•Tori•

He tosses a sideways glance from his peripheral and nothing more but you respond to the look expertly, “just cold, not going to sleep I promise. I know it’s my watch Captain, the door is closed anyway so it should be fine, get some rest.”

“I’m not tired,” the same as every night, though it sounds a little more clipped than usual. The admission makes you giggle now, however, a breathless ‘of course’. Mentally going over some method to lull him to sleep that doesn’t involve exiting the already cultivated warmth of the shared bedroll. 

Not many come to mind, even fewer that you think would actually work quickly. He should be, at the very least, fatigued by this time; you’d both woken slightly earlier than normal and he’d used his magic sporadically throughout the day. 

And if his tone is any indication, you’d consider him to even be cranky, which seems comically endearing more than anything else. 

A rush of heat flooding your system, following the tracks of the flowing blood in your veins, with the idea you have. 

“Alright then,” cute lilt of your voice melting into a more sultry one, “let me help with that Captain.” Propping yourself up on your elbow with one arm and leaning against his chest with the other. Digits coyly drumming against his sternum, “a new way this time. Something for both of us?” 

Mithrun’s brow raises in question, prompting you to continue when you fall quiet while running the arch and ball of your foot along the expanse of his shin. Kicking your leg further over both of his own, straddling him as your elbows rest on either side of his head.

Your captain spares a cursory glance and, thankfully, surmises what you’re insinuating without making you say it out loud. You don’t think you’d be able to anyway, hovering over him like this outside of pleasant dreams is consuming most of your confidence. 

“Why would this make me fall asleep?” 

“It’s my job to take care of you and meet your needs Captain,” a job you take great delight in, especially now. It was okay to be a little selfish right? You still had your own desire, Mithrun was still a man, “even if I do all the work, it should tire you out.” 

His expression never changes, Mithrun only slow blinks up at you, but he doesn’t disagree. Nor does he show disdain, something he can still express but never really feels the.. well, desire to. 

Though you do covet another sort of desire from him, you always have, since early on in your arranged partnership but you yearn even more so now. You crave the notion of Mithrun lost in his need for you as deeply as you crave his lips hungrily sliding over yours. Dream of intimate affections and passionate explorations to the point it’s cultivated a particular proclivity, its eating you alive. 

But his silence now begins to embarrass you before long, the heat of shame stinging the apples of your cheeks. You shift, preparing to remove yourself from him entirely, “forgive me, maybe I should just do the usual—“

“It’s something you want as well?” The question surprises you, freezing you in place above him. Tilting your head as you swallow a little more visibly before you nod your head slowly. 

“Then let’s do it,” hearing it in his bored tone, indifferent to the act gives birth to a pit in your stomach that wars with the fluttering feel of elation. Mithrun denied whatever he saw fit but he never refused anything of you; he may not ever particularly care for doing most things outside of his pursual of vengeance but he won’t do something he doesn’t want to.   

“Alright Captain,” a suspire of a sound, unintentionally sultry as you adjust to sit up more, “are you certain you’re okay with this?” 

Checking once more with a hammering heart as you fist your slip at the hem and drag it upwards before tugging it over your head to leave you bare above him. 

He nods but says nothing else, only stares unblinking up at you, gaze flickering to your uncovered breasts but nary a reaction. It almost makes you bashful, shifting your weight to rest the fat of your ass against his crotch as you bring your arms up to cover your chest. 

“You’re staring,” slightly less confident than you’d wanted to sound. 

“I’m waiting,” simply stated, you’re not surprised. It even makes you laugh, a mirthless sound as you dip lower. Fingers brushing hair from his sightless eye and press your chest to his, drawing the blanket back over your forms so you won’t feel too exposed. 

Your hands slip beneath the covers as your hips hover above his own to push the shorts you’d changed him into down his thighs. The fabric pooling at his knees before he shimmies them lower.

Shifting forward as he lifts his knees and settles his feet flat against the plush surface of the sleeping bag, the position having the curve of your ass contour perfectly to him. 

Heat strings the nape of your neck you’re sure isn’t caused by the flame nearby, certain it’s the feel of him against your sex. Saliva embarrassingly gathers on your tongue for you to swallow down as you lean down to him again. 

Face to face with him but there’s a sudden awkwardness, you aren’t entirely sure how to really initiate this with him. 

You could crawl down his body, take him into your mouth. Feel him steadily harden as you bob on his length but you don’t think your ego could recover if you looked up and saw a lack of enthusiasm on his handsome features. 

“This should help,” muttered more to yourself than to him as you dip your head to kiss at his throat, nipping playfully at the flesh as your warm cunt rests over his soft cock. Cradling his skull as humid puffs dampen the skin available to you between each brush of your lips, peppering chaste affections along the column while climbing ever higher, laying a final one in the space behind his cropped ears. Smiling when his cock twitches at just the feel of your breath fanning over the scar tissue alone.

He even cranes his neck for you, presenting the extremity more prominently to you. Your heart could soar, finally grinding your pelvis into his own as your teeth graze the cartilage; your thumb swiping sweetly over the smooth skin of his cheek, ending its trek at the opposite lobe to massage it. Affording equal attention to both while you hum softly, a gentle tune you likely couldn’t name. 

But even if Mithrun’s body reacts to you, you hunger for more. Long to hear his breath hitch or sigh at your actions, for passion to take him in the form of frustration at your leisure. To have him grip your hips and hasten the pace of your currently slow grind over his semi hard cock. 

You knew this would be nothing like what your other squad members described with their own lovers but you didn’t know it’d feel so disconnected. You didn’t think it’d bother you this much either, trying and failing not to take it to heart; you were more than aware that your affections aren’t returned. 

That they likely never would be, because he can’t physically, nevermind emotionally, desire you. Even so, it doesn’t stop you from wishing there was a glint to his eye while you drag his steadily hardening cock between slick folds. That he’d want to cup your face and tell you how pretty you looked like this, how much he adored what he did to you, what you do for him. 

Could the dungeon grant that wish? 

The thought makes you halt abruptly, lifting your hips while gnawing the skin of your lip until near bleeding when he surprises you; fingers holding you in place when he questions, “why did you stop?” 

Your throat feels dry when you swallow, words seized by it so you merely shake your head instead, a glassy look to your eye and an unconvincing smile. 

“Keep going,” somewhat commanding, you swallow the hope of him following it with ‘I want more‘, knowing it will never come. 

The command will be enough for now, though your heart races and eyes widen when his hands find your hips as you give a tentative roll once more. Slick clicks disturbing the silence as you find your rhythm again, melting in the moment when his engorged tip kisses your clit with one particular rut. Shuddering above him and as pleasure threatens to overtake you, you don’t register the slight grip of his fingers.

Pelvis twitching out of sync before you gasp, a sharp inhale to punctuate the sudden rapture. How long had it been since you’d found bliss? It felt better this way than by your own hand, you can admit that much, and you hadn’t even been filled by Mithrun yet. 

So lost in the throngs of your orgasm you miss telling reactions from the man beneath you; like his uncovered eye widening a fraction in interest and the way his sealed lips part around a breath. 

His expression is neutral by the time you float back down to him, shrugging your shoulders sheepishly as your fingers thread together just below his diaphragm. Lifting your ass slightly to reach between your bodies, taking hold of his fully rigid length and he looks on at the sticky mess with rapt attention as you align it with your drooling hole.

“Ready now, Captain?” The sound of your voice peels his attention for how his tip prods into your warmth before he nods. 

The hands steadfastly at your hips reflexively aid in how you sink down on him, stretching you slowly. Obsidian hues flickering up to watch how you react to him once more. 

Plush lips formed into a pretty ‘o’, brows furrowed but distinctly different from the times he’s seen you in pain. 

But the breathy moan that pulls from your throat when you’ve taken him fully, sensitive clit running against the neatly kept thatch of hairs on his pelvis is an experience in and of itself. 

A tune one could only attribute to a siren's song, a flicker of feeling sparking in his chest that could dare to ignite the more he hears it. The only call Mithrun may yet fall victim to. 

You both settle into a steady rhythm from there, rising and falling on his cock at a leisurely pace as you adjust to the feeling of him while he does the same in turn. Rotating in minute circles intermittently to test what feels good for him as well, canting your hips slightly to maintain the angle you found when his pelvis ruts up and out of sync with your own.  

Reveling in the subtle reactions from him, finally finding a comfort in these actions with one another. The breathless whimpers from you steadily crescendoing into airy moans and modestly audible panting. Mithrun’s skin glistening as a sheen of sweat collects and catches the licking flames, his still intact eye lidded evenly with his damaged one and his lips perpetually parted. 

Your stomach flutters when he wets his lower lip with a swiping tongue, arching slightly and pushing his head into his pillow with the hastened pace you’re melting into. 

Getting lost in the feeling before long, carried away now that you’ve broken from your initial trepidation and timidness. This feels natural now, just as every interaction with your captain does. 

The natural ease guiding you now, as if on autopilot as you lean down for a touch more intimacy to the act. Fisting the material beneath you to anchor yourself before cradling the curve of Mithrun’s skull, lips brushing over his dewy skin, smattering what’s available to you with a barrage of chaste pecks. Trailing from his throat where your tongue darts to sample the salty sheen as you draw upwards along his jawline. Nails raking soothingly at his scalp, breathing in the smell of Mithrun and sex as you inhale deeply, unable to keep yourself from what you do next. 

Your lips seal over his, a firm press before tugging playfully at the full lower lip because you’re more than elated in this moment. 

Everything about this feels good, feels right, and you can’t believe it’s your captain who fills you so perfectly. Moaning against his lips and frantically rolling your hips into his own, blinded as you chase your second climax before you moan again. The coil snapping and you tense against him, lips parting against his own as your brows furrow when euphoria engulfs you once again. 

Riding the waves of your orgasm until realization threatens to nix it prematurely when your eyes roll open with fluttering lashes.

“I’m—!” Gasped as you rest your palms on either side of his head, pushing up but not away despite that being the knee jerk reaction.

Cheeks ablaze as you still, thinking you need to apologize while velvet walls continue to spasm around his sensitive cock. 

Lips forming around the words before the hands resting atop your hips grip insistently at the fat of them. Crescent moon’s sure to rise beneath the pressure of his nails as your captain moves you himself. Lifting you and pushing you back down on his aching cock, a slight urgency to the movement as he repeats the action twice before you naturally fall into the rhythm with him. 

“Keep going,” a slight rasp to his usually smooth tone, “Do what you were doing earlier.” 

You find exactly what he means again easily, arcing your back as you lean down again. Elbows framing either side of his head when Mithrun surprises you for the third time tonight. 

He lifts his head for his lips to capture yours again, his hands sliding to the small of your back to press you flush against him. One creeping higher, caressing just below your shoulder blades for a more natural conforming position. 

Your surprise melts into gleeful acceptance, tilting your head to deepen the kiss. Dragging your hands to the center of his pillow and pushing them beneath his head again. Cupping behind his ears while the pads of your thumbs press into Mithrun’s skin, tilting him in the opposite direction. 

Opening your mouth involuntarily for a moan to slip freely when his cockhead nudges into just the right spot. Making a noise of surprise when you feel his own wet muscle slide over yours a moment later while Mithrun pushes his fingers into the small of your back. Pressing down while you taste one another until he needs more, pawing at the plump flesh of your ass in wordless encouragement. 

Urging you to bounce just a bit faster as his breath stalls in his chest, coming out in stutters when he parts from the kiss. 

You wish you could focus on how cute he looks with his brow scrunched in concentration before his feet plant on the floor for better leverage. Thrusting up into you, desperately pursuing his coveted demise as the room fills with a cacophony of lewd squelching, honied cries and gravely growls. 

Babbling ‘please captain, please cum for me, so close, please fill me up’ almost incoherently before the coil in his abdomen gives way the moment you moan Mithrun oh so sinfully. Toes curling into the material of his bedroll and every muscle in his body tenses as he paints your walls in warm sticky white. 

It’s fitting you follow your captain to blissful Elysium the same as you do the pits of hell. Blinding pleasure wracking your form with whole bodied trembles while he works you both through your climax. Each unhurried rut prolongs the pleasure before the sting of overstimulation threatens you both.  

Lifting off of him with a whine, lamenting the empty feeling before you collapse in the space next to him, near boneless as your chest heaves for breath. 

Snuggling closer despite how tacky skin sticks together uncomfortably with every adjustment in position until you settle tucked into the crook of his shoulder. Sighing contentedly as your pattern of breathing syncs with his own, slow and even while you replay all that transpired in a relatively short span of time. 

Though, pleasant recollection leads down the corridor of over analyzation and its only product is agonizing reflection.    

You’d all but coerced him.

Guilt bubbles in your gut, disrupting and denying the peaceful call of slumber. The corners of your eyes burn as your fingers curl into a fist against his chest, “perhaps I should no longer be in charge of your care Captain. I’ll request a change in station once the other Canaries retrieve us.” 

“No, I prefer for it to be you.” 

Even on the cusp of slumber, tone laden with drowsiness he’s quick with his rebuttal as he rests his chin on your crown, effectively tucking you further into the crook of his neck. 

To anyone else, his comment could be taken at face value. That he simply wishes to maintain the ease of familiarity; you know his routine and what works best for him, adjusting to a new Canary was bothersome. 

But, with how long you’ve known him now, you know something like that is a nonissue. Your captain is mostly agreeable, anyone could see to his needs should the situation arise. 

It’s far from a confession of fondness but it’s  enough to warm your heart and ease your mind to fall asleep in time with him. 

After what felt like a thousand years you sat up hopping off your mattress. You wandered out the doorframe of your room to where you heard the repeated crushing of what sounded like buttons on a controller. A very furious Karkat was biting his tongue slightly as he moved a X-Bug controller playing some sort of RPG.

Glancing at the screen it seems to be a boss battle with a giant dragon. A Part of you wanted to say something, or wave your hand, or just clear your throat with a “aHEM.”

Butttt there was also a large part of you that didn’t wanna make a fuss, you know how Vantas gets with intense video games.

Instead you try a softer approach! Blanket over your shoulders you scooted on the couch next to Karkat’s fury rage. Thankfully the sudden weight on the couch kinda snapped Karkat out of it. He instinctively hit the pause button on the top of the controller looking over to you

“HEY WHAT YOU SNATCHING MY BLANKET FOR?” The troll asked teasingly, which made you snort slightly then sink into the blanket some more.

“Just feeling a lil tired..” You mumbled

Karkat placed his controller on the coffee table in front of him with his expression softening some, trolls seemed to be able to sense peoples emotions a lot more. Karkat scooted over to your side so your shoulders were brushing slightly

“YOU SAID THAT YESTERDAY. HOW CAN YOU STILL BE QUOTE ON QUOTE TIRED? WHATS REALLY UP?” He questioned moving some of your hair away from your eyes gingerly with his black painted claws.

“I’ve just, been feeling out of it y’know?” You moved your head to nuzzle your cheek into Karkat’s leg. Which usually he would have kicked someone off of him for even thinking of such an act. But he let you stay there

You explained to Karkat what you’ve been feeling, some things, big things, stuff that’s been bothering you in your day at the time.

   It’s blue hour isn’t it? I can hardly tell if there are clouds in the sky right now. Looking up between the buildings feels as though I might be about to fall into a deep, dark pool. The street below looks like it’s underwater, the lights from all buildings nearby look… tired? Like I’m looking back at the past through an old, sad movie.

  The front door jingles and opens. 

   Oh, Karkat’s home. What the hell was I doing just now?

   I could have sworn I was doing… something on my laptop. Oh, right. Just watching some YouTube. But, I paused it? To look at the clouds? I’m really out of it right now, I guess. 

   Unconsciously I shake the distraction out of my head. It hasn’t been that long since I got back from my job at the grocery store, I must have spaced out trying to relax to some videos. Whatever, there are much more important things to think about at a time like now. 

   “Karkaaat-” I announce once I open the door to the living room, drawing out his name as long as I could.

   “Fucking hell! What!” He grouched something about just getting back home, a single moment of peace would be nice. He hides his startled jump by trying to put his coat on the rack by the door. 

   “You said you’re cooking tonight,“ I accuse, “and I have never been more in the mood for chicken than I am in this moment right now.” I point a finger at him like I’m in a courtroom and my last name is Wright.

   Karkat makes a look like some sort of wince. “Uh huh. And I’m the unfortunate slob who has to do something about that.” It was almost phrased like a question. He exaggerates every move as he closes the door and steps inside. 

   “You are!” I nod “When you lost the chess match with John yesterday, you also made your roommate look like a loser, remember?”

   “Yes, I get it, I get it. You’re annoying and I have to pay for it.”

   “I’m just saying we both know John is going to ridicule me for even thinking about supporting you at the tournament so you should be the one who has to pay the medical bill for the… embarrassment. In the form of food. Tonight. As dinner…” He looks up at me from taking off his shoes, not amused and highly confused. “I’m losing my train of thought. You said you’d make dinner anyway! Why am I trying to convince you?”

   “I didn’t even say anything,” he chuckles, “that was 100% you.” 

   “I picked up chicken and broccoli from the store today!” As I walked past him to the fridge, I hit him on the arm. 

   “Fucker,” he spits.

   “And I’ll do the dishes like usual.” Placing the chicken on the counter, I reach for the broccoli-

   “Just sit your ass down! If I have to deal with your sniveling prongs making a mess all over the meal block, (Name), I swear to God we are not having a repeat of pasta night.” He starts to make big shooing gestures, ushering me out.

   “You really suffocate my creative spirit, KK,” I playfully sigh, knowing full well I shouldn’t be allowed in the kitchen with my track record of spilling anything that can be spilled. Sometimes even things that can’t be spilled. 

   “Last time I checked, we don’t need ‘creativity’ over an open flame.” 

   “You may be right.” I giggle. “Thanks for cooking though.” 

   He mumbles some affirmation and gets to work. My gaze lingers on his back for just a moment before going back to my room to grab my Switch. I’ll always feel guilty about not helping out but I know that even if I were more graceful in the kitchen, he prefers to have control over everything. I will, however, be within earshot if he needs an extra hand. Starting up something casual on the Switch, I plop down onto the couch. 

   Maybe there was something in those clouds today. I can’t stay focused on one thing for too long. I’ve abandoned the game, still holding it my hands while its quiet soundtrack plays. Every time Karkat uttered a curse over the food, I caught myself looking up, watching him for a while, then looking away. 

   We’d been roommates for ages now, since the last year of college. We quickly clicked, which was super fortunate for me. There was no way I wanted to live on my own after school, and as luck would have it, he wasn’t opposed to staying as roommates either. He, for the most part, enjoys cooking, I clean the dishes since he says he hates doing that, he doesn’t mind to remind me when I forget to do a chore around the house, and I’m not bothered by how he gets loud on calls with his friends. It’s such a ruminating day today…

   “Hello? Do you have slime in your hear ducts?”

   Eh? Ruminating over. 

   “Earth to (name).” 

   “I’m here! I’m awake,” I jostle suddenly.

   Karkat just started putting everything on the table—the nice one we worked together to buy so we had somewhere to play his tabletop games. Though, it also takes up the majority of the small apartment. 

   “Sure you are. You weren’t even looking at the game, you looked like you were undressing the meal vault with your mind.” 

   A surprised laugh escapes from me as I get off the couch. 

   “Food’s ready.” 

   “Yay! Thank you again, it smells really really good.” 

   “Mhm.”

   We squeeze into the chairs and dig in, it tastes just as good as it smells. I’m honestly pretty lucky Karkat is cool with cooking for me. We used to eat in our rooms, both because of the lack of a table but also because we both preferred eating alone. It’s likely we’re only eating here to get our money’s worth, but there’s still something satisfying about a warm homemade meal over a nice table. 

   “Kar?” 

   He only looks up in response, food’s probably keeping him from his usual yelling. 

   “I got a new game if you want to play with me tonight,” I swallow and continue, “since it’s Friday and whatever.”

   He sighs loudly once he’s done chewing. 

   “Cooking for you and entertaining your screen addiction? Seriously, (Last Name), have I been put on this planet, cursed by the twisted gods who hide their sorry asses among the stars where they know my mortal wrath can’t reach, to be the player 2 at your beck and call?” Despite his long-windedness, his voice is softer than usual, making me smile before I even process what he said–a good sign he’s totally up for a game. 

   I perk up, “It’s called Heave Ho, I’ve watched other people play it so I got it myself. I think you’ll really like it.” 

   “If it wasn’t Saturday tomorrow I wouldn’t even think about it.” 

   “Yay!” I kick him under the table and he kicks me back just as hard. “This is super fuckin’ good by the way, I’d eat this every night.”

   “I only followed a recipe, you don’t have to slobber all over my bulge about it.” 

   “Gross, in front of my chicken?” 

_________________

   “Could you! Fucking! Hold on for one second! Do you think you’re capable of doing that?”

   “Hahah-I’m trying, I’m trying! I swear to god the button is unpressing its-hahaha-elf!”

   “It’s not ‘unpressing’ itself you’re CLEARLY letting go–just fucking–HOLD ME UP!”

   “I AM! What! Pfft bahaha-you don’t think I’m doing everything I can?”

   “You’re swinging in the wrong direction–(NAME) YOU–AGH-”

   A short “splat” noise follows and I erupt in laughter. Karkat throws his head backwards on the couch and groans sounds of anguish into his hands. I can’t help putting down my controller, my character dying as a result, and holding my sides to try and keep them from splitting. 

   “You thought I would like this game?! You thought, no–” he turns so he’s facing me on the couch, “(Name) you thought,” he grabs me by both arms, which I don’t really process because I’m still laughing “You thought there was some way in ever-loving Hell we could play this game without me bursting a fucking blood vessel and dying here in this room right now?!”

   “Sto-op!” I can only manage to squeal between gasps at air in my laughter. “I can’t–I can’t,”

   “Literally the most hopeless display at cooperative gameplay I’ve ever fucking seen and you make me play every damn game you buy.” He lets go of me and I fall backwards onto the arm of the couch, still giggling away. Distantly, I can hear him also laughing. It fills me with accomplishment, knowing I chose a game he would enjoy. I knew this game would be ragey, but it’s also primarily skill-based. As long as he knows I’m trying, which he can trust from how often we play together, he’ll have a good time.

   Finally I can manage one big gulp of air before I’m back in position. He was holding his head up with one hand, massaging the bridge of his nose, surely trying to hide the sharp-toothed grin he can’t shake. I knock my shoulder into his to snap him out, and after collecting himself he retaliates with enough strength to nearly push me off the couch. I rebound and get comfortable again, sitting cross-legged with one leg over his.

   “We. Just-“ I giggle “-need to regroup.”

   “Oh really? Oh really, is that all?”

“Stop it—I’m being so real Karkat I might piss if you make me laugh again don’t even test me. Pick up the controller, we can do this.”

   “No, we have to do this. We’re going to beat this level.”

   “YES! That’s the spirit.”

   We muse over our plan a little more. Deciding how exactly we should angle our characters to achieve the perfect toss—right into the goal. A couple more failed attempts go by calmly, “all part of the plan” I repeat like a mantra. 

   A calculated silence falls over the apartment. Blue hour is far from over and the windows we forgot to close display a full dark scene of a quiet cityscape. Some bright apartments far away are blinking sleepily.

   “FUCKING-“

   “No no no, focus-“

   Our characters swing, the game music hums idly, our characters stare blankly back at us. 

   We launch ourselves at the goal. 

   Everything is still.

   A successful note starts to ring.

   “YES HOLY SHIT!”

   “Oh my god!”

   We both start to pump the air with a wave accomplishment washing over us. Confetti in the game starts to fall and I turn to look at Karkat-

   -at the same time he turns to look at me. 

   Both our smiles drop to surprise and a beat goes by. I push myself off of him and he takes his hand off from my back—

   “I’m sorry, sorry, I didn’t realize I was so close-” I start.

   “No- you’re fine, I didn’t… Notice. I wasn’t paying attention, sorry.”

   We both nervously laugh. The soundtrack went quiet, briefly, before it automatically moved onto the next level with a funny sound effect. 

   What. 

   The FUCK–why was I–I had somehow managed to get myself half on top of Karkat while we played–and then when we looked at each other we were so close- and what the fuck he stared at me I think? How long did we look at each other? What the fuck was that? And his arm, I can’t-

   “Oh man! We left the blinds open, let me just close them really quick.” I stand up, speeding without really thinking about it, to the window. 

   “(Name)?” Nope. Ignoring that. 

   I prop myself up by two arms over the back of the couch, moving so rigidly it nearly hurts. 

   “We beat the level! That’s pretty cool! So. Maybe it’s about time y’know we call it a day. Right? Yeah.”

   He still doesn’t say anything while I start to pull the switch out of the dock and lock the joycons back in place. 

   “Um? Sorry, again, I’m just gonna go back to my room. So um! Goodnight!” I robot over to my door. 

   “What the- (Name)!”

   “Oh, and for the food! Thanks again!”

   And slam it shut by accident. I don’t hear anything from the other room for a moment, not for the minute or two I strained myself to listen. I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding and slump against the door. 

   Ever so slowly, I ghost my hand over my mouth.

   Why am I freaking out so much?

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