Clever Title Here

Me, giving a eulogy: "He's gone where the emails will never find him. Where subscription fees will not weary him, nor discourse condemn."

if i was in jurassic park i'd be fine because the dinosaurs would love me and therefore not eat me

I knew It was over for me once I realized I could escape situations by thinking of fictional gay sex

I'm built different. Worse, mostly.

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

the annoying thing about weightlifting is that you have to lift weights that are a little too heavy for you if you want to get stronger. and you have to push yourself outside of your comfort zone in order to keep building muscle. fucked up.

thank god this same principle doesnt apply to any other skill you want to improve at! that would really suck.

In another life I would have loved to poison the abusive husbands of the women in my village

*me doing something really self destructive*: um its called coping :)