Something about even when Tommy is taking care of Buck there being this distance between them, Tommy is on the couch and turning off the lights while Buck is still trying to talk, Tommy is in the foreground of Buck having another “who are you without your family” moment in a graveyard, Tommy in the hospital, wearing a visitor badge, close but never touching, there but never there.
Something about Tommy being all over this episode and still barely there at all. He is in Buck- Evan’s- life but he’s not in it, he’s on the outside, always behind this invisible fence
Something about “Buck. The people who know me, call me Buck”
Something about Buck telling Tommy- his BOYFRIEND- Tommy all about this curse and this story, but it’s Eddie who has to explain the holes in the story Buck doesn’t know he’s leaving
Something about Tommy being in the room with him when he wakes up with boils but Eddie is the one who checks him out and makes sure he’s okay
Something about Buck being the one we’re shown to get Hens text about Denny, signally everyone else in that room, that family, who got that text except for Tommy, Tommy having to ask what had happened, having to be explained that everything was going to be okay
He is there but he is not, he’s in the room but he’s not apart of it
Something about only dreaming about finding a love like that, something about “you don’t find it son, you make it”
Something about Buck constantly trying to make it work with people, trying to force it to work with people because that what he thinks he meant, because love is work right? It’s something you make work
Something about him always misunderstanding the assignment
Something about the last time Buck was in a graveyard he was shoulder to shoulder with Eddie, talking about how a girl he just met sees him, all the while leaning on Eddie in the aftermath of his death he has accepted but never understood
Something about him telling Tommy that the night they met being the most fun he’s had since dying, something about how he connects Tommy and Natalia to an event neither where there for, as two people who can never understand the horror of those 3 minutes and 17 seconds
Something about Buck throwing himself into danger and adrenaline time after time and chasing relationships that feel like that because that’s love right? Something that feels like being struck by lightening and surviving and non of the side effects
Something about Buck not being able to sleep after his death until he sits on Eddie’s couch, Eddie is the person he comes too for when he’s restless, for the calm after the storm
Something about “it’s about how she makes me feel” “like you’re flying high” “like I’m standing on solid ground”
Something about Tommy being jealous of the 118 and the family they’ve built because he’s not apart of it, and a part of him knows he never will be
Because the roles have all been filled and the family has already been made and he is trying to build something with Buck- Evan- thats already been built
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