Dick Warlock

Kitten, daddy's gonna be real with you. If his applewood smoked cheddar from Tesco's gets any more expensive he's going to have to start an OnlyFans

So Boston is straight up running out of beer because of all the Scottish tourists in for the World Cup

I love cultural exchange

ladies and gentlemen of the jury, today i would like to present a bold, feminist reimagining of the evidence you've seen presented against my client

If a fantasy world has an ancient tree of wisdom, that means it must also have young trees that are dumb as shit. Just giving terrible advice like, "the evil wizard is kinda hot"'

okay. rude.

filtering down ao3 results from 14000 to 6 based on a single tag is foul. im sorry none of you are as enlightened as me ig.

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)

god I'm such a slut for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce *decides it’s inaccurate to refer to myself as a slut in light of my minimal sexual activity* if The Enemy discovered my ardor for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, they would gain a significant strategic advantage