spicywmn

Things don’t excite me anymore. I do things to pass the time and can’t wait until it ends. I rush through whatever I’m doing, just to make it to that next hour. Why?

I never used to be like this. I used to be whole, confident, personable. I used to like people and creating those relationships. I enjoyed showing people there’s a good side to this world. Giving love from all my capacity and feeling fulfilled by doing so.

I’ve seen a real ugly part of this world now. I’ve turned into the ugly of this world. Why? Isn’t love supposed to be unconditional, romantic, trusting, exciting, feeling like a rush? Isn’t love supposed to change you, for the good? We lost that after the first year. I wouldn’t say we kept trying, but we kept surviving. Bonded by trauma and new feelings.

5 years and I’m drained. I’m drained and crumbled and cold and empty.