I was in Portland at the same time as Dance Gavin Dance and didn’t even get to kiss Tillian on the mouth.

I just got a new job and I feel like that comic panel where Tony Stark tells a tired, relieved, Peter Parker, “Don’t worry, we have money.”

Humans can be small, pathetic creatures.

I’ve had this hypothesis since I was like 15 that human evolution will eliminate males, because the y-chromosome is weird, and that women will either be hermaphroditic or reproduce asexually or something and if a female shark kept in captivity for 20 years giving virgin birth doesn’t just fit right in with that theory. Hail Shark Jesus.

when i was a freshmen in high school the “ninjas or pirates” debate was a thing for some reason and in speech class we to do an argumentative speech so i argued ninjas were better than pirates and one of my points was that pirates had scabies because having scabies was also a weird joke at the time and pirates very frequently would have scabies, but then i got in a lot of trouble because a unbeknownst to me this girl named cassie had scabies and then she got pregnant and dropped out of school

ya boi spider boi is on the hook for a killer job and is S T R E S S E D t f O U T

You know life is weird when you think “i could go for denny’s”

i can’t believe i’m back in this bitch