lj 🪽

LJ 🪽. eighteen plus + . joe keery & steve harrington enthusiast . writer . aries sun .

i've been wanting to write forever, and i'm hoping i can put my writing brain into some use!! I would

love to get some requests so i can start wracking my brain for some ideas!!

the library:

Night shift (steve harrington x reader) . coming soon!

I just want you to do me no good. 

Summary: A situationship with Steve Harrington was never easy, you knew that. You thought it would all be okay, but then you attend your first “King Steve” party. 

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem reader

Warnings: Tommy being Tommy, King Steve, situationship (I wanna die just writing that word) mentions of alcohol, slight cursing, hurt/comfort,angst,reader doubting herself, sexual innuendos.  (If i missed any, let me know!) 

Before you start:  Let me know if you see any mistakes, I didn’t fully proofread lol. I loved this request! Sorry it took so long! I would love some more requests as I try to get my big steve story started. Thank you & enjoy!! 3k words.

—

You would do anything for Steve. It was pathetic. Your friends knew it was pathetic, you knew it was pathetic, Steve probably knew it was pathetic , but seeing a smile from Steve directed at you was like a breath of fresh air. To know that you made him happy was a drug you couldn’t get off of. When you told your friends about it, they always asked what exactly you were. Girlfriend felt too formal of a word, friend felt too little, a casual fling felt like a boulder sitting heavy in your chest. 

You didn’t know exactly why the colors between classmates and lovers blurred, but you knew how easy it felt. You were helping him deep in the library with his project in English. You were asked by your teacher to help a failing student, and when Steve showed up in the library - he seemed above it all, above the failing grade, above you. You hated that feeling, but you knew it all too well. You hated to admit how charming he was. You would watch him in the hallways, the cafeteria, basketball games. You saw how utterly cocky he was when around people. How girls flocked to him, and then weeks later avoided him like the plague. You heard how good he was in the bedroom, and now, with him being so close to you, it made you blush just thinking about it.

You couldn’t remember the exact details, but you remember that smile, and the fleeting touches. The rest was history. You got drunk off of his charm, his attention, the way girls looked at you weird in the hallway when you and him were ‘too close for comfort.’ He never touched you when people were around, you knew he wouldn’t. You stopped asking yourself why a long time ago, accepting that what you had with him in private was so much better than being flaunted in public. You got rid of the romantic,wanting to be seen, side of you the moment he kissed you. You knew you could never get what you wanted - and that thought sat in your heart like a secret whisper, reminding you where you stood - reminding you that you were no different. 

Then that weekend changed everything. 

It was a Friday night, and at first, you tried to get your homework done. As you wracked your brain over flashcards upon flashcards, you heard a small tap on your window and you couldn’t help but smile. You were quick to let the boy in, you always were, and you knew you always would. You couldn’t let your brain think about how utterly pathetic you were for long, because then he kissed you, soft and slow, like you were everything he’s ever needed. Your brain seemed to stop working then, letting you fully envelop yourself into the boy in front of you. You pulled away for only a moment, but this didn’t stop him and he took the opportunity to kiss down your jaw. 

“Steve,” you murmured, running your hands across his shoulders and into his hair. “What are you doing here?” He pulled away then, his eyes searching yours, a furrow in his brow. “Can I not come see my favorite girl,” he teased, causing your breath to hitch in return. His favorite girl. Those words sat in your stomach, the butterflies that always seemed to erupt around him, erupting like a volcano. They moved up and settled in your chest. He had never said that before, and the thought caused your heart to stutter.  He moved to sit on your bed, pulling you in between his legs, his hands roaming the backs of your thighs. “Always,” you hummed, trying to keep your face neutral - the way you did every time he said something that made your common sense stutter. “But you’re always out on Fridays, you’re never here this early.” 

This made him pause for a second, you watched the gears in his brain turn as he thought of what to say. “I have a party tonight, in a couple hours,” He spoke slowly, looking up at you. “I was wondering if I'll see you there.” 

You watched his fingers trace the sides of your legs before finding solace in his eyes. He watched you silently. He wasn’t trying to pressure you - he never did. He just… asked. You saw the small hope fire in his eyes. You had never been to a party at his side before, never drinking in the attention of Steve in public. Given the chance to love him freely and openly. 

“Do you want me there,” you whispered, trying to mask the hope in your own voice. 

His answer almost came back too fast, “I do. Yeah I really do.” 

And then he kissed you slowly, the way that he knew drove you crazy. That was all it took. You repressed the warnings from your friends, the whispers of the people around you, the stories you’ve heard of King Steve’s parties. You pulled away slowly, your nose nudging against his. “Okay,” you said quickly, watching the smile form on his lips. That smug, crooked smile that made your stomach flutter. “I’ll go.” 

— 

After Steve left your  room, the silence was louder than before. 

You looked down at your bed, the dent in the comforter from where he sat, and you touched your warm lips - as if you could still feel his lips moving against them as he kissed you goodbye, a promise to see you in a couple hours. You could still hear his voice, the whisper of ‘I do’ floating through your brain. This should’ve been enough, a greenlight that he wanted you in his world, but it wasn’t. You were only reminded that Steve’s life was nothing like yours. It was shiny, filled with people that knew how to fill the space around him easily. 

Clothes were suddenly a problem. 

You wracked your brain, thinking of what could make yourself an accessory next to him, someone to be gawked at, someone that looked like they belonged in his shiny bubble. 

You tried again, muttering under your breath to get yourself together. You put on a pair of jeans you actually liked, a t-shirt that fit you perfectly. As you sat at your vanity, you took longer to do your makeup. You swiped off each attempt at eyeliner - reminding yourself that you weren’t there to look like you belonged, you were there for him. Steve wanted you the way you are - you just hoped you could accept that. You thought about earlier that night and  how Steve looked at you with utter adoration. 

That is what you held onto as you made the long drive to his house. 

As you arrived, you paused in the doorway, reminding yourself that you were there for him. For the boy who kissed you like it meant something. 

And you put one foot in front of the other and walked inside. 

The house was noticeably loud and crowded the moment you walked inside. You scanned the crowd before your eyes found Steve's, who was already - to your surprise - looking back at you. You watched his shoulders visibly relax, as if he was happier now that you were there. He flashed you that famous crooked smile before excusing himself and walking to where you stood. 

“There you are,” he spoke softly , a voice you realized was especially reserved for you. “I almost thought you weren’t coming.” You rolled your eyes, shaking your head as a smile curved onto your face, “And miss King Steve in his natural habitat, of course not.” You watched him flinch for a second, a mix of embarrassment and sorrow lace his eyes before he snapped out of it. His eyes raked over you  before reaching for your hand and leaning close to your ear. “You look good.. Like really good.” 

You felt his thumb brush over your fingers, making your face heat up. Before you could reply - a hand clapped on his shoulder, making him pull away  as if you’d stung him. You could tell it didn’t mean anything to him, but to you, it felt detrimental. 

“Steve,” A girl you barely recognized said loudly, squinting her eyes at the boy. “Are you gonna dance at your own party, or what?” 

Steve hesitated before looking back at you, “I’ll be right back. I promise.” 

You couldn’t respond with more than a nod before he walked away. You watched him disappear, the crown reappearing on his head - perfectly placed among his head of hair , almost as if it belonged. And it did. 

Minutes passed as you watched everyone swarm around him. He leaned into them, letting the girl place her hand on his bicep as she laughed at something he said. 

You stood and watched, drunk on everytime he looked over at you and smiled as if nothing was wrong. That was the worst part. His crooked smile flashing your way as if nothing was wrong before another person spoke to him , stealing his attention away. 

You shrunk into yourself, watching from afar at a life you could never have. This wasn’t your world. You didn’t know the rules. You didn’t know how to be shiny, flattering, or even bold enough to steal his attention from the people around him who fought for his attention. From a distance, Steve looked untouchable, perfectly at ease. 

As you stood there, a million thoughts swirling through your head at once, you saw a cup being offered to you by none other than Tommy Hagan. His own cup of beer sloshed dangerously close to the rim - a few droplets landing on the floor. You took the cup from him hesitantly, letting it occupy the space in your empty hands. 

Tommy silently followed your gaze, where Steve whispered something into a girl's ear, making her cheeks heat up as she let out a loud laugh. 

“It's crazy isn’t it,” he said casually, leaning against the counter behind you. 

You looked back at him then, your eyebrows furrowing. “What is?” 

He tilted his head at you as he stared, as if he was seeing right through you. All the ugly thoughts you were feeling deep in your bones. “Steve. Guy sure knows how to work a room huh.” 

You didn't reply, your eyes quickly moving down to the cup growing warm in your hand. 

Tommy chuckled at your silence, as if knowing he got to you - which he did. “You his date tonight or something,” He asked loudly when you stayed silent. 

“He invited me,” you said quietly, keeping your eyes on the sloshing beer in hand. 

“He invited everyone here. Difference is - you thought it meant something more,” He leaned closer before speaking again, his voice soft as if he was offering guidance. “Steve likes options. He liked knowing he can have anyone here if he simply asks.” 

His words hit you deep in your chest, and you mentally cursed yourself as you felt your eyes begin to burn. You glanced back to Steve without meaning to, watching as his eyes glance over to you for just a small, fleeting moment. 

You looked back at Tommy, shaking your head. “That’s not fair.” 

“Didn’t say it was sweetheart,” He spoke, the nickname causing a shiver up your spine in an uncomfortable, dangerous way. “My advice to you? Don’t wait for him to make up his mind and pick you. You may be a good fuck, but Steve is built for the crowds, he’ll never pick someone as long as there’s still a line of girls waiting to get the attention he’s giving you.” 

And before you could speak again, say something to your defense, he walked away, leaving you standing with a drink you didn’t want and a stomach bubbling with an ugly truth you weren’t ready to face. Your eyes flickered back to the boy in question, his eyes back on yours. He looked back at you as your bottom lip wobbled, tears burning your eyes at an alarming rate. You knew that if you stood there, staring at the boy you knew didn’t feel the same for much longer, you would end up crumbling. You shook off his stare before making your way outside, the light of the pool illuminating your face. You sat down at a pool chair, dumping the cheap beer in your hand into the grass. 

The music dulled to a distant thump behind the glass and brick, almost as if it belonged to another world entirely - and you were now realizing that it did. You wrapped your arms around yourself tightly, your chest becoming tight, air hard to breathe. You tried to stop the small tears that now raced out of your eyes and dripped down to your cheeks, but it was no use. Your harsh reality raced through your brain and settled somewhere ugly, somewhere angry. You cursed yourself. How stupid could you be? 

You pushed your fingers up against your eyes, begging the stinging to go away as you heard the sound of footsteps. 

“Hey.” 

You stiffened, the softness in his tone so familiar - as if you were still in your bedroom, away from people, away from all of this superficial bullshit you grew to despise. 

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” he spoke, as if it was obvious. And this made you laugh. A ugly, angry sputter that you couldn’t hold in. “Why do I find that hard to believe,” you snapped back, causing a jolt forward from Steve. He sat across from you, his elbows resting against his knees as he stayed silent for just a moment before speaking again, “Did Tommy say something to you?” 

You stayed quiet for a moment, your gaze fixed on anything but him, as if looking at him would make you revert back to your previous state, pleasing Steve. 

“Oh nothing,” you scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief as Tommy’s words rang in your brain. “Basically I’m just a good fuck to you and a placeholder for the next girl in your lineup.” 

“He’s full of shit,” Steve said - almost too quickly. You stood up at this, physically not letting yourself near the boy. You knew that if he moved closer, your whole facade would crack. You would go back to being the quiet put together girl you had been for months now, and you couldn’t - you just couldn’t. 

“Is he? Because where I was standing, waiting for you to talk to me all night, you seemed pretty comfortable,” You said, turning back to him, a look of surprise filling your senses at how fast he stood up after you. 

Silence stretched between you, the only movement being from Steve himself - who now was anxiously pacing and running his hands through his hair. You could physically see him coming up with a response, a way to fix what had now been broken. 

He steps closer to you, slower, as if you could break at any second. “I came after you didn’t I,” he spoke, tilting his head and gesturing towards the door. “I saw you. I came after you.” 

You shook your head, poking the inside of your cheek with your tongue, as if trying to stop yourself from saying too much, feeling too much. “Yeah after I left. After I embarrassed myself,” you spoke, your anger bubbling inside you, your voice growing louder. “I looked stupid in there! I sat there all night praying and hoping that King Steve would decide I was worth talking to. It was humiliating. You didn’t choose me in there, you followed me out here where no one can see us.” 

You watched the words hit him square in the chest, a large sigh escaping his mouth as if he was in disbelief. You hated this look on his face- hated that instead of seeing that infamous crooked smile, you were left with a sad, pained expression. 

“You think-” he started, his eyebrows furrowed and his voice cracking. “You think I don’t see you?” 

You bit down on your lip, looking back at the door, the music still echoing from inside. You closed your eyes for a moment before looking back into his eyes. “I think you see me when it’s easy,” You spoke slowly, softly. “I think you like it when it’s quiet, smaller, just us, easier. When there is no one watching, and you don’t have to put up a front for everyone else. I hate that I accept that that’s enough.” 

“I never asked you to be small,” He whispered, shaking his head. “I don’t want you to be small.” 

“I know,” you spoke in return, your bottom lip wobbling beyond control. “I know you didn’t. I volunteered because having you in the quiet is better than not having you at all.” Steve stared at you, disbelief etched in his expression, but he didn’t interrupt, he let you continue. “I hate having to see you in the hallway and not- and not hold you or kiss you. I hate watching you in there making another girl laugh and feel how I feel. I hate that I'm jealous over the girls who are bold enough, loud enough, shiny enough to catch your attention. I hate that I came here, knowing I would feel this way, but still coming anyway because being in the same room with you is better than sitting by myself and just thinking about you. I hate that I expected this to be different.” 

Steve moved closer, running his hand once through his hair. “I know,” He spoke, his voice lower than before. “I walk into a room with people who expect something from me, and I'm scared of letting them down. If i’m not this crazy outgoing guy, no one's gonna want to be around me anymore and I just… vanish. I play along because it’s easier than fighting it.” 

You stayed silent for a second before the anger rose back inside of you. “If I keep doing this with you, I will disappear." 

The silence between you once again feels ugly. You watch him take a step back as if you punched him in the gut. He bites down on his cheek, his hands moving into fists, his knuckles turning white. 

“I know what I want,” He whispered, loud enough for you to hear, but small enough for it to feel personal, intimate. “I just don’t know how to let myself have it.” 

“Then I don’t know what you want from me Steve,” The way you spoke felt final. “I can’t keep loving you in private and then sitting here, humiliating myself for just a smile from across the room. If you can’t see that you’re hurting me, then I need to walk away.” 

You stood there, both of you, staring at the other and waiting for them to move, as if neither of you were strong enough to walk away. And then something in Steve’s face breaks and he nods. He turns his gaze away from you and back towards the house. He stays still for a moment before walking inside. 

And for the second time tonight, you feel your chest cave in. Everything hits you at once and you can't help but finally let your tears fall. Nothing will be the same, and you hate that ugly part of you that wishes you never came tonight, wishes you could’ve sat on your bed and never let him leave your room. You’ve lost the softest, calmest moments with the boy you loved, and you hated yourself for ever speaking up in the first place. 

And then it hits you. The sound of the music has stopped, the loud groans, someone calling Steve's name, and the protests from inside. You look back towards the house just as the door opens, just as Steve walks back out to face you. 

“It’s over,” He says, and you swear you feel your heart break again. 

“You don’t have to come out here and push it in my face again Steve, I get it,” You murmur, too broken to let yourself get angry again. 

“No,” he snaps. “I told them all to leave.” 

You let out a scoff, rolling your eyes at the boy. “You didn’t have to do that Steve.” 

“Yes,” He says firmly, stepping back into the pool lights, stepping back to you. “I did.” You don’t speak, your brain thinking a thousand different thoughts per second. “I don’t want you in just the quiet. I want all of you. I want to give you all of me. I want the quiet, I want the loud, and I want to show you off because that’s what you deserve. I’m so sorry for not giving you what you deserve sweetheart.” 

You stay silent for another moment, disbelief and fear gripping to you like a shield. For a moment you feel like you're dreaming before he steps closer again, reaching out for your hand. He doesn’t ask, He doesn't try and pressure you, He just hopes. 

And then you smile, your hand reaching out for him. “I want that,” you spoke, your smile growing wider across your face. “There’s my girl,” He cooes, finally shooting you the smile that drives you crazy. 

“I want to make this right. Please let me make this right,” He spoke again, tilting his head and looking at you, really looking at you. 

“Ok,” You said, as if it was final.