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by external things, i mean the actual thought itself, but my reaction as well. my entire pipeline of thinking is just infrastructure, the ideas and thoughts themselves are only moving through me. all i do is transit things. that's it. i suppose it's not all that unique to say this, as plato said something similar now that i reflect, but i do feel like infrastructure that moves substances around as opposed to the substance itself and that is a very nerve wracking thing for me.

i cant seem to maintain connections without resentment gnawing out of me. it makes me sad which compounds because it's sad that connection makes me sad. there are, of course, some exceptions, but then it makes me sad that either there are so few genuine people or i am disingenuous myself.

2 what is th e deal with men being soaked in sentimentality about love man. its so weird. what makes u think love is a passive and docile thing its so weird. unless they dont think that but honestly thats such a bad and sad way to live so i dont entertain it. thsi has been on my mind for the last week or so and it struck me again last night.

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