writin' away

"Breathe for me? Take a deep breath and count to 10. Come on, I'll do it with you."

Antoine trembles ever so slightly. Unblinking, he seems to be staring right through the jade coloured walls that remind him of the forest surrounding the Brudersay mountain.

He comes out of his trance at my words though, almost uncomprehending, head tilted to the side, caramel colored eyes muddled with sleep interrupted harshly by the menacing thrum of nightmares. It would almost be cute if I could pretend I didn't know he was suffering from the plight of recurring nightmares.

I take his hand, oval nails lacquered with a a dark red shade from Tillie practicing on them.

"You're bleeding Theo," he whispers.

Tears prick my eyes.

"Where am I bleeding darling?"

I muffle a whimper and try to soothe him, but he pulls his hands away and touches my waist. His glassy eyes meet my own when he sobs, "You're bleeding. See? You promised you wouldn't get hurt. You promised. You promised."

His fingernails pressed against the scar do not help at all, with how closely it resembles the colour of blood. He's hyperventilating, mumbling about what I had promised and I can't quite calm down either, silent tears finally making their easy down my face. If I listened closely enough, I could hear my heartbreak echo his. My hands act of their own accord however, and my mind seems to have gone in auto drive.

With a calm I definitely did not feel, I wrench his hands away from where they are pressing into my waist, and guide them to my chest, so he can feel my heartbeat.

"I'm right here. I'm perfectly fine now. We're no longer in the courtroom. Celia saved me. Tillie saved me. Kylan saved me. Evan saved me. You saved me. You-"

I shudder a little, almost feeling like I cannot continue as I see him lose, lose, lose this battle, but I must.

"You saved me, and I'm alive. And you're with me. In my bedroom. And we are taking a deep breath together. Counting to 10. One, two, three...."

Antoine stops thrashing wildly. He becomes unnervingly quite. He clutches my chest with both his arms, akin to a man drowning, grasping at straws and reaching out for air, so very desperate. He closes his eyes. He follows my breathing. He slows down.

As soon as I stop speaking, he lowers his ear to my chest, to hear my heart beat in tandem with his. I brush his tears away with my hands, and wipe away my own.

I put my arms around him, and smother him in a hug, especially warm and cozy courtesy of my favourite sweater with white gardenias sewn on it. I would definitely have to ask Tillie to paint his nails a different colour, perhaps like that of the orange dawn. He does not deserve to be tormented by nightmares that should never have come to be.

"I'm safe because of you, and I know that you will make sure that nothing ever happens to me, that not a single thing could ever harm me in your presence. I'm yours, and you are mine, and even if fate tries to keep us apart, we will deceive it, whether it be through a path full of roses or a different one full of thorns."