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Caterina Valente’s Christmas cards were the stuff of legend. While the rest of us were scrambling to write “Merry Christmas & Happy New Year” for the hundredth time, Caterina was busy creating miniature works of comedic or artistic genius. Getting her holiday greeting was like winning the cultural lottery.

Then came the 2012 card.

To set the scene: Caterina, living in beautiful California, absolutely adored the otherworldly landscape of Joshua Tree National Park. So, for her 2012 holiday video, she thought, “Why not send my love from this magical place?” She filmed herself amidst the iconic, twisty trees under a vast desert sky, sending heartfelt wishes.

It was serene. It was artistic. It was… a beautiful, heartfelt tribute to U2’s legendary 1987 album *The Joshua Tree*, mirroring its iconic cover art. A little nostalgic, a little rock ‘n’ roll—classic Caterina.

The press, however, apparently fresh out of music history degrees, took one look and decided the narrative was far less cool. The headlines essentially read: **“SINGING LEGEND SPOTTED YELLING AT CACTI: HAS SHE FINALLY LOST THE PLOT?”**

The public consensus seemed to be that Caterina had simply wandered into the desert, and the crew had kindly followed her with a camera for safety reasons.

So today, we present to you the *real* 2012 Caterina Valente Holiday Special: not a cry for help, but a rockstar desert homage filled with genuine cheer. May your holidays be as uniquely wonderful and unexpectedly cool as this card was meant to be.

Enjoy the video, and consider yourself officially up to date

Do you think I look like I'm from [name place]?

Hey, why do not we just sit down with what we heard?

We do not have to be constantly entertained, do we?

All right, yours is the worst of all lives, you win.

Oh, are you angry now? Because I wanted to listen to music?

Nobody asks you to be perfect! You only think of yourself.

I want to go where the culture is, like [name place].

Do not expect everyone to do everything for you!

We are afraid of not being loved, we will not be loved..

Do not worry, I will not win.

They have auditions for the fall musical!

How am I a senior without knowing we have this?

I am in love with this neighborhood.

If I lived here, I would have my wedding in the garden.

Your parents would pay for your tuition?

My mother thinks I can not come in, but she is wrong.

These are vintage leather jacket. They do not support the industry.

Your [brother/sister/sibling] does not love me.

Did you know that Alanis Morisette wrote this song in just ten minutes?

I need your help with the application for financial assistance. But mom can't know.

I do not want to argue before I have to.

See you mom, I love you.

Oh my God. Embarrassing! I use that!

I gave it to myself. It's given. For me, by me.

I do not even know how I was caught for this role.

It's probably my only chance.

It's only three dollars. I have a difficult week.

That's what the rich do. We are not rich.

Do you come here often?

I just wanted to say what's going on and I'll see you in rehearsal.

I am super excited. Do you live in the neighborhood?

Oh, it's her! I have to go, goodbye guys!

You'll have to show me how to use them.

Hey! I just remembered that I dreamed of you!

I do not understand why I'm not good at math, my dad is really good at maths.

Hey! Do you want to Dance?

Oh no, my mother is coming.

Hey, [name]. Have you ever left the country?

I never left the country. It's my dream to go to Paris.

My mother said that French was not useful.

Why do you care what I do to my clothes?

Do you need him to come explain that?

Can we talk about it tomorrow, please?

Have you ever fallen asleep without having tidy up all your clothes?

My mother is still angry. It does not matter if I come home late.

Yeah, she is hard on me but she loves me a lot.

I know … It's just that I respect you too much for that.

Why did not you just say "pick up your feet"?

You were passively aggressive!

Your house is my favorite throughout [place name].

Why does this cigarette look so weird?

Your mother was really sad that you were not in the Thanksgiving.

Wow! You were so good. I could not believe my eyes.

Fucking shit! There's a line in the men's room!

How did you know it was me?

Do you need money for applications?

I have that, the summer jobs take care of it.

Can you drive me to the post office on [street name]?

Hey! I do not pay you to flirt!

Yeah, sex is not a problem, it's just that my mom called during sex!

I do not know why you do that if you're old.

She is with her new best friend. She thinks she's too cool for the theater.

Yeah, I know that one! You want to go there and eat?

We were in a parking lot and we went to another car park.

I hope not, because I will kill your family. .. Sorry, it was an exaggeration.

Yeah, I know. I mean, you'll get one eventually. Everyone will have one.

She is not crazy, but she has a big heart. She is very warm.

Kiss my ass. Can not you tell anyone, please?

I'm sorry for everything. I am so ashamed of all that.

It's going to be hard and I just need some time to …find out how I'm going to tell my parents.

Who do you turn to when you feel that?

No, no, do not be sorry. There is no wrong answer.

It's half an hour from here! Less if you drive fast!

You are really evil. What's wrong with you?

My parents are upstairs, but they do not care if you drink.

I do not like money. So, I try to live by bartering alone.

I have not slept with another person yet.

This is the only place where I can have some privacy.

You can not do anything unless you're the center of attention, can you?

Just because something looks ugly does not mean it's morally wrong.

I did not want to.. make [him/her/them] feel horrible ..

You think I do not know, how much are you ashamed of me?

It's like.. you think whatever you have given me, it's never enough.

You give me a number to know how much it costs to raise me, and I will grow old and earn a lot of money and send back what I owe you, so that I never have to talk to you again.

Why did you say it was your house?

I do not even understand why anyone would lie about it.

Are we still friends?

I guess we'll meet again later.

Oh, shit, I have nosebleeds. I'm sorry.

Nothing you say makes sense.

Why do not you keep a list? Are we in high school?

Why are you so moody?

It's stupid. You can not blame me for something I have no control of.

Shut up, shut up. Different things can be sad.

A lot of things have happened for you!

I know, but that's why I think that with me you'll find something else.

What is supposed to happen next?

Of course, I think I'm paying attention.

Do not you think it might be the same? Love and attention?

Why do not I look like girls in magazines?

It's not my boyfriend anymore. He may have never been.

It's too tight. Fucking shit!

Mom! You give me an eating disorder!

Why can not you say I'm pretty?

I thought you did not care what I thought.

I still want you to find me beautiful.

I'm sorry, I told you the truth. Do you want me to lie?

I wish you would like me.

I want you to be the best version of yourself.

And what if this is was the best version of me?

I guess it's my date.

Yeah, okay. No prom.

Ok, yeah, I mean, I do not really want to do that.

What happened? Why are you crying?

Some people are not built happy you know?

I will not be here this summer. Like all summer, basically.

I'm not going anywhere in college, and it seemed like a good opportunity.

I'll miss you, damn.

You went through the scene strangely, but you did it.

Did you discover the waiting list?

I'm not even in it yet, It may not even be a problem.

Sorry, I should not have done that in your back.

You're not a little proud that …I am so close to entering? Just a little bit?

I'm sorry, I know I can lie and not be a good person, but..

I did not want to hurt you. I appreciate everything you did for me, I am thankless and sorry, ..I'm sorry to want more than this life.

I know, I know I'm so bad that I know it, but please, talk to me.

You both have such strong personalities.

She does not know how to help you and that frustrates her.

It's my birthday today. I'm 18 years old.

Thank you for driving me. Do you want to come?

Yes, but I'm going to college.

Excuse me. What day is it?

That's the name you gave me. It's a good name.

Have you ever vanished in plain sight,

stood breathing in a room

and still felt like an echo

no one turned toward?

Have you ever spoken carefully, honestly,

only to watch your words fall

like snow into a river—

there, and then not?

Have you ever wondered

if something in you is invisible by design,

as if the world were trained

to notice only your flaws—

the weight, the sadness, the quiet strangeness—

and miss the patience in your hands,

the gentleness in your listening,

the way you carry other people’s pain

so they don’t have to?

Depression does not always scream.

Sometimes it kneels.

Sometimes it waits.

Sometimes it lives behind the eyes

while the mouth keeps saying I’m fine.

It is not sorrow alone—

it is the slow forgetting of how it feels

to be chosen,

to be heard,

to be wanted without conditions.

I have known what it is

to speak and not be answered.

To reach and meet air.

To be surrounded and still abandoned.

They hear noise, not need.

They see inconvenience, not ache.

They call it quietness, moodiness, distance—

anything but what it is:

a person asking, without words,

to matter.

There are days the world feels muffled,

as though my voice must travel through water

to reach another soul.

Days when I am certain

I could disappear entirely

and be remembered only

for the ways I disappointed.

Not for the care.

Not for the love.

Not for the effort of staying.

And yet—

if you are reading this,

if something in you tightened or softened

at these lines,

then you know this feeling too.

You know what it is to be unseen

where it hurts most.

You know the exhaustion of explaining yourself

to ears already decided against listening.

So let me say this plainly,

without metaphor,

without performance:

you are not wrong for wanting to be heard.

You are not weak for needing to be loved.

And you are not alone in this quiet suffering,

even when it feels endless.

If you need to reach out—

not for answers,

not for fixing—

but simply to be witnessed,

to be met where you are—

you can reach out to me.

I will listen.

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It sits in me, steady as breath.

I don’t reach for you anymore,