Mrs Tig Trager.

It only took a couple of minutes to get up to your flat from the front entrance, and yet it felt like an eternity, leaving you unsure what to do with yourself as you anticipated Paul's arrival.

Your heart was beating faster than you knew was considered safe, every part of you vibrating and uncontrolled, your mind racing so violently that you wanted to scream to try to drown out everything that seemed to be echoing at a deafening level.

Your hand rested over your heart, feeling the hammering tempo of it through your chest, and in an attempt to breathe normally, you stopped pacing. A sharp inhale. A shaky exhale. Your fingers clawed through your sweater to your skin like you were trying to get your heart to stop pulsing in its frantic rhythm. Desperate. Grasping for regularity.

An eternity apart. And now that he was here, that time seemed to span twice as long.

It was stupid to just do nothing, wondering what the use was in waiting for him to come knock on the door when you figured he would be ready to kick it in before you could even open it for him. Unable to bear wasting any more time, you stepped into the hallway, no regard for the fact you were dressed in nothing but your sweater and underwear. Nothing else mattered. Only him.

You took only two bare-footed steps on the cold, tile floor before you saw him, his tall frame rounding the corner in his purposeful stride. His eyes locked on you, as blue as the hottest part of a flame and just as bright in the fluorescent lights that highlighted what you knew were oncoming tears. Paul’s head tipped slightly as if about to shake it, but stopped, his mouth twitching to say words he didn't have, every typical way of greeting someone impossible. Like his body was functioning on autopilot just to get to you.

A sound that was a mix of a gasp and a sob escaped your lips when you quickened your steps and ran to him, meeting him half-way until you collided. Your legs wrapped around his waist at the same time his arms gathered you, his hands all over you to hold you against him, your mouths latching together.

The incessant ringing in your ears finally stopped, all the noise finally quieted to calm, like everything else had fallen away and all that existed was you and him.

Feeling his body under your hands even through layers of clothes was intoxicating, your fingers grasping and gripping his broad shoulders, trying to consume him as completely as you could in these first moments.

Desperate, sucking breaths were shared between kisses, the years of yearning boiled down to fleeting seconds you wished could last forever, the way you moved together an indication it would be impossible to temper the need for each other.

Paul efficiently made it to your door like he’d done it a hundred times before, still holding you in his arms with his face buried in yours while he blindly found the handle and opened it, carrying you inside.

The door slammed shut behind him, still walking with purpose through your flat like he knew exactly where your bed was; the very place you laid each night thinking and dreaming of him. His lips on yours. This.

You ground your hips against him, the hardening bulge in his jeans making sparks burst through you while the friction made him growl into your mouth, his kiss deepening and his grip on your waist tightening like everything that was keeping him together was about to break open.

All you could do was manage to get his coat off of him, the way he had to part from you even slightly too much for him to withstand, a low noise sounding from him as he instantly crashed back against you, his lips claiming and searing on yours.

Making it to your bedroom, you felt the bed bounce back as his legs hit the end of it, lowering you onto the plush mattress, your belly swooping from both the slight fall backwards and the way he was kissing you.

You sighed into his mouth as his hand slipped up your bare leg, hooking it up higher on his hip as he crawled over you, making you hold each side of his face tighter to keep him close, his beard impossibly soft on your palms.

Paul broke the seal of your lips for a moment, pausing to look down at you lovingly and like he couldn’t wrap his head around you being laid out beneath him, and then kissed you hard like if he didn’t, the opportunity to do it again would vanish.

He slid his hand up your waist, taking the edge of your sweater with it, prompting you to arch your back and then lift your shoulders off the bedding so he could pull the material up over your head, his pupils blowing wide as he took in the jewel-toned green lace against your skin.

It was all unleashed now. Every want and need in your aching hearts restrained by the pass of time finally freed. There was no holding back.

Paul took your lower lip in his teeth as he ripped your thong down your thighs, leaving it hanging around one of your ankles without bothering to fully rid you of it, his deft fingers removing your bra next.

You desperately worked at his pants, prying open his belt and fumbling the button and zipper between haste kisses until the soft cotton of his boxers on your hand was replaced with his hard, silky cock.

Another bite. Harder.

His hand cradled the side of your head as he lined up to you, muscle memory working because any coherent thoughts were muted by pure instinct, pushing into you like the final piece of everything that had been missing.

Your gasp was swallowed by him, met by a deep, drawn out growl exchanged into your mouth as he sank into you. Stretched you. Filled you.

A curse, hissed. Gritted teeth.

His mouth landed on your neck. Sloppy. Wet. His beard scratching and comforting all at once while his teeth grazed your pulse and he dragged in and out of you, the pace you quickly found together unrelenting and with only one goal in mind.

He never forgot, not even after all this time, how to move in all the ways that would tear you apart. Wreck you. Worship you. His body made to make you feel every possible bit of pleasure that existed. Made for you.

His clothes chaffed your bare skin, the buttons on his shirt digging into you, the material creating an intoxicating friction on your nipples. The combination of his clothes and the coarse, dark hairs above his cock rubbing on your clit had you soaking the fabric that still covered him, the contrast between naked and concealed somehow creating something incredible.

Your nails clawed at his shoulders and back, trying to dig through wool and cotton to get to his skin, feeling desperate as your climax quickly built up.

Paul moaned into your mouth as you clenched hard around him, squeezing his cock as he made you come hard, your whole body tensing as you let go. He followed right behind you, the tight contractions of your cunt milking out his cum, spurting all he had into you until you were full.

His breath fanned over your heated skin as he hung his face in your neck, recovering for just a moment before he pulled out of you and knelt between your spread legs, starting to peel the layers of clothes off his upper body.

You sat up to help him, eager to get your hands and mouth on every part of him that was revealed to you, the way his skin felt and tasted something you had never forgotten but needed so badly to be reminded of.

His lips met yours again as you peeled his shirt from his arms, and the second he was free of it, his hands flew up to hold the side of your face and kiss you deeper while your fingers slid down his stomach and started tugging his jeans down over his ass.

A curse flew past his lips as they parted from yours, his reluctance in leaving you even for a moment to take his pants off clear, but now that he was completely naked, he was right back with you, the bed dipping to his weight as he crawled in over you.

Your hands roamed everywhere they could, desperate to touch and feel every part of him, each caress and grip of his flesh never enough to satisfy.

You needed more. Everything. All of him.

Paul was already hard again when you skirted your hand down through the smattering of dark hairs and took hold of his cock, still sticky from you and throbbing, your needy whine splitting his low groan as you stroked him.

He wasted no time, pushing back inside your cum filled cunt, in a hurry to take his time with you now the smallest part of the need that had been growing for years had been sated.

Tears streamed down your cheeks, unable to hold them back, and always knowing, Paul’s thumb was already there wiping them away as he kept kissing you, his thrusts long and slow.

“I love you,” he whispered, leaving your lips to place short kisses all across your cheeks. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Each repetition made your heart swell in your chest, your tears coming on faster as you were graced with the words you never imagined you would ever hear him say to you again but wished for more than anything.

“Please don’t cry,” he pleaded, his own eyes wet as he looked down at you crying and smiling at the same time.

You reached up and cupped his cheek before pushing back the hair that was hanging in front of his face only to have it fall again, a sharp breath coming from you when you felt him flex his cock inside you.

“I love you, too, Paul. With my whole heart.”

“I know, sweetheart,” he assured. “It’s okay.”

Paul pulled out of you and sat down on the bed, quickly reaching for your hands to pull you up to join him before you could worry about him leaving, his arms enveloping you as you climbed onto his lap.

“Come here,” he urged, guiding your legs to either side of his waist, his hands smoothing from your bum and up your back as you sank down on him.

His lips were all over you again, creating a path up and across your neck to the other side, under your chin, the act making you tip your head back in ecstasy.

Your nails dug into his back as he started moving under you, just enough to have the hairs surrounding his cock rub against your swollen clit, prompting you to begin slowly lifting yourself up and down on his length.

He flexed in you again, his teeth scraping your throat in a moment of discomposure, a low sound rumbling through him as he held you closer, his grip on you gentle and firm all at once. Years hadn’t diminished Paul’s intensity, his ability to act out of passion in everything he did holding no exception for how he made love to you, every action tender and purposeful with mass amounts of love etched into his ferocity.

You dropped your head onto his shoulder, continuing to grind on him as he maintained a steady pace of thrusting up into you, kissing him from where his raven coloured hair dusted the nape of his neck and down the slope to his collarbone, the saltiness of his skin making your mouth water.

Would a time ever exist where you would be sated of him? Even now with him inside you, your togetherness undeniable, it seemed like it would never be enough.

It ached. Relentless. Your love for him seeped so deeply into your bones you could never rid of it, and it scared you to think of what would happen after tonight.

Like he sensed your chest tightening and heart rate rising with panic, Paul pulled his face away from yours to see you, the backs of his fingers sweeping across your chin and cheek, his eyes knowing and sure.

“Hey,” he called. “Look at me. Look at me. I'm not going anywhere.”

When you blinked away for just a second, he took hold of your chin and lifted it, his eyebrows raised high on his forehead as his blue eyes searched for confirmation in yours that you understood him. “Be here with me, yeah?”

You nodded, enough for him to break eye contact and drop his face to your neck again, his beard soft on your skin, his lips awakening everything you had let die.

“Just be here with me,” he whispered, his voice gravelly as you both resumed your movements.

It only took a moment for the intensity to grow, Paul’s fingers gripping your back, holding you down on him as you steadily rode him.

His teeth scraped your jawline, working his way up to your cheek and then your lips where his deep, laboured breaths were felt on your skin with every exhale, his grunts increasing in volume as he thrusted up into you slowly but forcefully.

“That’s it, sweetheart,” he growled, the praise vibrating against your lips. “You gonna come for me again?”

“Yes, Paul,” you breathed, his simple request igniting your climax like a spark that shot right through you.

Tears spilled out from the corners of your eyes as you squeezed them shut, your body quaking against his as your emotions met the intensity of what your body was experiencing. It was overwhelming, every part of you consumed as you held him like you couldn’t ever let go.

His lips crashed against yours, swallowing your pleasured cries that were choked by sobs, feeling his hold on you constrict as he came hard in the wake of your orgasm.

Paul’s chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath, the swell of it against yours feeling full and warm and something you didn’t think was possible to miss, the hairs on it soft and tickling your breasts with each breath.

You hung almost limply on him, kisses slowing as you were overcome with exhaustion, your tears wetting his shoulder when you rested your head there.

His hands cradled the back of your head, keeping you close to him as he shifted forward, guiding you onto the mattress where he covered you with himself.

He smoothed your hair back before wiping away some of your tears, his own hair hanging in his face as he laid over you, his eyes full of everything. Love. Understanding. Relief from a pain so deep it had engraved scars into every part of him.

Paul smiled when you reached up and traced a finger across his brow. A smile you had memorized but forgotten how much beauty was actually held in it. Absolute. Your heart bursting in bearing witness to it again. In the flesh. No longer just in your mind.

“You should hate me,” you whispered, realizing the severity in which you despised yourself for what you had done.

A disbelieving laugh blew off his lips, the corner of his mouth quivering as he blinked, like he couldn’t fathom what you said.

“I could never hate you, sweetheart,” he vowed, shaking his head. “All the hate in my heart is reserved for them.” His features scrunched in detest, the final word in that statement heightened as he all but spat it out.

Like he knew he didn’t convince you, he held your face, forcing you to look him in the eyes, every emotion on his face softening as he continued.

“All I do is love you. I love the bones of you.” His voice broke slightly, his eyes watering while his smile reappeared, lip trembling. “I never stopped. Not once.”

You closed your eyes, trying to trap the sob caught in your throat, your chest tight.

“Hating yourself for it will never change that.”

You breathed his name, not having any other way to express yourself in this moment, his forgiveness far too generous and undeserving, but you knew he meant every word.

“Hey,” he called, his thumb skimming your lip.

Nodding your head as you blinked open your eyes, you swore you would do everything you could to accept it, the look he was giving you letting you know he was fully and completely worthy of your belief.

“I’d go through it all again just to have you for tonight,” he uttered, a tear and then more sliding down his cheeks.

Catching them with your thumbs, you tried to stop them from rolling into his beard, feeling your own tears spill down the sides of your face where your pillow had already collected too many to count.

“I love you, Paul,” you professed.

Fully. Completely. Your love able to pass through lifetimes and never abate.

His smile grew before he captured you in a kiss, deep and meaningful, and you thanked every god, spirit and higher fucking power that this was able to exist again.

You grabbed his back, gripping solid flesh, breathing him in as your bodies continued to meld together.

He was yours again. You would face death before ever letting him go. The Devil himself. But the Devil was nothing compared to the Harrigan’s.

You could feel it. That unnerving feeling settling in at every mention or mere thought of them. A plague.

Sensing it. Sensing something. Them. Paul peeled away enough to see you, his hand finding yours, weaving your fingers together. He squeezed them reassuringly.

“Are we doing this? Because it's all or nothing, sweetheart. You know that.”

You did. You knew being back with Paul would mean a full commitment, and not for him, but for the Harrigan's. There was no way you could dip one toe back into their life and have them satisfied. You couldn’t be left unscathed. You had to drown. Dive in and fight for air. Trust and loyalty were bigger than anything else to them, and you had already broken that. Ties severed. You would need to prove it. A fucking blood oath. Bleeding out every ounce for them to stare down at you from their place above only to say it wasn't enough.

Like your thoughts were playing out loud, Paul gave an answer before you were able to.

“Let's not worry about it tonight,” he urged, sorry he brought it up, the wish to hide away in this same night forever growing stronger as the threat of the sun rising came nearer.

He shifted to lay beside you, pulling you with him so you rested on your side with your leg draped over his, your arm across his stomach. Your fingers instinctively clawed at his skin. Gripping for comfort.

Paul placed a kiss on the top of your head, his hand moving in a soothing pattern on your upper arm.

Rain came on hard again. Hammering your window like an omen.

“I'm scared, Paul,” you confessed, the shake of your voice rattling on his chest.

He squeezed you tighter, his long exhale warm on your hair.

“I won't ever let anything happen to you.”

There could never be anything more certain, and you knew it. A surety so complete. As guaranteed as death. He'd blow up the whole empire if he had to.

A comfortable silence stretched between you, the only sounds the rain and your breath, and as much as sleep called to you, you couldn’t bear the thought of wasting this time with him on it.

It was overwhelming how much you missed him. You knew you did, but the reality of it was unfathomable now that he was with you. The feel of his skin against yours, the scent and warmth of him. The sound of his heart. You traced over the ink etched into him, doing inventory of the new ones he’d somehow found time for, your finger idly tracing the serpent on his forearm.

“I already knew,” he eventually said, his voice heavy with exhaustion.

The tilt of your head to look at him indicated your ignorance to what he was talking about, your silent question hanging in the air.

His eyebrows rose, catching your curiosity for him to enlighten you.

“Where you live,” he continued. “I’ve always kept an eye on you.”

You blinked in quick succession, fighting a losing battle in crying again.

“I used to check in myself. Here. Work. Wondering every time if it would be the day I’d actually get lucky enough to catch a glimpse. I’d walk around far enough just hoping to see you.”

Paul smiled, but his eyes glowed with tears, the pain set in those memories showing through despite him trying to hide it.

He let out a shaky breath, his eyelids moving fast as he deliberately looked away from you.

“Then I–uh–started sending my guys. I couldn’t do it anymore. If I saw you–I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop myself, and I couldn’t do that to you. Not when you didn’t want–”

His voice died off, the recollection of you not wanting him choking him.

“Paul,” you called, apologetically, guilt twisting in your heart like a blade. That knife you stabbed into yourself still embedded so deep. You sat up slightly, your hand cupping his cheek as he smiled through his emotions and shook his head like he was telling you it was fine.

“I woke up every day with things to tell you. I still do,” he explained.

“Like what?”

He sighed like he didn’t know where to even start, like there was just too much because everything he saw or did made him think of you. Each day lived separately holding an eternity of moments he wished he had shared with you.

“What the colours of the sky are at sunrise when I’m out patrolling the grounds. How the sun looks coming in through my window after it’s rained for fucking days. A song I heard I know you’d love. All those flowers coming up again in the spring in that garden bed you planted beside the annex. The lads still enjoy them. The dogs piss all over them,” he laughed. Paul moved his lips into a frown, a dismissal of the importance of everything that clearly held so much value to him. “You know, little things.”

“They’re everything,” you breathed, your heart expanding almost painfully in your chest in learning that time hadn't stopped him from including you in nearly every thought he had.

He let out a sort of hum like he was half-embarrassed for telling you, pulling you closer for you to settle your head back on his chest.

“It’s the same for me, too,” you murmured, your lips brushing his skin, your fingers skirting over his chest to tangle in the soft hairs on it.

How could you begin to explain to him how he consumed every living moment? Not just awake. In your dreams, too. Your nightmares. The regret that flooded in whenever you did allow yourself to think of him. Guilt topping every hopeful thought. The decision to leave erasing every allowance of sharing anything with him. It consumed you. Owned you. A monopoly on your existence.

You didn't realize your whole body had gone tense until you felt him shift onto his side and collect you in his arms, his hold on you letting you breathe out the air trapped in your lungs and allowing your shoulders to fall away from your ears.

You nuzzled your face into his body. His warmth. His safety. Forgiveness and understanding despite it being undeserved.

His heartbeat echoed loudly, calming your abrupt plummet into panic as you focused on it. When he spoke–his voice loose but sure, his words meaningful that came about effortlessly–you knew you would be okay. Everything would be okay.

“I’d like to experience it all again together.”

Paul kissed your head, adjusting where he laid on the mattress to get more comfortable, the tempo of both his breath and his heart rate reduced to a softer beat.

“We will,” you answered.

The rain didn't relent, only now it felt comforting. Welcome. Like it was encasing your flat and preventing anything from forcing you apart.

You were thankful you couldn't see the clock on your nightstand, not wanting the reality of whatever time it was to distract you from soaking up every moment with him, and you closed your eyes and hoped with everything in you that something, someone, wouldn't whisk him away from you again too soon.

The sound of soft snores made you smile, and whether he heard you or not, you added to your vow.

“I promise.”

Your lips pressed over the flesh that concealed his heart, sealing your word that you would sooner die before you broke.

---

Reblogs and comments are the lifeline of fandom and are greatly appreciated 💗

Taglist:

"Sorry babe" he murmured as he pulled you in for a kiss. "Had one more gift for you" he murmured as he pulled back from you. "Get naked and on the bed" he stated as he nudged you towards it.

"This is risky" you stated as you bit your lip but pulled your shirt over your head anyway.

"No riskier than what we have been doing last few months" replied Rat as he stripped his clothes off as well. Once you were on your bed he moved to it and grabbed your legs and pulled you to the edge of your bed before kneeling onto the plush pink carpet. He gently kissed and sucked at your inner thighs as he made his way to your dripping core.

You whimpered as you felt his tongue lick a long slow path through your folds to your clit which he then latched onto making you buck up off the bed and call out his name.

"Shh" he stated as he pulled back with a grin. "Don't need my president coming in and seeing me make his daughter cum on my face" he added with a laugh as he pushed two finger into you bumping that sweet spot that had you seeing stars.

It took everything in you to stay quiet as Rat worked you over with his fingers and mouth. Your hands gripped your bed sheets tightly and tears slipped down your cheeks at the pleasure he pulled from you. Only pausing briefly when the sounds of motorcycles filled the air and footsteps could be heard on the stairs and passing your closed door to signal your dad had gone to bed.

After waiting a few minutes Rat stood up and flipped you over onto your stomach. "Get on your hands and knees baby" he stated as he stroked his already leaking cock as he watched you do as he asked. Moving onto the bed behind you, he carefully dragged his cock through your folds making you both groan lightly before he notched his head at your entrance.

"Remember stay quiet" he stated as he rested his hands on your hips before gripping them and slamming all the way in. You pitched forward into your sheets and pillows. Biting into the fabric as Rat pummeled your insides and hit that sweet spot with each pointed thrust. A few minutes later you were both cumming together as he fell forward onto your back, planting sloppy kisses onto your shoulder and neck. "Happy Birthday Love" he murmured as you both drifted off into a sleep as he continued to twitch inside of you.