shitposting soul rider

Ever since January 12, SSO has been up and down for me. It’s not because of the game. It’s because one of my closest online friends, whom I met via SSO, passed away the day before.

Not a single day has gone by since that day where I don’t tear up at least once about her. And, honestly... it’s weird to me, because, I never knew her in person. Sure, we’d video chatted a few times and, hell, we’d known each other for about two years at that point. But something about this particular death, I couldn’t get over. Whether it was how sudden it was, the fact that she was just an online friend, or the fact it was her birthday -- I’m still not entirely certain, but either way, this was one of the hardest deaths I’ve ever had to overcome.

Knowing that today was coming, knowing that we were having a memorial for Elizabeth, and knowing that, of all places, it would happen to be at Doyle’s Abbey, has been haunting me. I can still remember the first time I ever spoke to Hannah on discord. We talked for well over an hour, just walking our horses around Doyle’s Abbey and the surrounding area. I was completely expecting to be crushed.

But... that didn’t happen.

Sure, I cried my eyes out. I’m not gonna lie, I sobbed like a baby. I stood in my room for ten minutes hugging my stuffed owl crying into it. But... I feel... better?

The conclusion I’ve come to is that this quest while bringing the soul riders closure for the loss of their friend and leader has also brought me closure in losing one of the brightest souls I was ever privileged enough to meet. I don’t know what it is about it. Whether it was the rainbow, just mingling with NPCs and thinking of good times, or the music -- I just felt better right after the quests.

I even realized now, hours later, that I genuinely feel lighter. Like a weight I didn’t know I was carrying has been lifted off of my chest.

To me, today’s quests were not only a great step for SSO in terms of writing and developing the story, but, for me, it was a stand-in for the wake/funeral I never got to go to for Hannah.

Thank you so much for this, SSO.

And, honestly? Just everything this game has done for me.