* GENTLE / KIND !

❝ i’ve always known i liked girls and boys. as a kid, i didn’t really know that it wasn’t – well, normal, i guess. i’d crush on the pretty girls who’d compliment my drawings, just like i’d crush on the goofy boys who joked with me when i was sad. ❞

 ❝ i kissed a girl for the first time maybe two weeks before ericson’s. her name was jennifer, and she sat in front of me in math class and had hair that smelled like peaches. ❞ sophie spoke fondly of the girl, an airy tone to her voice as she thought back to jenny.

she wondered if jenny was still alive. hell, would she even remember her? she wasn’t too sure. ❝ and, somehow, i still didn’t know that bisexual was a thing! i only found out about it when i got here, during some late-night talks with the others. god, i thought minnie was gonna die laughing when she realized i’d never heard it before. ❞

anybody get those sudden feelings like theyre worthless/annoying? cause i just got hit with that again.

i dunno, guess im just realizing stuff about myself again? cool, cool.

i really should just go back on hiatus or something i just really feel like i don’t belong again, or like im intruding on other peoples source of joy and ruining it for em

      ❝ …fuckin’ hell… ❞ It’s soft, unable to really throw out any volume to it like his normal statements ; yeah, he’d asked for him to strike him like that, but the sheer fact he would actually go for it had him shocked, left unable to breathe for a moment. Most people understand that Mitch isn’t someone who you can idly strike with foul intentions anymore, but that guy didn’t seem to take the memo – and that bugged him beyond a doubt.

       No, what fucked him up was that the strike was hard – so freaking hard that it brought back memories… Fifteen year old Mitch could still hear the damned screams, the thrown strikes, the pain as it brought his eyes to tears and his heart to shreds – 

       NO NO NO NO NO! He wouldn’t do this, not now. ❝ It’s just a damn slap to the face, Soph. It’ll pass over me in about ten minutes. ❞ A tad defensive, but who could blame him? Mitch wasn’t the type to show vulnerability for too long, not even when it came to funerals or mourning…

uh--oh.   the   concern   was   back.

this   was   certainly   the   quietest   she’d   ever   seen   mitch   --   despite   his   assurance   that   he   was   okay,   she   got   the   slightest   feeling   that   maybe   it   wasn’t.

but   he   seemed   determined   not   to   admit   it,   and   she   wasn’t   about   to   force   it   out   of   him.   that’d   just   do   more   harm   than   good   here,   she   could   just   tell.

clearing   her   throat,   sophie   folded   her   arms,   blue   eyes   staying   focused   on   his   face.    ❝ --- okay. ❞   she   mumbled,   keeping   herself   quiet   as   well,   trying   to   make   sure   they   drew   no   attention   from   the   rest   of   the   group.   she   shifted   awkwardly   on   her   feet,   forcing   her   smile   to   return.

“I mean, like – kinda?” Troy snorted, watching with amusement as this ginger girl approached him. It wasn’t like he could deny the feeling of superiority he had over misbehaving brats - but that was just part of Troy as a person, really. It had nothing to do with Bitch, er, Mitch.

“The fuck you gonna do about it?”

for   the   splittest   of   split   seconds,   the   defiance   had   drained   from   sophie’s   face,   replaced   by   a   quick   doe   in   headlights   look.

the   fuck   was   she   going   to   do   about   it?

she   wasn’t   exactly   much   of   a   fighter,   and   it   wasn’t   like   she   could   art   this   guy   to   death   (   although,   how   cool   would   that   be??   ).   she   stood   in   thought   for   a   moment,   fingers   curled   into   a   fist,   before   she   straightened   herself   up,   glaring   at   him.   

❝   something.   ❞   

that’ll   definitely   scare   him,   not.   she   shut   her   eyes   tight,   shaking   her   head.      ❝   you   know,   people   don’t   just   sit   around   and   watch   as   the   people   they   care   for   get   hurt.   ❞

❝   you   probably   wouldn’t   know   that,   actually.   you   don’t   strike   me   as--   as   someone   who   has   people   who   care   for   them.   ❞   saying   mean   things,   even   to   a   person   like   him,   still   sent   a   feeling   of   unease   down   sophie’s   spine.   she   didn’t   like   it,   but   she   couldn’t   just   sit   back   and   expect   karma   to   sort   itself   out.   sometimes,   being   mean   was   the   right   thing   to   do.

❝ are   you   sure? ❞   sophie   asked,   voice   in   a   low   whisper,   a   look   of   concern   painting   her   features.   her   eyes   scanned   his   face,   fingers   delicately   reaching   out   to   touch   the   affected   area   --   even   though   his   hand   is   covering   it,   she   finds   her   touch   grazing   against   the   back   of   his   hand,   trying   to   figure   out   the   best   way   to   comfort   him.

he   doesn’t   exactly   seem   like   the   kind   of   person   to   like   being   comforted.   

sophie   sighed,   letting   her   hands   fall   back   to   her   sides,   heart   heavy   with   sympathy.      ❝ you   can   tell   me   if   you   aren’t,   you   know. ❞ 

❝ hey--   asshole! ❞   sophie   shouted   at   the   man,   blue   eyes   narrowed   in   fury   --   although   she   wasn’t   exactly   sure   where   she   was   going   with   her   confrontation.   sophie   wasn’t   one   to   get   physical,   even   in   situations   like   this.   but   she   still   stared   defiantly   at   this   man,   hoping   that   if   she   looked   like   she   might   hit   back,   he’d   back   off.   

❝ stop   telling   me   that   everything   will   be   okay. ❞

sophie’s   fingers   trembled   as   they   drummed   against   the   tabletop,   her   breath   hitching   as   she   tried   to   calm   herself   down.  

she,   for   the   most   part,   had   gotten   used   to   that   pain,   that   anger   that   came   with   her   trauma.   she   would   get   into   these   moods,   these   harsh   episodes   where   she’d   just   blow   up   at   the   littlest   of   things,   and   cry   at   practically   anything   that   came   at   her.  

mitch,   unfortunately,   just   happened   to   be   on   the   receiving   end   of   her   pain   today.

she   always   would   try   and   avoid   people   during   these   moods   --   she’d   lock   herself   away   in   her   room,   dead   to   the   world   until   the   pain   went   away.   but   it   wasn’t   going   away   this   time.   it   just...   kept   hurting.  

was   it   supposed   to   still   hurt   like   this?   be   so   raw,   so   painful?   if   the   adults   were   still   here,   they’d   know   what   to   do   with   her.   how   to   make   that   hurt   go   away.   they   had   helped   her   get   through   her   parents,   but   now   there   was   no   one   to   take   the   delta   away   from   her.   she   just   had   to..   deal   with   it   on   her   own,   she   supposed.

she   wasn’t   sure   how   to   do   that.

her   idea   of   dealing   with   things   was   to   ignore   them,   if   she   were   honest.   it’s   much   too   difficult   to   talk   about   the   things   she’d   been   through,   especially   to   the   other   kids.   what   if   they   saw   her   different?   sure,   they   already   did,   but   she   couldn’t   handle   it   if   they   did   any   more   than   necessary.  

she   lifted   her   shaky   hands   from   the   table,   pressing   them   to   her   face   as   she   blinked   back   the   sadness   in   her   eyes.      ❝ because   it   isn’t   okay,   and--   and   it   won’t   be.   there’s   no   point   in   lying   to   me   when   i   already   know   the   truth. ❞