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morning bc...... idk give me tips im feeling pretttyyy chunky

but what i want to do is not eat. I just find it so difficult though, and i don't know why. I can't do both. I just love the feeling of being lightheaded and dizzy after not eating for so long, and seeing myself get smaller, but the longest I've fasted (this year i used to go a couple days when I was younger) was 21 hours. and after that I can't even remember all the shit I ate.

I just really hate myself I guess, but I don't feel like sad or depressed? I'm a really cheerful person !! I talk to strangers and compliment them, im super friendly and i always think positive funny stuff, but I hate that im happy? it's not like I'm trying to larp mental illness or anything, but i just miss the feeling I used to get. it felt so magical and euphoric to not eat. I felt like a unicorn, it was awesome. no point to this post just ranting