Whatās that saying? āIf Iām not for myself, who will be for me?ā Well, Iām taking care of myself for once. Thatās all. Oh, and you realize that that phrase is not an invitation for narcissism, right?Ā Youāre calling me a narcissist? Sure you donāt want more pain meds? Itāll knock you right out. I donāt blame you. You know, itās human nature. You face enough hardship, then you canāt help but think that youāre being punished, that you did something to deserve it.Ā I did nothing to deserveā¦ Okay. My whole life, I followed His rules. I studied, I believed, I practiced what I preached. I did every single thing He asked of me. And that guarantees youā¦ what?Ā Excuse me? Well, whereā¦ where.. where is the guarantee? In the sequel? āCause, I have to admit, Iām not as up on that as I used to be.Ā If by the sequel, you mean the New Testament, thatās pretty funny. No, no, where is it written exactly that if you do this or that, that everything in your lifeās gonna be good, hmm? Nowhere, in any faith, is there a guarantee.Ā Iām not asking for everything to be good all the time. But fairā¦ I think that Iā¦ Fair? Was it fair when Isaac went blind and then his child betrayed him? And where was the fairness when Sara had to wait 99 years before she had a child, and God said, āsacrifice him?ā And Moses couldnāt even get past the bouncer to the Promised Land. And like I said, Iām not up on the sequel, but from what I hear, Jesus got a raw deal. Nobody in the Bible lived a life free of suffering or injustice, or it wouldnāt have been a best seller. And if they lived lives like that, why should ours be different? Now, if people only believed in God when things were good, I guarantee you, after the Holocaust, not a single Jew would be a believer.Ā Okay. Well, see, now you mention the Holocaust, and anything I say after that makes meā¦ A narcissist?Ā I was gonna say jackass, butā¦ Faith wouldnāt be real faith if you only believe when things are good.Ā Well, so, what? The world is just cruel and random, and thereās nothing anyone can do about it? Look, I donāt have a lot of time here. Do you mind if I just skip to the part where I pretend I donāt know what to teel you? Iām just gonna tell you, okay?Ā Okay. You sound like a child.Ā What? Terrible things happen. Terrible, wonderful, devastating things happen. Who the hell are you to know why? Who are you to know why some people live and some people die?Ā Children die. Children who dindāt do anything wrong, childrenā¦ who were broken before they had a chance to be whole, who were climbing in their own front windows. Right. And you donāt get to know why any more thanā¦ than I get to know why Iām dying from taking a pill that saves lives, that saves nearly everyoneās life but itās killing me. So you can either believe in God and goodness, or you can believe itās pointless, itās cruel, and itās random whatever makes you happier. Are you? Happy?Ā Itās not narcissism. Then what is it?Ā I donātā¦ Pain. Unimaginable pain. Godās not indifferent to out pain. Listen the tikkun olam means that the world is full of brokenness and itās our job to put it back together again. It assumes that the world is broken and in need and in pain. And itās our job to fix it.
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