dog/house sitting is great! especially when it’s a nice relaxed dog and a house not too far from school. it’s interesting, getting used to living in a strangers house (tho it’s not too bad cause i got plenty of practice packing a backpack of clothes and books to go between parents). It feels like i’m an intruder like always, but it’s ok. i sleep less, do more take lots of pictures of the weird stuff dogs do. The hardest part is coming back home and remembering how to move around somebody else in a room and how to not be bothered by all the noise from the neighbors and everyone around me. Nearly snapped i was so stressed coming back from school and trying to make dinner, playing music to calm myself but forgot the aircon here sucks up all the noise and the neighbors are stomping around and mom and my sister are talking really loudly, the dog is panting around stepping on my toes and the cat is knocking shit off the table. I was just... completely ready to give the fuck up and go take a nap. Just too much noise. Usually i can choose to ignore it, but sometimes the craziness isn’t amusing anymore and everything gets on my nerves. sensory overload or something like that - i need my downtime. it’s ok to snap, i probably should but i don’t, so it’d be really weird and then i’d have to explain why bc i don’t want tense silence. My mom and i get along well but in that, we never fight way which is good, but i wish we would. She’s always hovering and worried abt this or that. Say, she’s sitting on the couch and i start doing the dishes or sweeping. She’ll tell me in a high tone, ‘oh, you don’t have to do that, i was going to do that.’ and i’ll laugh and say it’s ok, bc i don’t mind, or id say ok and leave it to her (but usually come back an hour later and do it myself bc she forgot). She does this all the time, like i can’t do something to control the space i live in without feeling like i gotta have a reason. I don’t want ot tell her bc it’s dirty adn i want it clean - bc then she’d get mopey abt not keeping the space clean and wallow - and I actually want this certain thing to be done or cleaned sooo, unless your getting up right now to come help or finish this like you said your were gonna, then asdlkjfalsdkf i dunno, let me do my thing ok. The place doesn’t have to be spotless, you don’t have to be wondermom or anything cause you gotta lot to do, i get it. If anything, you did well enough to raise a kid who appreciates and knows how to clean, you don’t have to do everything. she gets whiny a lot and keeps telling me she’ll do stuff, asking me (without caring) if she can do stuff, and it’s like.... who do you think i am? im your kid, your quiet child, stop asking me if it’s ok for you to have a bowl of cereal or sit on the couch to be lazy i don’t give a fuck i think that’s fantastic, just stop asking me. also, pda with being touchy touchy - not in a creepy way but i’m old enough and i don’t look like her (adopted) that it’s weird and she should know better bc even if she doesn’t care what people think (i partially think people who think creepily abt a mom and a daughter can go fuck themselves) she knows i care and i don’t like being touched. God, she needs a boyfriend or a roommate or something. Or my sister needs to come home bc she needs someone to cuddle with and need her. That’s the thing, she needed dad all those years and suddenly she didn’t and she learned to adapt and in those years we needed her a lot and vice versa to keep everything in focus. My sister always needed her or bugged and whined to her, or mom was always worrying about her and now she’s gone and it’s just me who really doesn’t need to speak or see anybody for days at a time. I think she doesn’t know what to do. I haven’t left yet, so she can’t up and leave to travel or something, - even if she could. But it’s near that point where we’re all going to have to get used to different lives without each other for the most part and I think she’s feeling that. she’s always felt that since my sister left. At first is was a relief bc of reasons, but now she’s wishing for some kind of distraction from work and life and she finds that in politics now more than ever whcih is good and bad bc it messes with her. she’s a lot of bark and no bite with,...everything right now.Â
