proditeur. regulus black.
@stagcharmed // spots to kiss + # for dealers choice 👀
It’s mindless entertainment, Regulus thinks, but Harry seems to love the thing. It’s called a ‘television set’ and the only reason they even have one of them is because of Harry. Because he saw one in a shop window and wondered why they didn’t have one and they, in some attempt to pay homage to the boy’s late muggleborn mother, decided it was a harmless bridge between their worlds and bought one.
James seems fascinated by it. Regulus appears to be less so but in reality he’s concealing his curiosity beneath old-fashioned pureblood pride. The child simply loves it.
But Harry is already in bed. And relaxing in the dimly-lit sitting room with the set on has become something of a late-evening routine for James and Regulus who sit now on the sofa while something-or-other plays on the screen. Regulus isn’t actually paying attention. There’s a person slumped against his side and Regulus has one arm around his back, curled up with a hand in his hair. Another new familiarity. He doesn’t exactly know when they learned to get so close; when James learned that if he leans into him or lays his head on his lap then one of Regulus’ hands will naturally gravitate to him of its own accord and run aimlessly through his messy brown locks. When they both learned that there’s a comfort in this closeness and that if they simply don’t speak of it, if they don’t shine the spotlight on it, perhaps it’s okay.
Perhaps it would be okay either way. Perhaps neither one of them is ready for that, yet.
The screen changes to something bright and Regulus drops his head back with a tired whimper, pressing his eyes shut. I could fall asleep like this, he thinks, Actually…
James hasn’t moved in a bit. Now, he must be asleep. Regulus leans his head forward and twists to see his face and sees a man with his eyes closed, head on his shoulder, hair disheveled. Regulus smiles without realizing it. Silly man. He wonders what’s proper in this situation; does he stay there? Let them both sleep where they are? He can’t move without waking James and he certainly can’t carry him like this; but before he finds an answer he realizes that James’ eyes have opened and they’re looking at each other now. Meeting one another’s gaze with a pair of eyes that reflect the dancing lights from their television set.
Time sits frozen for a handful of seconds. Regulus’ eyes flick between each of James’, searching them for something without knowing what he’s looking for. Perhaps it’s not something he is ever meant to find, or perhaps it’s the thing that he finds when James’ lips press to the corner of his mouth.
For a moment he wonders if it was an accident. Maybe it was me? Maybe I’m tired, maybe I dropped my head, fell on him. But the weight on his shoulder is undeniably lesser and there’s a cold spot on his side that means James has shifted. But he, too, looks frozen and bewildered, or lost, or whatever it is that a person feels immediately after doing something like that. Regulus will know in just a moment—because with one hand still curved against the back of James’ head and the other gripping tightly the pillow beside him, he dips his head and presses his own quiet kiss to James’ lips.
he hadn’t intended to fall asleep. he kept telling himself he would go up to bed, but it was so warm, and quiet and peaceful here - and the low drone of voices on the television was more relaxing than he thought. as was regulus’ fingers in his hair, the warmth of his body beside him on the couch. not so long ago, being this close to him, letting regulus touch him in any way that implied intimacy would have been off the table . not only because he had spent so long just disliking him, but also because those were gestures that didn’t make sense between them. he wasn’t sure exactly what had changed, maybe he’d just got so tired of living without it. before all this, he’d existed between bouts of affection, always tender touches from lily and his friends, and it was only when he let regulus touch him the same way, that he realised how harsh the drought had been .
so it’s easy to fall asleep at his side . he thinks once, in another life before all this had happened, his friends had once joked how he was like a cat. wanting to curl up anywhere and soak up any bout of affection going around. he supposes that hasn’t changed, and as he drifts between wakefulness and sleep, he wonders at how much he’s grown to trust regulus. there had been a time where he would have barely been in the room with him, without keeping his want close at hand. now, he’s willing to fall asleep beside him. now, when he wakes up with blinking eyes, and hair messed from sleep, and tilts his head to meet regulus eyes, it’s not just friendly warmth, or trust he feels - it’s something else to, something he can’t describe, but washes over him as regulus eyes flick between his, their bodies and their faces close enough james is aware of it, and what he feels isn’t friendship or companionship, it’s something different, more .
he does not know why he does it . he can’t have been thinking, it was just an urge, a sudden but unmistakable desire that he acts on impulsively because that is the only way he ever acts. if he’d been thinking about it more, maybe he wouldn’t have done it, but he leans forward to press the kiss to the corner of regulus’ mouth and as soon as he does it, it’s like his brain begins to work again . and he’s definitely experiencing something like panic. he scrambles backward, his heart thumping so hard in his chest it’s like he just run a marathon .
he stares across at regulus, waits for him to say something, feels like he should say something, except he isn’t sure what . he’s done so many insane, impulsive things in his life before he thought the consequences through, and he thinks this has to be coming out somewhere near the top of the list . he’s about to open his mouth to say something, though he doesn’t know what when regulus leans forward himself, and suddenly it’s james being kissed.
he freezes, unsure for a moment what to do . this is strange, he’s not kissed anyone since lily, and it’s like for a second, he’s forgotten the gestures for it . what he’s supposed to do . then regulus’ fingers tighten in james’ hair, and a bolt of desire goes through him, and he’s able to stop thinking so much. kissing regulus is unlike anyone else he’s kissed, not only because regulus is the first boy he’s kissed, but because there is a tentativeness, and slowness to it that he’d never needed before . he was usually all fire, all passion, but with regulus there was always a certain clumsiness, though he tries not let his mind dwell on it. a hand raises to cup regulus’ cheek, and the kiss seeming more of a careful, quiet exploration of possibility more than anything else .
