Xerophim

I had a vision and I swear it looked like you

If I could give you everything, everything that you could cherish

All the power i hold.

Maybe its because it reminds me of the day I took this body.

no yea, fucking act like you’re the bigger person when i told you i was going to be out all night playing DnD with my friends

go ahead, tell me how you just straight up dont trust me as a partner or as a person in general and how you basically think im fucking all my friends

no its actually so funny and cool when you can hang out with your friends and get drunk and shit and even drive home after drinking all night and get home at midnight, but when i play game with my friends and dont even drink and get home at like 11:20 then im the one who irresponsible, right?

life with you is a fucking prison

tell me how you dont trust my friends to not want to be romantic with me and then tell me again the story about how the last time we had a fight you decided to go to the bar and try to pick up girls, because thats actually so funny of you

Like i should feel blessed when you do it

Well then im sorry I'm not a mindless slave

One for you to make me do extactly what you want

Im sorry I feel

and that i treat you the same way you treat me

It must be such an inconvenience to get a taste of your own medicine

so I killed them

and I've rebuilt myself

into Something so much more powerful than human

I dont need to be what has already been shaped by the currents

i have taken the mishapen stone that is my soul and carved it into something that not even your "god" could make

yes you, the little voice reading this in your head

you are in control. you command what needs to be done

you are smarter than instinct, than feelings

you just believe everything that everyone else tells you so that you don't have to use your own brain.

its unbecoming of a soul.

do your own research.

take all the perspective into consideration.

not just from one group of people, or people in general

ask the stars and clouds

ask the air you breath

feel it in your gut, with your own two hands

stop letting the people you call "family" pull the wool over your eyes.

Just when you think the magic hasn't set in

That your shift was unsuccessful

When you think it'll never happen

It creeps up on you

And you get to see all the good you deserve

The blessings you asked for

The night you stay awake staring at the ceiling

Imagining it all and what you could be

I got what I asked for

Just keep asking and it'll come to you

Don't let the flame die

But if it does somehow

The joy, the money, the fame

I understand now

I understand now

I UNDERSTAND NOW

It's not moving, its not pushing your spirit or consciousness or whatever somewhere else

It's all in your head

The multiverse is in me

I dont have to pray or enact some ritual or listen to anything

I just have to close my eyes and know I am there

I am everywhere and everything

The games aren't just games, the stories aren't just stories, they are me

Trying to catch my breath

Holding back vommit

Losing it all

Don't think it's just a day dream

Just focus on it, lock in on it

Ill be on top of the world, the word on everyone tongue, and you'll just be the one who finally got caught being an awful human being

You think you're fine now, with you mom having your back, the same mom you tell everyone that abuses you, is an alcoholic, and didn't support you coming out as trans in high school, and then years later when you decided you were a lesbian instead, and then later on when she told you to stay with your abusive boyfriend and I was the only one there for you.

When you were short on rent money and would lie to me and tell me you needed mine early and then would go off and spend it on whatever you wanted, only for you dad to bail you out.

I was the only one who was there for you and understood you all through out your developmental years, and you threw me away the minute I was doing good for myself.

That's ok.