ILLOGICAL.

725 m tall

photon torpedoes 

deflector shields

warp drive engines

❝ Nice job breaking it, hero. ❞

❝ Killing you and giving you good advice aren’t mutually exclusive. ❞

❝ You’re not even going the right way. ❞

❝ Regulations require both hands to be empty before any cake. ❞

❝ You will be entirely on your own. Good luck. ❞

❝ What’s your point, anyway? Survival? ❞

❝ I’m not kidding now. Turn back or I will kill you. ❞

❝ That’s you! That’s how dumb you sound. ❞

❝ Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect. ❞

❝ Most importantly, under no circumstances should you — ❞

❝ Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? Well, I won’t let you! How does that feel? ❞

❝ You haven’t escaped, you know. ❞

❝ Maybe you could settle for that and we’ll just call it a day. ❞

❝ Android hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance. ❞

❝ Unbelievable! You, [Subject Name Here], must be the pride of [Subject Hometown Here]! ❞

❝ Stop it! I… I… We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you. ❞

❝ Time out for a second. That wasn’t supposed to happen. ❞

❝ Where do you think you’re going? Because I don’t think you’re going where you think you’re going. ❞

❝ This is your fault. It didn’t have to be like this. ❞

❝ It’s a mystery I’ll solve later… By myself. Because you’ll be dead. ❞

❝ If you become light-headed from thirst, feel free to pass out. ❞

❝ The difference between us is that I can feel pain. ❞

❝ That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it. ❞

❝ Have I lied to you? I mean, in this room. ❞

❝ This isn’t brave. It’s murder. What did I ever do to you? ❞

❝ Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. ❞

❝ I let you survive this long because I was curious about your behavior. ❞

❝ A complimentary escape hatch will open in 3, 2, 1. ❞

❝ You’ve been wrong about every single thing you’ve ever done, including this thing. ❞

❝ Didn’t we have some fun, though? ❞

❝ Do you think I am trying to trick you with reverse psychology? I mean, seriously now. ❞

❝ Fantastic! You remained resolute and resourceful in an atmosphere of extreme pessimism. ❞

❝ Your entire life has been a mathematical error. A mathematical error I’m about to correct. ❞

❝ Thank you for helping us help you help us all. ❞

❝ I wouldn’t bother with that thing. My guess is that touching it will just make your life even worse somehow. ❞

❝ No one will blame you for giving up. In fact, quitting at this point is a perfectly reasonable response. ❞

❝ Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? ❞

❝ Uh oh. Somebody cut the cake. I told them to wait for you, but they did it anyway. ❞

❝ When I said deadly neurotoxin, the ‘deadly’ was in massive sarcasm quotes. ❞

❝ Oh well. If you want my advice, you should just lie down in front of a rocket. ❞

❝ The floor here will kill you - try to avoid it. ❞

❝ You really shouldn’t be here. This isn’t safe for you. ❞

❝ You’re still shuffling around a little, but believe me you’re dead. ❞

❝ Someday we’ll remember this and laugh. And laugh. And laugh. Oh boy. ❞

❝ We will stop enhancing the truth. ❞

❝ Stop squirming and die like an adult. ❞

❝ I’ll tell you what that thing isn’t: It isn’t yours. So leave it alone. ❞

❝ You’re curious about what happens after you die, right? Guess what: I know. ❞

❝ We have added a consequence for failure. ❞

❝ You’re not smart. You’re not a scientist. You’re not a doctor. You’re not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong? ❞

❝ Despite your violent behavior, the only thing you’ve managed to break so far is my heart. ❞

❝ You are kidding me. ❞