the decline and fall of heavenly

Whole body hurtttttts and i gotta go to school. And I'm completely exhausted. And i haven't finished my homework

I just took the most amazing nudes of all. Like omgod. Like they're lowkey art I wish I could show them off. But my boyfriend lovedddd them so it's okay that's enough praise 😛😛😛😛

I'm high for the first time. Not like really high cuz it's wearing off now cuz it's been awhile. But yeah I'm high off my friend's weed pen. Yeah but my boyfriend is really upset about it cuz like substances really scare him so it's making him nervous plus hes a couple hours away so he's like all nervous and im like dude can we have this conversation while sober please

Wait I'm getting smart. Instead of being destructive to myself, my relationships, or things around me i just went to my room turned the lights off and played an album in my earbuds and did whatever i wanted on my bed. Rocking back and forth, a lot of "slapping" to the beat of the music, shaking myself, making myself kinda dizzy by shaking my head and some stretching too. And it was so much fun and i feel a lot better :D I think this might genuinely be the first time I've gotten that understimulated feeling and actually handled it in a good way instead of either being destructive or ending up crying out of frustration and my evening ruined.

Being *underestimulated* is almost worse than being overstimulated. I feel like i need to crawl out of my skin, destroy things, and run full speed into traffic. Just to feel something. And if i dont feel something BIG right now im going to start crying and shut down