courage is grace under pressure

basics. 

full name: Stefania Roma Di Natale nickname(s): Stef, Steffi, NIa d.o.b. / age: January 5th, 1996 / 25 gender: Cis female pronouns: She / Her nationality: Italian sexuality: Heterosexual  relationship status: Single hometown: Cantania, Sicily, Italy occupation: High School English Teacher children: Nora (5 yo) pets: Tazo (English Cocker Spaniel)

I’m here. By the maple tree.

Stef stood under the tree every day to pick the little girl up, knowing that it was safe to allow Nora to find her there. It was their routine, and she wished to share a bit of their life with Jess as much as he had wanted. 

Her breath faltered in the cool winter air; her turtleneck making her feel claustrophobic all of the sudden. It had been a few days of Stef recoiling her thoughts about how their meeting had gone. After discussing the conversation with Alessandro, she wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about the situation at hand. It felt like she was giving up a part of herself that she had kept hidden for a reason. 

Her eyes narrowed at her phone, wondering if the man had forgotten. Maybe he had gotten cold feet all of the sudden, not wanting this as much as he had previously vowed to Stef as they sat in the coffee shop. Her heart sank at the feeling of disappointment; could he have just not wanted Nora as much as she hoped he would’ve? 

As the doors to the small school opened, her eyes stretched around the perimeter, finally landing on someone that looked familiar to her. A bit of her breathing caught in her throat as she closed the jacket around her a bit tighter. “Hey, friend,” She found the smile on her lips to be more real. “I wasn’t sure that you were going to make it. I’m glad you decided to.” Her eyes moved back to the school, “School lets out at three thirty, but kindergarten comes out last.” 

LOCATION: Anywhere public tbh  STATUS: open | @kingsheadstarters

She had been perusing emails from the wedding planner that she had been avoiding for the past week or so since she had realised she needed to take a trip back to Rhode Island. It wasn’t exactly her idea of fun, but her fiancé had insisted on seeing the town she had grown up in. She frowned down at one in particular, before turning to the nearest person to her and turned the phone screen to show them three shades of ivory that looked too similar to her to tell. “Uh, excuse me do these look the same to you? I’ve been staring too long, they literally look the same to me.” 

Taking a sip of her wine at the table, it hadn’t occurred to Stefania that there had been any more conversation until Pippa started to speak again. Questions about the wedding seemed to be in Stef’s wheelhouse of opinion; she loved an event, wedding’s in particular had been her favorite. Who didn’t love a good marriage ceremony? “They absolutely look different,” Stef paused, taking a better view of the phone to give her unsolicited advice. “The one on the left has a more neutral beige tone, while the one in the middle has a bit of a bluer tone. I would say that the one on the right has the most neutral ivory shade, but you’d have to see them in person to really get a sense for what you want.” Her eyes lifted back to the blonde, “A neutral taupe would look better on your warm skin tone and blonde hair, tesoro.”

The situation itself was more confounding than he wanted to admit. He trusted his sister to make the right choice when it came to her comfort and Nora’s best interest, but in the same vein he didn’t know why he couldn’t bring himself to trust Jesse’s sudden change of heart. He wasn’t blind to seeing his name popping up here and there on posts about Nora, sometimes he’d even seen it on solo selfies of Stefania, and that in itself caused an easy brow to raise. “Isn’t it fine to be that way when you’ve been the sole caretaker for as long as Nora’s been breathing?” Aless shot back to her, trying his best to keep himself level and even.

 It wasn’t Stef that was creating the tension that was brewing in his mind but it was more so trying to figure out Jesse’s ulterior motive. There had to be one didn’t there? Did the kid want money? Did he want to just stroll in and give it an honest go just to get Nora’s hopes up and leave her in the dust? Either way, Aless loved his niece more than anything and he would sooner take any bullet of hurt from her before watching her go through it. Not when she was still so small, so sweet, and unassuming. It seemed that the siblings were on the same page as Stefania had brought up extra motives, what if he wanted custody? “He can take Nora when I’m dead and buried six feet under.” Aless said, a bit a dramatic, but true. 

The thought of not having Nora around as much was creating a new view he’d never had to face before. It’d always been his family and Nora, no one else. Even if Stefania didn’t feel she resented him, Aless could feel some form of resentment. “Stef, are you forgetting this is the same man who told you not to go through with the pregnancy?” Aless spoke quieter now, just in case their mother had decided to check in on them. “Or maybe you’re just slightly more forgiving than I am, but to me, he doesn’t have much ground to stand on besides the fact that biologically yes, Nora is a part of him. But she doesn’t have whatever his values might be, we don’t know if might have gotten his mannerisms just from her genetic make up alone, I just-” He ran his hands through his hair. 

This was much more frustrating than he could have ever imagined. The heaviness that Stefania had said she was starting to feel was one that Aless understood, one he couldn’t blame her for. At best, he could only suggest the following, “Introduce him as a friend first, and if they get on that’s great. But when you’re ready, and if you feel like it’s time, you can tell her who he is. I just don’t think I would go in guns blazing, not when she’s so aware.” Aless said. 

There was a lot of reasoning that Stef hadn’t even begun to dig through. That’s possibly why she kept Aless around-- he asked the questions that Stef didn’t want to ask herself. “Yes, but--” She paused to take a deeper breath, wanting to stabilize herself before answering him. “Of course I know what’s right for my daughter, but there are also aspects of her life that I can’t be selfish about. I know that there has been unfairness in my life, but I can’t continue to make her life unfair either. She deserves to have a father.” After she spoke, the air seemed to be settled outside of her lungs. Her heart raced out of her chest as she held onto the side of the counter, her fingers clutching gently to hold herself up. 

“Aless, don’t.” Stef huffed, her head starting to pound just from the conversation that they were having. It seemed to her that there was a lot of push and pull in their talks, but something about this one felt a lot different thatn prior. “Please don’t bring that into this. It didn’t matter if he said that or not, Nora was meant to be here and I don’t fault him for saying that.” Aless had known the conversations that were had in relation to Stef not having Nora, but she felt that it was a low blow to even consider the fact. 

That was always the piece that Stef didn’t even want to bring up. Nora was here now. It didn’t matter what any man or family member has said when they found out that Nora was conceived; that was never an option in her mind. She was healthy, she was beautiful, and she was the light of her entire existence. Now. There was no room for Stef to think about her not being here, nor what Jess’ mindset was five years ago. 

It started to feel more confusing than safe. At this point, Stef didn’t really know where to start. She knew that Jess would most likely have an answer-- well, at least an explanation, considering he had been the one to contact her. In the same breath, she couldn’t seem to focus in on what he would have to say and why it would matter to her at this point in time. Nora was grown up-- well, she was five. But she would know more than she gave her credit for, especially if the man continued to come around. They would have to be strategic about it. The problem was, Stef hadn’t seen Jess in the same amount of time, and building these scenarios in her head made her question everything at once. Custody, parenting, I’m sorry’s. “I don’t even know him. I don’t know how this is going to work out-- she’ll know I’m lying.”

Stef rested her head against her brother’s chest, her forehead narrowing down towards the floor. “I can’t do this. I’m going to ruin her life. She’s going to blame me one way or another.” Wrapping her arms around his torso, she melted into him. “What if he becomes the favorite?”

Bracing his arms together as they folded into the other, Aless listened as his sister spoke on the situation. Already he could sense what her feelings were on the sentence she’d just spoke, “It’s not selfish to feel that something is unjust,” Aless reminded her, though he knew he had to let the emotions settle on their own in her mind, even as a slow burning anger boiled through his own. It was one thing to want to come back into Stefania’s life, to earn back her trust, but it was a different playing field when it came to involving Nora. Nora who had never once questioned why her father wasn’t around the same way their father, Tommas had been for them. Nora, who was more than content to be with her mother and her Zio. There were very few in the world that Aless would fight tooth and nail for, but the little girl with brunette curls and her mothers likeness thank god, he remembered holding onto her the very first month she was in the world and feeling the guttural sense to protect her always. 

Had Jesse ever decided to just hold her for a moment, maybe he would have had that sense, but the man never showed. Time and time again, it replayed in his mind how his sister told him very simply that the man wanted nothing to do with the pregnancy, what his suggestion had been, simply to eliminate Nora out of the world. People had their choices, and he would have supported her no matter what she had chosen, but now that he knew Nora, loved Nora, there was no doubt that the very thought of her not existing here and now sparked a pang in his chest he didn’t ever want to feel. So how dare Jesse now try to insert himself when there was a time he’d wished her gone? People could change, Aless knew that, but from his perspective there were so many unforgivable things. 

The Di Natale’s however were the forgiving type, which was why when Stefania went on about not knowing what to do, how the years she’d spent with Nora not felt like it was about to be ripped from her, but he couldn’t help but shake his head as he finally braced his hands on his sisters shoulders. “You spent five glorious years with that little girl and raised her on your own volition. You don’t need him to tell you how to continue to do what you’ve done with ease.” Aless began. “But if he wants a soap box to stand on to speak his peace, let him. It doesn’t mean it has to be an automatic yes.” He understood then how much of it was spinning her world upside down and he had to say, “She’s yours, Stefania. Every bit of you. He helped sure, but just in making her and nothing else.” 

This moment in particular had been in the back of Stef’s mind since Nora was born. Of course this would have happened eventually, she could have seen it coming from a mile away. But, in the same breath, she wondered why she hadn’t heard from Jess in so long-- sure, there had been a few interactions online with photos and posting’s that she’d had, but nothing outstanding that would have led her to believe that this man was ready for what he was asking. “It feels selfish to feel that way when I know that Nora will accept him and find it in her heart to love him. The innocence of a child is in my hands, and I can’t seem to let go of that.” It had taken Stef so long to recognize that Aless and her father were all that her little girl needed as far as positive male role models. What would happen when she let someone in that she hadn’t fully trusted? She had to trust her own gut to make those decisions, but she couldn’t seem to find it in herself to do such a thing so easily. “What if he has an ulterior motive? What if he-- I don’t know, wants custody?”

Having a family had always been the plan. A dream, really. It was nights like these at her parents that started to make her feel overwhelmed with the idea that she had simply given up her own young adulthood to bask in watching her own little one grow. It felt like she had to prove herself to her family constantly to show how capable she was; she wasn’t just the baby of their family anymore, which had an odd feeling to it. When she looked for her brothers approval, his guidance, she could feel all that she had learned for herself starting to slip away and back into the feeling of needing someone else to guide her towards what she wanted. Her goal all along had been to be self-sufficient, and when she felt at her lowest, it felt that that goal hadn’t truly been accomplished and continued to be harder to grasp. 

Hearing Aless explain her feelings seemed to be a bit soothing to her. It didn’t sit right to have the man get off that easy, but what Aless had been saying was right. Maybe she just needed to hear him out. “I feel that it’s so hard to continue to have these feelings of resent when I don’t really know if I truly resent him,” She pushed the hair out of her face, her palms covering her temples. “Tutto sembra così pesante all'improvviso. Non so come uscirne.” Maybe those words that he spoke seemed to hit the hardest for her. He wasn’t even a part of her life in any sense of the world-- if Nora saw him, she wouldn’t know him. Maybe that bothered her in a more angry sense. 

Her shoulders settled as he held them, her hands dropped to her sides in a bit of defeat as she felt more limp against the countertop. “Everything had just been easy so far, it’s just been us. She’s happy, she doesn’t have a worry in the world. I can care for her,” The words started to feel a bit like they were coming out faster than she wanted, “I don’t want someone to come in and mess that up. I’ve proven to be strong without a partner for her, and I don’t want her to think that anything has changed.” 

Jess watched her face carefully. Law school had helped him hone his craft– how to read subtle nuances, how to remain one step ahead at all times. Watching her face, he studied her features for every muscle twitch, every blink, every time her eyes moved away from his. He tensed, finding doubt and mistrust on her face, and readied himself for battle. It wasn’t as though he didn’t think he’d earned every ounce of it.

He just needed a chance to prove to her that he was good for it. And he was willing to fight for that the best way he knew how. Arguing.

But then her words slammed into him, and he was sure if he hadn’t been sitting, he would have been sent staggering back. He’d thought about all the things he’d missed, all the milestones of Nora that had passed him by. Her first laugh, her first words, her first steps. All those big milestones that parents wax poetic about. 

He’d never considered all the little things. A fever in the middle of the night, frantic pacing while they waited for it to break. A boo-boo that a kiss could fix. Holding her hand in a parking lot. Watching her laugh and learn and interact with the world around her. 

Those little things suddenly felt like everything. 

“I moved here,” he confessed suddenly. “I left my job, my friends, my life. I left everything behind. Before I talked to you about it. Because I’m willing to fight for it. I know it shouldn’t have taken me this long to do it, but I’m here now.” He leaned across the table, his gaze intense and probing her to see him. “I’m here now.”

A few seconds had passed as Stef tried to register the words that had passed through her ears. Kings Head had always been a place of comfort for her, which is why she decided to stay there instead of housing back in Italy with the rest of her family-- other than her brother, of course. Now, it had started to feel a little more claustrophobic. 

“You moved here,” Her words mirrored his, less of a question and more of a statement. An audible sigh crossed her lips as she shook her head a little bit, trying to keep the headache from settling between her eyes. “Jess, this isn’t--,” She cut herself off, listening to his plea, wanting so, so badly for it to work in her favor. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much she would be able to do at this point, knowing he was already there. This may have been the symbol of naïveté that she had watched elders such as her mama and Nonna fall for in the past at the face of men, but this was different.

“Being here now doesn’t make up for then, Jess,” Their gaze only intensified by the fact that Stef wasn’t one to back down in defeat. It was possibly a great thing that Aless didn’t know what Jess looked like well enough to recognize him, especially if he was here in town. Nora deserved to have this relationship in her world, but Stef knew that it would have to be a forever thing-- never a convenience. Loving Nora was going to be forever, not just when it was on Jess’ terms.

It hadn’t exactly struck her until she felt the words parting from her lips, “Come with me to pick Nora up from school tomorrow. She gets out at three,” Stef licked her lips, her stomach doing incredible flips underneath her ribs. “I don’t want her to know anything, okay? As far as she knows, you’re just her mom’s friend. It stays that way until I saw otherwise.” She sipped at her drink again, the coolness a stark difference from when it was hot. “Let’s just see how a few hours go.”

There was a stillness to Stefania’s features, one that Aless had seen time and time again, but never disclosed to the rest of their family. She was the youngest and conveyed herself as the fearless one, but in truth, he knew his sister had her share of fears, she just had a better poker face than most of their family combined. He canted his head to the side, watching her gaze peer over at Nora an indiscernible look on her face. Had she even realized she was clenching her fists? That must have been a Di Natale trademark in itself. “Mio piccolo amore,” Aless whispered, if only to get her concentration back onto him. 

This was a surprise in itself he was sure, considering how Nora’s father had never voiced any interest in her before and now all of the sudden he wanted to meet? Aless could feel his blood boiling, but he kept it to a medium. What he wanted to tell her to do was to block the number and they would simply ship Nora out to Italy forever. But he knew deep down that wouldn’t have been the right move, it was a selfish one at best. Of course the main thing would be to do right by Nora, but as he looked over at his niece, he couldn’t help but feel his nerves brewing as he thought of how things would turn slightly on its head if suddenly her Papa was just here existing.  

“It’s a tough call,” Aless admitted. He ushered Stefania to follow him into the kitchen to give them some privacy in the subject at hand. “So you meet him at the coffee shop, you hear what he has to say, and then make the decision from there yeah? Whatever it is he wants to talk about by the way, which remember we are not giving him a cent of money if that’s what he wants.” He caught then a pool of tears dredging up in the blue hues of his sisters eyes, he grabbed for a tissue and handed it to her. “Breathe, Stef. I’m not going to let anything happen to Nora, you know that.” 

When Stef found out that she was pregnant with Nora, there had been a significant shift in the way that her family treated her. She knew that Aless most likely didn’t see it, because while it was significant, it was small. It was in ways that she could only really decipher, or in ways that her mother would look at her. She felt as if, at times, her mother had been disappointed that this had been the route that she had taken-- not to say that she didn’t love Nora with her entire heart and soul, but disappointed that it had become a reality of having a young daughter have a daughter herself. It felt that gaining the role of mother in their eyes made her switch her values and her motivation to something completely deeper. Stef didn’t live for herself anymore. 

“It’s just not fair,” The words coming out of her mouth felt childish. It didn’t feel right to be resentful of the man that she had chosen to not involve in Nora’s life. Sure, this could be mounted on Jess’ tombstone that he didn’t want to be involved, but at the end of the day, Stef never took the time to ask or reach out for anything, either. Maybe he didn’t know how to do so-- maybe he was scared, nervous. Stef just assumed that there wasn’t any intention to care for a child in college, and that was okay as far as she was concerned. Now, it felt difficult to navigate.

Stef looked down at her feet, toes wiggling against the marble flooring. “I don’t like that I get to spend five amazing years with her, and now he can come in when the hardest parts are over. He can enjoy how,” She paused again, feeling a bit more choked up than she intended. Stef didn’t cry, it felt like too much work to do so half the time. “How smart and beautiful she is.” She rolled her eyes at her brothers comment, taking the tissues from him. It was always about money. “I never knew that I could feel this way about someone before, and now it’s just overwhelming.” She sniffled, rubbing her nose with the tissue as she sat it back on the counter. Crying felt wrong, especially in situations like this-- this wasn’t the spot for tears. “I’m not worried about beating his ass, trust me. Nothing will happen to Nora on my watch.”

“Nora! Nora, Nora, Nora,” he smacked his head with his hand. “I’ll have to tattoo it on my chest so I don’t forget,” Kai looked down at the child and ruffled her hair, pleased that someone would enjoy carrot juice. “Hey, Di Natale’s are pretty smart, but don’t forget that I’m also a bilingual butterfly– it’s just not Italian,” he grinned. Kai figured it would be against the family code for the youngin’ to not know Italian, but he wouldn’t mention it. He didn’t need the Di Natale mafia to come after him. “Stef, I dyed my pits too,” Kai told her, casually pulling an arm out of his shirt to showcase his bright red armpits. “Al didn’t tell you that part?” he snickered lightly while rearranging his clothes. “I’m not sure how long it’s gonna stay in, Chloe helped me with it. It looks dope, right?” 

“Oh, for the love of God, do not tattoo my child’s name anywhere on your body.” Stef laughed a little bit, but fully knew that she’d need to actually make that statement clear. Something about Kai’s vibe gave her that impression. She folded Nora’s coat and sat it on the chair next to her, glancing at him as he spoke, “I believe American culture tends to forget to explain how superior Italian’s are to the average person, so I must just have to tell you now,” She joked, biting her lip as she found the smile hit. She knew that Aless and Kai were friends to some degree, but she couldn’t really understand how they got along when they were very different in many aspects. That must’ve been the draw to each other. As she inspected the man’s armpits, she just shook her head. “I don’t believe that he did mentioned that-- no one had to, really,” Stef sipped on her juice, a blend of different berries and celery, as she bit on the end of her straw. “Is there a specific reason that red was the color of choice? I don’t know if it’s good on your skin tone or not. A bit harsh.”

It was incredibly hard not to get lost in the steel blue of her eyes. It’d been the first thing to ensnare him all those years ago, and its power had not dulled over time. He blinked and then blinked again, letting her words settle and digest before they settled down around him like a lead weight.

She was absolutely right. Of course, she was right. He should have expected that she wouldn’t see through to the heart of his intentions, especially not after five years of near radio silence. They still hardly knew each other. “No, you’re right. I’m sorry. I don’t really know how to… navigate… this whole–” He gesticulated nonsensically with his hands before he sighed and dropped them back to the coffee cup on the table, where he picked at the edges of the coffee sleeve. “Situation,” he settled on finally.

Her words hit their mark, making him want to shrink a little in his seat. Their daughter was five. He knew it, had seen it in photos, but for some reason, it felt more real now. And she’d asked about him. 

That struck somewhere below the belt.

He picked at the edges of the coffee sleeve some more and debated how to answer her question. Was it burying the lead if he waited to tell her he’d packed up his entire life and settled here? Was it coming on too strong if he told her right away? It felt as though there was no right way to navigate this and he swallowed hard. “Why now?” he echoed. “Now, because I’m sick of watching my daughter grow up in Facebook photos. Now, because I owe it to Nora, and I owe it to you, and I owe it to myself. I thought that I couldn’t want anything more than I wanted my career. I swore I would never be my parents, struggling to make ends meet and living for the next paycheck. I wanted to be better than that. And no matter how hard I try to tell myself that you’re both better off like this, because I’m still living for that next paycheck, I can’t lie to myself anymore. I want to know her. I want her to know me. I don’t want to be just a story you tell her. Not anymore.”

Maybe she was too naive to be in a situation like this, which made it harder to get past. Of course she knew that Jess didn’t know how to get around this-- she didn’t either! At this point, she was pretending that she did so she wouldn’t end up on the hurt end. Possibly, this could be a positive learning curve for both them.

Almost mimicking his actions, feeling the nerves radiating off of both of them, she nodded a bit solemnly as he spoke. “No, no, I completely-- yeah, I understand.” She pursed her lips a bit as she bit the right side of her cheek. It felt like she couldn’t stand up to him the way that she had initially begun to, mostly because she knew in the back of her brain that this had always been for the best. But what if he really wanted this? It had been engrained in her for so long that this day would happen. Wrapping her thoughts around this being for the best was a difficult thing to do, for whatever reason the universe was giving.

In her fantasy world, that wasn’t the answer that she had wanted to hear. It felt easier to push this away and to disregard him as a person that could potentially be obligated to meet his own flesh and blood. Stef had protected Nora for every single moment of her life, and now that vulnerability was showing to it’s fullest potential. It couldn’t have scared her more. 

“It’s so much more than that,” It was almost a mute mumble, Stef felt herself getting that sticky feeling in the back of her throat that ached before tears would start. Not here. “I can resent you for the 4AM diaper runs to Walmart I had to make myself because no one else was there to help me and Nora wouldn’t stop screaming. I can also resent you dropping her off at her first day of preschool only holding one hand.” It felt that the coffee cup had started to disintegrate in front of her as her hands didn’t find anywhere else to stall. 

“I have to know that you’re here because you want to love her as much as I do, and no one will ever love her more than me.” Her eyes, usual steel blue, found their way to darken slightly to match her tone. When it came to handing over her daughters trust, it meant you were willing to fight wars for her. He had to know that-- if he didn’t, he would now. “This can’t just be because you had an epiphany that being a dad looked ‘fun’ on TikTok or something ridiculous. This is my real life, my baby. So, you better step up. Or this just won’t work out.”

Location: The Juice Box

@stefaniadinatale​

Kai didn’t have a lot of friends or acquaintances that had kids. As he found out, it was difficult to find somewhere that he could enjoy as well as a baby. Babies liked juice, didn’t they? He wasn’t sure if the youngest Di Natale was a helicopter mother or if she allowed the baby to go party at bars, but Kai didn’t want to end up on Aless’ shit list…again. The Juice Box it was. 

“What’s your kids name again?” he asked, holding whatever drink she had ordered as well as his own. The child, who was walking and talking as most five year olds do, seemed puzzled by Kai. Whether it was the way he spoke or his red hair (which was slowly fading) he didn’t know. Or care. She was only five. “She like carrot juice? She can totally have mine, this shit is gross,” he admitted.

Kai was more of Alessandro’s friend. But, he had redeeming qualities of being a good person, so Stef found it in her heart to make time to hang out with him, as well. That is how it usually went, especially in their family. Whoever was friends with a Di Natale, that usually meant you were friends with the entire family. This encounter also involved bringing Nora, as it was after school and the daycare pick-up time had passed. 

“Her name is Nora,” Stef rolled her eyes, a hint of a smile on her face as she unzipped the little girl’s jacket. It was obvious that Aless hung around people that were a bit... off sometimes. But she figured that could have just been his ego speaking. “You could ask her yourself,” Stef looked back at Nora, “Tesoro, vuoi del succo? Quello arancione super brillante?” The little girl smiled, nodding her head before she reached for Kai’s drink. “Si, mamma,” She answered, taking the drink from the man’s grip. At her request, Stef looked back at him and raised her eyebrows, “She speaks two languages, too.” It may have been a question that she would have rather not had the answer to, but she found herself to be a bit too curious. “Is the red hair a permanent thing?”

It was rare for Aless to be by the Di Natale estate, but with two major holidays coming up and his family still being kept in the dark as to whether or not he would return to Italy finally this year, he found himself in a pristine and grand kitchen. Their mother, Elisabetta, had flown in shortly after Halloween had ended deeply missing not only her husband but of course her golden grandchild Nora. He found himself stirring a wooden spoon into her fresh batch of gravy, watched as she expertly cooked fresh pasta, and tried his best to keep her questions at bay when it came to the new amore he’d found. He knew his mother was anxious to meet her, but for the sake of not overwhelming Ofelia, he’d chosen to taper off some of the meetings for now. 

Conversation flowed generously around the table, Nora was adored throughout, especially as she yelled ‘mangia’ loud and proud in the space. Soon enough, he was clearing the table, noting the stains of red on the white table cloths, the flecks of parmesan that hadn’t quite made it onto the plates, he had just picked up one of the salad bowls when Stefania was right by him, her words flowing through the space. Not even Nonna if she begs. Aless nearly dropped the bowl. “You’re not expecting again are you?” He muttered softly. Only for what she said next to be the last thing he could have ever expected. “Quell'idiota è in città?“ He began. “Where? What does he want?” 

There had been something so warm and comforting about seeing her family together for a meal. It was such a rare form, but it came with memories that she knew that she’d need to have. It was important for her that Nora felt this family connection at a young age and could decipher the feelings of belongingness and value. They didn’t get to see Elisabetta often, but when it happened, Stef tried to her best to include her mother in everything she did-- same with Nora. 

Stefania opened her mouth to answer her brother, possibly to try to silence him as she felt he was being too loud. However, she found his question to make her step back as she shook her head, “What-- no,” She raised her eyebrows as she continued to shake her head, pieces of her hair falling into her face as she did so. Stef had expected there to definitely be a bit of push back from Aless, but she figured that it was normal to have him question what she was telling him. “Listen, I’m not entirely sure of all the details,” Stef kept her voice down, her arms crossing across her chest as she held herself quite tightly. “All he said was that he wanted to meet at a coffee shop. I’m assuming there has to be an explanation, but I---,”

She paused. Her eyes trailed over to the little girl with dark brown curls, laughing incessantly at her mother who was doing pretend-play on the floor with the outrageous amount of Barbies and pony’s that cluttered the carpet. It was almost overwhelming for her to feel that she could possibly make wrong decisions in regarding her child. What if she didn’t meet up with him? What if she went Nora’s entire life without introducing them? Would that affect her forever? As she blinked, she noticed that there could have possibly been tears clustering in her eyes as she looked away. “I just didn’t realize that this would affect me so much and I want to make the right decisions for her.” Her hand flew to her mouth, nipping slightly at the skin on her thumb. “What should I do?”

It had been a topic of conversation that she had been keeping to herself, mostly because she didn’t want to bother anyone with her troubles. If she hadn’t been thinking about it so much, she definitely wouldn’t have brought it up. But she knew that Aless had been better about things like this, and fortunately she had always been told to talk about it. Maybe that’s where the stereotypical ‘loud mouth Italian’ phrases came from. Either way, it felt like it was burning it’s way to the surface.

After dinner, Nora had been in the main family room, playing with a new Barbie doll that her mother had bought the little girl for advancing in her dance classes. She could hear her mother saying something to Nora, both of them laughing as she concluded. Stefania was sitting on the bar stools at the counter, fingers wrapped together and pressed to her lips. The nerves weren’t coming from anything negative, but she felt this instant, begrudging pain in her stomach that didn’t seem to curve. Her eyes drifted toward her brother that was the only one in the common room as she was. 

“I’m going to tell you something, but you’re not telling anyone in this house. Not even Nonna if she begs.” She met his eyes, knowing full well that she didn’t even have to say that. A short sigh drifted from her lips. “Nora’s dad reached out.”

If Jess was being honest with himself, the nerves had kicked in far before the fourth cup of coffee. Still, he blamed the caffeine for the restless way his fingers tapped against the table and his leg bounced just below it. He’d shown up early– hours early– to give himself no room to lose his nerve. When he thought about it too much, the fact that this choice would determine the rest of his life, he got a little panicky, had to quell the urge to run.

After ordering his fifth coffee, he locked himself in the bathroom, hands on the sink as he looked at himself in the mirror. After a stare off in which he both won and lost, he took in a deep breath. “You got this,” he told his reflection. “You want this. You owe it to Nora, you owe it to Stef, and you owe it to yourself. No more running. No more–”

His phone vibrated in his pocket, cutting off his words as he jolted. Stef and Nora were here. Shooting one last look at himself, he straightened, splashed some water on his hands and clapped them against his face, before giving his reflection a single nod. You got this.

He stopped by the counter first where he grabbed his coffee, holding it up with a nod to the barista, and turned to scan the tables near the back. Catching sight of brown hair, he took in a deep breath, and made his way towards her. “Hey,” he said, shooting for casual and easy and landing somewhere around tense. He ran a hand through his hair as he sat, fingers tapping the sides of his coffee cup before he realized, with a sudden sinking feeling, that Nora wasn’t here. “You didn’t, uh… you didn’t bring her with you?”

There was no reason to be nervous. The brunette had to keep reminding herself that the decisions that she had made in her life had not affected her daughter negatively, so there was no reason to feel any differently now that this situation had arose. That didn’t keep her from picking at her fingernails as she scrolled through her Facebook, looking at photos that she had taken recently. It was the best way to share her life with family and friends that lived over seas, but what she hadn’t taken in account is how much that may had been seen by other people, too. 

Nervously, she found that the zipper on her vest had been the most interesting piece of her wardrobe as she stared at it and solidly shredded the small threads. At the time, she knew that she should have mentioned to her brothers that this was where she was-- this was who she was with. But, something told her to keep this to herself until she could figure it all out on her own.

As her eyes lifted, her chest jumped a few beats in pace. There. A tight smile crossed her lips as she tried to find words to leave her mouth. “Hi,” Stef hadn’t expected to feel this timid, but understandably, they had a lot more to talk about than she had figured. At his question, it had taken her a minute to rack her brain around it, a bit of confusion on her face as she shook her head. “Um, no,” She tucked the hair behind her ear, a friendly but guarded smile hung on her lips. “She’s having dinner with my parents, and I figured this definitely wasn’t an appropriate time for...,” Her words trailed off, sitting in the air. Stef had thought about this moment for a while-- five years, to be exact. Somehow, the defensiveness for her daughter’s life had started to trouble her just by the sight of him. 

“This would have been a lot easier when she wasn’t asking about you, but she’s five now. So, there needs to be a proper conversation before that happens. An explanation isn’t necessary, but answers to a few questions are significant.” Stef’s eyes didn’t leave the man’s stature. “Let’s start off with, why now?”

Stef wrapped herself into her jacket as she moseyed herself into the coffee shop, eyes flickering back and forth where on earth she would sit. Was it acceptable to find a table that wouldn’t be seen by the general public? What if she ran into someone she knew? It was a lot to explain to someone who didn’t know. From what she had gathered, her family didn’t know who he was-- she couldn’t be certain that Nico and Aless hadn’t seen his photos before, but it hadn’t crossed her mind that he would be so close to their everyday adventures. It reminded her that she had known that Jess had seen photos she posted daily. More than likely, he had seen the photos from Nora’s Halloween party that had taken place at school the day prior, wondering if he would even notice. Or care, for that matter.

With a stifling peppermint mocha in hand, Stefania turned her way to a smaller, round table that sat on the wall towards the back of the shop. A few shallow deep breaths encouraged her to keep an open-mind. Her phone in her hands wrote out, “I’m here. Near the back.”

Jess: Hey, Stef. Sorry to just drop this on you, but I'm actually in town. Would you be willing to meet me at Kingston Brews?

Stefania: Hey! Kind of surprised to hear from you.

Stefania: Yes, we can meet. I have a lot going on this week, but I have a little time this afternoon after school.

“Ah but see, this is where your listening skills come into play here, amore mio.” Aless teased. “I asked you to put some of your trust in her, not all of it in the first go.” Rather than continuing the tug of war game with Stef, Aless decided to take what he could get. He understood where she was coming from, always a place of protection and how that grew exponentially for her especially after Nora came into the world. But there were certain things that he wished he could have tapped into, especially regarding how she felt her trajectory was going now that she had made a life for herself and Nora here in Kings Head Harbor by her own terms and accord. Maybe was there something that was weighing heavy on her mind? The past couple of weeks the communication had been scarce but not as muted as it was when things had fallen apart years ago for him. A part of him could feel that guilt once again, the burden he tried to pull away from his family still surfaced no matter what he did. 

“You have a point, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, but there’s something along the lines of compromise. It’s a lesson we all have to learn one way or the other.” Aless began. In what regard would his sister be subjected to it? He didn’t know. But he figured for starters it was her agreeing to meet with Ofelia tonight and that was enough for him. He finished up the pizza she’d brought for him and pushed back the container she had brought it in. “Why not do the foil method? It’s less things for you to clean.” Aless said as he watched Stefania checking in on Nora. He got up from his seat, feeling some of the nerves dissipating. What else could he do now that his big news was out in the open. He was happily seeing someone, his family knew, and the rest he hoped would be an easy journey. 

Eyes glanced down at the rainbow that Nora had been busy perfecting, his small face looked up at him and he could see that she was looking for his honest approval. How could he not have loved it? She created it! And her line work was beyond the grade of an ordinary five year old. ‘Zio, è bello?’ She had asked him. “L'arcobaleno più bello che abbia mai visto.” He replied, putting his hand over his heart. “I’ll hang it up here with the rest of your drawings.” The smile that spread across  Nora’s face was one that reminded him for Stefania from when they were younger, when things were easy and she perhaps was a little less jaded. It was innocent, it was exuberant, and he couldn’t help but feel thankful to have been given the role of being her uncle. 

Nora immediately shot up and ran to the spot in his office where he usually kept his drawings, she was steadily filling the space. As he rummaged in his desk for a thumbtack, he carefully held it as he asked Nora, “Where do you want the rainbow?” To which the little girl replied, wherever it would be the first thing he saw once he walked in, so he could have a good day. The kid was certainly a Di Natale, she already had such a way with words. As he hung the drawing, he could feel Nora giving his leg a big squeeze, he chuckled before his eyes landed on Stef. “Be there around 8:30,” He said, “Maybe you’ll meet a Mr. Deville.” 

“Italian’s don’t do anything half-assed,” Stef teased him back, rolling her eyes at the statement. In some regards, he was correct-- but there wasn’t any reason for him to think that Stef would not not be nice to his, what he was calling, girlfriend. “Per te amore mio. Per te.” Maybe part of her was unsure of how to respond to certain questions that he asked, or how to make light of the situation that she knew would make a huge difference in his demeanor not matter which way it went: positive or negative. If there was anyone in the world she would have to trust, it was Alessandro. Either way, she knew she had to give her best foot forward to whomever Aless had decided was worthy of his time and commitment.

Scoffing at the comment, she took the container from his hands and pursed her lips in response, “Foil is so wasteful, Les. We use glass containers only.” She knew that she sounded like her mother when she answered questions like that, which made her shiver with a bit of disgrace. But her discomfort turned into a large smile as she witnessed her daughter help Aless hang her finished artwork in the studio. It was way too easy for Nora to show off her big brown eyes to anyone that she met, which meant that her and Stef were more alike than she would have appreciated. “Another masterpiece, my love,” She cooed at Nora, kissing her cheek. Watching them hang it up made her heart flutter, and she wished that these kinds of moments could be appreciated by everyone. “Maybe one day you’ll do art just like your zio. Now, let’s pick up everything so we don’t leave our space a mess.” The little girl smiled wide, picking up her crayons as Stefania stood up from her spot next to the coloring books. 

Stef grabbed Nora’s coat from the chair, willing her into it even when a small fit was definitely on the horizon from the child being tired. “Mr. Deville will have to wait,” Stef sighed, feeling the weight of Nora attaching herself to her leg, not wanting to go. “I’ve got my hands full.”