Dreams of a Squearel

*deep sigh* i wish some distant relative of mine would leave me an old farm in their will so i could fuck off to the countryside and save the harvest goddess

girls will call you just to be quiet on the phone

comfortable silence is a love language

it really is

The enjoyment I get from removing the wax packaging from a lil cheese wheel is immediately aligned with entertainment zoo animals get when they have to solve a puzzle or get into a box to find a treat. I’m just an ape and the babybel cheese people are my enrichment team

I think about this post a lot. I talk about it a lot. It’s to the point where, at work when we don’t like someone, we go, “that person is NOT on my enrichment team” because apparently the biggest insult, we think, is that that person is not successfully zooing us.

this is incredible thank you for telling me

shoutout to me for still not having my driver’s license

All women are forced to live under an arbitrary and unfair system which sorts us into the categories of “Fuckable” and “Worthless.” The solution to this is NOT to expand the definition of “Fuckable.”

I think as a species we don’t need to produce any more alice in wonderland related media. I think we’re good on that one

me, as my laptop fan suddenly becomes louder: what is it?? what program?? who is doing this to you????

My boss, who is a grown woman with children my age, just whispered, “Oh, this is going to be so fucking efficient,” before spraying Febreze directly into the ceiling fan and proceeding to cough her guts out when it blew back in her face.

me