Princely Beast of Thunder

Lord, grant me the strength to throw away this box that i'll never use, the courage to throw away this box that i'll never use, and the wisdom to throw away this box that i'll never use

(to the tone of creep by radiohead) but i'm asleep. on mypillow

it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning

@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast - this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.

this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun

Been reading The Poppy War and I swear to god if Nezha is the love interest I will be sooo unhappy

Ch 11 update: nothing with that guy but if anything happens to Jiang or Kitay I will be SO UPSET

>:(

Been reading The Poppy War and I swear to god if Nezha is the love interest I will be sooo unhappy

Ch 11 update: nothing with that guy but if anything happens to Jiang or Kitay I will be SO UPSET

happy pride month!!

why did i say that

happy pride month

extra crazy to see people swinging so hard for big corporate copyright lawsuits on tumblr dot com tbh. alright girl whateverrrrr, I hope the lawyers come for your favorite fan artist next if you're so in favor of it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

you're all frothing at the mouth for a queer climate activist getting sued now but oooh just wait until you can't order astarion keychains and baby yoda plushies and whatever the fuck else off etsy anymore

I guess in light of all the feedback I've been receiving tonight I'm going to turn over a new leaf and become a good citizen who defends copyright law. first up is snitching out the nice lady at the local farmers market who sells crochet pokemon plushies, I want to see nintendo sue that cunt into the ground