouldnât wake the rest of me:
How the hell did he know Sammie and what business he wanâ with him?
âââ
The days slipped back into that gray stretch of sameness after I started avoidinâ him. I filled my hours with chores, with silence, with tryinâ to forget the way Remmick used to sit so still beside me youâd think the night made room for him.
But the nights werenât mine anymore.
I stopped goinâ to the porch. Stopped lingerinâ in the dark.
The quiet didnât soothe meâit stalked me. I felt it behind me on the walk home. At the edge of the trees. In the walls.
I knew he was there.
Watchinâ.
Waitinâ.
But I didnât let him in again.
Not even with my thoughts.
That night, the juke joint buzzed with life. Hot bodies pressed close, laughter thick with drink, music ridinâ high on the air. I hadnât been back in weeks, but I needed noise. Needed people.
Needed not to feel alone.
I sipped liquor like it might drown the nerves rattlinâ under my ribs. Played cards with a few men, some women. Slammed down a queen and grinned as I scooped the pot.
Thatâs when Annie approached me.
âY/N,â she whispered, voice tight.
I looked up.
âFrankâs here.â
The name hit like a slap. I blinked.
âWhat?â
âHeâs outside. Askân for you.â
Annieâs face was pale, serious. Not the usual mischief in her eyesâjust worry.
I rose slow. âHeâs never come here before.â
Annie just nodded. We moved together, my heart poundinâ.
Smoke, Stack, and Cornbread were already standinâ at the open door, muscles tense, words clipped and low. When Frank saw me, he smiled.
That wide, too-big smile Iâd never seen on him. Not even on our wedding day.
âHey baby,â he drawled, too casual. âWonderinâ when youâd come out here and let me in. These folks actinâ like I done somethinâ wrong.â
My stomach dropped.
He never called me baby.
âFrank, whyâre you here?â My voice was calm, but confusion lined every word.
He laughedâsoft, amused. âCanât a man come see his wife? Thought maybe Iâd finally check out what keeps you out so late.â
Something was off. Everything was off.
âYou hate loud music,â I said, heart poundinâ. âYou said this place was full of nothinâ but whores and heathens.â
He looked⌠wrong. Eyes too glassy. Skin too pale under the porch light.
âCanât we all change?â he said, teeth flashinâ. âNow can I come in and enjoy my night like you folks?â
I looked at Smoke. He gave me that lookâthe one that said âyou donât gotta say yes.â
But I opened my mouth anyway.
Paused.
Frankâs smile dropped just a little.
âY/N,â he said, his voice darker now. Familiar in its danger. âCan I come in or not?â
My hand flew up before Stack could step forward. I swallowed hard.
âCome in, Frank.â
The words fell like stones.
And just like that, the door to hell opened.
The moment he crossed that threshold, the temperature dropped. I swear it did.
He didnât speak. Didnât drink. Just sat at the bar, stiff and still, like a wolf wearinâ manâs skin.
Annie leaned into Smokeâs shoulder.
âSomethinâ ainât right,â she muttered.
Mary nodded, arms folded. âHe looks hollow.â
Thirty minutes passed.
Then Frank stood.
Didnât say a word. Just turned and walked into the crowd like a man on a mission.
Headinâ straight for the stage.
Straight for Sammie.
Smoke pushed off the wall, followinâ fast.
But before anyone could act, Frank lungedâgrabbed a man near the front and tackled him to the floor. Screaminâ erupted as Frank sank his teeth into the manâs neck.
Bit down.
Tore.
Blood sprayed across the floorboards, across peopleâs shoes. The scream that left my throat didnât sound like mine.
Smoke pulled his pistol and fired. The sound cracked through the joint like lightning.
The man jerked, then stilled. Frankâs body fell limp over him, gore soakinâ his shirt. Then suddenly Frank stood back up like he wasnât just shot in the head, the man he bitten standing up besides him the same eerie smile on both their blood stained mouths.
I stood frozen in place.
People screamed, chairs overturned, glass shattered. Stack wrestled another body that started lurchinâ with glowing -white eyes. Mary grabbed Pearline, dragginâ her through the back exit. Annie grabbed me.
âY/Nâwe gotta GO!â
We burst through the back, runninâ.
I took the lead, feet slamminâ down the path I used to walk like a lullaby. Not now. Not anymore.
Now it felt like runninâ through a grave.
Behind me, I heard chaosâgrowls, screams, more gunshots. I looked back once.
Bodies jumpinâ on each other, teeth sinkinâ into flesh. All Their eyesâ
White.
Glowing like candle flames in a dead house.
Annie was right behind me.
Then she wasnât.
I turned.
They were all gone.
Sammie. Pearline. Mary. Annie.
Gone.
I kept runninâ.
The clearing opened up like a mouth, and I stumbled into it, chest heaving.
And thatâs when I saw him.
Same silhouette. Same calm.
But he wasnât the man I knew.
Remmick stood just beyond the tree line, Same shirt. Same pants. But now soaked through with blood.
But his faceâ
That smile wasnât his smile.
Those eyes werenât human.
Red. Glowing like coals. Just like I thought I saw that night I gave him everything.
I froze. My legs locked. My throat closed up.
Remmick tilted his head, playful. Mocking.
âOh darlinâ,â he cooed, stepping forward, arms out like a man offerinâ salvation. âWhere you think you runninâ off to? Youâre gonna miss the party.â
I stumbled back, tears burninâ in my eyes. âWhat are you?â
He stepped forward, arms open like he meant to cradle me, like he hadnât just let blood dry on his chest.
âDonât look at me like that,â he said, like it was me betrayinâ him. âYou knew. Somewhere in that smart little head of yours, you knew. The eyes, the voice, the way I donât come out durinâ daytimeââ
âYou lied,â I whispered.
âOnly when I needed too,â he said.
I shook my head. âI thought you loved me.â
Remmick stopped, cocking his head.
Everything soft in him was gone. Only sharp edges now.
âYou thought it was love?â he asked, teeth glintinâ between blood. âYou thought I wanted you?â
I flinched.
âAll I needed was a way in. Youââ he stepped closer, ââwere just a door. But you kept it shut. Had to break you open. Took longer than I liked.â
âI trusted you,â I said, voice crumblinâ.
âAnd you broke so pretty,â he said. âI almost didnât wanna finish the job. But then you ran. Made it⌠inconvenient.â
He hissed softly, a grin curling up like a scar.
âI didnât want you, Y/N. I wanted Sammie. That boyâs voice carries somethinâ old in it. Ancient. And that joint?â He gestured back toward the chaos. âItâs sacred ground.â
âYou used me,â I whispered, tears burninâ now. âI let you in. I trusted you.â
âYou believed me,â he corrected. âAnd thatâs all I ever needed.â
My breath caught somewhere between my ribs and spine, all my blood screaminâ for me to run. But I couldnât moveâjust stared at Remmick, my chest heavy with grief, with betrayal, with rage.
He tilted his head again, eyes burning like iron pulled from a forge.
âI didnât want you,â he said again, voice soft as a lullaby. âI wanted the key. And girl, you were it.â
My throat worked around a sob. My legs, finally rememberinâ they was mine, shifted. I turned to boltâ
And stopped.
There they stood.
A wall of them.
Faces I knew too well.
Cornbread. Mary. Stack. Even Annieâlips pulled in a wide, wrong smile. Their skin was pale, waxy. Their eyesâoh God, their eyesâglowinâ white like candles lit from the inside.
They didnât speak at first.
Just smiled.
Stared.
And thenâslow and softâthey started to hum.
That same song Sammie used to play on slow nights.
The one that never had words, just a melody made of aching and memory.
But now it had words.
And they all sang âem.
âSleep, little darlinâ, the darkâs gone sweet,
The blood runs warm, the circleâs complete, its freedom you seekâŚâ
I backed away, breath shiverinâ in and out of my lungs.
The chorus kept swellinâ. Their voices overlappinâ, mouths stretchinâ too wide, white eyes never blinkinâ. Like they werenât people anymore.
Just shells.
Just echoes.
I turned back to Remmickâ
And he was right in front of me.
So close I could see the dried blood on his collar, the gleam of teeth too long to belong in any manâs mouth.
He lifted his handâcalm, steady.
Like he was invitinâ me to dance.
âCome on, Y/N,â he whispered, smile almost tender now. âAinât you tired of runninâ?â
I didnât know if I was breathinâ.
Didnât know if I wanted to be.
Everything hurt. Everything Iâd carriedâlove, hope, grief, rageâit all sat in my mouth like copper.
I looked at his hand again.
And maybe, for just a moment, I thought about takinâ it.
But maybe I didnât.
Maybe I turned and ran straight into the woods.
Maybe I screamed.
Maybe I smiled.
Maybe I never left that clearinâ.
Maybe I did.
Maybe the darkness that took over me, was just my eyes closed wishing to wake from this nightmare.
clark kent đą đŤđđđđđŤÂ
đđđ đŹ / đđ° â 18+, MDNI, secret admirer au, slowburn romance, mutual pining, radical acceptance and love is the real punk rock, yearning, clark is a softie, smut, piv, oral sex (f!recieving), fingering, creampie, touch starved clark KentÂ
word count: 18k
Summary: You start getting anonymous love notes at the Daily Planetâsoft, sincere, impossibly romantic. You fall for the words first, then realize they sound a lot like Clark Kent. And just when the truth begins to unravel, you start to suspect he might be more than just the writer⌠he might be Superman himself.Â
notes â not proofread and my first full Clark Kent fic!
â reblogs comments & likes are appreciated
The first thing you notice isnât the coffeeâitâs the smell.
Sharp espresso. The exact blend you order on days when the world feels like sandpaper. Dark, hot, and just a touch too strong. But when you reach your desk and set your bag down, the cup is already waiting for you, balanced on the corner of your keyboard like it belongs there.
A single post-it clings to the cardboard sleeve, the ink a little smudged from condensation:
âYou looked like you had a long night.â
No name. No heart. Just that.
You stare at it for a second too long. The office hums around youâphones ringing, printers whining, the low buzz of voicesâbut your ears tune it all out as you reread the handwriting. Rounded letters. Slight right slant. You canât place it.
And no one in this building knows your coffee order. You made sure of that.
Across the bullpen, Jimmy Olsen drops into his chair with a paper bag in his teeth and two cameras slung around his neck.
âSomeoneâs got a secret admirer,â he sings, catching sight of the note.
You glance up, but try to play it cool. âCould be a delivery mistake.â
He snorts. âRight. And Iâm dating Wonder Woman.â
Lois, passing by with a stack of mock-ups under one arm, pauses just long enough to lift a perfectly sculpted brow. âWhoâs dating Wonder Woman?â
âJimmy,â you and Jimmy say in unison.
âRight,â she says, deadpan, and moves on.
You feel a little heat crawl up your neck. You pull the cup closer. The lidâs still warm.
Youâre still turning the note over in your hand when Clark Kent rounds the corner. His hair is a little damp at the ends, like he didnât have time to dry it properly, already curling from the late-summer humidity. His tieâstriped, loud, undeniably Clarkâis halfway undone, the knot drifting lower by the second. His glasses are slipping down his nose like theyâre trying to abandon ship.
Heâs juggling three manila folders, a spiral-bound notebook balanced on top, a half-eaten blueberry muffin in his teeth, and what youâre almost certain is the entire city councilâs budget report from 2024 spilling out of the bottom folder. Itâs absurd. Kind of impressive. Very him.
âClarkâcareful,â you call out, mostly on instinct.
He startles at the sound of your voice and turns a little too fast. The top file slips. He manages to catch it, barely, with an awkward swipe of his forearm, the muffin top bouncing to the floor with a quiet thwup. He rights the stack again with both arms now locked tight around the paperwork, and when he looks at you, heâs already wearing one of those sheepish, winded smiles.
âMorning sweetheart,â he says breathlessly. His voice is warm. Rough around the edges like he hasnât spoken yet today. âSorry, Iâm lateâPerry wanted the zoning report and the express line was⌠not express.â
You donât answer right away. Because his eyes flick toward your deskâspecifically the coffee cup sitting at the edge of your keyboard. And the note stuck to its sleeve. He freezes. Just for a second. A micro-hesitation. One breath caught too long in his chest. Itâs nothing.
Except⌠itâs not.
Then he clears his throatâloud and awkward, like he swallowed gravelâand shuffles the stack in his arms like it suddenly needs reorganizing. âNew⌠uh, budget drafts,â he says quickly, eyes very intentionally not on the post-it. âI left the tag on that one by mistakeâignore the highlighter. I had a system. Kind of.â
You blink at him, watching his ears start to go red. ââŚYou okay?â
âOh, yeah,â he says, waving one hand too fast, almost drops everything again. âIâm fine, sweetheart. Just, you know. Monday.â
He flashes you the smile againâcrooked, a little boyish, like he still isnât sure if he belongs here even after all this time. Thatâs always been the thing about Clark. He doesnât posture. Doesnât strut. Heâs got this open-face sincerity, like the world is still worth showing up for, even when it kicks you in the ribs.
And youâve seen him work. Heâs brilliant. Way too observant to be as clumsy as he pretends to be. But itâs charming. In that small-town, too-tall-for-his-own-good, mutters-puns-when-heâs-nervous kind of way.
You like him. Thatâs⌠not the problem. The problem isâ He turns to walk past you, misjudges the distance, and thunks his thigh into the sharp edge of your desk with a grunt.
You flinch. âYou good?â
âYep.â He winces, but manages a thumbs-up. âJust, uh⌠recalibrating my ankles.â
Then heâs gone, retreating to the safe, familiar walls of his cubicle, still muttering to himself. Something about rechecking source notes and whether anyone notices when hyperlinks are one shade too blue.
Youâre left staring at the cup. At the note.
You run your thumb over the y again, the way it loops low and curls back. Thereâs something oddly familiar about the penmanship. Not perfect. Neat, but casual. Like whoever wrote it didnât plan to stop writing once they started. Like they meant it.
You donât say it aloudânot even to yourselfâbut the truth is whispering at the edge of your brain.
It looks like his. It feels like his. But no. That would beâ Clark Kent is thoughtful, sure. Heâs the kind of guy who remembers how you like your takeout and always lets you borrow his chargers. He holds elevators and never interrupts, and he stays late when you need someone to double-check your interview transcript even though itâs technically not his beat.
Heâs the kind of guy who brings you a jacket during late-night stakeouts without asking. Heâs the kind of guy who makes you laugh without trying. But he couldnât be the secret admirer.
âŚCould he?
You glance toward his cubicle. You canât see him, but you can feel him there. The way his presence always lingers, somehow warmer than everyone elseâs. Quieter.
You tuck the note into the back pocket of your notebook.
Just in case.
-
You forget about the note by lunch.
Mostly.
The newsroom doesnât really give you space to linger in your thoughtsâphones ringing, printers jamming, interns darting between desks like caffeinated ghosts. Itâs chaos, always is, and you thrive in it. But even as youâre skimming through edits and fixing a headline Jimmy typoâd into a minor war crime, part of your brain keeps circling back to that one y.
By the time you head back from a sandwich run with mustard on your sleeve and a half-dozen emails on your phone, thereâs another cup on your desk. Same order. No receipt. No name.
But this time, the note reads:
âThe line you cut in paragraph six was my favorite. About hope not being the same thing as naivety.â
You freeze mid-step, bag still dangling from one hand.Â
You hadnât published that line. You wrote it. Typed it, then stared at it for twenty minutes before deleting itâthought it was too sentimental, too soft for the piece. You didnât want to seem like you were editorializing. And yet⌠it had meant something. Youâd loved that line.
And someone else had read it. Which meansâŚ
Your eyes flick up. Around.
The bullpen looks the same as always: fluorescent lights buzzing, keys clacking, the faint scent of stale coffee and fast food. Jimmyâs arguing with someone about lens filters. Lois is deep in a phone call, gesturing with a pen like she might stab whoeverâs on the other end.
And thenâClark. Sitting at his desk, halfway behind the divider. Fiddling with his glasses like they wonât sit quite right on the bridge of his nose. He glances up at you and smiles. Soft. A little crooked. Familiar in a way that does something deeply unhelpful to your chest.
You stare for a second too long.
He blinks. Looks down quickly. Reaches for his pen, drops it, fumbles, curses under his breath. You see the top of his ears turning red.
Something inside you shifts. The notes are sweet, yes. But this is specific. This is someone who read your draft. Someone who noticed the cut line.
You never shared it outside your initial file. Not even with Lois. You almost didnât send it to copy at all. So⌠who the hell couldâve read it? How could they have seen it?Â
You return to your chair slowly, like it might help the pieces click into place. Your eyes catch the handwriting again.
The loops. The slight leftward tilt.
Clark does have neat handwriting. Youâve seen his notebook, all tidy bullet points and overly polite margin notes.
You tuck this note into your drawer. Next to the other one.
You donât say anything.
-
Later that afternoon, the newsroomâs background noise crescendos into something louderâLois and Dan from editorial locked in another philosophical brawl about media framing. Youâre not part of the fight, but apparently your latest piece is.
âItâs fluffy,â Dan says, waving the printed article like it personally offended him. âIt doesnât do anything. Whatâs the point of it, other than making people feel things?â
You open your mouthâjust barelyâready to defend yourself even though itâs exhausting. You donât get the chance. Clark beats you to it.
âI think it was insightful, actually,â he says from across the bullpen, voice louder than usual. âAnd emotionally resonant.â
The silence is sharp. Dan arches a brow. âListen, Kent. No one asked you.â
Clark straightens his tie. âWell, maybe they should.â
Now everyoneâs looking. Lois leans back in her chair, visibly suppressing a smile. Dan scoffs and mutters something about sentimentality being a plague.
You just stare at Clark. He meets your eyes, then seems to realize what heâs done and looks at his notebook like itâs suddenly the most fascinating object in the known universe.
Your heart does something inconvenient. Because now youâre wondering if it is him. Not just because he defended you, or because he could have somehow read the line that didnât make it to print, but because of the way he did it. The way his voice shook just a little. The way he looked furious on your behalf.
Clark is soft, yes. Awkward, often. But thereâs something sharp underneath it. A quiet kind of intensity that only shows up when it matters. Like someone whoâs spent a long time listening, and even longer choosing his moments.
You make a show of checking your notes. Pretending like your stomach didnât just flip. You donât look at him again. But you feel him looking.
-
The office after midnight doesnât feel like the same building. The lights buzz quieter. The chairs stop squeaking. Thereâs an eerie sort of calm that settles once the rush hour of deadlines has passed and only the ghosts and last-minute layout edits remain.
Clark is two desks away, sleeves rolled up, tie finally abandoned and flung haphazardly over the back of his chair. Heâs squinting at the screen like heâs trying to will the copy into formatting itself.
Youâre just as tiredâthough slightly less heroic-looking about it. Somewhere behind you, the printer groans. A rogue page slides off the tray and flutters to the floor like itâs giving up on life.
Clark gets up to grab it before you can.
âYouâre going to hurt yourself,â you say as he crouches to retrieve it. âOr fall asleep with your face on the carpet and get stuck there forever.â
He offers a smile, crooked and half-asleep. âIâve survived worse. Once fell asleep in a compost pile back in high school.â
You pause. âWhy?â
âThere was a dare,â he says, deadpan. âAnd a cow. The rest is classified, sweetheart.â
You snort before you can stop it.
Itâs late. Youâre punchy. The kind of tired that makes everything a little funnier, a little looser around the edges. He sits back down, stretching long limbs with a groan, and you let the quiet settle again.
âYou know Clark, sometimes I feel invisible here.â You donât mean to say it. It just slips out, quiet and rough from somewhere behind your ribcage.Â
Clark looks up instantly.
You keep staring at your screen. âItâs all bylines and deadlines, and then the story prints and nobody remembers who wrote it. Doesnât matter if itâs good or not. No one sees you.â You tap the corner of your spacebar absently. âFeels like yelling into a tunnel most days.â
You expect him to say something vague. Supportive. A standard âno, youâre great!â brush-off. But when you finally glance over, Clark is staring at you with his brow furrowed like someone just insulted his mom.
âThatâs ridiculous,â he mutters. âYouâre one of the most important voices in the room.â
The words are firm. Not flustered. Not dorky. Certain. It disarms you a little.
You blink. âClarkââ
âNo. I mean it, sweetheart," he says, almost stubborn. âYou make people care. Even when they donât want to. Thatâs rare.â
He looks down at his coffee like maybe it betrayed him by going cold too fast. You donât say anything. But that ache in your chest eases, just a little.
-
The next morning, youâre halfway through your walk to work when you find it.
Tucked into the side pocket of your coatâthe one you only use for receipts and empty gum wrappers. Folded carefully. Familiar ink.
âEven whispers echo when theyâre true.â
You stop walking. Stand there frozen on the corner outside a coffee shop as cars blur past and someone curses at a cab a few feet away. You read the note twice, then a third time.
Itâs simple. No flourish. No name. Just wordsâquiet, certain, and meant for you.
You donât know why it lands the way it does. Maybe because it doesnât try to dismiss how you feel. It just⌠reframes it. You may feel invisible, small, unheardâbut this person is saying: that doesnât make your truth meaningless. You matter, even if it feels like no oneâs listening.
You fold the note gently, like it might tear. You donât tuck this one into your notebook. You keep it in your coat pocket. All day.
Like armor.
-
By midafternoon, the bullpenâs usual noise has shapeshifted into something louderâone of those half-serious, half-combative newsroom debates that always starts in one cubicle and ends up consuming half the floor.
This time, itâs the great Superman Property Damage Discourse, sparkedâunsurprisinglyâby Lois Lane slapping a freshly printed article onto her desk like it insulted her directly.
âHe destroyed the entire north side of the building,â she says, exasperated, as if sheâs already had this argument with the universe and lost.
You donât look up right away. Youâre knee-deep in notes for your community housing series and trying to keep your lunch from leaking onto your desk. But the words still hit.
âTo stop a tanker explosion,â you point out without much heat, eyes still scanning your page. âThere were twenty-seven people inside.â
âMy point,â Lois says, crossing her arms, âis that someone has to pay for all that glass.â
âPretty sure itâs the insurance companies,â you mutter.
Lois raises a brow at you, but doesnât push it. Sheâs used to you playing devilâs advocateâusually itâs just for fun. She doesnât know this oneâs starting to feel a little personal.
And then Clark walks in. Heâs balancing two coffee cups and what looks like a roll of blueprints tucked under one arm, sleeves rolled up and tie already loose like the dayâs been longer than it shouldâve been. His hairâs a mess, wind-tousled and curling near the back of his neck, and heâs got that familiar expression onâhalf-focused, half-apologetic, like heâs perpetually arriving a few seconds after he meant to.
He slows as he approaches, catches the tail end of Loisâs rant, and hesitates. Just a second. Just long enough for something behind his glasses to tighten. Then, without warning or warm-up, he steps in like a man walking into traffic.
âHeâs doing his best, okay?â he blurts. âHe canât help the building fellâthere was a fireball.â
The bullpen quiets a beat. Just enough for the words to settle and sting. Lois doesnât even look up from her monitor. âYou sound like a fanboy.â
âI justââ Clark huffs. âHeâs trying to protect people. Thatâs not⌠easy.â
He lifts his hand to gesture, but his elbow clips the corner of his desk and sends his coffee tipping. The paper cup wobbles, then crashes onto the floor in a slosh of brown across your loose notes.
âClark!â You shove back in your chair, startled.
âSorryâsorryâhang onââ He lunges for a stack of printer paper, overcorrects, and knocks over another folder in the process. Its contents scatter like leaves in the wind. He flails to grab what he can, muttering apologies the whole time.
The tension breaksânot because of what he said, but because of the way he said it. Because heâs suddenly in a mess of his own making, trying to mop it up with a handful of flyers and an empty paper towel roll, red-faced and flustered.Â
You canât help it. You smile. Just a little.
Lois glances sideways at the scene, then turns to you, tone dry as dust. âWell. Heâs⌠passionate.â
You arch a brow. âThatâs one word for it.â
She doesnât notice the way your eyes linger on him. She doesnât see the shift in your chest when you watch him drop to one knee, scooping up wet files with shaking hands, his jaw tightânot from embarrassment, but from something quieter. Fiercer.
Because Clark hadnât just jumped to Supermanâs defense.
Heâd meant it.
Like someone who knows what it feels like to try and still fall short. Like someone whoâs carried the weight of peopleâs expectations. Like someone whoâs watched something burn and had to live with the cost of saving it.
You know itâs ridiculous. You know itâs a stretch. But still⌠your breath catches.
He steadies the last folder against his desk, rubs the back of his neck, and looks upâright at you. Your eyes meet for a second too long.
You offer him a look that says itâs okay. He returns one that says thanks. And then the moment passes. You turn back to your screen, heart pounding for reasons you wonât name. And Clark returns to quietly drying his desk with a half-crumpled press release.
You donât say anything. But youâre not watching him by accident anymore.
-
Youâve read the latest note a dozen times.
âSometimes I wish I could just be honest with you. But I canâtânot yet.â
Thereâs no flourish. No compliment. Just rawness, stripped of any careful metaphor or charm. Itâs still anonymous, but the voice⌠it feels closer now. Less like a mystery, more like someone standing just out of sight.
Someone with hands that tremble when they pass you a coffee. Someone who knows how your voice sounds when youâre frustrated. Someone who once told you, very softly, that your words matter.
You start thinking about Clark again. And once the thought roots, itâs impossible to pull it free.
-
You test him. Itâs petty, maybe. Pointless, probably. But you do it anyway. That afternoon, youâre both holed up near the copy desk, reviewing your latest layout. Clarkâs seated beside you, sleeves pushed up, his pen tapping lightly against the margin of your column draft. His knee keeps bumping yours under the desk, and every time, he apologizes with a shy smile that doesnât quite meet your eyes.
Youâre running on too little sleep and too many thoughts. So you try it. âYou ever hear that phrase? âEven whispers echo when theyâre trueâ?â
He looks up from the page. Blinks behind his smudged glasses. âUh⌠sure. I mean, not in everyday conversation, but yeah. Sounds poetic.â
You tilt your head, eyes narrowing just slightly. âI read it recently,â you say, like youâre thinking aloud. âCanât stop turning it over. I donât knowâit stuck with me.â
He stares at you for a beat too long. Then clears his throat and drops his gaze, pen suddenly very busy again. âYeah. Itâs⌠itâs a good line.â
âYou donât think itâs a little dramatic?â
âNo,â he says too quickly. âI meanâitâs true. Sometimes the quietest things are the ones worth listening to.â
You nod, pretending to go back to your edits. But his pen taps a little faster. The corner of his mouth twitches. Heâs trying to look neutral, maybe even confused. But Clark Kent couldnât lie his way out of a grocery list.
And if he did write it, that means he knows youâre testing him.
You donât call him on it.
Not yet.
-
Later that evening, he helps you file your story. Technically, Clarkâs already done for the dayâhe couldâve clocked out an hour ago, couldâve gone home and slipped into his flannel pajamas and vanished into whatever quiet life he keeps outside these walls. But instead, he lingers.
His jacket is folded neatly over the back of your chair, sleeves still warm from his arms. His glasses sit low on his nose, catching the screenâs glow, one smudge blooming near the top corner where heâs pushed them up too many times with the side of his thumb.
He leans over the desk beside you, one palm braced flat against the surface, the other gently scrolling through your draft. His frame takes up too much space in that warm, grounding wayâshoulder brushing yours occasionally, breath warm at your temple when he leans in to squint at a sentence.
Youâre quiet, but not for lack of things to say. Itâs the way heâs readingâcarefully, like every word deserves to be held. Thereâs no red pen. No quick fixes. Just soft soundless reverence, like your work is already whole and heâs just lucky to witness it.
And his hands.
God, his hands.
You try not to look, but theyâre impossible to ignore. Big and capable, yes, but gentle in the way he uses themâfingers skimming the edge of the printout like the paper might bruise, thumb stroking over the corner where the page curls, slow and absentminded. The pads of his fingers are slightly ink-stained, callused just at the tips. He smells faintly like cheap soap and newsroom toner and something you canât name but have already begun to crave.
You wonderâjust for a momentâwhat it would be like to feel those hands touch you with purpose instead of hesitation. Without the paper buffer. Without the quiet restraint.
He leans a little closer. You can feel the press of his shirt sleeve against your arm now, soft cotton against skin. âLooks perfect to me,â he murmurs.
Itâs not the words. Itâs the way he says themâlike heâs not just talking about the story. You swallow, pulse jumping. You wonder if he hears it. You wonder if he feels it.
His eyes flick to yours for just a second. Something hangs in the airâfragile, charged. Then the phone rings down the hall, and the spell breaks like steam off hot glass. He steps back. You exhale like youâve been holding your breath for three paragraphs.
You donât look at him as he grabs his jacket. You just nod and whisper, âThanks.â
And he just smilesâsoft and private, like a secret passed from his mouth to your chest.
-
You donât go home right away. You sit at your desk long after Clark and the rest of the bullpen has emptied out, coat draped over your shoulders like a blanket, fingers toying with the folded edge of the note in your lap.
âSometimes I wish I could just be honest with you. But I canâtânot yet.â
Youâve read it enough times to have it memorized. Still, your eyes trace the handwriting againâcareful lettering, no signature, just that quiet ache bleeding between the lines.
Itâs the first one that feels more than just flirtation. This one hurts a little. So you do something you havenât done before.
You pull a post-it from the stack beside your monitor, scribble down one sentenceâno flourish, no punctuation.
âThen tell me in person.âÂ
You slide it beneath your stapler before you leave. A deliberate offering. You donât know how heâs been getting the others to youâif itâs during your lunch break or when youâre in the print room or bent over in the archives. But somehow, he knows.
So this time, you let him find something waiting.
And when you finally shrug on your coat and step into the elevator, the empty quiet of the newsroom echoes behind you like a held breath.
-
The next morning, thereâs no reply. Not on your desk. Not slipped into your coat pocket. Not scribbled in the margin of your planner or tucked beneath your coffee cup. Just silence.
You try not to feel disappointed. You try not to spiral. Maybe heâs waiting. Maybe heâs scared. Maybe youâre wrong and itâs not who you think. But your chest feels hollow all the sameâlike something almost happened and didnât.
So that night, you write again. Your hands shake more than they should for something so simple. A sticky note. A few words. But this one names it.
âOne chance. One sunset. Centennial Park. Bench by the lion statue. Tomorrow.â
You stare at the words a long time before setting it down. This oneâs not a joke. Not a dare. Not a flirtation scribbled in passing. This is an invitation. A door left open.
You slide it under your stapler the same way youâve received every one of his notesâunassuming, tucked in plain sight. If he wants to find it, he will. Youâve stopped questioning how he does it. Maybe itâs timing. Maybe itâs instinct. Maybe itâs something else entirely.
But you know heâll see it.
You pack up slowly. Shoulders tight. Bag heavier than usual. The newsroom is quiet at this hourâjust the low hum of the overhead fluorescents and the soft, endless churn of printers in the back. You turn off your monitor, loop your coat over your arm, and make your way to the elevator.
Halfway there, something makes you stop. You glance back. Clark is still at his desk.
You hadnât heard him return. You hadnât even noticed the light at his station flick back on. But there he isâelbows on the desk, hands folded in front of him, eyes already lifted.
Watching you.
His face is unreadable, but his gaze lingers longer than it should. Soft. Searching. Almost caught. You feel the air shift. Not a word is exchanged. Just that one look.
Then the elevator dings. You turn away before you can lose your nerve.
And Clark? He doesnât look down. Not until the doors slide shut in front of your face.
-
You tell yourself it doesnât matter. You tell yourself it was probably nothing. A game. A passing flirtation. Maybe Jimmy, playing an elaborate prank heâll one day claim was performance art.
But stillâyou dress carefully.
You pull out that one sweater that always makes you feel like the best version of yourself, and you smooth your collar twice before you leave. You wear lip balm that smells faintly like vanilla and leave the office ten minutes early just in case traffic is worse than expected. Just in case heâs early.
You get there first. The bench is colder than you remember. Stone weathered and a little damp from last nightâs rain. Your coffee steams in your hands, and for a while, thatâs enough to keep you warm.
The sky begins to soften around the edges. First blush pink, then golden orange, then the faintest sweep of violet, like a bruise blooming across the clouds. You watch the city skyline fade into silhouettes. The sun drips lower behind the glass towers, catching the river in a moment of molten reflection. Itâs beautiful.
Itâs also empty.
You wait. A couple strolls past, fingers laced, talking softly like theyâve been in love for years. A jogger nods as they pass, earbuds in, a scruffy golden retriever trotting faithfully beside them. The dog looks up at you like it knows somethingâlike it sees something.
The wind kicks up. You pull your coat tighter. You tell yourself to give it five more minutes. Then five more.
And thenâ
Nothing. No footsteps. No note. No him.
Your coffee goes cold between your palms. The stone starts to seep into your bones. And somewhere deep in your chest, something you hadnât even dared name⌠wilts.
Eventually, you stand. Walk home with your coat buttoned all the way up, even though itâs not that cold. You donât cry.
You just go quiet.
-
The next morning, the bullpen hums with the usual Monday static. Phones ringing. Keys clacking. Perryâs voice barking something about a missed quote from the sanitation board. Jimmyâs camera shutter clicking in staccato bursts behind you. The Daily Planet in full swingâordinary chaos wrapped in coffee breath and fluorescent lighting.
You move through it on autopilot. Your smile is small, tight around the edges. Youâve become a master of folding disappointment into your postureâchin lifted, eyes clear, mouth curved just enough to seem fine.
âGuess the secret admirer thing was just a prank after all.â You drop your bag beside your desk, shuffle through the morning copy logs, and say it lightly. Offhand. Like a joke. âShouldâve known better.â You make sure your voice carries just far enough. Not loud, but not a whisper. Casual. A throwaway comment designed to sound unaffected. And then you laugh. Itâs short. Hollow. It dies in your throat before it even fully escapes.
Lois glances up from her monitor, eyes narrowing faintly behind dark lashes. She doesnât laugh with you. She doesnât smile. She just watches you for a beat too long. Not with judgment. Not even pity. Just⌠knowing. But she says nothing. And neither do you.
What you donât see is the hallwayâjust twenty feet awayâwhere Clark Kent stands frozen in place. Heâd just walked inâlate, coat slung over one arm, takeout coffee in the other. He had stopped just inside the threshold to adjust his glasses. Heâd meant to offer you a second coffee, the one he bought on impulse after circling the block too many times.
And then he heard it. Your voice. âGuess the secret admirer thing was just a prank after all.â And then your laugh. That awful, paper-thin laugh.
He goes still. Like someone pulled the oxygen from the room. His hand tightens around the coffee cup until the lid creaks. The other arm drops slack at his side, coat nearly slipping from his grasp. His jaw tenses. Shoulders stiffen beneath his white button-down, and for one awful second, he forgets how to breathe.
Because you sound like someone trying not to care. And it cuts deeper than he expects. Because heâd meant to come. Because he tried. Because he was so close.
But none of that matters now. All you know is that he didnât show up. And now you think the whole thing was a joke. A stupid, secret game. His game. And he canât even explainânot without tearing everything open.
He stares down the corridor, eyes fixed on the edge of your desk, on the shape of your shoulders turned slightly away. He watches as you pick up your coffee and blow gently across the lid like it might chase the bitterness from your chest.
You donât turn around. You donât see the way he stands thereâgutted, unmoving, undone. The cup trembles in his hand. He turns away before it spills.
-
That night, you go back to the office. You tell yourself itâs for the deadline. A follow-up piece on the housing committee. Edits on the west-side zoning profile. Anything to fill the time between sunset and sleepâbecause if you sleep, youâll just dream of that bench.
The newsroom is quiet now. All overhead lights dimmed except for the halo of your desk lamp and the soft thrum of a copy machine left cycling in the corner.
You drop your bag with a sigh. Stretch your shoulders. Slide your desk drawer open without thinking. And find it. A note. No envelope. No tape. No ceremony. Just a single sheet of cream stationery folded in thirds. Familiar handwriting. Neat loops. Unshaking.
You unfold it slowly.
âIâm sorry. I wanted to be there. I canât explain why I couldnâtâ
But it wasnât a joke. It was never a joke. Please believe that.â
The words hit like a breath you didnât know you were holding. Then they blur. You read it again. Then again. But the ache in your chest doesnât settle. Because how do you believe someone who wonât show their face? How do you believe someone who keeps slipping between your fingers?
You hold the note to your chest. Close your eyes. You want to believe him. God, you want to. But you donât know how anymore.
-
What you couldnât know is this: Clark Kent was already running. Heâd been on his wayâcoat flapping behind him, tie unspooling in the wind, breath fogging as he dashed through traffic, one hand wrapped tight around a note he planned to deliver in person for the first time. Heâd rehearsed it. Practiced what heâd say. Built up to it with every beat of a terrified heart.
He saw the park lights up ahead. Saw the lion statue. Saw the shape of a figure sitting alone on that bench.
And then the air split open. The sky went green. A fifth-dimensional impânot even from this universeâtore through Metropolis like a child flipping pages in a pop-up book. Reality folded. Buildings bent sideways. Streetlamps started singing jazz standards.
Clark barely had time to take a deep breath before he vanished into smoke and flame, spinning upward in a blur of red and blue. Somewhere across town, Superman joined Guy Gardner, Hawk Girl, Mr. Terrific, and Metamorpho in trying to contain the chaos before the city unmade itself entirely.Â
He never got the chance to reach the bench. He never got the chance to say anything. The note stayed in his pocket until it was soaked with rain and streaked with ash. Until it was too late.
-
Itâs supposed to be routine. Youâre only there to cover a zoning dispute. A boring, mid-week council press event thatâs been rescheduled three times already. The air is heavy with heat and bureaucracy. You and your photographer barely make it past the front barricades before the scene spirals into chaos.
First itâs the downed power linesâsparking in rapid bursts as something hits the utility pole two blocks down. Then a car screeches over the median. Then someone starts screaming.
Youâre still trying to piece it together when the crowd surgesâsomeone shouts about a gun. People scatter. A window shatters across the street. A chunk of concrete falls from the sky like a thrown brick.
Your feet move before your brain catches up. You hit the pavement just as something explodes behind you. A jolt rings through your bones, sharp and high and metallic. Dust clouds the air. Thereâs shouting, then screaming, and your ears go fuzzy for one split second.
And then he lands.
Superman.
Cape whipping behind him like itâs caught in its own storm, boots cracking against the sidewalk as he drops down between the wreckage and the people still trying to flee. He moves like nothing youâve ever seen.
Not just fastâbut impossible. His body a blur of motion, heat, and purpose. He rips a crumpled lamppost off a trapped woman like it weighs nothing. Hurls it aside and crouches low beside her, voice firm but gentle as he checks her pulse, her leg, her name.
Youâre frozen where you crouch, half behind a parking meter, hand pressed to your chest like it can keep your heart from tearing loose.
And then be turns. Looks straight at you. His expression shifts. Just for a moment. Just for you. He steps forward, dust streaking his suit, eyes dark with something you donât have time to name. He reaches you in three strides, body angled between you and the chaos, hand raised in warning before you can speak.
âStay here, sweetheart. Please.â
Your stomach drops. Not at the danger. Not at the sound of buildings groaning in the distance or the flash of gunmetal tucked into a strangerâs hand.
Itâs him. That word. That voice. The exact way of saying itâlike itâs muscle memory. Like heâs said it a thousand times before.
Like Clark says it.
It stuns you more than the explosion did.
You blink up at him, speechless, heart stuttering behind your ribs as he holds your gaze just a second longer than he should. His brow furrows. Then heâs goneâinto the fray, into the fire, into the part of the story where your pen canât follow.
You donât remember standing. You donât remember how you get back to the press line, only that your legs shake and your palms burn and every time you try to replay what just happened, your brain gets stuck on one word.
Sweetheart.
Youâve heard it beforeâdozens of times. Always soft. Always accidental. Always from behind thick glasses and a crooked tie and a mouth still chewing the edge of a muffin while he scrolls through zoning reports.
Clark says it when he forgets youâre not his to claim. Clark says it when youâre both the last ones in the office and he thinks youâre asleep at your desk. Clark says it like a secret. Like a slip.
And Superman just said it exactly the same way. Same tone. Same warmth. Same quiet ache beneath it.
But thatâs not possible. Because Superman isâSuperman. Bold. Dazzling. Fire-forged. He walks like he owns the sky. He speaks like a storm made flesh. He radiates power and perfection.
And Clark? Clark is all flannel and stammering jokes and soft eyes behind big frames. Heâs gentle. A little clumsy. His swagger is borrowed from farm porches and storybooks. Heâs sweet in a way Superman couldnât possibly be.
Couldnât⌠Right? You chalk it up to coincidence. You have to.
âŚSort of.
-
You donât sleep well the night after the incident. You keep replaying itâframe by impossible frame. The gunshot, the smoke, the sky splitting in half. The crack of his landing, the rush of wind off his cape. The weight of his body between you and danger. And then that voice.
âStay here, sweetheart. Please.â
You flinch every time it echoes in your head. Every time your brain folds it over the countless memories you have of Clark saying it in passing, like it was nothing. Like it meant nothing.
But it means something now.
You come into the office the next day wired and quiet, adrenaline still burning faintly at the edges of your skin. You arenât sure what to say, or to whom, so you say nothing. You stare too long at your coffee. You snap at a printer jam. You forget your lunch in the breakroom fridge.
Clark notices. He hovers by your desk that morning, a second coffee in handâone of those specialty orders from that corner place he knows you like but always pretends he doesnât remember.
âRough day?â he asks gently. His tone is careful. Soft. As if youâre a glass already rattling on the edge of the shelf.
You donât look up. âItâs fine.â
He hesitates. Then sets the coffee down beside your elbow, just far enough that you have to choose whether or not to reach for it. âI heard about the power line thing,â he adds. âYou okay?â
âI said Iâm fine, Clark.â
A beat.
You hate the way his face flickers at thatâhurt, barely masked. He pushes his glasses up and nods like he deserves it. Like heâs been expecting it. He doesnât press. He just walks away.
-
You find yourself whispering to Lois over takeout later that afternoonâhalf a conversation muttered between bites of noodles and the hum of flickering overheads.
âHe called me sweetheart.â
She raises an eyebrow. âClark?â
âNo. Superman.â
Her chewing slows.
You keep your eyes on the edge of your desk. âThatâs⌠weird, right?â
Lois makes a soundâsomewhere between a scoff and a laugh. âHeâs a superhero. They charm every pretty girl they pull out of a burning building.â
You poke at your noodles. âStill. It feltâŚâ
âWeird?â she teases again, nudging her knee against yours.
You shrug like it doesnât matter. Like it hasnât been clawing at the back of your brain for three days straight. Lois doesnât press. Just watches you for a second longer than necessary. Then she moves on, launching into a tirade about Perryâs passive-aggressive post-it notes and the fact that someone keeps stealing her pens.
But the damage is already done. Because you start thinking maybe youâve just been projecting. Maybe you want your secret admirer to be Clark so badly that your brainâs rewriting realityâlatching onto any voice, any phrase, any fleeting resemblance and assigning it meaning.
Sweetheart.
Itâs a common word. It doesnât mean anything. Maybe Superman says it to everyone. Maybe he has a whole roster of soft pet names for dazed civilians. Maybe youâre the delusional oneâsitting here wondering if your awkward, sweet, left-footed coworker moonlights as a god.
The idea is so absurd it actually makes you laugh. Quietly. Bitterly. Right into your carton of lo mein. You tell yourself to let it go. But you donât.
You canât. Because somewhere deep down, it doesnât feel absurd at all. It feels⌠close. Like youâre brushing against the edge of something true. And if you get just a little closerâ
You might fall right through it.
-
Clark pulls back after that. Subtly. Slowly. Like heâs dimming himself on purpose. Heâs still thereâstill kind, still thoughtful, still Clark. But the rhythm changes.
The coffees stop appearing on your desk each morning. No more sticky notes with half-legible puns or awkward smiley faces. No more jokes under his breath during staff meetings. No more warm glances across the bullpen when youâre stuck late and your screen is giving you a headache.
His chair now sits just a little farther from yours in the layout room. Not enough to be obvious. Just enough to feel. You notice it the way you notice when the air shifts before a storm. Quiet. Inevitable.
Even his messages change. Once, his texts used to come with too many exclamation marks and a tendency to type out haha when he was nervous. Now theyâre brief. Punctuated. Polite.
âGot your quote. Sending now.â
âPerry said weâre cleared for page A3.â
âHope your meeting went okay.â
You reread them more than you should. Not because of what they sayâbut because of what they donât. It feels like being ghosted by someone who still waves to you across the room.
You try to talk yourself down. Maybe heâs just busy. Maybe heâs stressed. Maybe youâve been projecting. Maybe itâs not your admirerâs handwriting that matches his. Maybe itâs not his voice that slipped out of Supermanâs mouth like a secret.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
But the space he used to fill next to you⌠feels like a light thatâs been quietly turned off. And you are the one still blinking against the dark.
And yet, one afternoon, someone in the bullpen makes a snide remark about your latest piece. You donât even catch the beginningâjust the tail end of it, lazy and smug.
ââbasically just fluff, right? Sheâs been coasting lately.â
Youâre about to ignore it. Youâre tired. Too tired. And whatâs the point in arguing with someone who thinks nuance is a liability?
But thenâClark speaks. Not from beside you, but from across the room. Youâre not even sure how he could have possibly heard the guy talking across all the hustle and bustle of the bullpen. But his voice cuts through the noise like someone snapping a ruler against a desk.
âI just think her work actually matters, okay?â
Silence follows. Not because of the volumeâhe wasnât loud. Just certain. Unflinching. Like heâd been holding it in. The words hang in the air, charged and too real.
Clark looks immediately horrified with himself. He goes red. Not a faint flushâcrimson. Mouth parting like he wants to take it back but doesnât know how. He tries to recover, to smooth it overâbut nothing comes. Just a flustered shake of his head and a noise that mightâve been his name.
The other reporter stares. ââŚOkay, man. Chill.â
Clark mumbles something about grabbing a file from archives and practically stumbles for the hallway, papers clenched awkwardly in one hand like a shield.
You donât follow. You just⌠sit there. Staring at the space he left behind. Because that momentâthose wordsâit wasnât just instinct. It wasnât just kindness. It was him.
The way he said it. The emotion in it. The rhythm of it. It felt like the notes. Like the quiet encouragements tucked into the margins of your day. Like someone watching, quietly, gently, hoping youâll see yourself the way they do.
You think about the phrases heâs used before.
âThe line you cut in paragraph six was my favorite. About hope not being the same thing as naivety.â
âEven whispers echo when theyâre true.â
And now:
âHer work actually matters.â
All said like they were true, not convenient. All said like they were about you.
You start to notice more after that. The way Clark compliments your writingâalways specific. Never lazy. The way his eyes crinkle when heâs proud of something you said, even when he doesnât speak up. The way he turns the thermostat up exactly two degrees every time you bring your sweater into work. The way he walks a half-step behind you when you both leave late at night.
Itâs not a confession. Not yet. But itâs a pattern. And once you start seeing itâ
You canât stop.
-
Itâs a quiet afternoon in the bullpen. The kind where the overhead lights hum just loud enough to notice and everything smells like stale coffee and highlighter ink.
Clarkâs sprawled in front of his monitor, sleeves rolled to his elbows, brow furrowed with the kind of intensity he usually saves for city zoning laws and double-checked citations. Youâre helping him sort through quotesâmost of which came from a reluctant press secretary and one very talkative dog walker who may or may not be a credible witness.
âCan you check the time stamp on the third transcript?â he asks, not looking up from his notes. âI think I messed it up when I formatted.â
You nod, flipping through the stack of papers he passed you earlier. Thatâs when you see it. Folded beneath the top printout, half-tucked into the margin of a city planning spreadsheet, is a different kind of note. A loose sheet, scribbled across in black ink. Not typedâwritten. Slanted lines. A few false starts crossed out.
At first, you think itâs a headline draft. A brainstorm. But the longer you stare, the more it reads like⌠something else.
âThe city is loud today. Not just noise, but motion. Memory. The way people hum when they think no oneâs listening.â
âI canât stop watching her move through it like she belongs to it. Like it belongs to her.â
You freeze. Your eyes track down the page slowly, like touching something sacred.
The letters are familiar. The lowercase y curls the same way as the one on your very first noteâthe one that came with your coffee. The ink is the same soft black, slightly smudged in the corners, like whoever wrote it holds the pen too tight when theyâre thinking. The paper is the same notepad stock heâs used before. The same faint red line down the margin.
You donât mean to do it, but your fingers curl around the page. Your chest goes tight. Because itâs not just similar.
Itâs exact.
You hear him coming before you see himâthose long, careful strides and the faint jangle of the lanyard he keeps forgetting to take off.
You tuck the paper into your notebook. Quick. Smooth. Automatic.
âHey, sorry,â he says, rounding the corner with two mugs of tea and a slightly sheepish smile. âPrinterâs jammed again. I may have made it worse.â
You nod. Too fast. You canât quite make your voice work yet. Clark hands you your teaâjust the way you like it, no commentâand sits across from you like nothingâs wrong. Like your whole world hasnât tilted six degrees to the left.
He launches into a ramble about column widths and quote placement, about whether a serif font looks more âestablishedâ than sans serif.
You donât hear a word of it. You just⌠watch him. The way he gestures too big with his hands. The way his glasses slip down his nose mid-sentence and he doesnât bother to fix them until theyâre practically falling off. The way his voice drops a little when heâs thinking hardâlow and warm and utterly unselfconscious.
He has no idea you know. No idea what you just found.
You murmur something about needing to catch a meeting and excuse yourself early. He nods. Worries at his bottom lip like heâs debating whether to walk you out. Decides against it.
âThanks for the help,â he says quietly, as you shoulder your bag. âSeriously. I couldnâtâve done this draft without you.â
You give him a look you donât quite know how to name. Something between thank you and I see you.Â
Then you go.
-
That night, you sit on your bedroom floor with the drawer open. Every note. Every folded scrap. Every secret tucked under your stapler or slid into your sleeve or left beside your coffee cup. You line them up in rows. You flatten them with careful hands. And you compare. One by one.
The loops. The lines. The uneven spacing. The curl of the r. The hush in every sentence, like he was writing them with his heart too close to the surface.Â
Thereâs no room for doubt anymore. Itâs him. Itâs been him this whole time.
Clark Kent.
And somehowâsomehowâheâs still never said your name aloud when he writes about you. Not once. But every letter reads like a whisper of it. Like a promise waiting to be spoken.
-
The office is quiet by the time you find the nerve.
Desks are abandoned, chairs turned at angles, the windows dark with city glow. Outside, Metropolis hums in its usual low thrumâsirens and neon and distant jazz from a rooftop barâbut here, in the bullpen, itâs just the steady tick of the wall clock and the slow, careful steps you take toward his desk.
Clark doesnât hear you at first. Heâs bent over a red pen and a half-finished draft, glasses low on his nose, the curve of his back hunched the way it always is when heâs lost in edits. His tie is loosened. His sleeves are pushed up. Thereâs a smear of ink on his thumb. He looks soft in the way people do when they think no oneâs watching.Â
You speak before you lose your nerve. âWhy didnât you just tell me?â
Clark startles. Not dramaticallyâjust a sharp breath and a too-quick motion to sit upright, like a kid caught doodling in the margins. âIâwhat?â
You donât let your voice shake. âThat it was you. The notes. The park. All of it.â
He stares at you. Then down at his desk. Then back again. His mouth opens like it wants to offer a lie, but nothing comes out. Just silence. His fingers twitch toward the edge of the desk and stop there, curling into his palm.
âIââ he tries again, softer now, ââI didnât think you knew.â
âI didnât.â Your voice is gentle. But not easy. âNot at first. Not really. But then I saw that list on your desk and⌠I went home and checked the handwriting.â
He winces. âI knew I left that out somewhere.â
You cross your arms, not out of angerâmore like self-protection. âYou couldâve told me. At any point. I asked you.â
âI know.â He swallows hard. âI know. I wanted to. I⌠tried.â
You watch him. Wait.Â
And then he says it. Not loud. Not dramatic. Just the truth, raw and shaky and so Clark it nearly breaks you. âBecause if I told you it was me⌠you might look at me different. Or worse⌠The same.â
You donât know what to say to that. Not right away. Your heart clenches. Because itâs so himâto assume your affection could only live in the mystery. That the truth of himâsoft, clumsy, brilliant, realâwould somehow undo the magic.
âClarkâŚâ you start, but your voice slips.
He rubs the back of his neck. âIâm just the guy who spills coffee on his own notes and forgets to refill the paper tray. Youâre⌠you. You write like youâre on fire. You walk into a room and it listens. I didnât think someone like you would ever want someone like me.â
You stare at him. Really stare. At the flushed cheeks. The nervous hands. The boyish smile heâs trying to bury under self-deprecation. And then you say it. âI saved every note.â
He blinks.
You keep going. âI read them when I felt invisible. When I thought no one gave a damn what I was doing here. They mattered.â
Clarkâs breath catches. He opens his mouth. Closes it again. He takes a slow step forward, tentative. Like heâs afraid to break the spell. His eyes search yours, and for a momentâfor a second so still it might as well last an hourâhe leans in. Not close enough to kiss you. But almost. His hand brushes yours. He stops. The air is heavy between you, buzzing with something fragile and enormous. But it isnât enough. Not yet.
You draw in a breath, quiet but steady. âWhy didnât you meet me?â
Clark goes still. You can see it happenâthe way the question lands. The way he folds in on himself just slightly, like the truth is too heavy to hold upright.
âIâŚâ He tries, but the word doesnât land. His jaw flexes. His eyes drop to the floor, then back up. He wants to tell you. He almost does. But he canât. Not without unraveling everything. Not without unraveling himself.
âI wanted to,â he says finally, voice rough at the edges. âMore than anything.â
âBut?â you press, gently.
He just looks at you and says nothing. You nod, slowly. The silence says enough. Your chest achesânot in a sharp, bitter way. In the dull, familiar way of something you already suspected being confirmed.
You glance down at where your hand still brushes his, then look back at himâreally look. âI wish youâd told me,â you whisper. âI sat there thinking it was a joke. That I made it all up. That I was stupid for believing in any of it.â
âI know,â he murmurs. âAnd Iâm sorry.â
Your throat tightens. You swallow past it. âI just⌠I need time. To process. To think.â
Clarkâs eyes flickerâhope and heartbreak, all tangled up in one look. âOf course,â he says immediately. âTake whatever you need. I mean it.â
A beat passes before you say the part that makes his breath catch. âIâm happy it was you.â
He freezes.
You offer the smallest smile. âI wanted it to be you.â
And for the first time in minutes, something in his shoulders unknots. Thereâs a shift. Gentle. Quiet. His hand lingers near yours again, knuckles brushing. He doesnât lean in. Doesnât push.
But God, he wants to. And maybe⌠maybe you do too. The moment stretches, unspoken and warm and not quite ready to be anything more.
You both stay like thatâclose, not touching. Breathing the same charged air. Then he laughs under his breath. Nervous. Boyish.
âIâm probably gonna trip over something the second you walk away.â
You smile back. âJust recalibrate your ankles.â
He huffs out a laugh, head ducking. âI deserved that.â
You start to turn away. Just a little. But his voice stops you againâquiet, sincere, something earnest catching in it. âIâm really glad it was me, too.â
And your heart flutters all over again.
-
Lois is perched on the edge of your desk, a paper takeout box balanced on her knee, chopsticks waving in lazy circles while you pick at your own dinner with a little too much focus.
You havenât told her everything. Not the everything everything. Not the way your heart nearly cracked open when Clark looked at you like you were made of starlight and library books. Not how close he got before pulling back. Not how you pulled back too, even though your whole body ached to close the distance.
But you have told her about the notes. About the mystery. About the strange tenderness of it all, how it wrapped around your days like a string you didnât know you were following until it tugged. And LoisâLois has been unusually quiet about it. Until now.Â
âIâm setting you up,â she says between bites, like sheâs discussing filing taxes.
You blink. âWhat?â
âA date. Just one. Guy from the Features desk at the Tribune. Youâll like him. Heâs taller than you, decent jawline, wears socks that match. Heâs got strong opinions about punctuation, which I figure is basically foreplay for you.â
You stare at her. âYou donât even believe in setups.â
âI donât,â she agrees. âBut youâve been spiraling in circles for weeks, and at this point, I either push you toward a date or stage an intervention with PowerPoint slides.â
You laugh despite yourself. âYou have PowerPoint slides?â
âOf course not,â she scoffs. âI have a Google Doc.â
You roll your eyes. âLoisââ
âListen,â she says, gentler now. âI know youâre in deep with whoever this guy is. And if it is Clark⌠well. I can see why.â
Your stomach flips.
âBut maybe stepping outside of the Planet for two hours wouldnât kill you. Let someone else flirt with you for once. Let yourself figure out what you actually want.â
You press your lips together. Look down at your barely-touched food.
âYou donât have to fall for him,â she adds, softly. âJust let yourself be seen.â
You exhale through your nose. âHe better be cute.â
âOh, he is. Total sweater vest energy.â
You snort. âSo your type.â
âExactly.â She lifts her takeout carton in a mock toast. âTo emotionally compromised coworkers and their tragic love lives.â
You clink your chopsticks against hers like itâs the saddest champagne flute in the world. And later, when youâre getting ready, you still feel the weight of Clarkâs almost-kiss behind your ribs. But you go anyway. Because Lois is right. You need to know what it is youâre choosing. Even if, deep down, you already do.
-
The date isnât bad. Thatâs the most frustrating part. Heâs nice. Polished in that media school kind of wayâcrisp shirt, clean shave, a practiced smile that belongs on a campaign poster. He compliments your bylines and talks about his dream of running an independent magazine one day. He orders the good whiskey and laughs at your jokes.
But itâs the wrong laugh. Off by a beat. The rhythmâs not right.
When he leans in, you donât. When he talks, your thoughts driftâto mismatched socks and printer toner smudges. To how someone else always remembers your coffee order. To how someone else listens, not to respond, but to see.
You realize it halfway through the second drink. Youâre thinking about Clark again.
The softness of him. The steadiness. The way he over-apologizes in texts but never hesitates when someone challenges your work. The way his voice tilts a little higher when heâs nervous. The way his laugh never lands in the right place, but somehow makes the whole room feel warmer.
You pull your coat tighter when you leave the restaurant, cheeks stinging from the wind and the slow unraveling of a night that shouldâve meant something. It doesnât. Not in the way that matters.
So you walk. You tell yourself youâre just passing by the Daily Planet. That maybe you left your notes there. That itâs just a habit, stopping in this late. But when you scan your ID badge and push through the heavy glass doors, you already know the truth. Youâre hoping heâs still here.
And he is.
The bullpen is almost entirely dark, save for a single desk lamp casting gold across the layout section. Heâs hunched over itâtie loosened, sleeves rolled up, shirt rumpled like heâs been pacing, thinking, rewriting. His glasses are folded beside him on the desk. His hairâs a messâfingers clearly run through it too many times.
He rubs at his eyes with the heel of his palm, breathing out hard through his nose. You donât say anything. You just⌠watch. It hits you in one perfect, unshakable moment. The slope of his shoulders. The cut of his jaw. The furrow in his brow when heâs thinking too hard.
He looks like Superman.
No glasses. No slouch. No excuses. But more than thatâhe looks like Clark. Like the man who learned your coffee order. Like the one who saves all his best edits for last so he can tell you in person how good your writing is. The one who panicked when you got too close to the truth, but couldnât stop leaving notes anyway.
And when he finally lifts his head and sees you standing thereâstill in your coat, fingers tight around your notebookâyou watch something shift in his expression. A flicker of surprise. Panic. Bare, open emotion. Because youâre seeing him without the glasses.
âCouldnât sleep,â you murmur. âThought Iâd grab my notes.â
He smiles, slow and unsure. âYou⌠left them by the scanner.â
You nod, like that matters. Like you came here for paper and not for him. Then you walk over, slow and deliberate, and retrieve your notes from the edge of the scanner beside him. He swallows hard, watching you.
Then clears his throat. âSo⌠how was the date?â
You pause. âFine,â you say. âHe was nice. Funny. Smart.â
Clark nods, but youâre not finished.
âBut when he laughed, it was the wrong rhythm. And when he spoke, I didnât lean in.â
You meet his eyesâclear blue, unhidden now. âI made up my mind halfway through the second drink.â His lips part. Barely. You move to the edge of his desk and set your notebook down. Thenâcarefully, slowlyâyou pull out the chair beside his and sit. The air between you goes molten.
Clark leans in a little, eyes flicking to your mouth, then back to your eyes. One hand moves down, like heâs going to say something, but instead, he reaches for the leg of your chairâfingers curling around it. And pulls you toward him. The scrape of wood against tile echoes, loud and deliberate. Your thighs knock his. Your breath stutters.
Heâs so close now you can feel the heat rolling off him. The weight of his gaze. Your heart hammers in your chest. And lower.
âClarkââ But you donât finish because he meets you halfway. The kiss is fire and breath and years of want pressed between two mouths. His hands come upâone to your jaw, the other to the back of your headâand tilt your face just so. Fingers tangle in your hair, anchoring you to him like heâs afraid you might vanish.
You moan into his mouth. Soft. Surprised. He groans back. Rougher. You reach for his shirt blindly, fists curling in the cotton as he pulls you fully into his lapâinto the chair with him, your legs straddling his thighs. His hands donât know where to land. Your waist. Your thighs. Your face again.
âYouâre it,â he whispers against your mouth. âYouâve always been it.â
You know he means it. Because youâve seen it. In every note. Every glance. Every moment he looked at you like you were already his. And now, with your bodies tangled, mouths tasting each other, breathing the same heatâyou finally believe it.
You donât say it yet. But the way you kiss him again says it for you. Youâre his. You always have been.
His hands roam, but never rush. Your fingers are tangled in his shirt, your knees pressing to either side of his hips, and you feel himâall of himâunderneath you, solid and steady and shaking just slightly. The chair creaks with every breath you share. His mouth is still on yours, slow now, like heâs memorizing the shape of you. Like heâs afraid if he goes too fast, youâll disappear again.
When he finally pulls backâjust enough to breatheâitâs with a soft, reverent exhale. His nose brushes yours. âYouâre really here,â he murmurs, voice hoarse. âGod, youâre really here.â
You blink at him, your hands sliding to either side of his jaw, thumbs brushing the high flush of his cheeks. He looks so open. Like youâve peeled back every layer of him with just a kiss. And maybe you have.
His lips find the edge of your jaw next, slow and aching. A kiss. Then another, just beneath your ear. Then one lower, along the soft skin of your neck. Each press of his mouth feels like a confession. Like something that was buried too long, finally given air.
âYou donât know,â he whispers. âYou donât know what itâs been like, watching you and not getting toââ Another kiss, right beneath your cheekbone. âI used to rehearse things Iâd say to you, and then Iâd get to work and youâd smile and Iâd forget how to talk.â
A laugh huffs out of you, but it melts fast when he leans in again, his breath fanning warm across your skin. âI didnât think Iâd ever get this close. I didnât think Iâd get to touch you like this.â
You shift in his lap, chest brushing his, and his hands squeeze your waist gently like heâs grounding himself. His mouth finds your temple. Your cheek. The corner of your mouth again.
âYouâre soââ he breaks off. Tries again. âYouâre everything.â Your pulse thrums in your throat. Clarkâs hands stay respectful, but they wanderâcurving up your back, smoothing over your shoulders, settling at your ribs like he wants to hold you together.
âI used to write those notes late at night,â he admits against your collarbone. âDidnât even think youâd read them at first. But you did. You kept them.â
âI kept every one,â you whisper.
His breath catches. You tilt his face back up to yours, studying him in the low, golden light. His hairâs a little messy now from your fingers. His lips pink and kiss-swollen. His chest rising and falling like heâs just run a marathon. And still, even nowâheâs looking at you like heâs the one whoâs lucky.
Clark kisses you againâsoft, like a promise. Then a trail of them, across your cheek, your jaw, your throat. Slow enough to make your skin shiver and your hips shift instinctively against his lap. He groans quietly at thatâbarely audibleâbut doesnât press for more. He just holds you tighter.
âIâd wait forever for you,â he murmurs into your skin. âI donât need anything else. Just this. Just you.â You bury your face in his shoulder, overwhelmed, heart pounding like a war drum. You donât say anything back. You just press another kiss to his throat, and feel him smile where your mouth lands.
-
The city is quieter at nightâits edges softened under streetlamp glow, concrete warming beneath the fading breath of the day. Thereâs a breeze that tugs gently at your coat as you and Clark walk side by side, your fingers still loosely laced with his. His hand is big. Warm. Rough in the places that tell stories. Gentle in the ways that say everything else.
Neither of you speaks at first. The silence isnât awkward. Itâs thick with something tender. Like a string strung tight between your ribs and his, humming with each shared step.
When he glances down at you, his smile is small and almost shy. âI canât believe I didnât knock over the chair,â he says after a few blocks, voice pitched low with laughter.
You grin. âYou were close. I think my thigh is bruised.â
He groans. âDonât say thatâIâll lose sleep.â
You look at him sidelong. âYou werenât going to sleep anyway.â That earns you a pink flush down the side of his neck, and you tuck that image away for safekeeping.Â
Your building looms closer, brick and ivy-wrapped and familiar in the soft hush of the hour. You slow as you reach the front step, turning to face him.
âThank you,â you murmur. You donât mean just for the walk.
He holds your hand a beat longer. Then, without a word, he lifts itâpresses his lips to your knuckles. Itâs soft. Reverent.
Your breath catches in your throat. And maybe thatâs what breaks the spellâmaybe thatâs what makes it all too much and not enough at onceâbecause the next second, youâre reaching. Or maybe he is. It doesnât matter. He kisses you againâthis time fuller, deeperâyour back brushing against the door behind you, his other hand cradling your cheek like heâs afraid youâll vanish if he doesnât hold you just right.
It doesnât last long. Just long enough to taste the weight of whatâs shifting between you. To feel it crest again in your chest.
When he finally pulls back, his lips hover a breath away from yours. âIâll see you tomorrow,â he says softly.
You nod. You canât quite say anything back yet. He gives your hand one last squeeze, then turns and disappears down the street, hands stuffed in his pockets, shoulders curved slightly inward like heâs holding in a smile he doesnât know what to do with.
You unlock the door. Step inside. But you donât go to bed right away. You walk to the front window insteadâbare feet quiet on hardwood, heart still hammering. Through the glass, you spot him half a block away. He thinks youâre gone. Which is probably why, under the streetlight, Clark Kent jumps up and smacks the edge of a low-hanging banner like heâs testing his vertical. He catches it on the second try, swinging from it for all of two seconds before nearly tripping over his own feet.
You snort. Your hand presses against your mouth to muffle the sound. And then you smile. That kind of soft, aching smile that tugs at something deep in your chest. Because thatâs him. Thatâs the man who writes you poems under the cover of anonymity and nearly breaks your chair kissing you in a newsroom.
Thatâs the one you wanted it to be. And now that it isâyou donât think your heartâs ever going to stop fluttering.
-
The bullpen is alive again. Phones ring. Keys clatter. Someoneâs arguing over copy edits near the back printer, and Jimmy streaks past with a half-eaten bagel clamped between his teeth and a stack of photos fluttering behind him like confetti. Itâs chaos.
But none of it touches you. The world moves at its usual speed, but everything inside you has slowed. Like someone turned the volume down on everything that isnât him.
Your eyes find Clark without meaning to. Heâs already at his deskâglasses on, shirt pressed, tie straighter than usual. He mustâve fixed it three times this morning. His sleeves are rolled to the elbow, a pen already tucked behind one ear. Heâs doing that thing he does when heâs thinkingâlip caught gently between his teeth, brows drawn, tapping the space bar like it owes him money.
But thereâs a softness to him this morning, too. A looseness in his shoulders. A quiet sort of glow around the edges, like some part of him hasnât fully come down from last night either. Like heâs still vibrating with the same electricity thatâs still thrumming low behind your ribs.
And then he looks up. He finds you just as easily as you found him. You expect him to look awayâbashful, flustered, maybe even embarrassed now that the newsroom lights are on and youâre both pretending not to be lit matches pretending not to burn.
But he doesnât. He holds your gaze. And the quiet that opens up between you is louder than anything else in the building. The low hum of printers. The whirr of the HVAC. The hiss of steam from the office espresso machine.
You swallow hard. Then you look back at your screen like it matters. You try to focus. You really do.
Less than ten minutes later, heâs there. He approaches slow, like heâs afraid of breaking something delicate. His hand appears first, gently setting a familiar to-go cup on your desk.
âI figured you forgot yours,â he says, voice low.
You glance up at him. âI didnât.â
A smile curls at the corner of his mouth. Soft. A little sheepish. âOh. WellâŚâ He shrugs. âNow you have two.â
You take the coffee anyway. Your fingers brush his as you do. He doesnât pull away. Not this time. His hand lingers for half a second longer than it shouldâjust enough to make your pulse jump in your wristâand then slowly drops back to his side. The silence between you now isnât awkward. Itâs taut. Weightless. Like standing at the edge of something enormous, staring over the drop, and realizing heâs right there beside youâready to jump too.
âWalk with me?â he asks, voice barely above the clatter around you. You nod. Because youâd follow him anywhere.
Downstairs, the building atrium hums with the low murmur of morning traffic and the soft shuffle of people cutting through the lobby on their way to bigger, faster things. But hereâbeneath the high, glass-paneled ceiling where sunlight pours in like gold through waterâthe city feels a little farther away. A little quieter. Just the two of you, caught in that hush between chaos and clarity.
Clark hands you a sugar packet without a word, and you take it, fingers brushing his again. He watchesânot your hands, but your faceâas you tear it open and shake it into your cup. Like memorizing the way you take your coffee might somehow tell him more than youâre ready to say aloud.
You glance at him, just in time to catch itâthat look. Barely there, but soft. Full. He looks at you like heâs trying to learn you by heart.
You raise a brow. âWhat?â
He blinks, caught. âNothing.â
But youâre smiling now, just a little. A private, corner-of-your-mouth kind of smile. âYou look tired,â you murmur, stirring slowly.
His lips twitch. âLate night.â
âEditing from home?â
He hesitates. You watch the way his shoulders shift, the subtle catch in his breath. Then, finally, he shakes his head. âNot exactly.â
You hum. Say nothing more. The moment lingers, warm as the cup in your hand. He stands beside you, tall and still, but thereâs something new in the way he holds himselfâlike gravityâs just a little lighter around him this morning. Like your presence pulls him into a softer orbit. Thereâs a beat of silence.
âYou⌠seemed quiet last night,â he says, voice gentler now. âWhen you saw me.â
You glance at him from over the rim of your cup. Steam curls up between you, catching in the morning light like spun sugar. âI saw you,â you say.
He studies you. Carefully. âYou sure?â
You lower your coffee. âYeah. Iâm sure.â
His brows pull together slightly, the line between them deepening. Heâs trying to read you. Trying to solve an equation heâs too close to see clearly. Thereâs a question in his eyesânot just about last night, but about everything that came before it. The letters. The glances. The ache.
But you donât give him the answer. Not out loud. Because what you donât say hangs heavier than what you do. You donât say: Iâm pretty certain heâs you. You donât say: I think my heart has known for a while now. You donât say: Iâm not afraid of what youâre hiding. Instead, you let the silence stretch between youâsoft and silken, tethering you to something deeper than confession. You sip your coffee, heart steady now, eyes warm.
And when he opens his mouth againâwhen he leans forward like he might finally give himself away entirelyâyou smile. Just a soft curve of your lips. A quiet reassurance. âDonât worry,â you say, voice low. âI liked what I saw.â
He freezes. Then flushes, color blooming high on his cheeks. His gaze drops to the floor like itâs safer there, like looking at you too long might unravel him completelyâbut when he glances back up, the smile on his face is small and helpless and utterly undone. A breath escapes him, barely audibleâbut you hear it. You feel it. Relief.
He walks you back upstairs without another word. The movement is easy. Comfortable. But his hand hovers near yours the whole time. Not quite touching. Just⌠there. Like gravity pulling two halves of the same secret closer.
And as you re-enter the hum of the bullpen, nothing looks different. But everything feels like itâs just about to change.
-
That night, after the city has quietedâafter the neon pulse of Metropolis blurs into puddle reflections and distant sirensâthe Daily Planet is almost reverent in its silence. No ringing phones. No newsroom chatter. Just the soft hum of a printer in standby mode and the creak of the elevator cables descending behind you.
You let yourself in with your keycard. The lock clicks louder than expected in the stillness. You donât know why youâre here, really. You told yourself it was to grab the folder you forgot. To double-check something on your last draft. But the truth is quieter than that.
You were hoping heâd be here. Heâs not. His desk lamp is off. His chair turned inward, as if he left in a hurry. No half-eaten sandwich or scribbled drafts left behindâjust a tidied workspace and absence thick enough to feel.
You sigh, the sound swallowed whole by the vast emptiness of the bullpen. Then you see it. At your desk. Tucked half-under your keyboard like a secret trying not to be. One folded piece of paper.
No envelope this time. No clever line on the front. Just your name, handwritten in a looping scrawl youâve come to know better than your own signature. A rhythm youâve studied and traced in the quiet of your apartment, night after night.
You slide it free with careful fingers. Your heart stutters as you unfold it. The ink is darker this timeâless tentative. The strokes more deliberate, like he knew, at last, he didnât have to hide.
âFor once I donât have to imagine what itâs like to have your lips on mine. But I still think about it anyway.â
âC.K.
You stare at the words until the paper goes soft in your hands. Until your chest feels too full and too fragile all at once. Until the noise of your own heartbeat drowns out everything else.
Then you press the note to your chest and close your eyes. His initials burn through the paper like a touch. Not a secret admirer anymore. Not a mystery in the margins. Just him.
Clark. Your friend. Your almost. Your maybe.
You donât need the rest of the truth. Not tonight. Not if it costs this fragile thing blooming between youâthis quiet, aching sweetness. This slow, deliberate unraveling of walls and fears and the long-held breath you didnât realize you were holding.
Whatever youâre building together, itâs happening one heartbeat at a time. One almost-confession. One note left behind in the dark. And youâd rather have thisâthis steady climb into something realâthan rush toward the edge of revelation and risk it all crumbling.
So you tuck the note gently into your bag, where the others wait. Every word heâs given you, kept safe like a promise. You donât know what happens next. But for the first time in weeks, maybe months, youâre not afraid of finding out.
-
Youâre not official.
Not in the way people expect it. Thereâs no label, no group announcement, no big display. But youâre definitely something nowâsomething solid and golden and real in the space between words.
Itâs not office gossip. Not yet. But it could be. Because you linger a little too long near his desk. Because he lights up when you enter a room like itâs instinct. Because when he passes you in the bullpen, his hand brushes yoursâjust barelyâand you both pause like the air just changed. Thereâs no denying it.
And then comes the hallway kiss. Itâs after hours. The building is quiet, the newsroom lights dimmed to half. Youâre both walking toward the elevators, your footsteps echoing against the tile.
Clark fumbles for the call button, mumbling something about how slow the system is when itâs late, and how the elevator always seems to stall on the wrong floor. You donât answer. You just reach for his tie. A gentle tug. A silent question. He exhales, soft and shaky. Then he leans in.
The kiss is slow. Unhurried. Like youâre both tasting something thatâs been simmering between you for years. His hands find your waist, yours curl into his shirt, and the elevator dings somewhere in the distance, but neither of you move.
You part only when the second ding reminds you where you are. His forehead presses to yours, warm and close. You breathe the same air. And then the doors close behind you, and he walks you out with his hand ghosting the small of your back.
-
You start learning the rhythm of Clark Kent. He talks more when heâs nervousâlittle rambles about traffic patterns or article formatting, or how heâs still not entirely sure he installed his dishwasher correctly. Sometimes he trails off mid-thought, like heâs remembering something urgent but canât explain it.
He always carries your groceries. All of them. No negotiation. Heâll take the heavier bags first, sling them both over one shoulder and pretend like itâs nothing. And somehow, he always forgets his own umbrellaâbut never forgets yours. You donât know how many he owns, but one always appears when the clouds roll in. Like magic. Like preparation. Like heâs thought of you in every version of the day.
You donât ask.
You just start to keep one in your own bag for him.
-
The third kiss happens on your couch.
Youâve been watching some old movie neither of you are paying attention to, his arm slung lazily across your shoulders. Your legs are tangled. His fingers are tracing idle shapes against your thigh through the fabric of your leggings.
He kisses you onceâsoft and slowâand then again. Longer. Like heâs memorizing the shape of your mouth. Like he might need it later.
Then his phone buzzes.
He stiffens.
You feel the change instantlyâthe way his body pulls back, the air between you tightens. He glances at the screen. You donât catch the name. But you see the look in his eyes.
Regret. Apology. Something deeper.
âIâIâm so sorry,â he says, already moving. âI have toâsomething came up. Itâsââ
You sit up, brushing your hand against his arm. âGo,â you say softly.
âButââ
âItâs okay. Just⌠be safe.â
And God, the way he looks at you. Like youâve given him something priceless. Something he didnât know he was allowed to want.
He kisses your temple like a promise and disappears into the night.
-
It happens again. And again.
Missed dinners. Sudden goodbyes. Rainy nights where he shows up soaked, out of breath, murmuring apologies and curling into you like he doesnât know how to be held.
You never ask. You donât need to.
Because he always comes back.
-
One night, youâre curled into each other on your couch, your legs thrown over his, your cheek resting against his chest. The movieâs playing, forgotten. Your fingers are idly brushing the hem of his shirt where itâs ridden up. He smells like rain and ink and whatever soap he always uses that lingers on your pillow now.
Then his voice, quiet in the dark, âI donât always know how to be⌠enough.â
You blink. Look up. Heâs staring at the ceiling. Not quite breathing evenly. Like the words cost him something.
You reach up and cradle his face in your hands.
His eyes finally meet yours.
âYou are,â you whisper. âAs you are.â
You donât say: Even if you are who I think you are.
You donât need to. You just kiss him again. Soft. Long. Steady. Because whatever heâs carrying, youâve already started holding part of it too.
And he lets you.
-
The night starts quiet.
Takeout boxes sit half-forgotten on the coffee tableâone still open, rice going cold, soy sauce packet untouched. Your legs are draped across Clarkâs lap, one foot nudged against the curve of his thigh, and his hand rests there now. Not possessively. Not deliberately.
Just⌠there.
Itâs late. The kind of late where the whole city softens. No sirens outside. No blinking inbox. Just the low hum of the lamp on the side table and the warmth of the man beside you.
Clarkâs eyes are on you. Theyâve been there most of the night.
He hasnât said much since dinnerâjust little smiles, quiet sounds of agreement, the occasional brush of his thumb against your ankle like a thought he forgot to speak aloud. But itâs not a bad silence. Itâs dense. Full.
You shift, angling toward him slightly, and his gaze flicks to your mouth. Thatâs all it takes.
He leans in.
The kiss is soft at first. Familiar. A shared breath. A quiet hello in a room where no one had spoken for minutes. But then his hand curls behind your knee, guiding your leg further over his lap, and his mouth opens against yours like heâs been holding back for hours.
He kisses you like heâs starving. Like heâs spent all day wanting thisâaching for the shape of you, the weight of your body in his hands. And when you moan into it, just a little, he shudders.
His hands start to move. One tracing the line of your spine, the other resting against your hip like a question he doesnât need to ask. You answer anywayâpressing in closer, threading your fingers through his hair, sighing into the heat of his mouth.
You donât know who climbs into whose lap first, only that you end up straddling him on the couch. Your knees on either side of his thighs. His hands gripping your waist now, fingers curling in your shirt like he doesnât trust himself not to break it.
And then something shifts.
Not emotionalâphysical.
Clark stands.
He lifts you with him, effortlessly, like you donât weigh anything at all. Not a grunt. Not a stagger. Justâup. Smooth and sure. His mouth never leaves yours.
You gasp into the kiss as he walks you backwards, steps confident and fast despite the way your arms tighten around his shoulders. Your spine meets the wall in the next second. Not hard. Just sudden.
Your heart thunders.
âClarkââ
He doesnât answer. Just breathes against your mouth like he needs the oxygen from your lungs. Like yours is the only air that keeps him grounded.
His hips press into yours, one thigh sliding between your legs, and your back arches instinctively. His hands span your ribs now, thumbs brushing just beneath your bra. You feel the tremble in themânot from fear. From restraint.
âClark,â you whisper again, and his forehead drops to yours.
âYou okay?â he asks, voice rough and close.
You nod, breath catching. âYou?â
He hesitates. Not long. But long enough to count. âYeah. Just⌠feel a little off tonight.â
You pull back just enough to look at him.
Heâs flushed. Eyes darker than usual. But not winded. Not breathless. Not anything like you are. His chest doesnât even rise fast beneath your hands. Still, he smilesâlike he can will the oddness awayâand kisses you again. Deeper this time. Like distraction.
Like he doesnât want to stop.
You donât want him to either.
Not yet.
His mouth finds yours againâslower this time, more purposeful. Like heâs savoring it. Like heâs waited for this exact moment, this exact pressure of your hips against his, for longer than heâs willing to admit.
You gasp when his hands slide under your shirt, palms broad and steady, dragging upward in a path that sets every nerve on fire. He doesnât fumble. Doesnât rush. Just exploresâlike heâs memorizing, not taking.
âCan I?â he murmurs against your mouth, fingers brushing the underside of your bra.
You nod, breathless. âYes.â
He exhales, soft and reverent, and lifts your shirt over your head. Itâs discarded without ceremony. Then his hands are on you againâwarm, slow, mapping out the shape of you with open palms and patient awe.
âGod, youâre beautiful,â he murmurs, more breath than voice. His mouth finds the edge of your jaw, trailing kisses down to the hollow beneath your ear. âI think about this⌠so much.â
You shudder.
His hands move againâdown this time, gripping your thighs as he sinks to his knees in front of you. You barely have time to react before heâs tugging your pants down, slow and careful, mouth following the descent with lingering kisses along your hips, the dip of your pelvis, the inside of your thigh.
He looks up at you from the floor.
You nearly forget how to breathe.
âIâve wanted to take my time with you,â he admits, voice rough and low. âWanted to learn you slow. Learn how you taste. How you fall apart.â
And then he does.
He leans in and licks a long, deliberate stripe over the center of your underwear, still watching your face.
You whimper.
He smiles, just slightly, and does it again.
By the time he peels your underwear down and presses an open-mouthed kiss to your inner thigh, your knees are trembling.
Clark hooks one arm under your leg, lifting it over his shoulder like itâs nothing, and buries his mouth between your thighs with a groan that rattles through your whole body.
His tongue is warm and soft and maddeningly slowâcircling, tasting, teasing. He doesnât rush. Not even when your fingers knot in his hair and your hips rock forward with pure desperation.
âClarkââ
He hums against you, and the sound sends a full-body shiver up your spine.
âIâve got you,â he whispers, lips brushing you as he speaks. âLet me.â
You do.
You let him wreck you.
Heâs methodical about itâlike heâs following a map only he can see. One hand holding you steady, the other splayed against your stomach, keeping you anchored while he works you open with mouth and tongue and quiet, praising murmurs.
âSo sweet⌠thatâs it, sweetheart⌠you taste like heaven.â
Youâre already close when he slips a thick finger inside you. Then another. Slow, patient, curling exactly where you need him. His mouth never stops. His rhythm is steady. Focused. Unrelenting.
You come like thatâpanting, gripping his shoulders, thighs shaking around his ears as he groans and keeps going, riding it out with you until youâre trembling too hard to stand.
He rises slowly.
His lips are slick. His eyes are dark.
And youâve never seen anyone look at you like this.
âCome here,â you whisper.
He kisses you thenâdeep and possessive and tasting like you. Youâre the one tugging at his shirt now, unbuttoning in frantic clumsy swipes. You need him. Need him closer. Need him inside.
But when you reach for his belt, he stills your hands gently.
âNot yet,â he says, voice like thunder wrapped in velvet. âLet me take care of you first.â
You blink. âClark, Iââ
He kisses you againâsoft, lingering.
âIâve waited too long for this to rush it,â he murmurs, brushing hair from your face with the back of his knuckles. âYou deserve slow.â
Then he lifts you againâlike you weigh nothingâand carries you to the bed. He lays you down like youâre fragileâbut the look in his eyes says he knows youâre anything but. That youâre something rare. Something heâs been aching for. His palms skim over your thighs again, slow and deliberate, before he spreads you open beneath him.
He doesnât ask this time. Just settles between your legs like he belongs there, arms hooked under your thighs, holding you wide.
âClarkââ
âI know, sweetheart,â he murmurs, voice low and raw. âIâve got you.â
And he does.
His mouth finds you againâwarm, skilled, confident now. No hesitation, just long, wet strokes of his tongue that build on everything he already learned. And thenâwithout warningâhe slides two fingers back inside you.
You cry out, hips jolting.
He groans into you, fingers moving in tandem with his mouthâcurling just right, matching every flick of his tongue, every wet press of his lips. He doesnât stop. Doesnât falter. He watches you the whole time, eyes dark and hungry and so in love with the way you fall apart for him.
You grip the sheets, gasping his name, over and over, until your voice breaks on a sob of pleasure.
âClarkâGod, IâI canâtââ
âYes, you can,â he breathes. âYouâre almost there. Let go for me.â
You do. With a cry, with shaking thighs, with your fingers tangled in his hair and your back arching off the bed.
And he doesnât stop.
He rides your orgasm out with slow, worshipful strokes, kissing your thighs, murmuring into your skin, âSo good for me. Youâre perfect. Youâre everything.â
By the time he pulls back, youâre bonelessâdazed and trembling, your chest heaving as he kisses his way up your stomach.
But the way he looks at you thenâlike he needs to be closerâtells you this isnât over.
His hands brace on either side of your head as he leans over you. âCan IâŚ?â
Your hips answer for youâtilting up, chasing the heat and weight of him already pressed between your thighs.
âYes,â you whisper. âPlease.â
Clark groans low in his throat as he pushes his boxers down just enough, lining himself upâhis cock flushed and thick, already leaking, and you feel the weight of him between your thighs and gasp.
âGod, ClarkâŚâ
âI know,â he murmurs, forehead resting against yours, hips rocking forward just barely, teasing you with the head of his cock, dragging it through the slick mess he made with his mouth and fingers. âI know, baby. Justâjust let meâŚâ
He nudges in slow.
The stretch is slow and steady, his breath catching as your body parts for him. Heâs thick. Too thick, maybe, except your body wants himâtakes him like it was made to.
You whimper, and his jaw clenches tight.
âYou okay?â
âYâyeah,â you breathe. âDonât stop.â
He doesnât. Not even for a second. Inch by inch, he sinks into you, whispering your name, kissing your temple, gripping the backs of your thighs as you wrap your legs around his waist.
âFuck,â he hisses when he bottoms out, buried deep, balls pressed flush against you. âYou feelâJesus, you feel unbelievable.â
Youâre too far gone to answer. You just cling to him, nails dragging lightly down his back, moaning into his mouth when he kisses you again.
The first few thrusts are slow. Deep. Measured. He pulls out just enough to feel you grip him on the way back in, then does it againâand againâand again.
And then something shifts.
Your body clenches around him in a way that makes his head drop to your shoulder with a groan.
âOh my god, sweetheartâdonât do thatâIâm gonnaâfuckââ
He thrusts harder.
Not rough, not yet, but firmer. Hungrier. The control he started with begins to slip. You can feel it in his grip, in the sharp edge of his breath, in the tremble of the arm braced beside your head.
âBeen thinkinâ about this,â he grits out, voice low and wrecked. âEvery nightâevery goddamn night since the first note. You donât even know what you do to me.â
You whine, rolling your hips up to meet him, and he snapsâhips slamming forward hard enough to punch the air from your lungs.
âClarkââ
âIâve got you,â he gasps, fucking into you harder now, his voice filthy and tender all at once. âIâve got you, babyâso fuckinâ tightâcanât stopâdonât wanna stopââ
Youâre clinging to him now, crying out with every thrust. Itâs not just the way he fills youâitâs the way he worships you while he does it. The way he moans when you clench. The way he growls your name like a prayer. The way he falls apart in real time, just from the feel of you.
He grabs one of your hands, laces your fingers with his, pins it beside your head.
âYouâre mine,â he grits. âYou have to be mine.â
âYes,â you gasp. âYesâClarkâdonât stopââ
âNever,â he groans. âNever stopping. Not when you feel like thisâfuckââ
You can feel him getting closeâthe way his rhythm starts to stutter, the broken sounds escaping his throat, the way he buries his face against your neck and pants your name like heâs desperate to take you with him.
And youâre almost there too.
You donât even realize your hand is slipping until heâs gripping it againâpinned tight to the pillow, your fingers laced in his and clenched so tight it aches. The bed frame is starting to shudder beneath you now, the headboard knocking a rhythm into the wall, and Clark is gasping like heâs in pain from how good it feels.
His hips snap forward againâharder this time. Deeper. More desperate.
âFuckâfuckâIâm sorry,â he grits, voice ragged and thick, âIâm trying toâbabyâI canâtâhold backââ
You moan so loud it makes him flinch.
And then he breaks.
One second heâs pulling your name from his lungs like itâs the only word he knowsâand the next, he slams into you so hard the bed shifts a full inch. The lamp on the bedside table flickers. The candle flame bursts just slightly higher than beforeâflickering hot and fast, the wick blackening with a thin curl of smoke. It doesnât go out. It just burns.
Clarkâs back arches.
His cock drags over everything inside you in just the right way, hitting that spot again and again until youâre clutching at his shoulders, babbling nonsense against his skin.
âI canâtâI canâtâClark!â
âYou can,â he pants. âPleaseâplease, baby, cum with meâI can feel youâI can feel it.â
Your body goes taut.
A white-hot snap of pleasure punches through your spine, and your vision blacks out at the edges. You tighten around himâclenching, pulsing, dragging him over the edge with youâand he loses it.
Clark cursesâactually cursesâand growls something between a moan and a sob as he slams into you one last time, spilling deep inside you. His body locks, every muscle trembling. His teeth scrape the soft skin of your throatânot biting, just grounding himself. Like if he lets go, heâll come undone completely.
The lights flicker again.
The candle sputters once and steadies.
He breathes like a man starved. His chest heaves. But you can feel itâunder your hand, against your skin. His heartâs not racing.
Not like it should be.
Youâre gasping. Dazed. Boneless under him. But Clark⌠Clarkâs barely even winded. And yetâhis hands are trembling. Just slightly. Still laced in yours. Still holding on.
After, you lie thereâchests pressed close, legs tangled, the sheets barely clinging to your hips.
Clarkâs arm is slung across your waist, palm wide and warm over your belly like it belongs there. Like he doesnât ever want to move. His nose is tucked against your temple, breath stirring your hair in soft little pulses. He keeps kissing you. Your cheek. Your jaw. The edge of your brow. He doesnât stop, like heâs afraid this is a dream and kissing you might anchor it in place.
âStill with me?â he whispers into your skin.
You nod. Drowsy. Sated. Floating.
âGood.â His hand runs down your side in one long, reverent stroke. âDidnât mean to⌠get so carried away.â
You hum. âYou say that like I didnât enjoy every second.â
He smiles against your neck. You feel the curve of it, his lips brushing the shell of your ear.
A moment passes.
Then another.
âI think you short-circuited my bedside lamp somehow.â
Clark freezes. ââŚDid I?â
You roll your head to look at him. âIt flickered. Right as youââ
His ears turn bright red. âMaybe just⌠a power surge?â
You arch a brow. âRight. A romantic, orgasm-timed power surge.â
He mutters something into your shoulder that sounds vaguely like kill me now.
You grin. File it away.
Exhibit 7: Lightbulb went dim at the exact second he came. Candle flame doubled in height.
-
Later that night, long after youâve both dozed off, you wake to find Clark still holding you. One of his hands is under your shirt, splayed low across your stomach. Protective. Possessive in the gentlest way. His body is still curled around yours like a question mark, like heâs checking for all your answers in how your breath rises and falls.
You shift just slightlyâand his grip tightens instinctively, like even in sleep, he canât let go.
Exhibit 8: He doesnât sleep like a person. Sleeps like a sentry.
-
In the morning, you wake to the scent of coffee.
Your kitchen is suspiciously spotless for someone who swears heâs clumsy. The pot is full, the mugs pre-warmed, your favorite creamer already swirled in.
Clark is flipping pancakes.
Barefoot.
Wearing one of your sleep shirts. The tight one.
You lean against the doorframe, watching him. His back muscles flex when he flips the pan one-handed.
âMorning,â he says without turning.
You blink. âHowâd you know I was standing here?â
âI, uhâŚâ He falters, then gestures at the sizzling pan. âHeard footsteps. I assumed.â
You hum.
Exhibit 9: He heard me from across the apartment, over the sound of a frying pan.
-
Youâre brushing your teeth later when you spot the mirror fogged from the shower.
You reach for a towelâand notice itâs already been run under warm water.
You glance at him, and he just shrugs. âFigured youâd want it not freezing.â
âFigured?â you repeat.
He leans against the doorframe, smiling. âLucky guess.â
You donât respond. Just kiss his cheek with toothpaste still in your mouth.
Exhibit 10: He always guesses exactly what I need. Down to the second.
-
That night, he falls asleep on your couch during movie night, head on your thigh, hand around your wrist like a lifeline.
You swear you see the movie reflected in his eyesâlike the light isnât just hitting them but moving inside them. You blink. Itâs gone.
You look down at him. His lashes are impossibly long. His mouth is parted. His breathing is steadyâbut not quite⌠human. Too even. Too perfect.
Exhibit 11: His pupils did a thing. I donât know how to describe it. But they did a thing.
-
The next day, a car splashes a wave of slush toward you both on the sidewalk.
You brace for impact.
But Clark steps in front of you, faster than you can blink. The water hits him. Not you.
You didnât even see him move.
You narrow your eyes. He just smiles. âReflexes.â
âClark. Be honest. Do you secretly run marathons at night?â
He laughs. âNope. Just really hate laundry.â
Exhibit 12: Literally teleported into the splash zone to shield me. Probably didnât even get wet.
-
And still⌠you donât say it.
You donât ask.
Because heâs not just some blur of strength or spectacle.
Heâs the man who folds your laundry while pretending itâs because heâs âbad at relaxing.â Who scribbles notes in the margins of your drafts, calling your metaphors âdangerously good.â Who kisses your forehead with a kind of reverence like youâre the one whoâs unreal.
You know.
You know.
And he knows you know.
Because heâs hiding it from you. Not really.
When he stumbles over his own sentences, when his smile falters after a late return, when his jaw tenses at the sound of your name whispered too softlyâyou donât see evasion. You see weight. You see care.
Heâs protecting something.
And youâre trying to figure out how to tell him that you already know. That itâs okay. That youâre still here. That you love him anyway.
You havenât said it yetânot the knowing, not the loving. But it lives just under your skin. A second heartbeat. A full body truth. You think maybe, if you just look him in the eye long enough next time, heâll understand.
But still neither of you says it yet. Because the space between whatâs said and unsaidâthatâs where everything soft lives.
And youâre not ready to let it go.
-
The morning feels ordinary.
Thereâs a crack in the coffee pot. A printer jam. Perry yelling something about deadlines from his office. Jimmyâs camera bag spills open across your desk, and he swears heâll fix it after his coffee, and Lois is pacing, muttering about sources.
And then the screens change.
Itâs subtle at firstâjust a flicker. Then the feed cuts mid-commercial. Every monitor in the bullpen goes black, then red. Emergency alert. A shrill tone splits the air. Someone turns up the volume.
You look up.
And everything shifts.
The broadcast blares through the newsroom speakers, raw footage streaming in from a local news chopper.
Metropolis. Midtown. Chaos. A building half-collapsed. Smoke curling upward in a thick, unnatural spiral.
The camera joltsâand then there he is.
Superman.
Thrown through a brick wall.
You feel it in your bones before your brain catches up. Thatâs him. Thatâs Clark.
Heâs on his knees in the wreckage, panting, bleedingâfrom his temple, from his ribs, from a gash you canât see the end of. The suit is torn. His cape is shredded. Heâs never looked so human.
He tries to stand. Wobbles. Collapses.
You stop breathing.
âIs Superman going to be ok?â someone behind you murmurs.
âJesus,â Jimmy whispers.
âHeâll be fine,â Lois says, too casually. She leans back in her chair, sipping her coffee like itâs any other news cycle. âHe always is.â
You want to scream. Because thatâs not a story on a screen. Thatâs not some distant, untouchable god.
Thatâs your boyfriend.
Thatâs the man who brought you coffee this morning with one sugar and just the right amount of cream. The man who kissed your wrist in the elevator, whose hands trembled when he whispered I want to be enough. Who holds you like youâre something holy and bruises like heâs made of skin after all.
Heâs not fine. Heâs bleeding.
Heâs not getting up.
You freeze.
The bullpen keeps moving around youâhalf-aware, half-horrifiedâbut you canât speak. Canât blink. Canât breathe.
Your hands start to shake.
You grip the edge of your desk like it might anchor you to the floor, like if you let go youâll run straight out the door, out into the chaos, toward the wreckage and the fire and the thing trying to kill him.
A part of you already has.
A hit lands on the feedâsomething massive slamming him into the pavementâand your knees almost buckle from the force of it. Not physically. Not really. But somewhere deep. Something inside you fractures.
You donât know what the enemy is.
Alien, maybe. Or worse.
But itâs not the shape of the thing that terrifies youâitâs him. Itâs how slow he is to get up. How much his mouth is bleeding. How his eyes are unfocused. How youâve never seen him look like this.
You want to run.
You want to be there.
But youâre not. Youâre here. In your dress pants and button-up, in your neat little office chair, with your badge clipped to your hip and your heart breaking quietly.
Because no one else knows. No one else understands whatâs really at stake. No one else sees the man behind the cape.
Not like you do.
Your vision blurs.
You wipe your eyes. Pretend itâs nothing. The bullpen is too loud to hear your breath catch.
But stillâyour hands tremble and your heart pounds so violently it hurts.
And you cry.
Quietly.
You cry like the city might if it could feel. You cry like the sky should. You cry like someone already grievingâlike someone who knows what it means to lose him.
The footage wonât stop. Superman reels across the screenâhis suit torn, the shoulder scorched through in a blackened, jagged arc. Blood smears the corner of his mouth. Thereâs a limp in his gait now, one he keeps trying to mask. The camera catches it anyway.
The newsroom is silent now save for the hiss of static and the low voice of the anchor describing the damage downtown.
You sit frozen at your desk, the plastic edge biting into your palms as you grip it like it might stop your body from unraveling. The taste of bile has settled at the back of your throat. Your coffeeâs gone cold in its cup.
Across the bullpen, someone mutters, âJesus. He took a hit.â
âLook at the suit,â Lois says flatly, standing by one of the screens. âHeâs never looked that rough before.â
âDudeâs limping,â Jimmy adds, pushing his glasses up. âThat alien thingâwhat even was that?â
Their words feel like background noise. Distant. Warped. You canât seem to hear anything over the white-hot panic blistering in your chest.
You blink, your eyes burning, throat tight. You canât just sit here and cry. Not in front of Lois and Perry and half the bullpen. But your body is trembling anyway. You clench your hands in your lap, nails digging crescent moons into your skin.
Heâs hurt.
And heâs still out there.
Fighting.
Alone.
You canât just sit here.
You shove your chair back hard enough that it scrapes against the floor. âIâm going.â
Lois turns toward you. âGoing where?â
âIâm covering it. The attack. The fallout. Whateverâs leftâI want to see it firsthand.â
Loisâs brow lifts. âSince when do you make reckless calls like this?â
âI donât,â you snap, already grabbing your coat. âBut I am now.â
Jimmyâs already halfway to the door. âIf weâre going, Iâm bringing the camera.â
Lois hesitates. Then sighs. âHell. You twoâll get yourselves killed without me.â
You donât wait for her to finish grabbing her phone. Youâre already out the door.
-
Downtown is a war zone.
The smell of scorched concrete clings to the air. Smoke spirals in uneven plumes from the carcass of a building that must have been beautiful once. Sirens scream in every direction, red and blue lights flashing off every pane of shattered glass.
You arrive just as the dust begins to settle.
The battle is over but the wreckage tells you how bad it was.
The Justice Gang moves through the remains like figures out of a dreamâtattered and bloodied, but upright.
Guy Gardner limps past, muttering curses. âNext time, Iâm bringing a bigger damn ring.â Kendra SaundersâHawkgirlâhas one wing half-folded and streaked with blood. She ignores it as she checks on a paramedicâs bandages. Mr. Terrific is already coordinating with local emergency crews, directing flow with a hand to his ear. And MetamorphoâGod, he looks like heâs melting and re-solidifying with every breath.
And thenâŚ
Him.
He descends from the smoke. Not in a blur. Not with a boom of sonic air. Slowly. Controlled.
But not untouched.
He lands in a crouch, shoulders tight, the line of his jaw drawn sharp with tension. His boots crunch against broken concrete. His cape is torn at one edge, flapping limply behind him.
Heâs hurt.
Heâs so clearly hurt.
And even through all of itâthrough the dirt and blood and painâhe sees you. His eyes lock onto yours in an instant. The rest of the world falls away. Thereâs no press. No chaos. No destruction.
Just him.
And you.
The corner of his mouth liftsâjust a flicker. Not a smile. Just⌠recognition.
And something deeper behind it.
You know know.Â
And he is letting you know.
But he straightens a second later, lifting his chin, slotting the mask back into place like a practiced motion. He squares his shoulders, winces barely perceptible, and turns to face the press.
Lois is already stepping forward, questions in hand. âSuperman. What can you tell us about the enemy?â
His voice is steady, but you can hear it nowâhear the strain. The breath that doesnât quite come easy. The syllables that drag like theyâre fighting his tongue. âIt wasnât local,â he says. âSome kind of dimensional breach. We had help closing it.â
Jimmyâs camera clicks. Kendra coughs into her hand.
Youâre not writing.
Youâre just watching.
Watching the soot along his cheekbone. The split in his lip. The way he shifts his weight to favor one side. The way the âsâ in âjusticeâ drags like it hurts to say.
He looks tired.
But more than thatâhe looks like Clark.
And itâs never been more obvious than right now, standing under broken sky, trying to pretend like nothingâs changed.
You want to run to him. You want to hold him up.
But you stay rooted.
When the questions start to slow and the press begins murmuring among themselves, he glances over. Just at you.
âAre you okay?â he asks, barely audible.
You nod. âAre you?â
He hesitates. Then says, âGetting there.â
Itâs not a performance. Not for them. Just for you.
You nod again. The look you share says more than anything else could.
I know.
Iâm not leaving.
You donât have to say it.
When he flies awayâslower this time, one hand brushing briefly against his ribsâitâs not dramatic. Thereâs no sonic boom. No heat trail. Just wind and distance.
Lois exhales. âHe looked rough.â
Jimmy nods. âStill hot, though.â
You say nothing. You just stare up at the empty sky. And press your shaking hand over your heart.
-
You fake calm.
You smile when Jimmy slaps your shoulder and says something about getting the footage up by morning. You nod through Loisâs sharp-eyed stare and mutter something about your deadline, your byline, your blood sugarâanything to get her to stop watching you like she knows what youâre not saying.
But the second youâre alone?
You run. Itâs not a sprint, not really. Just that jittery, full-body urgencyâthe kind that makes your hands shake and your legs move faster than your thoughts can follow. You donât remember the trip home. Just the chaos of your own pulse, the way your chest wonât stop aching.
You replay the scene again and again in your mind: his landing, the blood on his lip, the flicker of pain when he looked at you. That not-quite smile. That nearly imperceptible tremble.
Youâd never wanted to hold someone more in your life.
And when you reach your door, keys fumbling, heart still hammering? Heâs already there.
You pause halfway through the doorway.
Heâs standing in your living room, like heâs been waiting hours. Heâs not in the suit. No cape. No crest. Just a plain black T-shirt and flannel pajama pants, his hair still damp like he just showered.
He looks like Clark. Except⌠tonight you know thereâs no difference.
âHi,â he says quietly. His voice is soft. Familiar. âI didnât mean to startle you.â
You blink. âDid you break through my patio door?â
He winces. âYes. Sort of.â
You lift a brow. âYou owe me a new lock.â
âIt doesnât work like that.â He says with a roll of his eyes.Â
A silence stretches between you. Itâs not tense. Not angry. Just full of everything neither of you said earlier.
He takes a step toward you, then stops. âHow long have you known?â
You drop your keys in the bowl by the door and toe off your shoes before answering. âSince the lamp. And the candle,â you say. âBut⌠mostly tonight.â
He nods like that hurts. Like he wishes he couldâve done better. Like he wishes he couldâve told you in some perfect, movie-moment way.
âI didnât want you to find out like that,â he says quietly.
You walk to the couch and sit, your limbs finally catching up to the adrenaline crash still sweeping through you. âIâm glad I found out at all.â
Thatâs what makes him move. He sinks down beside you, hands on his knees. You can see it in his profileâthe exhaustion, the regret, the weight heâs been carrying for so long. Youâre not sure heâs ever looked more human.
âIâve been hiding so long,â he says, voice barely above a whisper. âI forgot how to be seen. And with you⌠I didnât want to lie. But I didnât want to lose it either. I didnât want to lose you.â
Your throat tightens. âYou wonât,â you say. And you mean it.
His head turns then, slowly, eyes meeting yours like heâs trying to memorize your face from this distance. You donât look away.
When he kisses you, itâs not careful. Itâs not shy. Itâs like something breaks open inside himâsoftly. The dam finally giving way.
His hands cradle your face like youâre something heâs terrified to shatter but needs to feel. His mouth is hot and open, reverent, desperate in the way it deepens. He kisses like heâs anchoring himself to the earth through your lips. Like everything in him is still shaking from battle and youâre the only thing that still feels real.
You reach for him. Thread your fingers into his hair. Pull him closer.
It builds like a slow swellâhands tangling, breathing harder, heat coiling low in your stomach. He pushes you back gently against the cushions, his body moving over yours with careful precision. Not to pin. Just to hold.
You feel it in every motion: the restraint. The effort. He could crush steel and heâs using that strength to cradle your ribs.
He undresses you with reverence. His fingers tremble when they touch your bare skin. Not from hesitationâbut because heâs finally allowed to want. To have. To be seen.
You undress him too. That soft black T-shirt comes off first. Then the flannel. His chest is mottled with bruises, a dark one blooming across his side where that alien creature mustâve hit him. Your fingertips trace the edge of it.
He exhales, shaky. But he doesnât stop you.
Youâre straddling his lap before you realize it, chest to chest, foreheads pressed together.
âAre you scared?â he whispers.
Your thumb brushes his cheek. âNever of you.â
He kisses you againâslower this time. More control, but more depth too. His hands glide down your back and settle at your hips, thumbs pressing into your skin like he needs the reminder that youâre here. That you chose this.
The rest unfolds like prayer. The way he touches youâthorough, patient, hungryâitâs worship. Every gasp you make pulls a soft, broken sound from his throat. Every arch of your back makes his eyes flutter shut like heâs overwhelmed by the sight of you. The way he moves inside you is deep and aching and full of something larger than either of you.
Not rough. But desperate. Raw. True.
And even when he faltersâwhen his hands grip too tight or the air warms just a little too fastâyou hold his face and whisper, âI know. Itâs okay. I want all of you.â And he gives it. All of him. Until the only thing either of you can do is fall apart. Together.
Later, when youâre curled up on the couch in a tangle of limbs and quiet breathing, he rests his forehead against your temple.
The city buzzes somewhere far away.
He whispers into your skin: âNext time⌠donât let me fly off like that.â
Your smile is soft, tired. âNext time, come straight to me.â
He nods, eyes already fluttering shut.
And finally, for the first time since this beganâyou both sleep without secrets between you.
-
You wake to sunlight. Not loud, not harshâjust soft beams slipping through the blinds, spilling across the floor, warming the space where your bare shoulder meets the sheets. You blink slowly, the weight of sleep still thick behind your eyes, and shift just slightly in the tangle of limbs wrapped around you. He doesnât stir. Not even a little.
Clark is still curled around you like the night never endedâhis chest at your back, legs tangled with yours, one arm snug around your waist and the other folded up against your ribs, fingers resting over your heart like heâs guarding it in his sleep.
You donât move. You canât. Because itâs perfect. You let your cheek rest against his arm, warm and solid beneath you, and you just listenâto the steady rhythm of his heart, to the rise and fall of his breathing, to the way the silence doesnât feel empty anymore. You donât know if youâve ever felt more grounded than you do right now, held like this. It isnât the cape. It isnât the flight. It isnât the power that quiets the noise in your chest.
Itâs him. Just Clark. And for once, you donât need anything else.
He stumbles into the kitchen half an hour later in your robe. Your actual, honest-to-god, fuzzy gray robe. Itâs oversized on you, which means it fits him like a second skinâbelt tied loose at the hips, collar gaping just enough to make you lose your train of thought. His hair is a mess, sticking up in soft black tufts. His glasses are nowhere to be found. He scratches the back of his neck, blinking at the cabinets like heâs not entirely sure how kitchens work.
You lean against the counter with your arms folded, watching him with open amusement. âYou own too much flannel.â
Clark glances over, eyes squinting against the light. âIâll have you know, that robe is a Metropolis winter essential.â
âYouâre bulletproof.â
âI get cold emotionally.â
You snort. âYouâre such a menace in the morning.â
âAnd yet,â he says, opening the fridge and retrieving eggs with the careful precision of someone whoâs clearly trying not to break them with super strength, âyou let me stay.â
You grin. âYouâre lucky youâre cute.â
He burns the first pancake. Which is honestly impressive, considering you werenât even sure it was physically possible for someone with super speed and heat vision to ruin breakfast. But he flips it too fastâlike way too fastâand the thing launches halfway across the skillet before folding in on itself and sizzling dramatically.
You raise an eyebrow. Clark stares down at the pancake like it betrayed him. âI didnât account for surface tension.â
âDid you just say âsurface tensionâ while making pancakes?â
âIâm a complex man,â he says solemnly.
You lean over and pluck a piece of fruit from the cutting board he forgot he was slicing. âYouâre a menace and a dork.â
He pouts. Full, actual pout. Then shuffles over and kisses your shoulder. âIâll get better with practice.â
You roll your eyes. But your skinâs still buzzing where his lips brushed it.
Later, you sit on the counter while he stands between your knees, coffee in one hand, the other resting warm on your thigh. Itâs quiet. Not awkward or forcedâjust soft. Full of little glances and sips and contented silence. Thereâs no fear in him now. No carefully placed pauses. No skirting around things. He just⌠is. Clark Kent. The boy who spilled coffee on your notes three times. The man who kept writing to you in secret even when you didnât see him.
âYouâre not what I expected,â you say, fingers brushing his arm.
He lifts an eyebrow. âOh?â
âI donât know. I guess I thought Superman would be⌠shinier. Less flannel. More invincible.â
âAre you saying Iâm not shiny enough for you?â
âIâm saying youâre better.â
He blinks. And thenâjust like thatâhe smiles. Not the bashful one. Not the public one. The real one. Small and warm and honest. The kind of smile you only give someone when you feel safe. And maybe thatâs what this is now. Safety. Not the absence of dangerâbut the presence of someone who will always come back.
His communicator buzzes from somewhere in the bedroom. Clark lets out the most exhausted groan youâve ever heard and buries his face in your shoulder like itâll make the world go away.
âYou have to go?â you ask gently, threading your fingers through his hair.
âSoon.â
âYouâll come back?â
He lifts his head. Meets your eyes. âEvery time.â
You kiss him thenâslow and deep and familiar now. The kind of kiss that tastes like mornings and memory and maybe something closer to forever. He kisses you back like he already misses you. And when he finally pulls away and disappears into the sky outside your windowâless streak of light, more quiet partingâyou just stand there for a moment. Barefoot. Wrapped in your robe. Heart full.
Youâre about to start cleaning up the kitchen when you see it. A post-it note, stuck to the fridge. Just a small square of yellow. Written in the same handwriting you could spot anywhere now.
âYou always look soft in the mornings. I like seeing you like this.â
âC.K.
You read it three times. Then you smile. You walk to the cabinet above the sink, open the doorâand stick it right next to all the others. The secret ones. The old ones. The ones that helped you feel seen before you even knew whose eyes were watching.
And now you know. Now you see him too.
All of him.
And you wouldnât trade it for anything.
-
tags: Â @eeveedream m @anxiousscribbling @pancake-05 @borhapparker @dreammiiee @benbarnesprettygurl @insidethegardenwall @butterflies-on-my-ashes s @maplesyrizzup @rockwoodchevy @jasontoddswhitestreak @loganficsonly @overwintering-soldier @hits-different-cause-its-you @eclipsedplanet @wordacadabra @itzmeme e @cecesilver @crisis-unaverted-recs @indigoyoons @chili4prez @thetruthisintheirdreams @ethanhoewke (<â it wouldnât let me tag some blogs Iâm so sorry!!)
when would jack stutter, have to catch his breath? whether it be something he sees, hears, smells. what makes him take pause?
Jack Abbot doesnât stutter for effect. He doesnât lose his words in arguments or get flustered in tension. He was trainedâtrainedâto speak clearly through chaos. To radio for medevac while pressure-wrapping a wound with one hand. To give the date, time, and morphine dose to a nineteen-year-old he was holding together by sheer will while bullets cracked overhead. Words, for Jack, have always been tools. Precise. Tactical. Controlled.
So when Jack stutters, itâs never performance. Itâs never dramatics. Itâs malfunction. It means something short-circuited so violently inside him that all his practiced scriptsâthe field medic instincts, the ER attending cadence, the gallows humorâall of it collapses under the weight of something real.
Itâs not trauma that makes him pause. Heâs acclimated to that. Itâs gentleness. Itâs earnestness. It's the things no one ever trained him to survive.
It starts small.
Youâre in his kitchen one morning, still in sleep clothes. No makeup. You open the fridge and mutter, âWe need more eggs.â Not he needs. Not you need. We.
Jack freezes.
Just for a second. Just long enough that the corner of the coffee filter burns.
Because heâs spent years learning how to survive alone. Alone is safe. Alone is math he can do. But we? We is dangerous. We has loss baked into it.
So when you say something that sounds like permanence without even realizing it, Jack looks down at the mug in his hand like he forgot how it got there.
âYou okay?â you ask, still rummaging.
âYeah, I justââ He exhales, blinks. âIâuh, itâsâfine.â
Itâs not the word heâs fumbling over. Itâs the feeling.
Then it escalates.
You wear his sweatshirt to the grocery store and complain about the sleeves being too long. You say it in passingâno agenda, no performance. Just an offhanded âHow the hell do your arms fit in this thing?â
Jack laughs. He nods. He goes quiet.
And later, when youâre brushing your teeth, he stands in the doorway, arms crossed, watching you like heâs never seen anything more disarming.
âYou know you, uhââ He pauses. Swallows. âYou look good in that.â
And that stutter? Itâs not nerves. Itâs not lust. Itâs ache. Itâs how dare you look like home in my clothes when I never thought Iâd have one again. Itâs him tasting the fact that someone might love him with the lights on. With the ghosts still in the room.
But the worst of itâthe deepest malfunctionâis when you touch the part of him he hides.
Itâs a Tuesday. Youâre lying in bed. Jackâs out of the shower, towel around his waist, residual steam curling off his shoulders. Youâre half asleep when he climbs in, careful, always careful. The prosthetic is off. His right leg ends below the knee, the skin there pale, uneven in tone, scarred in a way that doesnât fade with time.
You donât flinch. You never have.
You roll over, press your face into his chest, andâwithout thinkingârun your hand down his thigh and stop at the point where flesh becomes absence. Where history lives in muscle memory.
He draws in a sharp breathâsudden, raggedâlike it knocked the wind out of him.
âSorry,â you whisper, pulling back.
But he grabs your wrist. Not to stop you. To ground himself. To hold the moment in place.
âNo, Iââ His voice cracks. The words donât follow. âItâs notâI justââ He blinks fast, jaw twitching. âI wasnâtâexpecting that.â
Because what you touched wasnât just skin. It was the thing heâs ashamed of needing love through. The thing people look at and get polite. The thing strangers pretend not to notice. The thing he never believed could be part of desire. And you just touched it like it was his. Like it was safe.
Thatâs when Jack stutters.
When you make the part of him heâs spent years compartmentalizing feel not just acceptedâbut wanted.
But maybe the most dangerous kind of stutterâthe kind that ruins himâisnât even about touch.
Itâs when you fight.
Not over something petty. Something real. Something that threatens the fragile trust heâs learning to build. Maybe you accuse him of shutting you out again. Of pulling back every time things get too close. And youâre right. Youâre so right it guts him.
He raises his voice. Snaps something defensive. His default. Control the room. Win the logic. Out-talk the fear.
But then you say it.
âJack, you donât have to be perfect to be loved.â
And that sentence? That sentence breaks him.
Not because of what it is.
Because of what it isnât.
It isnât a demand. It isnât a plea. Itâs grace. Unconditional. Unflinching. And it makes no goddamn sense to a man whoâs only ever been valued for what he can fix, what he can endure, what he can sacrifice.
So he stares at you.
âYou donâtââ His voice falters. âYou donât know what youâre saying.â
âI do,â you whisper.
And he stutters. He turns away. Rubs his jaw. Blinks hard.
Because he wants to believe you. More than anything. But his nervous system doesnât know how to file that truth under anything but threat.
He says, âI justââ and never finishes.
Because he canât.
Because itâs too much.
Because your love is louder than his guilt, and that is a sound Jack Abbot doesnât know how to live through.
Thatâs when he stutters.
When you say something that unravels the wire heâs been holding himself together with since the war. Since the job started asking more than he had to give and he gave it anyway.
When you look at him like he is not a burden. Like he is allowed to stay.
Thatâs what makes Jack Abbot forget how to speak.
Carmy x female reader, the beef era, I have no real knowledge of how a restaurant works lol, original character towards the middle ish with Jensen Ackles in mind, Richie being Richie, Carmy gets jealous and over thinks.
Walking into The Beef with noise-canceling headphones and the usual scowl on your face wasnât what alarmed Carmy. It wasnât the lack of greetings or eye contact. That was normal. You usually only spoke to the others when you got to your station and got situated for service. It was the look in your eyes. It was blank. Almost empty.Â
âAy-yo, Sebastian! You owe me five bucks!â Richie yelled from the front of the house. You two were friends. Great friends. Carmy always wondered how that started, and why you guys call each other different names almost daily. Today, you were Sebastian. What are you going to call Richie today? Yesterday, he was Vanessa.Â
Carmy could hear Fak from the dining area warn Richie.Â
âDude? Didnât you learn from last time?â He said, peeking through the window.
You came in last week, and Fak and Richie started bombarding you with questions about which one of them would win Survivor. Carmy could still picture the look on your face as they yelled in your ears. Deadpan and irritated, you said,Â
âIf the both of you donât get out of my fucking face in two seconds, Iâm shoving my knife so far up your asses youâre gonna taste the metal in your fucking mouths.âÂ
Carmy laughed to himself but quickly stopped when you turned to him and glared. Tina had to come in and set everybody straight.
âFor what?â You were putting things into your locker.Â
Richie gave Fak one of those looks,Â
âThe game! Your fucking loser Giants lost!âÂ
Carmy found out that you were from San Francisco when you got a notification on your phone from the SF Chronicles.Â
He was impressed that you had a subscription to a newspaper.
He stalked your Instagram when he came back from New York after Mikey.
âYou know what, Rebecca? Iâm gonna keep my five dollars 'cause I never agreed to that fuckin' bet in the first place.â
Rebecca. Richie laughed, stormed into the kitchen, leaned on the counter, and started yapping.Â
âOkay, Chefâs! Weâre opening in 15. Syd- Brigade, remember? Tina, I need you on vegetable prep. Ebra, youâre on meat. Marcus, I canât have dry bread again, please. Cousin, get back to your station. Jesus. Umm, Y/N, can you come to my office real quick?â
The cooks made it feel like you were headed to the principal's office. Carmy sits in his stained office chair and runs a hand through his hair.Â
âI noticed youâve been a bit slower on dinner service.â Heâs fidgeting with the cord on the phone. Youâre standing in front of him, all your weight on your left hip.Â
âSorry, Chef. Wonât happen again.â You said. There was a slight tone he picked up. Tired or annoyed. He couldnât tell.Â
âYou okay?â He cares for all his employees. Carmy knows late nights and early mornings in a restaurant better than anyone.Â
âIâm good, Chef. Thanks. Iâll pick up the pace.â You say as youâre already out of the office.Â
Richie was outside eavesdropping the whole time,Â
âCousin, you never personally ask me if Iâm okay.â He pouts.
âShut up, get back to work,â he said, walking past him.
Sydâs station was already prepped and was doing rounds. You sighed, already knowing what she was gonna say.Â
âY/N, your sauce was good yesterday, but had too much salt.âÂ
Technically, youâre not in charge of sauce. At your last job, you were just a regular line cook. Ever since Carmy started running things, heâs been on everyoneâs asses on stations and positions. Syd is enforcing that even harder now that sheâs sous chef.
âHeard, Chef.â Youâd fight it like any other cook in the business most of the time, defending your cooking like it was your dying breath, but today, you didnât. Something was wrong.Â
If Richie and Carmy werenât yelling across the room, you and Richie would be going at it. If it wasnât Richie you were fighting, it was Ebra (most of the time, it's you making fun of him for being old). Sometimes, when Fak was there, you gave him shit. You being this quiet was worrisome for everyone.
âMama, you been gettinâ enough sleep?â Tina worried.Â
You took a deep breath, trying not to burst into flames at her asking you.Â
âYeah, Iâm good. Tina, I promise.â You smiled.Â
Breakfast service wasnât typically bad or hard to get through. Unless it was busier than usual, you just couldnât get it together. Bumping into Ebra twice, almost knocking one of the pans off the stove.Â
âSebastian! I needed those fries for #12 like yesterday!â Richie yelled.Â
âY/N, fire two more beefs.âÂ
âI need the sauce for #9.âÂ
âBehind!â
Working in a restaurant is chaotic. Everyone knew that.Â
âY/N! These arenât cooked, what the fuck are you doing?!â Richieâs voice was starting to get on your nerves.Â
You open the door to the walk-in, not listening to the noise and the constant calling of your name.
A clash vibrated through the building, and Carmy was trying to take a backseat, preparing deliveries and orders for the week.Â
The stock spilled all over the walk-in, and you were soaked.Â
âJesus fucking christ.â You said defeated.Â
Youâre standing there covered in beef stock and pieces of onion skin stuck to your cheek. Richie was laughing and trying to get a picture when Syd yelled for everyone to return to work and scrambled to get their orders done. Marcus was trying to help you out of the walk-in without slipping, and Tina was getting paper towels,Â
âY/N, you good?â Everyone is asking you, laughing, and making jokes.Â
âSHUT THE FUCK UP PLEASE! I CAN CLEAN IT UP MYSELF.âÂ
âGet back to work, Chefs,â Carmy intervened.Â
âI got it, Chef, get yourself cleaned up.â
You just walked straight out to the back and crouched with your hands over your face, trying to keep yourself from crying. Smelling like onions and celery, you pulled a half-soaked cigarette from your pocket.Â
âY/N. If you need a day off- take it,â He crouches beside you, offering a fresh cig from his pack.
âI donât need a day off,â you said, taking the nasty habit you picked up from Mikey to your lips. Carmy lighting it up for you.
âYouâre struggling today, we can see it. We all have bad days, chef.â
âTry bad week,â You laugh.Â
Carmy knows bad weeks. Bad months. Bad years. He starts getting flashbacks to his French Laundry days. The late nights and overbearing white kitchen haunt him at this very moment.
âTalk to me,â Carmy said softly.
You take a deep breath and chuckle,Â
âMy car is in the shop and wonât be fixed until two weeks from now. My apartment is infested with roaches, my shower isnât draining correctly, my plants are dying, I havenât had a meal that has any nutritional value in days, I canât sleep, Iâm overstimulated and annoyed all the time, and the only thing getting me through the day is just being here at The Beef. Still, I canât even get anything right here either. I literally smell like beef, and Iâm yapping to my boss like a baby.âÂ
Carmy is staring at his shoe, taking in all the information you dumped on him. Thereâs an uncomfortable silence.Â
âHow are you?â You asked, gazing up at the clear Chicago sky, desperately trying to get rid of the awkwardness.
Carmy doesnât remember the last time heâs been asked that with a genuine intention of knowing how heâs doing. You knew exactly what he was going through; everybody did. Itâs hard not to know.Â
âWell, service just started, and weâre already behind. N-not because of you or anything.â He nervously tried to backtrack.
âOur shipment of meat was delayed, so the beef we have is all we have for two days-â
âNot about The Beef. How are you doing?â Youâre looking at him nowâsame tired, sad look as when you came in.Â
âMe?â Why'd he say that, he thought to himself.
âMhmm,â taking a drag from your cigarette.
âIâm hanging on. Sugar wants me to go to this AA thing.â
âI miss Nat,â
He forgot that youâve been at The Beef longer than he has. He forgets that you knew Mikey better than he did.Â
âWe should get back,â he said, wiping his hands on his pants as he got up.Â
The rest of your shift went as smoothly as it could. Mr. Bishop (your favorite regular) came in looking for you, got his usual number 6 and coffee, and sat in his favorite booth. There was no more knocking over pots, and you managed to get all your prep done for tomorrow, too.Â
Syd and Tina gave you a pep talk afterward, saying that tomorrow will be better. Ebra gave you one of those hugs only a loving father can give. Richie offered to give you a ride home despite his license being suspended, and Marcus gave you a brownie.Â
Before you left for the day, Carmy walked out of the office and leaned on the door frame.Â
âLet me give you a ride.â It wasnât even 10 pm, and trains were still running.Â
âIâm not taking no for an answer,â Carmy said seriously.
âHeard.â You whispered.
You waited for him to get his jacket and lock up. Then, you followed him to his car a block away from the restaurant. His car was old, like, no leather seats, and old-school console type of old. You quickly typed in your address into his beat-up phone and just coasted in the silence.
âThis isnât the way to my place, Carm.â You frantically shift in the passenger seat. Youâre at a Target parking lot.
âI know, I just need to get a few things.â
The fluorescent lights were blinding you. He took a shopping cart, and you reluctantly followed him around the store.Â
The cart squeaked through the relatively quiet store, and when you reached the aisle where they sell shower drains, the radio played 2000s pop songs.Â
He picks one up without a word, and you donât question it. Exhausted and dissociating. He aimlessly walks to the pest aisle and grabs a bottle of roach spray.Â
He grabs laundry detergent and a pack of boxers for himself. You wander into the frozen pizza aisle and grab one for yourself, and he gets a pack of beer. It feels so domestic, like youâve both done this together before. You pay for the pizza, and he pays for everything else.
âI wanna fix your apartment, if thatâs okay with you?â he says, putting the stuff into the trunk.Â
âYou really donât have to, Carmy.â Protesting in exhaustion.
âI want to.â He wants to fix your apartment for you.
The drive to your apartment wasnât awkward. It was peaceful. Youâve never been alone with him for more than five minutes, so this should be weird.Â
You take the elevator to your floor and walk a short distance to your door. A welcome mat is in front of the unit, and the dead plants are just sitting out.Â
âMake yourself at home, I guess,â you said, taking off your jacket and shoes. Carmy did the same and left his Birkenstocks by the door.Â
âThis is a great place.â You had a red thrifted couch and a big fluffy rug. Pictures of you and your friends were on the wall. A shelf covered with books and more pictures. He noticed you didnât have a suspicious number of cookbooks like he does. Instead, itâs Penguin Classics with Post-it notes tagged throughout. Sci-fi books, fantasy, romance, and non-fiction were also on your shelf. Anthony Bourdain had his dedicated shelf (I guess those count as cookbooks).Â
You had a record player and stacks of vinyl records on the floor. Your kitchen was a lot nicer than his. You had a good coffee maker but an old toaster.Â
Heâs sitting at the island counter while youâre in your room. He can see the posters from where heâs sitting and the mirror in the corner of your room reflecting you taking off your chef's coat. He reminds himself that heâs being a creep.Â
âI appreciate you doing this, Carm. Saved me a phone call with my landlord.âÂ
âYouâd do the same for me,â he replied.
You pop your head through the door and furrow your eyebrows,Â
âReally?â you laugh. It's the first time you laughed, he notes.
You grab him a cup of water, tie your hair in a bun, and beeline to the record player.Â
âGuests can pick the music,â you gesture to the albums, and he runs a hand over his face nervously. Carmy gets up from his seat and over to you, sits on the floor, and looks through your collection.Â
âWhy do I feel like this is a test?â He chuckles.
âBecause it is,â You said while putting the previous record away.
His calloused fingers run through the aged vinyl slips and pick out Fleetwood Mac.
âGood choice.âÂ
Carmy silently watched as you, put the plaque on the turntable and gently put the needle onto the grooves. The song began to play.Â
âI didnât know you collected.â He said.Â
âYeah, I started when I was in middle school. It was a pain in the ass getting them here.â
Right. Youâre from California.Â
âWhyâd you move out here?â He asks.
âUmm. Iâm not really close with my family anymore, and I have friends that go to school here. I mean, I love San Francisco, but I felt like I had some growing up to do. You know,â You said getting up from the floor.
Youâre rummaging through the Target bag, grabbing the frozen pizza, and prepping the oven.Â
Itâs funny, youâre chefs but donât always eat the most extraordinary things.Â
Carmy is just watching you, watching you in your home. He starts to second-guess why heâs there in the first place. Heâs beginning to wonder why you havenât been mean to him.Â
âIâll get started on that drain,â he said, getting up from the rug.Â
You nod your head and just scramble a few plates together.Â
Your bathroom had candles and orange shower curtains. There was a pumpkin-shaped bath mat, and it smelled exactly like how he imagined it to smell. Your shampooâthe one heâd been smelling for the past few months, but he couldnât quite place what it was. Apple and Honey. He took mental note of it.Â
He pulled back the curtain to see the shower, which had dried eucalyptus leaves hanging from the head. Your body wash was on the floor, and there was a pool of water.Â
He knelt on the floor, put the drain tool down the drain, and started moving it. It was a lot harder than he thought.Â
You stood by the door frame, watching him try to unclog your shower. You could have done it yourself, but you wouldnât have refused free service.Â
You never noticed how long Carmyâs hair was getting or how his tattoos shifted when he moved his arms. His white signature T-shirt was riding up a little bit.Â
âYou doinâ alright?â You finally asked.Â
âYup- I think I got most of it.â He grunted.Â
He could hear you laughing at him. Now that he thinks about it, this is weird. Heâs your boss. This is something a boyfriend should do, or a boy-friendâaka Richie or Fak or even Marcus. The two of you arenât friends.Â
The two of you can hear the water finally slosh its way through the drain,Â
âI think it should be good now.â He wipes sweat off his face onto his shoulder.Â
âGood, great! Thank you, Carm.â You pat his back hesitantly.Â
It was nearing midnight. You and Carm are sitting on the red couch. You decided to open a bottle of wine, and an album that Carmy had never heard of was on.Â
âYouâve been working for The Beef for four years now?â He asked, glancing over at you.
You sip your wine and nod your head,Â
âYeah, I moved here right after I graduated college. Saw a help wanted sign and applied.âÂ
He gave you a look like he was trying to imagine you four years ago. He wanted to ask you what it was like working with Mikey. There was something in him that he didnât want to know.Â
âHowâd you and Richie become friends?âÂ
âYou think me and Richie are friends?â you laugh. Not thinking that Carmy was serious,
âUmmm, I donât know. Heâs funny, and he makes me laugh. I used to babysit when he and Tiff were still together.â Carmy nods twice.Â
You wanted to ask him to stay over, but it was almost one in the morning. You didnât.
âShit, I should go.â Carmy looked at his phone. Realizing heâs overstayed his welcome.Â
He put his glass and plate in the sink. (That was very considerate of him.) He then slipped his jacket on, and as he was putting on his shoes, you gave him a hug.Â
Carmen is frozen. His breathing stops, and without even knowing, he puts his arms around your waist. He doesnât even remember the last time he hugged someone. Your breathing syncs, and you can feel his heartbeat,Â
âThank you, Carmen. I mean it.â You whisper.Â
What is going on? His head isnât even thinking anymore; heâs only focusing on that youâre hugging him right now. It feels like a lifetime. Heâs engulfed in your scent and the warmth of your hands, making him dizzy.
âAnytime, Chef.âÂ
He leaves.Â
When Carmy got to his apartment, it was coldâunlike yours. It was bare and colorless. He plops onto his bed and replays the night over and over again until he falls asleep at the thought of you.Â
The next morning, he woke up later than he wouldâve wanted. Quickly hopping into the shower, got dressed and jogged to his car. He got a whiff of your shampoo on his jacket and in his car.Â
What the fuck, Carmy? Sheâs your employee. He thought.
When he got to The Beef, you were already there. Headphones on, tapping your foot to whatever you were listening to.Â
âCarmy! I was able to get hold of another shipment; it should be here in an hour.â Syd cheerily said.
The chef quickly nods as he washes his hands,Â
âYeah, thatâs great, Syd. Umm, breakfast service starts in 30 is everyone good?âÂ
Syd tells him that Marcusâs bread mixer isnât working again, and Ebra will be late. Angel and Manny will also be late, and Tina has to redo her onion prep because Richie knocked it over in the walk-in.Â
Carmy can feel his blood pressure rising,Â
âWhat about Y/N?â He unconsciously asks.
Sydâs eyes grow wide, kind of shocked even to hear your name come out of his mouth,Â
âYeah, sheâs good. She has everything ready to go. She can take over Ebraâs station till he gets back.â
âNo, Iâll do it.â Carmy insisted.
Sydâs following him around the kitchen like a sick puppy,Â
âIâll do family, too.â He added.
A million thoughts are running through Sydneyâs mind, but she doesnât question it.Â
You were feeling a hundred times better than you did yesterday. You could finally shower without having a pool of cloudy, murky water up to your calves, and you havenât seen roaches crawl up your sink. The car shop called to say they could get your car done on the weekend, and you had a good breakfast. Your bad week is officially looking up. All because your boss came over and sorted it out for you.Â
âHey-â Carmy tapped your shoulders and pointed to your headphones.Â
âOh- right! Sorry.â You could swear there was a smile on his face just then.Â
âUh, whatcha listenâ to?â Small talk- great, Carmy was making small talk. This was basically flirting to him. Small talk with anyone who had nothing to do with food was his horrible attempt at flirting.Â
âBeyonce.â Carmy was expecting some obscure band heâs never heard of, hoping he could ask you about it and talk more. Ask you if you want to go to the local record store and browse. Ask you if he could come over again.Â
Shut the fuck up, Carmen.
âCousin! Get this- so I was driving, right?â Richie bursts through the kitchen doors.Â
âIsnât your license like expired?â You question.
âSuspended, but thatâs not the point. I fuckinâ saw -fuckinâ Cousin Stanley! He was walking, and I rolled down my window, called him while I was fuckinâ floorinâ it. Heh- he finally saw me, heâs fuckinâ bald as shit now, Carm.â Richie rambled.
Carmy doesnât remember cousin Stanley. He doesnât know why Richie is even telling this story. Heâs looking at him through his brows.Â
âEw! Cousin Stanleyâs bald?!â You exclaimed.Â
Of course, you know who fucking Cousin Stanley is, and he doesnât. Carmy walks away as the two of you continue talking shit about this cousin he canât place. It doesnât sit right with him now; you know so much of his life because of Mikey.Â
The ballbreaker game is broken, and it keeps repeating the same thing over and over again. Frustrated, he pushes the front house door.
âNO!â Everyone said simultaneously.
He knows what everyone is going to say next,Â
You unplug it; it wonât work again.Â
Carmy pulls his phone out of his pocket to call Fak to come in and fix it for the millionth time when he feels a hand on his shoulder.Â
âI know someone who can actually fix it,â You said softly.
The stressed-out, red-faced chef just nods.Â
You make the call, and in 20 minutes or so, someone comes in, calling out your real name. Not the countless nicknames they call you. He is tall and has a full beard and a mullet. He wears dark double denim; itâs vintage, Carmy notes in his head, is tailored and straight cut, and he wears cowboy boots.Â
âRaphy!â You practically screamed. (Raphy is Jensen Ackles)
Who the fuck is Raphy? What the fuck is a Raphy? What kind of name is Raphy? How the hell do you know this guy? Heâs like 45! Heâs good-looking and wearing good-quality denim. Carmyâs unexplainably jealous.Â
âCarm- this is my, umm, my friend Raphael. He owns a repair business,â Youâre smiling from ear to ear.
âHi. I usually do motorcycle restorations. Sheâs exaggerating.â Fuck, his voice is exactly what he thought it would sound like.Â
âRaphael?! My guy! Where the hell have you been?â Great- Richie knows him, too.
âRichie- good to see you, man.â Carmy hates this guy already.Â
You and Raphael met through Mikey. He had a phase where he wanted to buy this old BMW R 18. Raphael helped you move into your apartment, gave you rides whenever you needed them, and introduced you to some good music.Â
For some reason, he was also a perfect handyman. You fell out of touch for a bit when Mikey died.Â
âChef, Iâve done most of my prep. Is it cool if I stay out here for a bit?â You're asking him if you could be here with this Raphy guy instead of in his kitchen, where he can awkwardly stand beside you while you both work. He wants to say no, but he says yes.Â
âYeah just make sure he fixes this shit.â
âNot much of a talker?â Raphael asks. You pat his shoulder and shake your head.Â
âThatâs Mikeyâs little brother? Doesnât really look like him-â Richie then starts laughing.Â
Carmen can hear you laugh from his office, and he can listens to that guy in his restaurant tell you how good youâve been looking. About how you shouldâve called him about your shower. Fuck him! I fixed it. I did that. Carmy thought.
âChef, are you okay?â Sydneyâs holding her clipboard to her chest, not wanting to know the answer to her question.Â
âYeah. Iâm good, Chef.â Heâs lying straight through his teeth.Â
He really shouldnât be bothered by this. Youâre not friends. He spent one night over at your apartment to help. Thatâs it. He is your boss, nothing more.Â
Finally, the ballbreaker song is back to normal. The clinking of Raphaelâs tools stops, and you no longer giggle like a schoolgirl. Richie is back on the register. A sigh of relief washes over him when he hears the bell and the door shut.Â
You walk back into the kitchen with a grin and rosier cheeks than when he saw you last.Â
âRaphy was here?â Tina said, disappointed. Cool, so everyone knows this guy.Â
You smile and mouth an excited âyeah.â
âIf I wasnât married- ooh the things I would do,â Tina says in a sing-songy way.Â
Which garners a look from a very disturbed Marcus and Ebra. Syd is now curious and disappointed she didnât look when she could. Carmy looks at you and sees you cheesing from ear to ear.Â
âMe too. ME TOO.â Tina laughs at your comment.
âYo, David! Keep it in your pants, wouldya?â Richie said.
âOh, please! Like you wouldnât do him too if you were a girl??!â You replied.
Carmy leaves and takes a much-needed smoke break. Does Sugar know him? He wants to ask Tina who this guy is and why everyone but him knows him. He doesn't. He takes one last drag, throws it on the floor, and stomps on it.
The commotion over the hot motorcycle restorer has died down. The normal ebb and flow of a Chicago kitchen is back in motion, and everyone gets back to work.
Nothing shitty or unusual happens for the rest of service and Carmy is making everyone scrub the interior with toothbrushes and sponges.
Some random playlist is on, and you can feel everyone's exhaustion radiating off them like sweat.
Sweeps breaks the ice.
"It was good seeing Raphael again, huh?" Awesome. Carmy had temporarily forgotten about him while scrubbing the buildup on the stove's vent.
"He looks good. Healthy." Ebra adds.
"Who is he?" Carmy finally asks.
"Me and Mikey's other best friend. We were like two peas in a pod!" Richie snorts.
"Shouldn't it be the three musketeers?" Syd's eyeballs him.
Best friend? Mikey has other best friends who didn't always linger around the family?
"Yeah?" he replies.
"They met at this thing- a flea market?" Tina inquires.
"Estate sale." You say without missing a beat.
"I went with Mikey. He was obsessed with finding vintage shirts. Raphy was there looking for umm, what was it? Boots! Cowboy boots." You remember.
"You have a crush on em?" His intrusive thoughts got the better of him. Richie purses his lips together and does a lock and key motion.
"No! I mean, he's hot, but dude, come on?" Carmy hates thatâthe word hot coming out of your mouth in any other context than pots and stoves.
"I think you have a crush on him, or at least had a crush on him," Syd said.
"I remember the next day Mikey came in and started making fun of you cause you were basically drooling over him." Marcus laughs from across the room.
"I remember that too!" Sweeps adds.
"Wouldn't stop talking about him," Manny replies from the back.
You didn't mind everyone making fun of you; it was a silly moment in your life. It would have been even worse if Mikey had been there in person to reenact everything.
"He's not married?" Syd asks.
Please be married. Please be married with 4 kids. Please be in a loving happy marriage with his high school sweetheart. Carmen begged.
"He is uh- widowed." You said emphasizing the widow.
Fuck.
The rest of the night consisted of anecdotes of Mikey's life that Carmy would never have heard of otherwise. Tina's the first one to clock out, then the dishwashers, then Sweeps, and Marcus, Richie says his goodbyes, Syd punches out, and so does Ebra.
You stayed back. Sweeping the floor one last time, Carmy walked into the office. His head was hurting. Maybe it was from dehydration? Hunger? The chemicals he poured over the entire kitchen in an attempt to get the gunk off the tile?
"I'm gonna head out." You yell out from the lockers. Carmy walks out and leans against the doorframe.
"Do you have anything in your apartment I could fix?" You're joking, but not really.
He bobs his head down and gives you a tight smile, he didn't have anything to share. Everything in his apartment worked, he didn't have relics of his past to showcase and tell stories about.
The chef shook his head, crossed his arms, and stood stoically.
"That's a shame: goodnight, Carmen. See you tomorrow," you punch your card.
"Wait!" He doesn't know what he's doing. He has nothing to talk about. There's a sour taste in his mouth still from learning about Raphael. A bitter one because evidently, you knew his brother better than him.
You look at him, anticipating,
"Are you free?" He asks.
âRight now?â You reply.
He runs a hand through his hair.
"Carm, we have work tomorrow." You remind him.
"Yeah- right. No, umm, this Saturday. Are you free?" He's shaking inside.
"I should be. Why? Did you want us to come in or?"
"There's this record store downtown. I was wondering if you wanted to go, " he blurted.
You kind of just stand there for a little bit. Shunned. Carmy's asking you to hang out outside of a work day? What's happening?
"Sure! I've been dying to do something other than cook, clean, repeat." You smile, which makes him smile.
"See you tomorrow, Chef." He says and lets you leave for the night.
Carmy couldn't stop thinking about all the things he wanted to do on your unofficial date on Saturday. His mind was reeling, and his stomach filled with butterflies he hadn't felt in so long. This consumed his every waking moment to the point that he had to force himself to sleep.
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Coming in HOT with some ANGST and FLUFF, having SUCH an intense emotional fight with Carmen one night. Maybe youâre both arguing about the opening of The Bear or finances or even just with communication in your relationship, Carmen just snaps about how you werenât always this hostile. Just losing it on him and in tears crying out âYOU LEFT!! YOU LEFT ME CARMEN!! I understand what happened with you and your brother, but you just fucking left and didnât even say goodbye!! You know how AWFUL that made me feel?! Like all of a sudden after everything weâd been through! It was like suddenly I was another face you just cut out and forgot about. It took me MONTHS to stop even just thinking about you. And then when you came back? It was as if nothing happened, but I was SO happy you were backâŚ.and now you always act like Iâm some inconvenience thatâs always in the way!!!! So what do you WANT Carmen?! Do you want me to stay or is this another New York situation?â. You can see Carmenâs heart shattering in his face as he just crumbles at the end begging for forgiveness đĽ˛. It ends maybe with the both of you holding each other in the kitchen âIâm so sorryâ âNo noâŚ.itâs okayâŚ.I shouldnât have taken it out on you like thatâŚâ
All for you
part two
this request was so good! your brain anon..đ i hope i did it justice, this is part one of two because i always seem to be extending things that should be a one shot! i'm thinking part two should be from carm's pov? what do you guys think??
warnings: shouting, self deprecation, angst to the tenth power, no happy endings, carmen is so so so bad at communicating, unresolved tension/anger, new york carmy!
Loving Carmen was a lot of things.Â
It was the smoulder of colours brushed onto a canvas, it was the crash of waves in the middle of the pacific, fighting and thrashing against each other until it took you under and below. It was the spoonful of honey that eased the bitterness, it was beyond your control. A love so smouldering and bright that you didn't quite know if your heart could fit it all.
But it was also difficult, like dragging a 50 pound steel anchor every way you went. You were forever grateful to have Carmen in your life, again at least, but it wasnât exactly like the things that he had struggled with before he wasn't struggling with even more now.Â
You were patient, you tried to be at least. When he wouldnât pick up your calls for hours, when he was so caught up with work he forgot to eat, when he was so caught up with work all the last of his energy was spent on you and not himself.
You loved Carmen too hard to let him destroy himself for his work, even if he hated you for it, you couldn't watch him crumble and break from the stress of the restaurant and the overwhelming pressure he put on himself.Â
Especially when you saw him begin to unravel before you, melting hot wax crackling and setting form. He had begun to throw back bottles of pepto like it was water, crunching on tums like popcorn any chance he got, and it wasn't like the restaurant was doing bad, in fact it was doing amazing. Yet, it was that fact alone that made Carmen get worse, made him slip into the sinking black hole that told him one moment away from the shop, one glance off of his work and it would crumble into ash.
You had seen this in New York, where he would call you during the depths of the night, the sound of his stuttered sobs breaking any resolve you had left. You had raced to throw on a jacket and bring a pot of soup to his place even when he protested. You fed him whilst he shook against you, you whispered stories until he fell asleep, you kissed his curls.
You wondered if he knew.
You find yourself doing the same thing now, like an endless dance you both are bound to, every rational part of you wants to hate it but you can't deny the way your heart shimmers in want. Your mind moves with the familiarity of it, chasing after him like a game of cat and mouse.
Only this time you live with Carmen and not in a dingy shoebox in New York holding back every ounce of love you wanted to pour into him.Â
Carmenâs mind was forever connected to food, it was something so automatic it fell unconscious under his skin. You found amusement in the way heâd stand in the middle of your apartment living room in quick critic over the late night cooking shows that you would turn on whilst waiting for him to come home, or the coffee around the corner he swears isnât actual beans.Â
But your soup, and anything else you made was something he had always reserved with a certain adoration. Heâd whisper into the anonymity of your neck under the covers, recounting how your food was akin to a warm hug, coming home to the smell of cookies and a house of laughter and light he wished he had growing up. Â
You hoped he had actually eaten something today, but it was that belief that evaded your mind as quickly as it came when you reminded yourself who Carmen was. It was push and pull, and you would be damned if he didn't finish your food and then some.
Your job allowed you to work from home, and you donât know if it was your laziness or intelligence that enabled you to make it so that you only had to work a couple hours in the day. It was sometimes strange to Carmen, how you could be able to find love and creation in something without putting everything into it.
Carmen was always watching you, he found peace in it, the moves and motions of you all over the apartment, the scent of your body wash, you toothbrush next to his, you were a movie right in front of him and he would watch you for eternity if he could.
You turn into the back of the Bear, parking between the faded white lines before turning off the engine and staying in the car for a moment. You hated the cold, and your breath had already begun to blow out misty clouds every time you exhaled. Collecting the warm container of soup and a sandwich you quickly jog towards the restaurant, taking the back door when you notice Manny leaving.
âHey Hun, how ya doingâ Manny nods towards you with a warm smile
âHey Manny, just coming to get Carmen to eat something other than tumsâÂ
âChef is definitely wound tight, mix up on a new delivery of some kind of fruit? Forgot the name.. It's spiky and smells like when we moved out those ovens and found those burnt onions and stock stuck to the floorâ Manny replies with a wince as you both recall the devastating smell that hadnât left your nostrils in weeks during the renovation.
âUh, Durian?â You reply and Manny clicks his fingers at your reply.
âThat's it. That mind of yours is really something. He hasnât taken a break since the morning, but you always have a way with himâ Manny raises his eyebrows and you shake your head with a laugh
You only remember that particular fruit because Carmen had been obsessing over a new menu item that included it as its main component. He had spent sleepless nights perfecting it, despite it being utterly magnificent the first try. You couldnât shake him from his work, it could consume him for months if he let it, and you feared he was at the precipice of falling into that hole once again.
You walk through the back hallway leading up to the main kitchen, passing by the tired hunches of the shoulder dressed down in crisp white shirts and aprons. The Bear had a late start today, Sydney suggested opening a little later for a full dinner menu rather than lunch as well and the turn out had shocked you all.
It also meant Carmen came home even later than he already did during those nights, youâve had to damn near carry him to the bath to get him to not drop dead the second he came home. You didnât mind however, you couldn't deny the faint thrum of your heart content as you washed Carmenâs hair whilst he lay against you half asleep.Â
You spot Sydney at her station, and you quickly walk over to see her prepping for dinner, the swoop of her knife cutting into red meat in a kind of curve you knew she had perfected over the years.
âHey Syd, early start?â You say, once your side by side with her
âOh donât remind me, can you believe the L got backed up from all the ice last night? Added a whole 45 minutes to my commuteâ Sydney groans out, shaking her head as she turns to you. Grateful to have a reprieve from her repetitive cutting.
âGoddam Chicago, if it makes you feel any better, Iâve got a bottle of wine with your name on it in my fridge and it is dying to be opened and shared by two very, very tired womenâ You reply, smiling at the way Sydney raises her eyebrows gleefully at the thought.
âI am holding you to that, as soon as we get through today. God, this new dish Carmen has thought up is kicking my assâ Sydney replies, and your ears chirp at the mention of the man youâve been looking for.
âSpeaking of Carmen, have you seen him?âÂ
âYeah, I think heâs still in the office, been on call with one of our vendors cause of the mix up with the--â
âDurian, yeah. Thanks Sydâ You reply, giving her a nod before making your way to the hallway leading into the office.
You hear Carmen before you see him, the sound of his loud voice seeping through the cracks of the door. His voice rises as he gets more and more agitated, and you donât miss the sound of a cup being thrown against the wall as the phone call continues, not waiting a moment before firing back muffled words you can hardly make out except
âUnprofessionalâ âwaste of my timeâ âfuckinâ dickâ
So yeah, you thought it was definitely a good time to walk in and get your extremely agitated boyfriend to eat your soup.
Just as you walk through the door, you see Carmen slam the phone back onto the receiver, shouting out obscenities at the object as he throws his chair back onto the floor. Years working together has made you unfazed by his outbursts of anger, though you have been sly in trying to get him to go to therapy so that he doesn't get an aneurysm over the phone with the Wifi company or something hilariously trivial.
âHey Carmâ You say, whilst closing the door, and Carmen look up at you in surprise, his features sobering, as his eyes relax into a comforting gaze.
âAh shit, sorry bout that, just some stubborn, pig headed vendors who donât want to fix a problem they fucking causedâ Carmen replies, his chest rising rapidly as he takes sharp inhales of oxygen.Â
He turns to face you and you take in the sunken look of his cheeks, the skin a little discoloured like he was sick, and his hair dishevelled and falling flat against his face like he's run his hand through it too many times.
âJesus Carmen, have you gotten any sleep?â You reply, instantly as you make your way over to him, pressing a hand on his shoulder.
Carmen shudders against your touch, shaking his head as he leans back and away from you. You stumble as you look down at your hand now inches away from his shoulder in confusion. Carmen never turned you away from him, in fact during those unforgiving times of anxiety and anguish, when he felt the entire sky falling, you would be his anchor to bring him back.
The fact that he had visibly shuddered when you touched him made your heart ache, and it hurts even more when Carmen notices, the guilt spilling into him.
âJust been so busyâ Carmen replies, his eyes darting everywhere but you, as you nod with a tight smile, backing away from him.
You reach for the soup you've left on the edge, placing it on the desk and you nod to it
âHave you eaten today?â You reply and Carmen stops watching you, blinking slowly as he tries to remember the last time he's actually consumed something, before coming up empty and shaking his head up at you with a groan.
âI thought so, you need to eat Carmen, how can you expect to function let alone run a restaurant if you aren't at your optimal levelâ You reason, leaning against the table, with your arms crossed against your chest.
âItâs fine, I was just gonna grab something smallâ Carmen waves you off
âActually, I brought you food right now so I think it would be a perfect time-
âIs that why you came? To micromanage me like some toddlerâ Carmen suddenly replies, his eyes narrowing as he looks at you through half lidded eyes.
âI- what? I didnât-â
âI can run my restaurant blindfolded with my arms tied behind my back, alright? I donât need you to come and patronise me like you know every goddamn thingâ Carmen spits out, and you can't help the way your blood runs hot, the rhythmic beat of anger pounding through you like a hammer.
How fucking dare he
âExcuse me? I came here for you Carmen, not some self-righteous moment to say I'm better than you. God damnit, is that what you think? I came here to make sure you didn't faint and fall into a pot of boiling hot waterâ You spit out, Carmen looks up at you, hes blues swimming in ire as he lets a humour-less laugh rumble through his chest.
You felt all the things you had kept a lid on begin to tumble out of your mouth, and soon youâre anger morphed into a building current. The flashes of everything that had gone wrong, the lack of communication, the coming home late, it all has begun to accumulate rapidly and you let it consume you in its entirety.Â
âSure, of course,â Carmen sings. âIâm not your fucking child alright? You are my goddamn mother so stop treating me like you need to make sure I eat 3 times a day and have my nightly bath. Iâm a grown man-â
âThen ACT LIKE IT!â
Carmen looks up at you in surprise, his brows knitting as his head swivels back from your outburst. You had never screamed at him, in fact, Carmen canât remember a time where you had screamed at anyone like you did now as you stare him down deviantly. Eyes burning with a fiery anger that begged to be stoked. Carmen knows this, your hands shake in tight fists like your seconds away from swiping him, and he resorts back to his usual self destruction of turning back and running away.Â
âYeah, yeah that's right, walk away, walk away like you always do. Carmen, soon enough you're going to have to face it you know? Youâre gonna have to face your fucking issues before it destroys us bothâ You scream, and Carmen pauses, causing you to stumble. Carmen turns around to face you in the middle of the hallway, the rush of anger present on his cheeks, causing the veins to bulge out on his neck and he looms over you
âIssues, I have fucking issues? Youâre screaming at me because of goddamn soupâ
âItâs more than fucking SOUP!â The screech of your voice bounced across the thin walls of the restaurant hallway, your throat begins to burn as you begin to swallow down the emotion bubbling within you. You want to reach into him and rattle his neck, force him to see the destructive path he was taking, force him to do anything but turn away and shut you out.
A quiet trepidation falls over the entire kitchen as they watch you both fight, it was unheard of, an anomaly that seemed wrong, like someone had gotten a couple from the street and put your faces on it.
Watching you both fight was like watching a performance. The way you both leaned into each other menacingly, neither of you backing down, there was an indefinite energy that bubbled between you both, you were seconds away from shocking each other or making out.Â
âWhat is it then huh? Why are you acting like this? You expect me to read your goddamn mind? Youâve changed alright? Everyone can see it, I can't even recognise the person in front of me half the timeâ Carmen sneers, his neck turning a crimson red as he clenches his jaw painfully. Heâs holding himself back, his body shakes with it, the tight clenches of his fist stopping him from putting a hole in the wall or smashing a chair.
âIâve changed? Me?â You cut yourself off with a chuckle, Carmen shifted his gaze as his eyebrows knot in confusion, and when you catch a glimpse of his face you canât help the booming sound from crawling up your throat, keening over as the sick sound of laughter rocks through your body.
The rest of the team now watches on in horror, you were laughing, why are you fucking laughing?
You try and gulp down the uncontrollable fit of laughter, you can practically feel your body shift down into the jagged memories from all those years ago. From a place and time you had shuffled into a no named cabinet and thrown into the deepest depths of the ocean.Â
You didnât want to remember, you begged your mind to forget, but as your laughter slips into sharp inhales, you already can taste the wetness streaming down your cheeks, and slithering down the slope of your neck.
Your sobâs rack through you, winding you until you hunched over, reaching out onto the wall to steady yourself and trying to find footing as the ground caves beneath you.
Carmen recognises it in an instant, taking a tentative step forward, raising his arms before dropping them in a second, like he was approaching a volatile animal.
âFuck, Iâm sorry I-â Carmen starts, but youâve already raised yourself from your hunched position, the tears dripping into the linoleum floors and splashing onto your combat boots.
You didnât want to face that time in your life again, but Carmen has practically forced you too, and there's no way in hell you werenât going to drag him down into that bordered off well. Fuck being the bigger person.
âNo no, you spoke, this is my fucking turn nowâ You grunt out, the rippling grief leaving your body in a flash as you sneer over him.
Carmen gulps back a retort, his mind re-circuiting, trying to figure out your polar behaviour. Carmen knew better to interrupt you now, in fact the restaurants was a pin drop quiet, safe for the whooshing sound of the central air corn, and the sound of Carmen's stuttering inhales.
âYOU listen to meâ You spit, pointing a finger, pressing it into Carmen's chest so hard he stumbles back
âYou fucking left me Carmen. You! You- just, you dropped everything we had, everything we ever built in New York and you disappeared. And it was Mickey, and you needed to be there and I got that, I get that, but you- you just left me there.â You grunt, biting back the swell of emotion that erupted when you thought about those years ago.Â
âYou became a ghost, and god,- you could have told me, after everything I thought we had- you could've told me! But then you didn't. And I was left to pick up the pieces, wondering if you had ever loved me, wondering if I should have given half of myself to you whilst you couldn't even call me backâ You stutter out, shocking back the onslaught of tears as you swallow around the lump in your throat.
Carmenâs face pales as he registers those years ago in New York, the immediate look of guilt and anguish twisting his features as he leans onto the wall for support.
Even after all these years, all this time, you still felt it like it was yesterday. All your work had become undone, the thin veil of healing had been stripped back to bare bones in an instant, and you hate it, you hate it so much. Why couldnât you have packed up and moved on? Why did you have to fold back into yourself at those memories? You don't know what you're seeking now, vengeance, restitution, it all becomes blurred in the heat of it, and god have you wanted to strip your skin and wake up restored since that night.
âYou ruined me for a year Carmen. I was a shell of myself because of you. And then you called me that afternoon and you know what? I wanted to throw my phone into the fucking Hudson. I wanted to rip my hair out and scream and hurt you like you hurt me because the truth was I already forgiven you before you even apologised. And you never did. And I still wanted to come back to Chicago for you.âÂ
âHoney-â Carmen's strained voice shudders at your words, and you can make out the red of his eyelids, the tears collecting at his lids.
You hold up a hand, stopping Carmen from speaking, tears begin to form at your waterline, threatening to break, your vision blurs, the features of Carmenâs tormented face becoming wobbly and undefined.Â
You were so sick of crying, you were so sick of it.
âAnd I wonât ever make you keep paying for a mistake for the rest of your life, I let go of that anger because you needed my help and in some way, I fell in love with you all over again, I was able to make peace with it.âÂ
âBut you don't think I know you Carmen? When you overwork yourself to death you can barely eat? When you get bad again at calling me? When you were good, you were the best person in my entire world, but when you're like this?â You shake your head into the empty space between you, hands waving in front of you.Â
Carmen looks torn apart, his hair falling flat against his forehead, his hands in tight fists as he shakes his head against your words. Begging, on his knees, begging for you to stop, to stop saying those things that came from your mouth that were not true. His body shakes with it, the gushing feeling of guilt, it washes over him in waves.
His mind is going a mile a minute, every thought of work, of that mismatched order he had to deal with, of the vendor who refused to deliver, it all went out the window the second your face contorted in that heart aching way. He can't lose you, every fiber in his being yearned for you, he lived for you. And here he was losing you, like a brush of paint across a canvas.
You were slipping from him every second you stood there with tears dripping down your cheeks like a stream.
âYouâre the one that's changed. You're the one who's always changing. Donât throw it back at me just because you canât see itâ You mutter with a shake of your head. Your voice carries a finality with it, and you jerk from Carmen when he takes a step towards you. You can't breathe in here, and you pass by the concerned gases of the rest of the Bear, shaking your head and moving away from Sydney, before dipping back into the busy streets of Chicago. You bite your tongue the entire way until the taste of copper fills your mouth.
Folding yourself into the huddled waves of mundanity, leaving your soup and the last bit of your aching heart on the bench of Carmen's office.
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