on birth, into a new realm
If allowed to penetrate the cultural consciousness, I'd venture to say the global energy is getting crazier and crazier. News is turning into drama beyond any Hollywood fabrication. Here in Hollywood fabrications are continuing to turn into meditations on darkness and the most extreme lack of consciousness. But then in the moment of deepest darkness emerges the most beautiful thing... awareness. Awareness that things are not sustainable as programmed, that the ground has broken and the earth is shifting.
Awareness. On a whole new scope, bringing many souls to a whole new level. Its just the tip of this infinite, galactically sparkling iceberg.
And I've dipped my toe into that cosmic lake of awareness again. I was "re-birthed" last Friday... in a meditation that at first I had difficulty with.
Let me explain... Kundalini yoga is a really ridiculously powerful magic tool for moving energy. I at first was not sure I really wanted all that unearthing of some really dark places in my subconscious on Friday... it initially felt like a scab that was ripped off and left bleeding for awhile with a band-aid then slap-dashed back over it. I walked home raw, unsure, itchy. It isn't rocket science, I thought, that if you go back into all those past traumas again its gonna suck, its gonna evoke those super-difficult emotional responses. I've been there before, so many fricken' (yes I said fricken') times. Haven't I already dealt with all that sh!t? Why am I bothering with this insanity?? And for a good 48 hours after my 'experience' I was in a bit of a tailspin, questioning everything and experiencing a sort of Mars-meets-Saturn-on-top-of-the-Sun war in my own soul's experience of reality. I fell into a self-experiment with old patterns of thinking, being, & projecting bubbling up, stinking up my pretty little test-kitchen over here.... and I felt, smelled, vibed oh-so-icky. Like all the junk of ancient mental sinus-infections was clogging all experiential passages and turning too many tissues into a piece of modern art.
and I was upsetting the vibrations amongst all with whom I am most connected. The net was shaken, some of its corners untied and left to dangle in a state of wobbly unbalance. Of the unbearably-scary, fear-uncertainty, corpses-unearthed kind.
but what I then slowly realized was that this was my way of scrubbing the deep abcesses of that fabu subconscious. Cleaning, purifying, making way for a new construction.... scrubbing, scrubbing, leaving the fumes and the tiny bits of dust and cleaning fluid to still be washed away.... which was what all those ancient patterns of mine were desperately trying to dig their fingernails into as they were rapidly flying back out into the ethers.
Because here's the thing: it doesn't matter how much accepting, re-living, analzying, forgiving, reconciling, making-peace-with, re-programming you do on a CONSCIOUS level (and believe me, I've done a whole lotta that these last 11 years)...
even going into a hypnotic state, a right-brain state, a half-sleep state, whatever -- you still have all the subconscious, residual parasympathetic nervous system stuff to deal with... that also must first be recognized, accepted, processed, forgived, reconciled, made-peace-with...
to THEN be re-programmed again on that harder-to-reach and definitely not-conscious SUBCONSCIOUS level.
so, here I am, Warrioress, doing what I initially came here to do, and doing it best: slaying another demon, upleveling, untethering, clearing, expanding into a new realm of 'enlightenment'. With grace. With....
....the beautiful power of the soundcurrent, the company of my fellow warriors, floating sturdily amidst this storm with the anchors I have worked so hard to put down here... I am then easily reminded that I am surrounded by love and have the most amazing life that I have created for myself.
And on a spiritual path these stumbles, trips are absolutely necessary. Its the scrape on the pavement that become the reality check, the sound-check -- to see what, who, and where you are vibrating, resonating, putting those feelers out -- in order to take that glorious next step. Because, as I'm learning, you can go really far into this stuff in the name of fear, anxiety and all that you were initially turning from... which only does one thing: leads you right back into the cesspool of darkness. I choose not to, I choose to face the monstrous wall head-on and see if there's a way to defy quantum phsyics and actually walk through it.
My days have continued to be a walking meditation on moving through, ever touching anand.
ecstatic bliss here and now, from lack of consciousness into consciousness <3
