Fitness. Healthiness. Happiness.

Is this normal? Maybe this isn’t the diet for me? Let me know if you have any idea, please.

I weighed in at 165.6 this morning. That’s literally 5 pounds less than yesterday and hella confusing considering I still feel like crap and look super bloated. Where’d those 5 pounds go? Is it gonna be back tomorrow? Is my scale broken...? We’ll have to see tomorrow.

I’m also eating healthy and counting calories. I’m attempting 1200 when I don’t work out and up to 1600 when I do work out. Exercise goal is like 5 times a week.

I’ve just spent the last few days (weeks?) being really hard on myself, feeling really bad about myself, being upset and angry at the world, myself, and my boyfriend, and just overall feeling like crap. I had a goal and I’m so pissed off and hurt that I didn’t reach it. I didn’t even come close. I don’t even think I’ve lost any weight. I’m just so mad. I worked so hard but he made it so impossible for me to stick to plan, constantly wanting to go out to eat and drink and eat ice cream and junk food.... one of the ways we bond is though cooking and making meals and going to our eat together, and drinking together and playing games. It ruined my progress. It completely turned me from being on track for success to completely failing. And I’ve noticed I’m not feeling as close to him as I used to. I’m quick to get angry. I get frustrated so fast. I always seem to be in a bad mood. I know he’s still the love of my life, because a) I love him and b) no matter how bad my day has been, I do feel relief when we lay together in bed. I just want these negative feelings and thoughts to cease. I want to feel good, positive, happy. And now we got a puppy (super last minute, I don’t do last minute things because anxiety) and she’s so much and requires so much time and energy and it’s exhausting and frustrating and it’s hard to love her because I just want to get my own life together and now my whole life is flipped around and I’m basically a mom to a baby because she’s constantly using the bathroom on the floor, getting into things, trying to play with the cat that doesn’t like dogs... it’s just exhausting. I want to focus more on health and going to the gym, because I KNOW that will help me have more energy and patience and will improve my self esteem.... but I’m tired. I’m just so tired. How do I go do a workout when I’m so tired? I don’t even want to go home because work is less exhausting than raising the puppy and battling my negative feelings and thoughts at home. I’m gonna go home and try again. I’m just having a hard time not lashing out and saying hurtful things because I’m tired and frustrated and I just want things to go back to the way they were before we got the puppy. I just wanna lay down and watch a movie. I don’t want to put her on the potty pad every 10 minutes. I want to lay in bed for hours with my love and cuddle and watch movies and eat healthy and nutritious food that makes me feel good... I feel kinda helpless. They say that if you’re unhappy with your life, to change it. But there’s not really anything I can change right now. I can continue trying to be healthy, despite my boyfriend’s lack of help, but I keep failing at that whic makes things worse. I’m just really tired, man. Idk how I’m gonna be a mom someday.