An Undercover Sideblog

Hi, and welcome to my undercover sideblog for Und3rt4le-D3lt4rune niche f3tish content. (I’m mainly interested in Sp4mt0n and T3nna, but enjoy content and doing things with M3ttat0n, J3vil, and S3am as well). I’ve been lurking for sometime, and I do write f4nf1c under the A03 anonymous collection.

It drives me crazy to do it, but I will be using a lot of slashes and periods and numbers to keep things out of searches here.

Anyone coming across this who is under 18, please DNI and navigate back.  This is for both your protection and mine, and I cannot stress that enough.  We’re not dancing around the nature of what I’ll be posting about here, even if my own depictions may be tamer than most. Because 1. I’ll be interacting with blogs where that might not be the case, and 2. I had a past experience years ago in an art community where tamer f3tish-adjacent content was normalized to be safe and simply childish humor. It leveled up and ended in a traumatic experience. I will not support the mindset that allowed that to happen to me, so even if you think you’re close enough in age because you’re within a year or two of getting there, please understand that this is more than a “because I said so”, and just wait. I do not want anyone going through what I did.  (Peace and love to you, but please stay away until you’re old enough!)

The rest of my DNI is fairly simple.  This is a safe space, and a shame-free space, so if you’re going to be a jerk, or if you hold beliefs that are hostile, stay away.  If you simply don’t like or feel comfortable with the subject matter on this blog, please navigate back quietly. Hateful comments are only a waste of time for everyone.  

I am strictly against p3doph1lia/und3r4ge, 1nc3st, n0n-c0n, and z00ph1lia/b3sti4lity.  Please do not interact with this blog if you post content involving these things on yours, or if you post any sort of N$FW content with characters depicted as minors.  I have other squicks that I can scroll past without much bother, but these I cannot, and I do not wish to be associated with them.

My main interests I have set aside for this blog specifically are omorashi and dacryphilia, with a twist.  Some forms of sickness as well, but in my own work, usually minimal description or implied and focused on comfort.

I do not expect to be very active here for now, but I do want someplace where I’m not under a completely anonymous function, so I’m not quite so cloak-and-dagger, but there’s a chance this blog could disappear if I am found by the wrong people.

I will be following from my main alternative blog, eventually.  Anyone here is welcome to view it, but let’s keep quiet about it, okay?  Please and thank you?

And a little more info about my interests and me under the cut:

Would Sn3o have a proportionately bigger bladder or fluid tank, or would he keep pu.pp.3t Sp4m’s tiny bladder leaving him without much capacity to hold a larger body size’s output volume?

Is something wrong with me? Probably. Am I ashamed? Not one bit.

26,460 words of pathetic T3nna peeing, crying, and having post cl/ea/vi/ng problems and counting. I’m not done filling in all the gaps yet. I’m not sure if I feel better about how long it’s taking or if I’m now more worried about how I’m going to break it up into chapters, ‘cause this time I’m going to have to. My Relief In Recovery stories run long, but that’s too long to force into a one shot.

Pu.pp.3t Sp4m is severely paruretic. He is trying to combat this with exposure therapy, and post-canon, it is better than it was before his canon time period in the dumpster. There are now occasional times and places he can relax enough to pee without being completely alone, when he used to lock up over just a noise that had only the slightest chance of being someone coming. But over time, paruresis has already given him permanent bladder problems in the form of urinary retention.

Retention typically comes from repeated overstretching of the bladder wall from holding to the limit too frequently. Which, due to being homeless and paruretic, Sp4mton often did end up holding at his 900 mL limit for extended periods, and at times was even forced to hold beyond this limit. Over time, this weakened the muscles in his bladder wall. The main part of the bladder is one big hollow muscle that has a lining on the inside, and it relaxes to allow stretching out to fill, and contracts to empty itself. When that muscle gets overstretched repeatedly and too often for the micro damage to the muscle fibers to heal before they’re overstretched and strained again, it gets weaker rather than stronger. But, since the muscle that pushes everything out is damaged, rather than the holding muscles, or the sphincter and pelvic floor which are weakened by other mechanisms, holding it in isn’t the problem. It’s emptying completely that becomes a challenge.

With that in mind, if Sp4mton has to hold it for hours before he has a safe chance to pee, and then repeats this process over and over, his bladder does lose strength. And sometimes, this means that when he’s been holding it past his limit due to a paruretic lockup and overstretching beyond what he can voluntarily hold, not only is he hurting his bladder, but when he finally does pee, he might not be able to get everything out.

The interesting thing with the physiology behind it all is that bladders normally have a certain amount of retained volume even when completely emptied, just by the shape of the bladder and the thickness of the wall when it’s compressed down and not thin and distended. The only way this could be removed is with medical supplies that could pull it out with negative pressure. Normally, it’s a very small amount. About 50 mLs, though anywhere up to around 100 isn’t considered pathologic, and usually isn’t enough to cause any problems. There usually has to be at least 100 mLs present for the voiding reflex to work, anyway for the bladder wall to contract down and for the involuntary sphincters to let go after the voluntary holding muscles are relaxed. But, with retention, there may be at least 150 to 200 mLs of fluid left behind, and much more can be retained depending on how much the bladder muscles have been damaged. This is only accounting for muscular damage and loss of strength, and a bladder with nerve damage may be fully distended at all times and just dribbling overflow, but that’s a completely different situation than what I’ve headcannoned Sp4mton with, and something I probably wouldn’t have the heart to do if it wasn’t a canon event! Now, if the average sized human bladder starts accumulating enough to start feeling it somewhere between 200 to 250 mLs, retaining 150 to 200 doesn’t leave much room between peeing and already feeling the need to go again. And for Sp4mton with a small bladder that starts feeling it around 200 mLs, it catches up to him even faster. If he’s not able to take his time after peeing to let his bladder recoil and try to get some more out, it only takes a couple small sips of fluid and he’s already starting to feel the urge again. Or, in extreme situations, he might not get enough out all at once to stop feeling the urge.

This also has an impact on the strength of his stream. If he’s been holding at his limit for awhile, his bladder muscles will be extra fatigued, and he might have a really slow and weak stream that takes a long time to get everything out. It might even be a stop and start flow. Especially if he’s only able to let go because he absolutely can’t hold it anymore and his paruresis would still have him locked up otherwise, because that might be a situation where his holding muscles have finally given up, but his bladder wall muscles aren’t really assisting him in emptying. He can strain to try to help some out, but that can only do so much, and straining is something that would damage his holding muscles if he keeps doing it, so not a good thing to do. The inability to sustain a stream may also lead to him locking back up midway through voiding if he gets startled before he’s finished, when he might have managed to keep it going once he started if it was steady.

That said, what happens if halfway through peeing, his overstretched bladder muscles recoil enough and get some tone back into them? There’s actually some room to compress down, and maybe he’s been peeing long enough that the anxiety of desperation dropping off is enough to get him to unlock completely? After having a weak trickle of a stream to get half his bladder out, he could have a sudden high pressure burst. And depending on where he’s relieving himself and how he’s positioned, that could be another problem. When he was on the streets having to go in a trash pile or drainage ditch and not having to hit a specific target, it might not have mattered much. Unless his stream lost power again toward the end and he had it drop and go down his legs. But post-canon in recovery, trying to aim into a toilet and adjust to stay on target with sudden changes might lead to him peeing on himself, or anywhere around the toilet, like the floor in front or the wall behind. So sometimes in my AU recovery arc, if he can tell he’s been overstretched or he’s half locked-up, he’ll sit down to pee. Just to make sure an unpredictable stream doesn’t cause him to have an accident even when he’s undressed and in position at the toilet. This has definitely happened, and the number of times it did was how he was able to learn to recognize the signs. He doesn’t like to admit just how many times this was, and accidents still sometimes happen.

It was in this odd d4rk w0rld building that has never been anywhere in d3l/t4/ru/ne, so my subconscious even made up a d4rk w0rld to create this situation. It was this building than was half on land and half floating out on some waterway and I’m going to accept that d4rk w0rld magic was keeping that structure stable. There were actually lots of bathrooms in the building, but only the bathroom on the first level in the part of the building over solid ground was a normal, comfortable bathroom to use. The first level bathroom in the part of the building over the water felt too open with a wall of windows that overlooked the water. The glass was frosted, but it still gave that uncomfortable feeling of being on display. And going up to the second and third levels, the bathrooms only got more cursed. They were visible in passing from a fly on the wall perspective, with it implied there was some sort of adventure with an event on the third deck of the building, and it’s already a blur, but there was a lot happening up there. But the omo action. Up on the third deck, Sp4mton snuck out of inventory and as soon as he materialized it was clear he had to pee so, so badly.  He was glitching out and hunched over and taking awkward steps because he was in so much pain with any movement.  J3vil came out of inventory with him for safety reasons, and he also had to pee, but not that badly for once I guess he doesn’t have a bunch of fluids to chug down in inventory, and they started winding back down through the labyrinth of the building past all the bathrooms they’d passed by on the way up to go for the one normal bathroom on the first level.

The third deck bathrooms were a hard no for both of them, not only because there was such a huge crowd up there, but because they looked disgusting and didn’t offer much privacy.  The nicest looking of the three bathrooms up there didn’t have an outer door, but just an opening and bend in the wall going into it, and there were two claustrophobic stalls that had doors made of those see through shutter/blind wood slats that sometimes get put on closet doors. And the paint was all chipped off in a way that made it look filthy and no amount of cleaning could have made it look better. The other two bathrooms were actually filthy, in the way that if there is any other bathroom available, no matter how desperate, anyone would find the reserve in their bladder to go anywhere else.  J3vil didn’t want to use them, even though I headcanon that he’ll pee anywhere, and Sp4mton knew he was locked up just looking at it, and with the crowds and noise and anticipation of others coming in, they went back down to the second deck.

On the second level, there was objectively less foot traffic, but the presence of the amount there was around was a huge problem because the bathrooms weren’t really bathrooms, but just stalls lined up along the side of the hallway and a sink nearby.  And they weren’t solid stalls, either.  The doors had a gap at the bottom like the large gap that stall doors in the US have.  I have been to the UK before and I envy the low doors but that was not what was happening there!  So even though those stalls were clean, there was no privacy at all and other d4rken3rs passing through the hall were right there, and Sp4mton didn’t want to use those either because it was so uncomfortable and he knew he wouldn’t be able to let go.  And the gaps under the door were high enough to have him on display up to just below his hips because of his short leg proportions.  But by the time they were passing the third of the four lines of stalls in the second level hallway on the way back to the first floor, Sp4mton had to try because he kept having to stop, clench, and cross his legs because his glitches started making him leak as soon as he tried to move, and he was afraid it would start showing if he leaked again.  Poor thing was already peeing himself, but as soon as he got to the toilet in position, it all stopped because he locked back up, and he only forced out three small spurts by straining hard and flushing several times to block out the noise while he did.  J3vil did end up peeing in another stall while Sp4mton tried, and he tried flushing a bunch of times and making lots of noise to give Sp4mton cover, but it didn’t work and Sp4mton had to come out of his stall still full enough that it hurt, and he was all red faced and angry when he had to tell J3vil that he couldn’t go, and then he started crying from being frustrated and desperate, and washing his hands was torture but he had to do it because with being out in the hall it would have looked weird. Even though he was going right for another bathroom.

The Paruretic and the Polydipsiac. aka bathroom problem moral support frenemies, stuck waiting in a bathroom line somewhere in c4stle t0wn under the cut

Oh, hi! As far as full length stories go I only have those over on A03 and that’s probably the only place I feel comfortable having them. I do occasionally make some art here when I have time, and some of it is related, and I have headcanon breakdowns here, but that’s about it. The only other stuff I have is one unrelated SFW de.lt.4r.une work on my actual A03 account name, which I’d be willing to share by DM, for the purpose of keeping that separate from my anon works.

As far as works go, I am working on a T3nna centric story that I’ll hopefully finish soon with as complicated as some parts got I’m trying to rein it in. And I have been working on some art that I should have up in the next day or so.