Sin

Things were getting bad again. You could barely get out of bed in the morning, your principal started asking daily if you were okay, even your students noticed something was off. You couldn’t read or do any of your other hobbies. You hadn’t showered in days and your curls lived in a messy bun on top of your head. And knowing you looked a mess made everything worse. But no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t get in the shower. It took everything in you just to keep breathing. To keep showing up. You had to pretend you were okay even when you were falling apart on the inside. You felt like everyone’s life would be easier and better if you were gone. You didn’t necessarily want to harm yourself, but you just kept going to sleep at night hoping you wouldn’t wake up in the morning. Simply being alive felt like too much.

You had just gotten home from work and were curled up on the couch staring into space when your boyfriend opened the door. “Jagi, I’m here!” He noticed you on the couch, you hadn’t even looked up when he came in, and a look of concern crossed his face.

“Y/N, darling are you okay?” Mingi asked you as he settled on his knees in front of you. “I haven’t heard from you in a couple days”

“ ‘M fine” you mumbled. “Just busy at work. It’s testing season”

A knowing looked passed over his face and his eyes softened with compassion. “It’s getting heavy again isn’t it?” He questioned you softly. Your eyes started tearing up and you turned away from him as you nodded.

“I don’t know why I’m broken. I’m a grown adult and I can’t even shower!” You exclaimed helplessly. “I know I have to. And I know it’ll help me feel better. But I can’t make myself do it. It feels like the hardest thing in the world.”

Mingi wrapped his arms around you and said “You’re not broken my love. Your brain just makes you feel that way sometimes… C’mon pretty girl. Let’s do the hard thing together.”

“Mingi, I’m not in the mood” you rolled your eyes.

“No not like that! I wasn’t even planning on taking my clothes off. I just know sometimes when I have to do a hard thing, it helps to have someone there with me”

“… okay. Let’s do the hard thing together.” You sighed. “But I don’t know where to start”

Mingi picked you up off the sofa and carried you into the bathroom. He set you on the counter as he turned to start the warm water in the shower.

“Arms up, jagi. Let’s get you undressed so we can get you cleaned up. I’ll be here the whole time Y/N”

He slowly started to undress you. Handling you like you’re a fragile porcelain doll. When he’d gotten all your clothes off, he picked you up again and carried you into the shower while he was still fully clothed. He set you down and positioned you so the warm water cascaded over you both.

“I’m gonna take your hair down and wash it okay? You don’t have to do anything. Just let me take care of you” he spoke softly, as if afraid of causing your tears to fall again.

“Thank you, Mingi. I don’t know what I’d do without you” you reply as you rested your head against his chest.

He softly kissed the top of your head and shushed you. “No need to thank me. This is what love looks like”

He slowly undid your messy bun, letting the water soak your hair as he massaged away the ache from having your hair up for so long. He lathered your hair with shampoo, the tilted your head back to rinse it without getting shampoo in your eyes. Then he poured some of your body wash on your loofah and gently scrubbed your body, ridding it of the dirt and dried sweat that had accumulated over the past several days. When he had finished, he turned off the water and wrapped your hair and body in a towel.

“Let’s go get changed and climb in bed” he suggested.

You let him lead you to your bedroom where he sat you on the bed and turned to grab clothes for you and himself from the drawer he kept his things in.

“Do you need help getting dressed too or do you feel okay enough to do it yourself?” He asked you, genuine in his offer to help you dress too,

“I think I can manage now.” You said softly. “I’ll get dressed while you dress yourself”

You both put on pajamas in a comfortable silence and when you were dressed, he climbed into bed with you and pulled you close.

“Thank you for helping me baby. I couldn’t have done that without you.” You said as he slowly traced circles on your hip,

“You could have.” He responded simply. “But you didn’t need to. You don’t have to do it alone when things get bad. You can always call me and I’ll help you do the hard things”